A/N: These next few chapters have been very difficult to write and are pretty dark in tone.

WARNING: Severe angst ahead, along with some psychological and emotional abuse and suicidal thoughts.

Thirty Seven

Astrid's eyes widened as she inspected the little skinny shape sprawled on the floor of his bedroom and she felt guilt almost overwhelm her. She should never have brought him back to Berk, should never have left him. She leaned closer, seeing the swollen black bruises on his face, the split lip and fear in his green eyes. She gasped at his hair, hacked short and spiky and his clothes, almost hanging off his scrawny frame. She swung through the roof hatch and landed agilely on the hard bed.

In a second, she was by his side, seeing the tear-smudged picture of Toothless in front of him and-most terrifyingly-a naked dagger. She crouched down by him and gently extended a hand towards her friend.

"Hiccup?" she asked him softly. He slowly moved-and then she found him pressed against her, his arms locked fiercely around her body, his face buried in her shoulder and sobs shaking his body. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling his terrified and desperate search for human comfort and gave the boy a gentle pat on his back as she clung to her. "It's okay," she murmured softly. "Shhh, shhh…" But her senses were on alert because she was vulnerable and hunted.

Suddenly, he looked up. "We-we have to go," he whispered, his eyes swivelling towards the steps. "My-my Dad may be back any time!" Reluctantly, she pulled away and then looked around the room. Swiftly, she rose and lifted the cloak. He shuddered. "No," he said softly. "That is his, Astrid. It's not mine."

"Hiccup…it's a fur that will keep you warm," she told him practically, tossing it onto the bed and scanning the room. "We are leaving and you need to take everything you can to keep you alive." She snatched a handful of tunics, leggings and another boot. Then she lifted his sketch book and a spare journal, a couple of charcoals and bundled the whole lot up. She scanned the room, trying to see if she had missed anything and turned to the skinny boy to check: he pointed to the herbs Gothi had given him. She tucked them securely in her tunic, then grasped his hands and pulled him to his feet, wincing at his wobbling gait and helping him to stand on the bed, beneath the hatch. He looked up and sighed.

"I can't climb up," he sighed. He had been able to in the past but not now-and definitely not with this leg. She gave a smug grin.

"Toothless," she called and the dragon leaned over the hatch, warbled excitedly at his rider, then pulled away. Immediately, his tail coiled down and Astrid got Hiccup to stand on the thick bony end of the tail, between the fins, making him hold tight to the scaly muscular tail-and then Toothless pulled his tail-and his rider-back through. Swiftly, Astrid tossed the bundle up and then leapt, scrambling through quickly and snapping the hatch closed. She turned-to see Hiccup on his knees, hugging Toothless's head. He was shaking and she sighed with relief.

Truth be told, she had been frantic when she heard from Fishlegs that Hiccup was on the brink of despair and thinking of ending it all. She had known he was apprehensive about returning to Berk but the reality of what had happened had been far worse than she had ever dreamed. She had assumed his father would be delighted to have his son back and would have welcomed him, making adjustments to make the boy feel welcomed and valued-especially in light of what he had proclaimed on the cliffs. Instead, he had imprisoned the boy and punished him for basically being the person he was, the boy who had saved the village. It was everything he had feared: imprisonment, being forbidden to do all he loved and taken away from his dragon.

But Hiccup was still in danger and so was she. They were vulnerable: it was broad daylight and they were perched very obviously on the roof. She patted him gently on the shoulder. "We gotta go," she hissed and gently pulled him to his feet. She stowed the bundle and pulled him onto the dragon, then she took the saddle and opened the tail. "I have your proper leg but I would prefer to get away before we swap," she told him and his response was to wrap his skinny arms tightly around her.

"Thor, please just get me away from here," he said hoarsely. She nodded-as the hatch slammed open and the scarlet angry face of Stoick poked through.

"GET BACK HERE!" he shouted and she felt Hiccup flinch against her. His grip tightened fiercely and she knew he was terrified. Instinctively, she drew her axe, her other hand clamped tightly on the edge of the saddle.

"No-we're leaving!" she said breathlessly. "You have hurt him enough!"

"You cannot take my son from me!" he snarled. "You tried to kill him!"

"And you are killing him now!" she said angrily. "Hiccup is a brave and determined man-he just isn't a normal Viking. And your removing everything he is from him has almost destroyed him."

"He is my son," Stoick roared. "I decide what he will be and what he will do!"

"We're Vikings!" she replied bitingly, backing Toothless away as the Chief found himself struggling to fit through the hatch. "We don't just bow our heads and give up everything we are on someone else's say-so. We are stubborn and brave and hard-headed. Think about what you have done, Chief! One day, you will have to realise it is wrong!" And she leaned forward as Toothless leapt into the air, his huge wings flapping hard to lift them off as Stoick launched an axe at the dragon to bring him down.

But Astrid's axe clattered in to intercept the lethal assault and the Chief's weapon clanged away. Hiccup flinched and stole a glance at his father's furious face as the man roared his fury after them.

"You will never be welcome on Berk again!" he roared. "You leave and you NEVER come back!" Astrid felt the boy press against her and then slowly lift his head.

"Fine with me," Hiccup muttered as he clung tighter to Astrid. Toothless wheeled away and they abandoned all hope of stealth as Astrid directed the Night Fury straight over the village, screeching down the slope and banking right to head directly for the Dragon Killing Arena. "Stormfly is in danger," Hiccup told her softly. "I'm so sorry, Astrid-I just couldn't do what he wanted." She reached down and grasped his hand, squeezing reassuringly.

"It's not your fault," she assured him as they circled the woven chain dome of the arena and then found the hole Toothless has blasted during the final exam. "Can you make that bigger, Toothless?" she asked. The dragon inhaled, then unleashed an enormous plasma blast, blowing a hole four times the size it had been. They arrowed through and landed rapidly by the pens. The screech of a Nadder could be clearly heard.

"Stormfly!" Astrid shouted. "I'm coming, girl!" And she leapt from the saddle-but then she paused and fumbled in the saddlebags. She straightened up and handed a very familiar object to Hiccup. "I think you need this back," she said gently and handed him his leg.

He stared for a long moment and gave a quick nod, suddenly beyond words. He grabbed the prosthesis with shaking hands as she turned with a smile to free her dragon. He couldn't pull the straps for the peg leg free quick enough. He flung it away with all his strength, hearing the wood clatter across the stone floor and then, with utter relief, he strapped the familiar weight back onto his stump. And though his stump was still very sore and inflamed, gods, it had never felt more comfortable. He slid forward in the saddle and with a swift prayer, he clipped the prosthesis into the tail control system.

"I'm back, bud," he murmured, wincing at the pain. He would never complain of it again. "No one is going to separate us again." And then he looked up as Astrid wrestled the doors open and Stormfly burst out, screeching in indignation and sudden relief as her rider returned. He watched his friend embrace her dragon fiercely. This was the Astrid people rarely saw-affectionate, fiercely loyal and protective. She looked up and he was shocked to see tears swim in her gaze.

"Let's go," she said but he shook his head, his hands tightening on the saddle.

"No," he said in a low firm voice. "Free the others. They don't deserve the dragons-and the dragons certainly don't deserve Berk. Hookfang is imprisoned until Snotlout is out of jail and Barf'n'Belch are just too dangerous to leave with those twins!" She gaped: this was unexpected. But it did make sense, so she nodded, gave Stormfly a pat and swiftly unlocked every other pen, releasing the Monstrous Nightmare, the Hideous Zippleback and-starved and almost forgotten-a whimpering Terrible Terror. The little dragon could barely fly, so weak and starved was he, so Astrid picked him up and handed him to Hiccup, who cradled him in his arms. "Come with me," he murmured gently. Astrid leapt onto Stormfly and looked at him.

"Ready?" she asked and he nodded.

"Okay, bud-this is it!" he said roughly and they accelerated into the air, diving through the hole with Astrid and the riderless dragons at his back. But as they reached the village, they saw Stoick and his best warriors ranged there, bolas and axes ranged against them. Hiccup got Toothless to backwing and he hung in the air before them, with Astrid higher, covering them.

"TRAITOR!" Stoick snarled and Hiccup gave a low, mirthless laugh.

"Yesterday, I was the Pride of Berk and your new-old Heir…and now I am a traitor because I want to be able to walk and work in the forge and fly my dragon!" he called down, his voice almost not shaking. "In short, I want to be the person who became the Pride of Berk again-but you don't want that. And if wanting to be myself is treason, then I am a traitor…and proud of it!" He cast his green gaze over the villagers: almost every single one was there, from the babes in arms and children to the elderly and infirm.

"I forbid you to leave!" Stoick roared.

"You cannot!" Hiccup told him. "You know, I was willing to forgive you. I had already forgiven Astrid because she helped and supported me when I was thrown out of the Tribe and in utter despair. She stayed with me when I was so ill. She asked me to come home because she could see that I really wanted to give you a chance-and she brought me to Gothi when I was ill. But in recompense, you imprisoned me and threatened me and beat me and humiliated me. You took away everything I cared for and tried to crush me and force me to become you. But I am not you, Dad. I will never be you."

"YOU ARE MY SON!" Stoick roared.

"You abused and disinherited me," Hiccup said levelly. "The village tormented me-and no one but Astrid has apologised!"

"We brought you gifts…" Elva Guthlarson shouted.

"Pies…"

"Tunics…"

"Bread…"

"Really? When I was unconscious. Did one of you come to see me when I had woken and thank me? Or say you were sorry you had basically made my life an utter Hel before? Or did you assume that it was all okay because you had given my Dad a gift?"

"I made you my Heir!"

"You made Snotlout your Heir so your judgement must be pretty suspect!" Hiccup called down, seeing his father's face turn scarlet with rage. He felt himself stiffen with fear. "I decline. I don't want it. You ignored everything I requested as a sign that you were willing to change. No signs of trying to live with dragons. No acknowledgement that you are sorry for the way you treated me. No remorse. And-most crucially-no forgiveness for Astrid, who I had already forgiven. You were merciless and vicious in your sentence for her and I don't want that. I never wanted to be cruel-but you were. You are."

"You shame me!"

"I'm done," Hiccup announced. "I'm not coming back. I promised if you tried to stop me going, I would leave and never return-well, here it is. Goodbye, Stoick." The Chief gaped: Hiccup had always called him Dad, even when he had been cast out and disinherited. But no more. He rose on Toothless. "Don't come after us. I won't let myself be hurt again by you. Ever." And he soared away-before he circled round and accelerated round down towards the village. The shriek of the Night Fury's wings filled the air and the villagers suddenly realised they were facing an attack run. There were shouts and screams and people scattering and running for cover. Hiccup lay low over the dragon's neck.

"Show them what you can do. bud," he murmured and pointed. The dragon opened his mouth, purple plasma filled his maw and then he fired.

There was huge explosion as the Chief's house was blown apart, the thunder of the explosion rolling around the village. There were gasps and shouts as Hiccup wheeled around again and the Jorgensen house was blasted apart. Toothless turned on a wingtip and a final shot smashed the Thorsten house to matchwood. Then they soared up and vanished into the gloom over the forest. A roar sounded from the Night Fury and all the dragons rose, cries echoing across the village and leaving the villagers alone. Only Meatlug remained, giving a little croon but sitting loyally by her Rider's side. Fishlegs watched them with sorrowful eyes as he saw his friends vanish and the dragons abandon them.

And then they were gone, leaving the burning houses and the shocked silence of the villagers.

oOo

In the cove, they landed without a word, the riderless dragons settling around the depression as Toothless, Stormfly and the other training dragons stayed close to the boy who had trained them. Hiccup slid from the saddle and limped round to embrace Toothless once more. Astrid jumped down but moved cautiously around him, like he was a Monstrous Nightmare about to burst in flame. She stopped a few feet shy and watched him.

"Are…are you okay?" she asked him carefully. He paused and slowly raised his head, his face very pale between the bruises and very carefully rotated to look at her, his hand still resting on Toothless for support.

"No," he said in a very quiet, very expressionless tone. "No-and I'm not sure I ever will be again, to be honest. I never really wanted to leave Berk, Astrid. All I wanted was the people of Berk to be honest and treat me properly-and you too. But instead…my father treats me like some…trophy to be exhibited to the other Chiefs. To show how great he is with such a son. He locks me up and stops me being…me. And I felt…that if I knew that life without Toothless would be worse than death anyway. I-I really r-really w-wanted to-to d-die…"

Then she moved forward and he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her, pressing his body close to her, feeling her strong arms close around him protectively. He buried his head in her shoulder and she felt the wetness of his tears on her skin. Tenderly she stroked his head and rested her cheek against his. "Oh, Hiccup," she whispered.

"And the only…only thing that stopped me was T-toothless…because I-I knew he wouldn't understand," he whimpered. "I-I'm s-so sorry, Astrid…" She tightened her grasp on him.

"I wasn't leaving you…ever-remember? I promised, Hiccup," she reminded him softly. "You-you're my best friend." She paused. "Actually-you're my only friend, now. And I know…I can't be your best friend 'cause the post is already taken…" He stiffened. "But…maybe second best friend…?" He slowly raised his head and stared at her.

"Astrid…" he began but she pulled away and stared at him, her head bowed.

"I-I know you can't trust me, Hiccup but I swear, I promise I will never hurt you again and I hope one day…you will believe me. Will trust me…" Her voice was shaking.

"Astrid…" he said quietly. "I already do." She looked up, hope flaring in her azure gaze. "You came back for me. You literally saved my life. You…were magnificent. You faced down my Dad while I…"

"…was shocked and traumatised and probably concussed and starved and still fighting an infection…" she said and he gave a slight smile.

"…and really really pathetic…but not any more," he said quietly. He swallowed. "I-I meant it, Astrid. I can't go back now. There are still people I care for-Gobber, Gothi and Fishlegs mainly-but there are far more I couldn't care less for…chief among them being my father, uncle and cousin and the twins. If you want to come back and see your family…fine…but I can't. And I think I showed them today what I will do if I see any of them again."

She stared at him and wrapped her arms around her body. She was scared to ask the next question.

"Why just their homes? Why not the jail?"

He sighed and turned back to rub Toothless again. "Not a killer, remember?" he said softly. "The only thing I have ever killed was the Red Death-and I did that with Toothless. I never harmed a dragon during Dragon training. And I never killed a human. Believe me-I did consider it as I saw my childhood home explode…but killing two men in a jail, who had no clue what happened, in cold blood…" He sighed again. "That's not who I am, Astrid. And this has been all about who I am. He would do that-not me." And he looked ashamed. She gently caught his hand.

"I would have killed Snotlout if you hadn't stopped me," she admitted. "I can't understand how you can let them live?"

"I have enough nightmares," he admitted wearily. "I don't want them haunting me as well!" Then he paused. "But I have shamed and dishonoured Stoick which, I suppose, is a start." She frowned. "He has the Chiefs of other Tribes coming to see his amazing Dragon Conquering son and the peace between Vikings and Dragons. But instead, his son has fled, his Heir is in jail for attempted murder, his home is in splinters and his island is in utter disarray. And I did that. His useless runt of a son!" She suddenly smirked.

"Um…your innate ability to cause chaos…while not directly harming anyone who was innocent," she realised.

"Gobber, Gothi, Fishlegs, small children, your Dad…none of them deserve direct vengeance, though they will be harmed by what I have done." He sighed. "But honestly, all I want is to leave…explore…learn about our world, about dragons…about myself. And if you would come with me…" His green eyes inspected her shocked face, the plea bright in his gaze.

She paused-but only for a second. "Of course," she told him with a smile. "But this time-you need to pack some sensible equipment!" He gave an embarrassed rub to the back of his neck.

"Yeah…kinda failed there," he admitted with a slight smile. "At least I have you to organise me. But…are you sure about this?" She shrugged.

"Honestly? No. But I guess we both ran out of welcome in Berk," she said. She loaded her things and Hiccup's and split them between the two dragons. He wearily swung into the saddle, hissing slightly as he snapped his leg into the tail control. She gratefully leapt into the saddle on Stormfly. "So where are we taking all these dragons?" He paused.

"Dragon Island…to start with," he told her quietly. "This leg needs a rest…but then…" He kicked Toothless into the air and they arrowed into the air, turning without a backwards glance at accelerating away from Berk.

A/N: I had a number of requests for immediate and bloody vengeance on Berk. And, to be honest, that would definitely be the Viking thing to do (And I would probably feel like it myself.)… But in this Universe, Hiccup is the one who wouldn't kill unless there is no other option-and he has one. He's definitely not a proper Viking (which may have been mentioned before.) Maybe I will do a dark and very vengeful Hiccup fic but others seem to be doing them very nicely to be honest. There will still be more vengeance against Berk-but certainly not in cold blood.

Enjoy the rest of the story. BTW High probability of some happiness accidentally sneaking in!-hp