Chapter XXXVII- Understanding

Until The Dark

By Larissa Hyuga

Disclaimer: you already know it by heart… don't you?

RE-POSTED: I had just found out there were some details missing! Sorry!

XxXxXx

She didn't dare to look but she sensed him right there by her side. The air was cold and impregnated with rain. Misao inhaled the air, hoping it could do her any good.

Realizing the girl would be the silent one at least in the beginning, Aoshi decided to ask first.

"Why did you come?"

She bit her lip, trying to dismiss the sting she felt from that razor-like question. "I came for you." She spoke too low but he could hear well. "I missed you, Aoshi-sama."

Aoshi knew he had to be strict with her that time although he really didn't want to.

"I wrote you and Okina telling I was fine here. And that I would be the one to go to Kyoto when it was time."

Some seconds of complete silent lingered between them.

"I know. But I couldn't help. And now it seems to me you were hiding, like you did years ago, it always comes back to haunt me…"

She realized Aoshi's expression had changed. Undoubtedly, they both remembered of that time a couple of years ago when he had almost killed Okina and when his mates had been slain.

"I am sorry, Aoshi-sama… I really didn't mean it. I swear." She sounded regretful and tried to make up with him.

Those times had been so difficult and Aoshi was surely very ashamed of them. If he could, he would not think of them anymore but they were always there to haunt him anyway.

"But this time, Misao, unlike some years ago, I did not do anything shameful." His voice was bitter.

Misao decided to say nothing else. Not only she was ashamed for raising the point but she also felt hurt for Aoshi's recent activities.

"I do apologize it happened this way to you…" he continued and she listened with all attention. " It was also surprising for me, I imagine it was shocking for you."

" Shocking?" she thought . It was surely one of the worst things she had ever discovered.

" Aoshi-sama?" she didn't look at him and avoided his eyes when she looked at her.

" Aa."

She knew her voice would be muffled, she knew but she had to control it a bit. Misao hesitated, pondered, she held her breath wondering if it should be that straightforward

" You and Megumi… for how long?"

Aoshi surely realized what the girl had been trying to hide. He knew her so well… he had showed many times he was strict, serious and angry but into him, he knew he could not be angry at her in reality. " I do not recall exactly… about two years…"

Her head sank into her arms and she felt like crying. Two years… she felt betrayed. She had dedicated herself so much, she devoted herself and now she discovered it wasn't something new.

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
You were the one to cut me
So I will bleed forever

The wind changed and made the grass hustle. All the seconds that lingered between them seemed to be lingering forever. Some more dark clouds passed above their heads, hiding the moon for some minutes. Misao's feet still tapped the water.

"I-I know it is silly… but… do you love her, Aoshi-sama?"

He thought for several long minutes before answering. He had to be careful with every word not to hurt his little one more than she was already hurting. All because of him.

" I have a commitment with her and with this child, Misao. And this is a commitment for a lifetime."

"He didn't answer my question…" she was half happy and half frustrated. " At least he didn't tell me he loved her." Misao sighed in both relief and apprehension while thinking.

I will bleed forever.

And minutes lingered between the two of them. Long minutes drifted away in the cold wind that was insistently blowing and disarranging the soaked strands of their black hairs. The pale moonlight insisted on gleaming up above, while Misao's taps disturbed the mirror-like water surface. Aoshi's eyes, cobalt blue that time, spent long minutes closed. His head tilted down, his chin almost touching the fabric of his dark clothes. When all was dark and the moon had been covered, Aoshi opened his eyes and his cold voice sounded in the wind.

" Misao… I suppose it is time for us to talk frankly. I shall open myself to you now in a way I never opened to anybody…" Aoshi sounded different. He was indeed forcing himself into an alien behavior not to hurt the girl even though he had to hurt himself.

She looked at him in both amusement and worriment. What would come next?

The clouds had passed. Aoshi was now staring at the full moon reflected on the calmer glassy surface of river and the passing dark clouds.

" I already care for and want this child." He said. Misao blinked in confusion. She could swear that, for one nanosecond, she had seen a slight smile on his lips.

" And Megumi is a good person. She is one of the few women that would make a good mother and somehow I feel at ease she carries my child.."

She looked at him almost in disbelief. But he was keeping his word, he said he would open himself that time. He didn't tell anything serious about Megumi, but there was something unusual about the way he had talked about her and his child now.

" Aoshi-sama… don't you see me, haven't you ever seen me as a woman?" her face was burning hot but she decided she would also make her point very clear that time.

He looked at her and it hurt. She was totally grown-up now. Beautiful and enchanting. A woman, that was true… a woman. Her face was less childish although she sometimes just acted as the spoiled and active girl he always knew.

" I see and understand you are a grown-up woman, Misao."

She beamed inside that time. It was the first time he ever told he recognized her as being a woman.

"But I am still grounded to the old idea that you would never grow up, you would always be that pretty little girl."

Misao smiled and she felt warm to think of her and Aoshi years ago, when she was only a little child and he was the one guiding her. He always had time for her even though being the Okashira had made him too busy. And she missed those times so much.

"You'll still be my pretty girl, if you want to." His voice bore the ultimate warmth that could ever exist into him. For an alien listener, it would be impossible to believe that was Shinomori Aoshi talking.

His pretty girl. HIS. Wasn't it what she had always wanted? She wanted to have an important role in his life, she wanted to have a meaning.

A wave of heat came swirling across her spine and she smiled, also, she felt her eyes getting wet and warm.

" Aoshi-sama, I love you. I love you too much." She didn't know if she was smiling or really crying that time.

Aoshi got nearer so the side of their bodies touched. He was going against all odds, but he had begun it and it had to have an end. But he didn't want to cause more suffering to that pure girl, to that immaculate soul. He didn't want to dirt her with his sins and with his behavior. It took so much of him to part his lips and say…

" I feel so much for you too, Misao. And I never hid that from anyone. Also, I apologize for hurting you so much now and before. That is what makes me unworthy of all the feelings you could keep for me."

Her eyes widened and her heart pumped so strong she felt it could break through her bones and skin. Aoshi loved her. Her Aoshi-sama loved her.

A different gleam on her eyes made him feel strange. When in his life had he been so open? When had he talked about his feelings? When has anyone considered he had feelings, he could even love?

"Aoshi-sama…" her voice faltered due to her tears.

He knew it would hurt that time, but he would try to minimize the pain for her. "I want you as my little girl; the pure and beautiful hearted one I always knew. This is the kind of love I have to offer you and this love will never change."

She breathed in and squeezed her eyes in a painful semblance. "Always a little girl. Always!" she thought, wincing with his last sentence.

Aoshi knew what would come next. The water became disturbed and the reflection of the moon was shaky and blurred.

" Why? Why can't you love me the way I've always wanted? The way I wanted you to love me? Why? Aren't I interesting enough? Aren't I beautiful enough to your eyes? Aren't I attractive to these eyes of yours? Why have you always blindfolded your eyes when everything was so clear? Why did you choose her to carry your child and not… me?" she suddenly exploded and a fiery shine lit up her jade eyes.

My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

If you be the one to cut me

I'll bleed forever

My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

You were the one to cut me

So I will bleed forever

Aoshi sighed and closed his eyes. Why did it have to be so difficult? Why?

" I am not the one to choose, Misao. It … happened. And, besides all, I am not the one for you."

She eyed him in disbelief as if defying him to explain her how babies are born! Hasn't he taken the risk with the doctor? But her great love and respect for him made her expression change and she felt guilty for thinking that about him.

" I am sorry." She felt ashamed and hid her eyes. She had understood. He didn't need to say it straight to her but she understood everything perfectly. " But deep inside, there's a victory for me. I knew you were not this icy person everybody thought you were. I had always believed you, Aoshi-sama, even when you didn't believe in yourself."

Misao stood up without raising her head. She had placed her heart in his hands and he gave it back to her. She had lost. She had lost it all. And he had implicitly told her she would never get it. Not what she sought for so many years. And she fought so much… but one day she would have to learn she couldn't rule destiny. She would bleed forever.

Her tremble hands worked in shedding a tear from her already too tear- stained cheek. Only then she looked to the horizon and turned her back to the man.

Aoshi felt battered and tired. He felt too unworthy that time, as unworthy as he had felt a couple of years ago in those terrible circumstances. He sighed and his blue eyes followed the girl's steps through the weed meadow. He also stood up and walked after her, reaching her with immense easiness, placing a hand at her shoulders.

Her slender hand came and touched his strong one over her shoulder. She smiled faintly and decided to put an end in that torment.

" Walk me home, Okashira."

xXx

Saeko was desperate.

Megumi was fallen on the bed and what worried her the most were the increasing red dots on her white kimono.

" Takani-sensei! Wake up, please!" she cried.

But Megumi was cold and motionless. She had to find the sensei, she had to do something.

Saeko ran to the porch, shouted Shinomori-sensei's name but there was no response. She couldn't see him around, she didn't know where he had gone and it was pretty dark that time.

An idea came to her mind. Shinomori-sensei said he expected her to do something if the unexpected happened. The hospital. She had to take Takani-sensei to the hospital immediately.

Saeko rushed into the doctor's room and started gathering useful belongings to be taken to the hospital, she would then stop a carriage on the streets. The young woman went back to the porch, crossed the garden and walked to the streets, waiting for a carriage to pass by. She heard horses galloping but when the carriage passed by her, she saw it was occupied. She was getting tenser and tenser as time was passing by. The street had gotten pretty much desert from carriages in all that darkness and she didn't know what to do. All carriages that passed by were occupied. Twisting the cuffs of her kimono, Saeko walked inside once more after standing outside for more than half an hour. She was pale and shaking. Too bad she didn't have physical strength to carry the doctor to the hospital herself. Too bad the doctors 's friends didn't live around, too bad she didn't have a clue of where they lived, too bad Shinomori-sensei had left running after that girl. Everything was too bad that time.

xXx

Megumi saw everything blurred once again as she regained her senses. There was a sharp pain in the lower part of her belly and she tried to sit down on the bed. With great effort, she managed to brace her back on the head of the bed. But her eyes lingered on stains. Red stains on the white sheets. Her heart sped and she felt all warmth vanish from her body. Blood. Blood!

" A… o… shi…" she tried once but even herself couldn't hear her own calling. She tried to breathe in and gather strength to power up her voice.

" A.O. SHI!" it was better…

" AOSHI! AOSHI!" she sounded sharp and desperate that time. He shouldn't be there or he would have already come even in her second calling for he could hear too well.

Megumi was alone and panicking. Her slender fingers touched the blood and she certified herself the bleeding was not bad although the pain indicated she should be bleeding seriously. She felt relieved somehow. Anyway, it had already stopped bleeding, only little dots were ending its formation. But the pain, why the pain?

" Calm down, you are a doctor, you know it, you know it." She tried to focus on her thoughts and forget the pain. " You are not losing the baby, you aren't, Megumi, you aren't. Feel its movements… feel them… feel…" she closed her eyes and caressed her belly, trying to be meditative as only Aoshi could be. It took her some minutes but she managed to detach herself from the scene in the bedroom and place herself in a different occasion, a different feeling. The biggest pain was in fact coming from her back. If she were lucky, nothing had happened to the baby although she had felt bad all day long.

She checked the blood once again and saw it had stopped and it really didn't bleed that much. Not that much to put her baby's life at risk; it was an almost six-month pregnancy, the baby wouldn't be that affected by that kind of bleeding.

Megumi smiled confidently. She heard rushing steps coming inside after a long period. It didn't sound like him but she spoke anyway.

" Aoshi?"

A female figured showed on the doorframe. Timid and anguished, Saeko came to Megumi's sight.

" No, sensei, it's me, Saeko."

Megumi gave her a little smile but Saeko could see the doctor was rather impatient.

" Shinomori-sensei is not here. He left after that young woman." The girl provided more information.

And then a whole array of memories came to Megumi's mind. It was true. He was gone.

Saeko approached her delicately. " Sensei, forgive me, but I think I should take you to the hospital. You are bleeding. The baby…" she almost whispered.

Megumi winced. Now Saeko also knew about the baby. It was probably the time Aoshi came and rushed inside when Misao was shaking her.

The doctor smiled and placed a cold tremble hand at the girl's shoulder. Saeko was leaning over Megumi to adjust her pillows.

"Don't worry, Saeko-chan. I am fine. There is no need to go to the hospital now."

Saeko eyed her with suspicion. " But Shinomori-sensei designated me to watch over you, Takani-sensei."

Megumi shook her head. " I know how to deal with him. Don't worry."

xXx

Aoshi was guiding the way through various lanes in the darkness. Misao only followed him attentively.

" Aren't we going to the dojo now?"

She couldn't see his face for he was some steps ahead of her but he shook his head. "No."

She shrugged and felt ashamed. Somehow, she knew where he was leading them to.

" Are we going to Megumi's house?" she asked carefully.

" Aa." He didn't stop to answer her nor turned back.

Misao winced. Where was the man she had just seen a couple of minutes ago? Aoshi had completely transformed himself into the impenetrable icicle again. She felt less and less at ease to follow him. She couldn't look at the doctor's face, she couldn't. Megumi had the proof Misao was running from.

" Aoshi-sama…"

" I will take you to the dojo shortly after that, Misao. But there is something strange now and it seems to be urgent."

She didn't dare to speak anything anymore. The girl coiled and embraced herself. She was wet and the cold wind blowing was making her shiver. Aoshi eyes her with the corner of his eyes. He took off his coat and placed it around the girl's shoulders. Not that it would work much. The coat was also cold. But Misao didn't mind, her slender fingers grabbed the collar of the coat and wrapped it around her.

" We are almost arriving." He said.

Indeed, she could recognize the surroundings now. The white house was visible and she could even see the shape of the flowers there in the garden. The lights were on and Aoshi walked decidedly past the small gate. Misao was still on his heels but she hesitated walking into the porch. Aoshi's strong hands opened the door and he walked inside. Realizing Misao had stopped at the porch, he looked behind.

" I am fine here." She said.

" Come in. It is warm here inside."

She was actually feeling cold and decided to take his suggestion. The inside of the house was warm and light, cozy, clean and even perfumed. Misao leaned her body against the wall without removing Aoshi's coat from around her. On the other hand, he walked into a hallway and she noticed he had stopped in front of a large shoji door.

Saeko looked startled to the male figure on the doorframe. Megumi also rose her eyes to look at him.

" Aoshi…" she whispered and looked away trying to disguise the pain on the back she was still feeling.

"Excuse me." Saeko said and decided to vanished from the room that very second.

" Saeko-san…" Aoshi spoke without looking at her. His cold blue eyes were focused on the woman there on the bed. "Thank you for your help. Take a carriage back home and tell the rider to come back here after riding you back there."

" Yes." She nodded, bowed and disappeared from their sight.

Megumi pulled the blanket to cover herself more and more. "It was not necessary to go to the hospital." She said in a whisper while her eyes drifted away from his figure.

He arched a brow to her. " I see there is more blood." His voice was disturbing. It was that same monotone one, yet, it bore some annoyance, something that stung the doctor's ears.

"Don't worry. I am a doctor. It was not enough to put the baby's life at risk."

She knew he had narrowed his eyes on her direction. " Misao is here."

Her eyes immediately shifted to him. "How is she?"

Aoshi couldn't let pass the strange tone in her faltering voice. There was something wrong, he knew it. " Fine."

That was her time to narrow her eyes at him. " Aoshi-san…"

" I don't lie."

"Have you talked?" she inquired

"Aa."

Aoshi eyed her for a few more seconds, approaching little by little.

" What? What is wrong?" she asked.

"Why aren't you able to keep eye contact?"

She sadly smiled. Since when was it easy to keep eye contact with him?

"Nothing…"

"I know you are able to do it, but, still, you are running…"

Megumi coiled herself on the bed, totally aware that Aoshi was approaching.

" And Saeko? The poor girl was desperate!"

Aoshi looked like a statue, coming closer in his uninterested stoic way. " I told her to go on a carriage."

When Aoshi was getting closer to the bed, Megumi stretched her hand and asked Aoshi to stop coming closer although her great will was to go into his arms and look for protection.

" I will bathe soon, clean myself and sleep. But I would like you to do me a favor: go into the clinic and get a light blue vial, please. There is only one there."

He arched his brows and lowered them at the very second. "Aa."

She seemed to want him far away. He turned on his heels and walked to the door.

"Aoshi-san. Don't let Misao alone. She came here because of you."

He didn't look behind or answer. He knew she didn't want him near and he would not impose.

She sighed and breathed in when he was gone. There was pain in every muscle of her body…

XxX

Saeko walked slowly to the main room when her eyes caught sight of a young woman wrapped in that known trench coat. The other one was not surprised to see her and only looked at her with indifference or rather annoyance.

" You." Saeko stated. That was the one that behaved so aggressively towards Takani-sensei. She was the one Shinomori-sensei ran after.

Misao turned her big jade eyes to the other young woman. It was impressive how much they were alike, only now she realized it. But the other girl had no friendly face to her.

Saeko realized then she could only be one person: Misao, Shinomori-sensei's young sister. Looking closer, she could realize the similarities between the two of them.

" Misao." Saeko muttered.

The other girl tightened her grip on the trench coat. " How come you know my name?"

Saeko didn't take her eyes from Misao's frame. " The sensei told me."

" Megumi…" Misao seemed offended.

" No. Shinomori-sensei."

"Aoshi-sama?" she now widened her eyes and sounded surprised. So had Aoshi-sama changed that much?

"You are… his young sister. You hurt Takani-sensei!" Saeko hissed.

Misao didn't understand why Saeko was muttering and whispering. "Humph!" she retorted. Sister… sister…

" I know your are the sensei's sister, but you have no right to do that to the sensei's wife! She does not deserve it! I don't want and I am not to judge anyone but…"

"Wife…" Misao muttered and her static eyes got suddenly filled with tears. "WIFE!" she said louder than the other one's whisper. And why was that girl calling Aoshi-sama sensei?

" Don't talk so loud! Takani-sensei is not well… she is bleeding… she may be losing her baby… all because of what happened earlier!" her jade eyes saddened and Misao realized the other girl was thoughtful and nervous.

It was useless to argue; the other girl would defend Megumi wit her life if she could. But bleeding? Losing the baby? Misao slid down to the floor as Saeko passed by her. A carriage had arrived and before leaving, the jade eyes of the other young woman focused on Misao for a moment.

When Misao was left alone, she felt she was about to fall from a cliff. Losing the baby? She could hate Megumi, she could want Megumi to die, but not the baby. Not the baby. She was too fond of children to wish anything like that. The poor baby had no fault in anything that was happening.

Misao wanted to lift from the floor and walk the hallway to the room where Aoshi-sama had entered minutes before, from where that other girl had emerged. She looked so worried… and herself was to blame if something happened. That baby was a piece of her beloved Aoshi-sama, and as a piece of Aoshi-sama, it had to be loved by her. But she could not go to the room, she had no courage to face Aoshi-sama now, she didn't think she would have enough strength to see Megumi and Aoshi-sama into the same room. She didn't want to see it. She didn't.

Misao saw that in a secluded corner of the main room, there was a small altar with incense burning. She crawled to there and clasped both hands together. " Kami-sama… I won't bear the guilt. Please, help me, help the baby… I promise I will be good… I will love that baby as much as if it were mine. Babies are too pure to be a target of revenge. I am sorry, I am sorry for what I did today, I didn't think. I didn't."

Aoshi walked as if his feet didn't touch the floor. His clenched fist showed a bit of his emotions, but besides that, he looked absolutely impassionate. The house was too silent if it were not for whispers, continuous whispers coming from the main room. It should be Misao. The rain had started once again and this time, it was more violent. He could hear her, he could hear her voice mixed with the rain.

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw what she was doing. Still wrapped in his trench coat, wetting the floor, kneeled and bowed before the small secluded altar Megumi kept. She was praying. Apparently, she was unaware of his arrival so concentrated in her prayers. An entire array of images came to his mind. She was so small, so little, running into the shrine while he was meditating. And then, she would come and sit by his side and watch him carefully, trying to imitate everything he was doing. Or other times when, before sleep, she would ask Kami to look after him. He had seen that so many times… now, he wondered what the reason for her prayer was and why she was praying so desperately. He could focus and listen but he was not sure if he really wanted to know.

When her eyes reopened, he knew she had sensed him there. Her look shifted to his figure and she blushed.

"Aoshi-sama…" she said in a mournful tone.

He didn't respond, instead, he stepped forward as if he would go in the kitchen's direction.

Misao rapidly got up and followed him, close enough to cling to his sleeve.

"Aoshi-sama… tell me… she didn't miscarry."

His eyes almost widened in surprise but he restrained himself for expressing his amusement that way. The expression in the girl's eyes, he could read it. It was despair.

" She says she did not." his uninterested cold tone of voice really didn't match with the situation.

Misao followed him into the kitchen. She smiled when she heard that statement and she would jump if she were not so battered.

Aoshi said no more. He was now fetching a great quantity of water, for a bath, most probably. Misao sat on a nearby chair and looked at him for long whiles, still ashamed for everything that had happened. She wanted to ask more, but shame didn't allow her to do so much.

He didn't seem out to be paying attention to her as he moved softly around the room. He would also prepare tea, she thought, when she saw him retrieving dry leaves from a pack into a cupboard.

"Aoshi-sama…" she thought. He was preparing things for others. In his whole life as Okashira, many served him. He would have anyone to do anything for him with a great smile in one's lips. And now, there was him, fetching water for a bath, preparing tea, soup… serving.

Aoshi shifted and walked out of the kitchen and glanced behind to the girl. " I am going into the clinic. This water is for you to take a bath and be out of these wet clothes. Don't bother with the tea, I will come in no time."

With that, he disappeared into a door in the opposite room.

Misao stood up and pondered. Was it right? She was feeling and intruder in the doctor's world. Too bad they had to share something, someone, Aoshi-sama, for the time being. The water was now boiling and Misao knew what to do. She got the water out of the fire and walked with the bin, tottering through the hallway. One of those doors could only take to the bath house.

Misao placed the bin in front of the first door and pushed the shojo aside. No, it was not a bathroom. It was a room with a…cradle. A fine white wood cradle. They were really expecting that baby, then. Her kunoichi eyes identified a fluffy western teddy bear on the mattress and it made her heart heavy, heavy, heavy.

"What am I doing here?" she thought. And with sadness, she decided to close that room and go to the next.

In front of the next door she knew it was the doctor's room. Misao felt a great shiver trespass her body, both from the cold and from anxiety. If only she could peer inside and discover what was going on… but she had no courage.

There was one last room at the very end of the corridor and the door was open. Curiosity led her there and she stated that could only be… Aoshi-sama's room. The room was filled with the wonderful smell of his and she could see his belongings here and there and a soft futon carefully folded. So… they didn't share the same room, Aoshi-sama and Megumi. That room was too familiar for her and she had finally felt rather comfortable since the beginning of the day; it was as if she had been teleported to Kyoto and she was now entering what she could consider a private shrine. But she knew she could not stay there, Aoshi-sama could return anytime and she really didn't want to be caught in the act.

Misao was sure the door in front of Megumi's room could only be the bathroom. When she pushed the shojo aside, she saw her bag was there and around the tub, she identified innumerous supplies for a bath. She came inside and poured the hot water into the tub. Almost reluctantly, she removed the trench coat from her shoulders and also let her gi fall. When her soaked limbs met the hot water, she felt a great sensation and realized how cold she had been.

Her thoughts, inevitably, were to him. What had made him change so much? She did realize his clenched fist. She noticed the frown and the dark shade his eyes bore despite of the opposite his voice revealed. As far as she could know, he was more talkative to people and… he was caring. He had broken through his crystallized sphere at least a bit and showed himself… why? Why could Megumi make him change and she failed whenever and no matter how hard she tried? What led him to those changes? Yes, he was the same Aoshi-sama, distant and untouchable but she knew him well enough to realize changes in the slightest of his deeds. Maybe it was for the baby… a baby that could not even be exactly his, as she saw they didn't share the same room. But she could not blindfold her eyes to the changes in him. Why?

xXx

Into the clinic room, Aoshi sought for the vial Megumi had asked; she surely knew everything of that place: as she had said, there was only one light blue vial in there and it was not labeled.

The rain was pouring outside, one of those summer night rains that would take long to pass. Most likely, that night would also take long, he thought.

He walked outside the clinic and went into the kitchen. When passing in front of the corridor, he saw no trace of Misao or Megumi. There was none of them into the kitchen either.

Aoshi's keen hearing told him Misao was bathing but no sound came from Megumi's room. Yet, he didn't go inside to check, she had made clear she didn't want him there for now. With dinner, he would take the vial she had asked for but not now, not now. He sat on a chair and looked at the fire, the boiling soup, the bath water and the almost-ready tea.

That was one of the few times in his life he didn't exactly know what to do. He wanted to feel himself empty again, he wanted to refuse all those mixed feelings he knew that were fighting inside of him. His strong hands came to his head and his fingers touched and brushed the fine strands of his black hair behind. He bent over his own body until his elbows met his knees, his hands still into his hair. Not many times he had done that, he assured himself. And his mind traveled to a distant time where a much younger Aoshi lived.

" As I had told the Okashira before ,I pass the opportunity. I am tired and old. It is best to let this job for the younger ones, more capable, that have more strength, more time and more will."

Everyone's eyes widened and many whispered. Even his own eyes widened. Aoshi was surprised Okina had declined the offer to become Okashira.

" Makimachi-sama…" Okina bowed. " If you would allow me, I am sure there is someone among us who will succeed much more than I would ever do in years."

Makimachi-sama eyed Okina trustfully. All the others were curious to know who would that be. If Okina could not take the position, who would? Who was able to do it?

Okina smiled fondly at the Okashira and turned on his heels, passing through many onmitsus who waited anxiously for his next words.

Aoshi was standing in the corner, surrounded by many good onmitsus. Okina came his direction with a parental smile on his lips. His right hand came to the boy's shoulder and he finally spoke.

" Shinomori Aoshi is to be the new Okashira."

Aoshi felt his stomach turn. HIM? But he was barely a child. There were many brave men that would fit that position.

Makimachi-sama nodded and also smiled fondly at the boy. He walked with great difficulty up to Aoshi and placed his hand on the other side of his shoulder.

His voice filled the air: " Oniwabanshuu, here stands the new almighty Okashira Shinomori Aoshi."

Everyone was delighted. He was merely surprised.

When all the others were gone and Aoshi was alone at the Castle gardens, Okina came to him once more.

The boy kept his purple scarf very near his mouth for it was a very cold winter night. The wind blew strong, making the trees that still managed to keep some few leaves rustle violently. His long hair swung with the freezing wind as he gazed up to the pale crescent moon in a midnight blue winter sky.

" Aoshi."

The boy turned his head to face the older man a meter far from him, looking at the icy lake ahead of them.

" You are truly a genius. We are all very happy you are the new Okashira. You have all the qualities this position requires even being so young. That is the best in you, Okashira, we all trust you with our lives. You were born to shine in the shadows, your beautiful mind will make you great. It is for this beautiful mind, spirit, courage and leadership, this servant of yours bows."

Aoshi didn't know what to do. Amidst that icy winter landscape, there was Okina, his mentor, bowing before him. He glanced at the old man for several seconds and finally understood.

xXx

The bath was at least relaxing. Misao sighed and decided it was time to leave the water once her fingers were becoming wrinkled. Her eyes surveyed the surroundings and she was truly amazed by all the things Megumi had: essences, oils, fine western soaps, creams and many other smelly things.

" Boy, that should be what they call feminine." If it were in better times, she would try all of them only to draw Aoshi-sama's attention. But now it was different. Everything was different.

She peered into her rucksack for clean warm clothes. One of her usual gi would do just fine. She looked at the immense mirror the doctor kept into the bathroom and saw she was not… feminine. Not the way the doctor was. Misao got a nearby hairbrush and slid it on her long long hair. As an automatic gesture, her slender fingers begun working on the usual long braid but she stopped right in the middle. Smiling sadly, she undid the braid and straightened the strands of her black hair, not as silken as the doctor's one, she noticed. Only then she realized she really never tried to look appealing to his eyes whereas Megumi was always a sight for sore eyes.

Carefully, Misao looked for a scissor she had seen from the tub. Measuring and looking closely, she smothered the lower part of her hair: the texture was not as good as the other parts and it made her look less appealing if she kept her hair loose. Fine locks of hair hit the floor the next instant. The girl looked at herself reflected on the mirror and smiled. She looked better.

Feeling victorious, Misao opened the shoji door and walked outside. A gloomy thought came to her mind when she faced Megumi's bedroom door but she just dismissed it the second later. She walked confidently to the kitchen where she had hoped to find Aoshi-sama even though she could not feel his ki.

He was sat with his head between his hands, bowed over himself. As if getting out of the trance, Aoshi stiffened his body and came back to upright position, turning his head to glance at Misao.

" Aoshi-sama…"

She was different. More mature, more beautiful, smelling like… Megumi. Only her girlie gi didn't match with the image she was trying to display. Even her voice was softer when she called his name. and, she had cut her hair! Not too much, but it was unbraided and shorter.

"Sit down." He said and pointed a place for her to sit.

Misao tried to walk gracefully, as if she were floating above Earth as she had seen Megumi do all the time. Instead of long, strong strides, she walked in small steps as if she was wearing a tight kimono. Not that she had ever worn one, but she had heard other women saying so.

Aoshi stood up and went to the fire to get a bowl of soup. He came back to the table and put it in front of her.

" Have it. The carriage may be arriving anytime. It will take you to the dojo."

He didn't look at her while he was speaking, that she noticed. His voice was cold and distant as well as his eyes.

" I will bathe and remove these wet clothes but I will not take long at any rate."

It was true. He suddenly vanished from her sight and she could hear nothing of him. The girl started having the soup and for her surprise, it was absolutely delicious!

"When and how did he get to learn how to cook like this?" she mused. Sure, she knew Aoshi was very skilled, even in cooking but that was absolutely out of this world. Except for the Aoi-ya, she had only proven something so delicious at nice restaurants and… Megumi's food. She had to admit the doctor really knew what she was doing when it came to food. Misao looked at the soup sadly. " I will never make a good wife, not as good as she can be…". Megumi seemed too perfect: a nice profession, innumerous skills, a beautiful body and beautiful face, besides being elegant and mysterious… feminine… " I am no match for her…" she pouted.

Misao ended the soup and washed her bowl. For her surprise, Aoshi-sama was ready by the kitchen's door when she turned around.

" There is a carriage coming down the lane. You'd better get your bag for we are going to the dojo."

She did as he said. Her bag was already at the main room, he had brought it. Shortly after that, a knock was heard on the door. Aoshi opened it and saw a wet coachman.

" Sorry if I took long sir, this rain made the way difficult."

Aoshi only nodded. Then, he opened an umbrella and placed it above Misao's head.

She entered the carriage and he followed. She was visibly timid as he spoke to the man, saying the whereabouts of the dojo.

It was not that far, she knew. Aoshi was stoic, dressed in black, mysterious, arms carefully folded over his chest and closed eyes. She wanted to speak but she couldn't.

Soon after that, the carriage stopped and through the window, she could see they had already arrived at the dojo. Aoshi was the first to hop out of it and reopened the umbrella. Misao came out timidly.

" Wait here." He told the coachman.

And the two of them made the way to the porch of the dojo. It was not necessary to knock or anything. Kenshin must have sensed the girl's presence and alerted Karou that came beaming to receive them.

" Aoshi-san, Misao-chan!" she cheerfully opened her arms and embraced the girl. Misao smiled faintly.

Kenshin came right after and looked fondly at the girl. " Misao-dono, Aoshi-san."

Aoshi bowed to both of them and turned around, trailing his path back to the carriage.

Misao felt a sting into her heart. He was not staying. He was going back to Megumi's house.

" Aoshi-sama…" she cried out, being released from Kaoru's embrace.

" I shall come back by the morning. Goodbye, everyone."

With great sadness, she watched him go. He entered the carriage and the vehicle turned around, disappearing in the heavy rain.

" Come inside, Misao." Kaoru reached out a helping hand.

The dojo was always a good place for her but that time, she hurt so much… nobody asked her anything. Kaoru led her to the same room she had once stayed years ago. There was a futon already unfolded on the floor.

" Do you want anything to eat now or do you want it later?"

" I have already had dinner."

Kaoru smiled fondly once again. " Do you need a sleeping yukata?"

Only then occurred to her that she hadn't brought any sleeping clothes. Misao blushed hard. " Oh, yes. I forgot to bring mine."

As Kaoru left to get her a sleeping yukata, the girl sat on the futon and her eyes trailed the hem of the blanket. She had come all the way to Kyoto for him and now he was not wit her. She knew they had talked; she had made her point clear but he didn't feel the same, as she already suspected and never wanted to believe. Her eyes got filled with tears and before she could realize, a thick one fell and made the light blue of the blanket a richer shade.

Kaoru entered the room and saw Misao like that. She should have known of everything now. As if she were the girl's older sister, she sat beside her and embraced her fondly, patting Misao's head. " Don't cry for what you cannot change, Misao-chan."

Misao felt an urge to hold Kaoru back and she did just so. The yellow of the other woman's yukata made her feel warmer. She needed a friend, she needed someone she could speak to…

"Kaoru… I told him… I loved him. And I already knew the answer deep inside my heart but I wished it could have changed. Besides, as you may also know, he says Megumi carries his child in her womb."

Kaoru caressed the long strands of her loose hair. " I knew, we all knew."

The girl sighed. " As you know…please tell me something he wasn't able to tell me. Does he love her very much?"

Kaoru looked heavenwards. How could she answer that question? She really didn't know! He liked Megumi, she was sure, but was it love and had he changed because of the child?

" I don't know, Misao-chan. I truly don't know, not even Megumi knows…"

Misao identified pure sincerity in her voice. Not even Megumi knows it, she repeated the words to herself.

Kaoru pitied her. She seemed so defenseless there, crying and crying, sobbing, clinging to some left-over hope. She smoothed the strands of her loose hair and caressed the girl for long moments. Misao had had her hair cut and she had changed, not a little girl but a young woman suffering for love.

"You know, Misao, when you love someone, sometimes you have to let that person go. You can't ground him to you, you should want only his happiness. That was what Megumi did. She didn't accept his proposal and left him free to do whatever he pleased for she didn't want to make his days bitter. You should leave him free to decide."

The girl's eyes rounded. " Proposal?"

Kaoru realized she had told too much. Misao hadn't known of the whole story then. But now, she had to tell, Misao wouldn't let her go away without telling everything.

xXx

Aoshi reentered the house and everything was as silent as when he had left. It was time to face Megumi again and he hoped she could be calmer that time. He walked slowly and silently to her room and pushed the shoji door aside.

His eyes widened in surprise.

" What are you trying to do?"

Startled, Megumi looked at him. " Oh, I hadn't heard you around…"

She was trying to get out of bed, it was obvious. The doctor saw the blue vial on his hands and smiled.

" Good you brought it." She tried once again to leave the bed but it seemed her legs were too weak for that.

Aoshi materialized in front of her with a serious expression in his eyes.

She tried not to look at him, dodging his stern look at her figure.

" I am fine, I assure you. I just want to take a bath."

She felt strong arms being placed around her body and when she blinked she was not in the bed anymore.

" Aoshi-san, what…?" she tried to fight.

" I will take you there." His voice was almost glacial.

He passed by the doorframe and entered the bathroom, still carrying her and standing right beside the tub.

" Don't tell me you are going to bathe me…" she sounded annoyed.

"Lift the hem of your kimono up to your thighs." He demanded.

" WHAT?" she thought he could only be kidding. " Listen, Aoshi…"

But he cut her in by placing her into the hot water even though she was dressed up, maneuvering his hands and arms in a way that he lifted the hem of her kimono and supported her not to fall or lose balance.

"Call me when you are done." He said and slid the shoji shut.

Megumi sighed but didn't protest anymore, why taking her time in protesting since Aoshi was so stubborn?

He went to her bedroom to check on the bed. There was a blood stain on the sheets but it wasn't really big. She had an almost six month pregnancy, so, that bleeding wouldn't really endanger the baby's life, as far as he was concerned, unless it happened again. He removed he dirty sheets from the bed and placed clean perfumed ones. Shortly after that, he could hear her voice calling him.

It only took a second for him to arrive at the bathroom's door.

" May I come in?" he asked

" Yes…" her annoyed voice answered.

He didn't mind she was annoyed, he was doing that for his child. She had gotten out of the bathtub and was sat on a low seat with closed eyes. She crouched and once again carried her into his arms to her bed.

She noticed he had taken care of everything. The sheets had been replaced and he had placed all the pillows in a position that she could feel more comfortable.

"Sweet…" she thought.

Aoshi bowed slowly so that her body would softly touch the mattress. Megumi had wrapped her arms around his neck and now she had courage to look into his eyes. She had thought better and he was truly caring. She knew she was now safe on the bed but even like that, she didn't remove her arms from around his neck not did he move behind. She eyed him for long seconds, straight into his eyes as if she could read his feelings and his reasons. For one moment, if she were better, she would just scare him by trying to pull him to the bed. Better, pull him over her on the bed. But she didn't. She only smirked when she imagined that.

" I will bring you food." He stated.

Only then she let go of his neck and he stood up and walked to the kitchen. Meanwhile, she got a bit of the powder of the blue vial and put it into her mouth. Aoshi returned shortly after that with a tray containing tea and soup. He placed it on her lap and then stepped behind to attach himself to the wall.

Megumi could not really tell she was hungry but the soup smelled very good. Besides, she knew she had to eat and behave so that herself and the baby could recover.

She started having her meal under the blue gaze of his.

" Where is she?" she sounded tired after all.

" At the dojo." He responded in a low and quick voice.

She asked no more. She only hoped he hadn't been so harsh on the girl.

When she was over, he took the tray away and came near her to check on her temperature. His strong hand came to her forehead and lifted her feathery bangs. His hand lingered there for some seconds, then, he took it away and went to the drawer, from where he took a futon.

Aoshi unfolded the futon on the floor, near the bed.

Megumi arched an inquiring brow to him as he came to her to make her lie down.

"Isn't it more comfortable up here?" she mocked and blinked.

"Megumi…" he thought, kidding and teasing even in the worst hours. He didn't answer her tease. He made her lie down and went to the futon himself.

" You may be the doctor here but I will make sure nothing will happen to you."

xXx

Long twisting chapter. I hope you didn't get too confused with this one and I hope I was not that messy! And the most important: I hope the conversation between Aoshi and Misao didn't sound lame! So, I am waiting for your reviews… gosh, I am apprehensive.

Once again, the lyrics were from Ghost Love Score by Nightwish.

Ladie Galadriel: you said you hate to see Misao hurting… well, it was a bit impossible here, right?

Yvonne: so, nothing bad really happened to Megumi… yet… ok, MAYBE I am teasing…

Rowan23: thank you VERY MUCH! I am updating not that soon, but it is an update, uh?

Leila: Yahiko is just the jester in this story… tee hee. Yeah, I know it was a terrible choice this one I made to confront Aoshi and Misao now. This is why I am so afraid I haven't done any lame thing and that it could sound plausible. I wouldn't want to ruin this part EVER. Well, I have two drawing now, but my artwork is so terrible I am afraid/ashamed to post it online anywhere!