AN: Thank you to vicky199416, katylou86 and DaniellaR for reviewing xx
ALL RIGHTS GO TO RACHEL CAINE!
Chapter thirty-seven
Abby's POV
"Are you sure you're going to be okay babysitting? You won't be by yourself; Sam will be there as well. Except he's actually there to talk to you, you're in charge of looking after Alyssa. Are you sure you're going to be fine?" Brandon asks for the hundredth time, my hand lingering on the car door handle; ready to leave the car.
"I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. It's only babysitting and if I need any help I'm sure they'll leave me a number to call, not to mention I'm pretty sure that Sam will help. Oh, and before I forget my dad phoned me this morning. I'll tell you more about it later. I'll see you later" I lean over and gently graze my lips over his before exiting the car. Not even giving him a chance to utter another word.
I trail up the steps and knock on the door, patiently waiting for someone to answer. A tall guy with blonde hair answers and he smiles at me.
"Abby, right?" he confirms and I nod.
"Yep, I'm here to babysit Alyssa" I verify for him with a smile.
"Please come in, Sam is sat in the living room with Alyssa. He's here to talk to you, I believe" he smiles at me and I nod as I walk into the living room where a smallish girl and a tall well-built boy are saying goodbye to who I will assume is Sam, who is sat there holding baby; Alyssa I believe.
"Here's my number, if there are any problems or she becomes too much for you don't hesitate to ring us. Alyssa has already had a bottle but if she gets hungry there are some more bottles in the fridge that you just have to warm up" the man, Shane I will assume, tells me as he passes me a piece of paper. I wave to them as they leave.
"Hi, I'm Sam. I'll assume Brandon told you why I'm here?" he raises his eyebrow and I nod.
"Yeah, he told me you were going to talk to me about my pregnancy. To help me decide what I want to do about it" I'm feeling nervous over all this. I really don't want to talk to him about my baby, but I know I need to. He'll help me reach a decision. Maybe my dad will offer me some support as well, I mean he said he wanted to see me to sort things out, particularly now that he doesn't have that crazy bitch Linda with him anymore. It's just him and Ammy now.
"Would you like to come sit here then and we'll start this chat up" he suggests as he pats the seat next to him.
"I think I should get Alyssa settled down first" I point out as I take the Alyssa from him. She's already asleep; huh.
I take her over to the Moses basket and place her down, making sure to pull a blanket over her so she's warm. When I'm sure she's settled I walk back over to the sofa and take a seat on the opposite side before turning my body to the side so I can face Sam.
"I know about your situation and how it happened. Brandon thought it would be good if you talked to someone other than him about this. He really has his heart set on you two raising this child, you know? I have never seen him so set on something before. Heck, I have never seen him love someone before. But here is; he loves you. I can see it"
"Yeah, he does love me. I love him, I really do, but I don't know if I want this baby. I know he does, but I don't know…" my distress on the topic must have been obvious because he quickly carries on.
"What decisions have you made so far? I mean, have you thought about all your options?" he probes gently, his eyes holding nothing but concern. Hmm, strange, I wonder why he cares so much about me when we've only just met. Is he like this with everyone?
"Well, I've decided against abortion. I could never kill a life before it's begun" I admit, starting to relax into the conversation more.
"So you are going to have the baby?" he does ask a lot of questions, surely this is supposed to be a discussion not a question and answer talk.
"Yes, but I don't know whether my child is better off going to a different family or staying with me. This is why I wanted to try babysitting, to see if motherhood is for me" I confess and a grin forms on his face.
"Your answer is right there. You said 'my child', that's enough evidence to me that you want this child. Someone who isn't attached to their child, or doesn't want them wouldn't refer to them as being theirs. They would just say 'the baby' or 'it'" he points out, clearly happy with his work. How the hell did he work that out so quickly? He's good. I wonder if he's a guidance counsellor or something, and if not; he should be.
"Your right. But I'm scared and I'm unsure. I'm scared because I'm worried that I won't be able to cope with a child, not because of my age but because of how they were conceived. I'm scared that I won't be able to look at my child the same way a normal mother would look at their child. I keep thinking that when I look at my baby, I'll see him. The man who raped me" I'm so glad Brandon got someone else to talk to me; I could never talk to him about my fears. No, I could, I'm just freaking out about how he would react to it all.
"I see where you're coming from and I understand what you must be feeling. A few years ago I knew someone who was in a similar situation to you. She got raped and she became pregnant, she tried to get an abortion but when it came down to it she just couldn't do it. She had the baby and tried to give him away, but she couldn't do it. So she took him home, she was livid for the first few weeks. Her baby kept reminding her of the man who raped her, but she coped. The thought of that man just began to fade out day by day. Soon enough she was happy, she had forgotten all about him. She's now as happy as anyone could be and her and her son, Max, are living in peace. They still live in Morganville now, if you want more reassurance I can give her a call and she could talk to you more about this" wow, that's quite a story and offer.
"How old was she when it happened?"
"She was about 18" oh, so older than me. It must have been easier for her than it will be for me. But I do have Brandon. And he said he said he would be there for me every step of the way; he would never lie to me. Especially not over something so serious.
"I'll keep that offer in mind, but I don't know if I'll take you up on it though. I think I'll have another talk with Brandon, I think I know what I want" I smile at him before I hear Alyssa crying. In an instant I'm up and gathering her into my arms where I rock her slowly.
"You'll be a great mother. Just give it a chance, I'm sure you must have lots of support" he sounds sure of it. If I'm to be honest though I only have Brandon, maybe my dad if I think I can trust him. And possibly Tom, but I don't think he'll help. We have far too much history.
"Thanks, I hope I will be a good mother. I'd hate to be a bad one" I even laugh a little just as Alyssa settles back down into her sleep induced state.
"Sweet dreams" I whisper to her as I lay her back down, Sam's stood there grinning at me before he offers to go get me a drink. Maybe having a baby is the right thing for me, despite how they were conceived.