This... is actually a pretty important chapter tbh. Mostly the ending. If you couldn't tell already, Redmist is rather bipolar with clan life. She's either not really enjoying it or is tolerating it. We're gonna bounce back and forth again, and that's because she's still trying to find her place. Everyone DOES like her, but she doesn't really have solid relationships with anyone. She's a very, hang out one a month kind of cat.

But the end of this chapter proves to be important because it'll help her decide with what she'll actually be doing. The next chapter is equally important but not as depressing lol. Actually, the next chapter is a flip. It's definitely a million times cheerful, I'm not even kidding.

Speaking of, yes, I am speaking like that one is complete. It's nearly so, so I'll be definitely uploading in 5-7 days, just to give myself time writing the chapter after that one! Definitely in the groove of writing this again, so that's great.

AND I'VE ACTUALLY HIT 100,000 WORDS am shOOk.

Enjoy this chapter! And thanks for sticking with me, everyone. And being patient.

Edit: Almost immediately after uploading, I did my usual scan and saw quite a few mistakes. That's from writing on my phone, so I apologize. I won't be fixing any mistakes till I'm done with this though, so that is a long time coming and I am so so so sorry for that lol.

As we descended into camp, I shot Graystripe a highly amused look. Despite the run, the pair of us were still damp, and in some spots my fur froze together in uncomfortable clumps. Graystripe on the other hand, had ice drops hanging from his whiskers.

Graystripe drew up in mock offense, giving my pelt a baleful glare. "What's so funny Icepelt?"

"Nothing much…" I paused, catching Tigerclaw's bright gaze watch us approach. "Crackfoot."

Tigerclaw seemed unimpressed at our banter and visibly refrained from rolling his eyes. "A patrol of five returns empty pawed from a hunting trip? Please, explain."

I stepped up to him calmly, keeping my amused expression firmly in place as Fireheart shifted behind me in panic. "As the nickname suggests, Graystripe thought a part of the deep stream near the training hollow was frozen enough to walk on." I paused purposefully, watching Tigerclaw glanced to the tom in question. "Part of the ice trapped him in the water so I broke the bits off, not without taking a dive myself. We managed to get out from help though."

I made to dip my head to Fireheart and the apprentices. "We aren't completely empty pawed. There's a squirrel and a pair of mice near Sunningrocks. We were going to start hunting at the hollow but then the situation occurred and Fireheart figured it would be smarter to head back to camp instead of getting sick."

Tigerclaw stared at me, gaze hard, before he looked at Fireheart. "Indeed. He was right. You two," He said to Graystripe and I. "To the medicine den, you three can retrieve the prey, and catch more while your at it."

Everyone voiced their agreement to his orders, and then he gestured for Graystripe to go ahead. "Redmist, wait a second."

I stopped and turned obediently, padding forwards slowly. "Yes Tigerclaw?"

He met me halfway, staring at me with narrowed eyes. "What really happened. I commend you on your ability to make up a story however I can tell with the way you stared at me. What actually happened?"

I sighed, like I really didn't want to tell him but I could feel my expression shift in satisfaction. "Well, Cinderpaw charged ahead and wouldn't listen to us when we called her back. Fireheart seemed particularly upset, especially since Cinderpaw had just been the reason I lost prey. She noticed a part of the river on Riverclan territory was frozen and went to look."

Tigerclaw's gaze darkened. "After the debacle on the gorge, I'm not content with the fact we have warriors so eager to return."

I hummed in agreement. "Yes, well Fireheart and Graystripe hesitated. I was the one to go after her first. They weren't as eager to follow onto Riverclan as Cinderpaw. Fireheart was particularly heated when we caught up with her."

The Thunderclan deputy seemed settled at that, searching my gaze. I grumbled over-exaggeratedly. "When we caught up, Cinderpaw was standing half on the ice and Graystripe made to pull her back when he slipped and fell in."

Definitely wouldn't throw Graystripe under the bus. Right now I was fully intending to nail Cinderpaw. Petty? Maybe. Satisfying? Definitely.

Tigerclaw growled under his breath. "I followed after Graystripe, since I could tell he could barely keep his head up. I helped but couldn't pull us to shore. Thankfully, a Riverclan cat pulled him to safety and I got myself back to shore."

He lashed his tail in alarm at my comment, but settled when I continued to explain the story. "The Riverclan cat was someone I knew. Silverstream. She was understanding and told us to leave without issue. I'm sure there will be no issue from the situation aside from the common cold on my and Graystripe's part."

Satisfied, Tigerclaw dipped his head. "Very well. I'll have a word with Cinderpaw. She shouldn't be charging off on her own. And what was that bit about her making you miss a piece of prey?"

I stifled a grin. "Well…"

I rolled over in the nest, sneezing loudly. Yellowfang laughed at my misery, dropping herbs in front of Graystripe. He licked them up and smiled at me apologetically. "Sorry I'm getting off easier."

Waving my tail dismissively, I gave him a friendly grin. "No worries. Still just a common cold."

Yellowfang cuffed me over the head softly. "Well you're closer to get something worse, cold or not." She looked at Graystripe. "Go back to the warriors den, Redmist will stay here tonight."

Graystripe dipped his head, leaving the den with a tail flick. Yellowfang turned to me and rolled her eyes at my look. "I'm not wrong. You deserve it for taking a swim."

"Hey now." I said in amusement, content. "I did it to help, whole lot that did though." I paused and squinted my eyes thoughtfully, flexing my paws. "It actually wasn't so bad apart from the cold."

Yellowfang rolled her eyes again. "You'd fit with every clan, of course. Reptile eating -and sneaking around- from Shadowclan, swimming from Riverclan, and fighting from Thunderclan. Next thing is you'll be running everywhere from the Snakerocks to Sunningrocks, catching all the rabbits on the way."

I grimaced at the thought of running. Especially that much.

I stared at Yellowfang then. "I am not s-sneaky!" A chill rocked my body and I stuttered out the 's'.

She laughed right in my face, showing off her old yellow fangs. "S-sorry, I couldn't understand you over the s-s-sound of your st-stuttering."

I balked at her, silently offended. She laughed at me again.

She pulled some herbs over to me though, and I scanned them. "Catmint? But I don't-" I was cut off by Yellowfang.

"It could very well turn into it. I'm not worried about stocks, since Leaf-bare has yet to begin. You'll just have to make up for it and find some more."

I grunted in agreement, lapping up the leaves with a grimace. The catmint balanced the taste, but some leaves you just couldn't rebound.

"So," I start curiously. "Any interest from the kits on Thunderclan? About being a Medicine cat?"

Yellowfang gave me a look, her eyes squinted and bright. "No. Frostfur's remaining batch intend to be warriors and I doubt the others will be ready any time soon."

I thought about Frostfur and her immense distrust of Yellowfang and frowned. "That's fair. Most kits want to be warriors anyways."

The elder saw my look and ignored it, likely knowing what I was thinking. "What about you? I'm old, I won't last forever. Would you take over if you have to? Train the next medicine cat?" Her eyes were soft, almost pleading.

Meeting her look with a soft gaze of my own I nodded solemnly. "Of course. Even if you wanted to retire, I would be willing to put my warrior-hood on hold. Keep in mind, old-one, I can't keep switching back and forth. I'm not a Medicine cat, I don't think I'm meant to be one." I gave her a grin, and watched her visibly relax. "I'm just good at remembering things."

Yellowfang dipped her head. "I might take that offer then. I wouldn't mind relaxing for once."

I chuffed in amusement, twitching my whiskers. Yellowfang tossed her head at the herb stock pointedly. "If that's settled, let's have you review. Just because you're sick doesn't give you an excuse to slack off."

"Yeah, yeah." I drawled with a sniffle.

I jerked awake with a gasp, curling tightly around myself.

There was a prod at my side and I sniffled. "Tonight? Really?"

Mapleshade jabbed me again, harder and faster. "Yes, tonight. It has been a while after all. We have some things to talk about."

"Alright." I groaned, getting up with stiff legs. "What is it?"

"I have a story for you." Mapleshade hissed, tail lashing in order to follow. "I can tell your heart has been tugging in different directions. It's time to settle your mind, once and for all."

She led me to the pool, the one to watch cats in the living world. She dipped a paw in the water, her eyes nearly glowing in the darkness. I tried to read her face but it was expressionless.

"Get in."

Her order was short, clipped and flat. I gave her an odd look. My good mood was slowly deteriorating. "What?"

Mapleshade curled her lip impatiently, eyes meeting mine. "Get. In."

We stayed like that, staring at each other right in the eyes before I looked away first. There was something I hadn't been looking for but found anyways in her eyes.

I got in.

The water wasn't cold or warm, and it almost felt slimy. Probably due to where it was settled on the rock, moss had probably grown, but it was unsettled all at once.

It was also deeper than it seemed as it went all the way up to my chest.

I shifted in the slick water and eyed Mapleshade. "What is this-"

Immediately the scene changed, Mapleshade disappeared and was replaced by fronds of reed. Something in my stomach twisted desperately and I heard the cry of multiple kits.

Instead of the Dark Forest puddle, I was standing chest deep in freezing water that was rushing past faster than I could keep track of. I heard another cry and dove in without hesitation, almost like I couldn't control my body.

Thoughts sped through my brain, half of the kits and half of my own.

I jerked forwards in the black water, grimacing and searching.

A saw a white and ginger head peak from under water and surged forward sloppily. The head bobbed for a second before it wailed. "Mama! Look!"

I twisted and gasped at the wall of water but I lurched forwards to grab the kit before we were hit.

Too far away, the water slammed into me and threw me against the river bottom first. Churning sand and pebbles up and making visibility already worse than it was. I swam for air, lungs burning painfully.

Another memory hit me as I went through this, a picture of a little girl being slammed viciously by the ocean.

The scene played longer, and by the time I was returned to whatever the river one was, I was out of the water and splayed on my side.

I caught sight of my fur, which was not my own. The tail I currently controlled was white and thick, waterlogged and heavy. It took me a while to think of who it could be.

But how was I living through Mapleshade's life?

'This is what drives me. This is what made me into who I am today. Do not lose sight.'

The words came from my own thoughts, and I blearily watched a trio of cats come near.

They spoke to me, voices low and sad. I got up and they led me to the small pile of kits. They weren't moving.

A wall pitched through the air, loud and grieving. It took me a moment to realize it was coming from me. Or, well, Mapleshade.

I stumbled forwards, licking at the kits desperately. The medicine cat part of me wanted to turn the kits over and see if emptying their bodies would work, but even at that moment I knew it was no use for a million reasons.

Main being, it wouldn't have helped.

The kits didn't move, didn't shift, didn't breath and I swallowed heavily.

There were more words shared and then suddenly I was in a Clan camp.

Having never seen Riverclan camp before, it took me a moment to realize where I was. After all, most camps weren't surrounded by reeds, cattails, and water.

I couldn't hear the conversation, as it had been the entire time, but I got the most of it. The kits had been buried in Riverclan. I was to leave. Appledusk was to stay.

I didn't recognize the name but bitterness and fury swept through me.

Next thing I knew, I was hovering over a dead body near the Moonstone. I grimaced and ducked behind the stone, feeling fear course through me at the proximity. Cats approached the body and drug it out soon after.

I felt a presence sift around me and disappear, hearing a cry soon after.

The need to avenge the kits burned through my veins and another name came to me. Frecklewish.

I left the cave and came a across a grave, obviously freshly dug by the sight of it. My body acted on its own and furiously dug at the pile of rocks and dirt.

Eyes turned upwards at the cry of a hawk, and vindictiveness made me purr.

The hooked paw of the dead cat, along with part of his head peeked from the ground seemed to beckon the bird of prey.

I left.

Next thing I knew I was cleverly leading a she-cat to Snakerocks and leading her near an uncovered hole.

A Diamondback peeked through, eyes flashing. It struck, biting and spitting venom across the she-cat eyes. She wailed and I snorted in amusement, slinking into the shadows.

Cats sprinted to the she-cats eyes and tried to help, but they knew it was fruitless. Especially after I had killed their medicine cat.

Another wail silenced and seemed to curl around my side, pressing warmth into my frozen heart.

One last pitiful cry, the worst, the saddest.

I glowered.

'Stop it.' I thought vehemently, watching things play as if I was outside the body. I forced myself from the memory and only succeeded in watching from a distance. 'Stop.'

There was a response, but I couldn't hear it. Watching the spirit of a kit curl around Mapleshade. Right after she killed a dusky brown tom and got killed herself.

The kit didn't seem right. No kit would be happy at the death of another. Unless those kits truly meant to be avenged.

But.

I shook my head, it wasn't important.

My stomach churned at the end of the memory and I rose from the puddle with a gasp, retching.

Mapleshade watched me impassively. But I could tell how she felt.

I thrust my muzzle into her face. "Who are you to do that!"

"You needed to see what my life had been like. What drove me to be the way I am. I've yet to avenge my kits fully. You know the pain I felt now. Those," She paused. "Those in Starclan, there are some that broke the code just as much as I have."

I sighed heavily. "You know it's different."

"Is it?" She challenged, hackles starting to raise. I flinched and she calmed herself forcibly. "Appledusk took me as a mate. He was at fault just as much. He broke the code! So many other cats have, but they go to Starclan."

She was bitter about it clearly, but I could tell she would prefer the Dark Forest one hundred times over. "Do you see it?"

I tilted my head at her. "We, the Dark Forest, all of us, we are the backbone of all the clans. We do what's necessary."

Alright, I could agree with that at least.

"My clanmates, Thunderclan, killed my kits just as much as the river did." Mapleshade unsheathed her claws and sunk them into the mud. "They turned me away, a mother with three two moon old kits."

I looked down. Mapleshade wasn't finished. "Frecklewish watched as my cats drowned. She stood there and-" She shook her head and shut her mouth with a clack.

I understood. I did. After going through the memory itself, I almost couldn't imagine what Mapleshade was going through.

And to relive it.

"I get it." I started slowly, watching Mapleshade stare blankly at nothing. Her eyes sharpened and burned with a hatred I couldn't sympathize with. "I do. But haven't you got your revenge?"

A long shot, really, but it was worth a try. Maybe I could…

"No." She spat confidently. "Time hasn't changed how I feel. I won't ever stop feeling-"

"Cold and empty." I finished morosely, unsurprised. "Your kits were the only things that made you feel warm. Are the only things."

For the first time in my life, this life, Mapleshade's eyes dropped their fire-y gleam. They just seemed defeated.

Her shoulders seemed to weigh down with guilt. Then they straightened with anger. "Appledusk blamed me for the deaths. I had nowhere to go, I only had one choice. Ravenwing, Frecklewish, Bloomheart, Oakstar, Appledusk, Reedshine. They all ruined my life."

Silence reigned and then there was a crackle, Mapleshade whipped around and I had never seen her so angry. "What is it?!"

Tigerclaw appeared, his entire body shrunken in on himself at Mapleshade's sudden ire. His eyes glowed uncertainly. "Thistleclaw wanted to train Red- Bloodfang tonight."

Mapleshade curled her lip. "That's too bad. Tell him not tonight. She'll train tomorrow."

I looked at Tigerclaw, really looked at him, and saw the hesitancy in his gaze. It was well hidden, but it was there.

He dipped his head, meeting my gaze, before turning tail and leaving.

Mapleshade relaxed almost immediately and moved closer to me. "You remind me of my kits."

My stomach flipped in discomfort, but pity welled up in me. I didn't... hate Mapleshade. Now that I knew, well, what she went through things were kind of different.

But there were two sides of every story, and though her story was sad, I know the things she did wouldn't balance it completely.

"I'm sorry you lost them." I said genuinely. "They would have grown into fine warriors."

"I know that." She spat, lashing her tail. Her shoulders tightened but she dropped her gaze. "You need to realize something. I…" She paused to gather her thoughts, meeting my eyes. "I think-"

I woke up.

Yellowfang jabbed my nose with a sheathed paw, gaze annoyed.

For some reason, my stomach felt heavy and I felt sad.

I shook my head when I realized Yellowfang was speaking to me. "-mewing in your sleep and making a mess. Your nest is worthless now."

She was visibly tired. And I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. "Yellowfang, you-" I cut myself off, watching her gaze sharpen.

"What are you yammering about?" Her sharp words caused me to shrink back and I shook my head.

The old she-cat narrowed her eyes, sinking to her haunches and sitting. "What's wrong with you now?"

'I think, one time, you could have made me very happy as a mother.'

I swallowed, and shook my head. I gave Yellowfang a weak smile. "Nothing sorry, just a nightmare."

Yellowfang stiffened and I cursed my mouth. "Nightmare you say?"

"No an open or anything." I said hastility. "Just thinking about what could have happened at the gorge. I know Whiteclaw from the gatherings and he's a good warrior. It would have been sad if the clans had lost him."

Her whiskers twitched, like she heard something she didn't like but her head ducked in agreement. Eyes glittering, Yellowfang said. "Alright, well, keep it down."

I nodded and watched her go to her little corner. After she settled, I left the medicine den.