Disclaimer: This ain't even a real episode of DBZ Jeopardy anyway, you ain't getting a proper disclaimer.
…
Oh, fine. Drag-Bowling Z, the exciting new sports show where the male cast members all don women's clothing and bowl together, is not owned by nedthejanitor.
THIS… IS… KINDA… JEOPARDY!
"Welcome tooooo Jeopardy!" Chauncey the zealous World Tournament announcer yelled into his microphone, causing ear pain for the audience. Piccolo had it worst of all, the poor green son of a bitch. "Are you ready for some, uh, quizzing?!"
The audience was already somewhat unenthused, as they are wont to be, and Chauncey stumbling over his words was no help. They clapped a little, just to avoid the awkward silence.
"Alright! Well, our show's real host- more like real sucky host, am I right- has handed me the microphone for this one special show and-"
"They could infer that, dude."
Chauncey shot a dirty look at Justin, who stood behind the first podium with his arms crossed. "Would you kindly wait until I introduce you before you speak, sir?" He asked Justin, struggling to keep his optimistic announcer voice.
"Yeah, as soon as you get good at my job. Just get on with explaining the other reason why this is a special show."
Chauncey turned his head away from the microphone and mumbled some swear words.
"Today's show is going to be a special, so Crane will not be participating! Don't worry, he'll be back again tomorrow! Now, without further ado, let's introduce the contestants! First, we have our usual host, you know him, you probably feel some kind of feelings for him, it's Juuuu-"
"Please, please, God, don't do that," Justin said with a scrunched face.
"…stin. Sorry. Force of habit," said Chauncey. "Standing next to him, we have Perfect Cell!"
"I'm only here because the blonde kid pleaded with me to return," Cell said.
"And finally, we have the lovely Android 18!"
Android 18 smiled slightly at the compliment. "I'm here for the same reason as Cell."
"You guys don't have to say 'pleaded', you know," Justin said bitterly.
"What else would I call you getting on your knees?" Cell asked.
18's eyes widened. "He did that with you, too?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did. And it was awkward as fuck."
"Anyway…" Chauncey injected, while Justin quietly thanked him, "it's time to see the categories on today's board! Today, we have:"
IN WHICH THIS SHOW GETS A LOT SEXIER
BETRAYALS
WHAT COLOR IS THEIR BLOOD?
SEMI-PERFECT CELL'S SHITTY LUCK
ABSORPTIONS
THE EYES HAVE IT 2: TRAUMA BOOGALOO
"This category board makes me think today's going to be a great game! It's time for the game to start! Justin, since you gave me the chance to host, and since you insisted, I have no choice but to give you the first pick from the board! What will you pick?"
Justin glanced mischievously at Cell and made a quick decision. "Semi-Perfect Cell's shitty luck for $500."
Semi-Perfect Cell's very last act before disappearing forever was to accidentally blow up this small planet.
BZZ! "Perfect Cell, let's hear your answer!"
"What is King Kai's planet?" Cell answered smugly, knowing he'd just turned the tables on Justin.
Justin: $0
Cell: $500
Android 18: $0
"Damn you, Cell, and your quicker hands," Justin muttered to himself.
"That is correct, Perfect Cell, remarkable job! Now it's your turn to pick a category! What will it be?"
"Absorption for $100."
Android 20 first demonstrated his ability to absorb energy by taking it from this Z Fighter.
BZZ! "Justin, your answer please!"
"Who is Yamcha?"
Justin: $100
Cell: $500
Android 18: $0
"You answered correctly! Great job!"
"Your enthusiasm is chaffing me," Justin growled. "If I don't hear some cynicism soon, I'm going to start ass-bleeding."
"Whoa! Talk about TMI, am I right, everyone?!" The crowd made little noise. "Very good! Justin, it's once again your turn to pick a category!"
"I'll take 'In Which This Show Gets a Lot Sexier' for $500."
In one of the very first episodes of the show, Bulma exposed herself to this character.
BZZ! "Justin!"
"Who is Master Roshi?"
Justin: $600
Cell: $500
Android 18: $0
"Wow! Congratulations, Justin, you've taken the lead!"
Suddenly, a loud, angry noise erupted from the studio audience and a furious Bulma came rushing down the stairs towards Chauncey. "YOU!"
"Ahh!" Chauncey screamed in surprise when Bulma slammed her hands onto the man's shoulders. "Uh- security! Security!" But there was no security, and even if there were, like hell it was going to interfere when Vegeta was watching like a hawk from the audience.
"How could you tell everyone about that?!" Bulma screamed, her eyes brimming with tears. "How could you tell everyone?!"
"Ma'am, I don't-"
Bulma started to shake Chauncey, causing his rad yet unnecessary sunglasses to fall off his face. "I'll never be able to step foot in public again because of you! You've ruined my life!"
"Don't be so melodramatic," Justin sneered. "Not that many people watch this show anyway. Your friends, on the other hand…"
Bulma screamed with frustration and marched over to Justin's podium, glaring him straight in the eyes. "You're the one who writes all these questions right?! You little twerp, how dare you slander me like this!"
"It's not slander if it actually happened," Justin deadpanned.
"SHUT UP! I will see to it that my lawyers send you AND this host a stern e-mail and my husband sends you both a stern Gallik Gun right at your houses! VEGETA!"
Vegeta's head snapped up- Bulma's screaming is how he gets to sleep lately. "Yes, woman?"
"We're leaving!"
After they fulfilled their promise of leaving, the studio was left shell-shocked. Rarely had they experienced such yelling.
"Well, uhh… now that our brief interruption is over, let's get right back to the game!"
"You're doing it wrong, again," Justin said. "You have to make some kind of sarcastic statement about what just happened. 'Brief interruption' doesn't cut the fuckin' mustard."
"You have your hosting style and I have mine," said Chauncey back in a lower voice.
Before the argument could continue, the entire studio audience as well as viewers at home got assaulted by a DING DONG! "And that sound means the round is over!"
"As well as the game," Justin was quick to point out. "Today's an exhibition match, so no Final Jeopardy."
"I was just going to say…" Chauncey said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, and uh, Tournament Announcer, I won today because you let me distract you. That's another lesson you should learn- don't let motherfuckers distract you."
Chauncey appeared to take Justin's advice to heart, but he was probably all salty inside. "Now that the game is over, please vote for the better host! The cell number to text your vote to is-"
THE END