"From your social worker I heard that you've been going through a rough time…" Mrs. Jacobs told me what I already knew five minutes after I had been in the shower and leaned back in the sofa. "…That you have been in different foster homes since you were born… what was it? A basket left floating on the river?"

"Yes ma'am."

A basket on the river. A letter "This is Caitlin July Romero. She was born the fourth of July." And that was it… that was it.

For the billionth time I felt a gust of anger when I as much as thought about what had happened to me. How anyone would leave a baby only a few days old on the river like that leaving her to her own freaking destiny.

"On the river? Lima River?" I nodded. "Geez… if you had moved enough the basket had tipped over and you would have ended up in the water and drowned."

I lost count of how many times I wished I had actually done that.

"I heard you liked it at the foster home you were at before you came here." Mrs. Jacobs only stated what was quiet obvious for the both of us. Even though I couldn't help but to think more than what I said. "But of course, that was only respite and the social services made sure you ended up with someone more experienced- me."

Really? I have been in this system all of my freaking life. You don't think I know everything about how these things work?

"May I go back to bed now?"

"Yes you may. But I'll keep the door to my room open and I am a very light sleeper so no more running away."

No more running away. Well….

That whole night I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Wondering, thinking and even dreaming about how I could be out of here. And the urge to be back at Burt and Carole's was stronger than anything I had ever felt before.

How did I not see this when I still lived with them?

One theory I came up with was more unrealistic than the other no matter how much brainstorming I did. And at last, towards five in the morning I prayed to a God I barely knew if I believed in before I finally got some sleep the last two hours before I needed to get up again.

If there is any way. Let this be a dream and let me be back at Burt and Carole's when I wake up again.

Needless to say, when I woke up I was still in that darn room at Mrs. Jacobs's still.

"I drive the girls to school…" I made sure I was all dressed, wearing shoes and everything before I came down for breakfast. I sat down on a chair and watched Mrs. Jacobs in every step she took but didn't grab anything to eat. "…I take all of them, now including you. Drive Robyn to one school and then Ava, Welma and Walker to another one. I was thinking that afterwards I could do some grocery shopping and you could come with me."

This was becoming easier than I thought it would be.

"And I mean it Cai. No more running away."

In your freaking dreams.

I barely even recognized myself. Of course when I watched myself in the mirror I still looked the same. My eyes were just as empty and my skin was still as pale. But the way I had just suddenly known where and what and who I wanted to be, willing to do anything it took to be. It was nothing I had ever felt before, and it was nothing I would let go off now that I had it.

But still, I should have understood my luck was way too weak to deal with it like this.

"You're in the front Cai… And tell me if you start feeling sick anyway." Mrs. Jacobs told us while we headed for her van. "Robyn, you're next to Ava. Robyn listen to me… It's only a seat. Robyn Jocelyn Jacobs." I flinched when Mrs. Jacobs used her daughter's full name obviously to show her she was being dead serious. My full name had always meant dead serious. But Mrs. Jacobs remained calm. "Cai's in the front. She gets car sick so that's how it's going to be from now on."

"She haven't been anything else than trouble so far." Apparently, the front seat was important to Robyn because she seemed quite pissed off and I felt quite bad when she climbed after Ava into the back seat and threw the side door closed after her.

"You don't mean that Robyn. And don't you dare state anything like that ever again."

Robyn only silent. As did the twins and Ava. There was a tense feeling in the air and something told me it would never be these quiet among all of those five otherwise. Which only made my wish stronger to be out of here in the matter of no more than seconds.

"Bye honey, have a good day."

I still didn't get why the front seat had been so important to Robyn when she stepped out of the van without having said a single word since we got in it. And neither did she when she climbed down onto the asphalt parking lot in front of her all girls' fancy school.

"What's up with her?" Ava questioned while we were on our way to hers and the twins' school. "It's only a seat. And if Cai gets car sick I don't want her to throw up all over me."

"She wouldn't." Mrs. Jacobs reassured her and I felt way too awkward not to correct her. "If you start feeling sick then tell me about that Cai and I'll stop the car."

I didn't answer to that. Ava's statement had just filled me up with one memory after the other about why Burt and Carole would not want me? The first one being like… how many times had I thrown up in Burt's car? Two? Three? Eighty? None of those times would have surprised it all.

"And here we are." Despite Robyn's fancy all girls' school. For dropping the others' off Mrs. Jacobs pulled over in front of an all normal- looking Elementary and middle school. "See you guys later. Have a good day. And Walker, no more skipping classes. Love all of you, bye."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"Bye mum."

Ava could obviously refer to Mrs. Jacobs as her real mum. And this had me almost, or actually really jealous of all the people that could.

"There is only about a month and a half left of this school year." Mrs. Jacobs steered out of the school's parking lot and finally said something right to me. I listened to every word she said. Maybe if one word gave the slightest hint onto how this could become easier. "And I don't know how much school you've missed in the last few years…"

I barely even know that myself.

"But we don't have to worry about that until later summer. That's as good as anything. If I put you in any school and lost sight of you I bet you'd just try and run away again."

You bet I would.

"Now we just need to do the grocery shopping. I prefer doing that without the girls or they'll all go in different directions wanting different things. But you're not like that are you?"

"No of course not." I lied and then, just like that I realized I recognized the road we were riding along. I was so concentrated on the road I barely noticed any car sickness. The thought flew by that maybe I did always get car sick because I knew I'd get car sick and I never let the thought go. Then my concentration was back again. While I crossed my fingers we were going to the grocery store I thought we were going to.

"Yes." I whispered under my breath when Mrs. Jacobs pulled over in front of Tate's supermarket.

"Sorry, did you say something?"

"No, sorry…" I bit my lip not to let anything slip out. If I made too much fuss about it my whole plan would be ruined. And that was the last thing I needed when I pulled on my best 'goody two-shoes' and walked after Mrs. Jacobs into the super market.

"Do we need some rice?" I asked when we had passed almost the whole store so Mrs. Jacobs would be more relaxed and I had walked up to a couple of things myself and got them to the card already. "It's right over here. I can go and get it."

"Actually yes." Mrs. Jacobs smiled with her shining white teeth down towards me. "And if you continue like this you can pick out some chocolate bar or candy bag you like. That sounds good doesn't it?"

Damn it woman, I'm not five years old.

"I'll go get it."

I had to turn back to get the rice as we had already passed it. After only a few steps I looked behind me to make sure Mrs. Jacobs wasn't looking at me, then turned into the shelves with different packages of rice. Then, just like that I made up my mind about what I was going to do. And with that, I checked one more time so Mrs. Jacobs wasn't looking.

I saw her turn into the fruit shelves and then took my chance and ran where I was certain she wouldn't see me. I threw myself on my knees and crawled under the security equipment at the entering of the store and then just… just continued running.

As I had run over the parking lot and continued down the street where Marianne Derickson had her dogs (where we had gotten Mike) and then just continued past it.

I tried to keep away from the main road, but as I knew the way and came closer and closer I felt something that I'd never been able to feel before.

For the first time I had taken some charge over my own life. Getting to where I wanted to be, and actually knowing what I wanted. And as I ran up to the street and crosses it. Right then it didn't matter what it would take- I was going back to the only home I could remember having been treated well no matter what.

And with that away from the Paulson's, away from Mrs. Jacobs and away from Toby.

Well… at least I could hope so.

"CAITLIN JULY ROMERO."

Oh dear. This could be good if she reaches Burt and Carole's house and really can show what she wants. Which is good because Cai has probably never really showed what she wanted without trouble before… and she's only a few streets away from Burt and Carole's so nothing could happen…

Or could it? And who on earth was that shouting? Mrs. Jacobs?

I'm sorry this chapter wasn't too good actually. Things will happen now… but what they actually are…

Random fact

It might seem random about how Cai at first is really scared and now wants to do anything and everything to get back to Burt and Carole's. But you know… people never really see what they have until they've lost it.