Writing this chapter took so god damn long.
I feel like I stared more at the screen in frustration than actually gotting some writing done...
If you find any grammatical mistakes, pls tell me (it's really late by the time this is up).
You also might notice that I've got no clueof how to handle people while reading this chapter...

Chapter 37: Overstepping boundaries #1

Despite Yuki's constant demands if Suga would really be okay with being alone this night, said male had managed to send her off after she dropped him off at home. He knew that she was simply looking out for him, but right now, he just wanted to lay down and rest a bit. Rest sounded really good right now, considering how shitty he felt. It was a miracle that he even made it this far before collapsing! Now that he finally settled down on the sofa, he began to notice just how unwell he truly was. A little too late if he were honest with himself. As soon as he lay down, his eyelids began drooping almost immediately and he drifted off to sleep. In the end, Suga slept for a few hours – until the slamming of the door woke him rather suddenly. The noise made him jump from his seat. Which was a decision he regretted the moment he sat upright. A groan left his mouth as he grabbed his pounding head and he needed to get his bearings before he got up to investigate the source of the noise.

In the hallway, the ash-blond came face to face with his beloved, who was obviously very aggravated, if his sour face was anything to go by. Suga inched closer in an attempt to welcome him with a little peck, but found himself getting pushed away before he could even reach his boyfriend. Daichi grumbled, "Hey babe... Got anything for dinner ready? 'm starving."

The ash-blond was clearly disappointed for getting rejected, but tried his best not to show that. He didn't want to upset the other even further by being clingy now.
Instead, he confessed, "To be honest, I was asleep until now, so I haven't prepared anything…" At seeing the darkened expression on his lover's face, he added quickly, "But mom brought something over earlier, so I'll just whip something up real quick! Take a shower and try to relax a little. You deserve some rest!"

Daichi simply huffed in response and went on his ways, while a disgruntled Suga shuffled towards the kitchen. Now he was glad that his mother had insisted on doing some shopping and storing a bunch of fresh ingredients for quick but healthy meals. Although, his sense of taste - or rather the lack of - it proved to be quite the problem, seeing how he couldn't properly… well, taste. Not to mention that he still wasn't feeling well and had to fight to keep his eyes open a little longer. Nevertheless, he prepared a pot of stew for the two of them, hoping it was at least somewhat edible. Daichi was already seated in the living room, staring angrily into space. After a mumbled "Thank you." Daichi began shovelling his food into his mouth, though he stopped eating not much later, seemingly dissatisfied with what he was served.

There wasn't much Suga could do now, so he continued eating his own meal in silence, while his partner turned his attention to the TV. A decision that didn't help improving his sour mood at all, seeing how his case and their lack of progress was all over the news again. Before the ash-blond could even attempt to soothe his boyfriend, said male jumped from his seat, turned off the TV and threw the remote through the entire room in a fit of anger, smashing it in the process. Despite being startled by such a violent outburst, he rushed to his side and took Daichi's shaking fists into his own hands.

Daichi, however, growled lowly, "Don't even think about commenting on this bullshit as well! I've been listening to other people's encouraging words far too many times recently and I'm getting sick of it!"

Sugawara ignored his biting remark and pulled him in a soft embrace, hoping it would somehow convey support. He wasn't really trained to handle pissed off, aggressive adults and he always felt at a loss whenever one of his friends got involved in heated arguments – which even turned physical from time to time if it was really serious. After all, his therapy had been about avoiding such situations. Thus, seeing his lover so incredibly angry and annoyed at everything made him pretty uncomfortable. How could he be anything else, when it was bad enough that said male had just smashed something in his rage?

To make matters worse Daichi didn't even return the embrace like he normally did - it was a half-hearted move rather than anything loving or gentle. It even felt kind of forced if Suga were to be asked. His following attempts of calming his furious partner didn't really work out at all. Not that the ash-blond knew exactly what he was doing between throwing out reassuring phrases, caressing him with awkward pats and touches and desperate invitations for a hug or cuddles for the next few minutes.

Usually, the brunet calmed down with time with the help of Suga's affectionate gestures. This time, however, his coddling wasn't doing anything good. Something the ash-blond had to learn the hard way. Being fed up with the whole situation, Daichi shoved his partner away with way more force than necessary, putting distance between them for the second time since his return. Unfortunately, Suga hadn't had the ability to regain his balance in time due to his current ailment and a yelp escaped the weakened ash-blond as he tumbled down onto the sofa.

As soon as he got his bearings back from that bout of dizziness, he exclaimed loudly, "What the hell, Daichi?! I only wanted to help you! On top of that, we've barely seen each other these days and I simply miss spending time with you! It's not my fault that you're not making any progress at work!"

Apparently, his choice of words was another mistake made by him, seeing how Daichi's expression darkened and a glare was directed at his lover. With clenched fists the brunet, snarled at him, "Oh, I don't want to deal with your stupid whining now! Sorry, I wasn't putting enough effort into my work! As if you would ever get how tiresome and difficult my type of work is, since you're playing around with kids all day long!"

Suga knew that it wasn't wise to argue back now and yet he wasn't about to let Daichi talk him down like that. Especially after all of these stressful weeks he himself had to endure! Thus, he shot back with just as much irritation.
"And you honestly believe that this doesn't get stressing? You know how hard it can be raising a child! Do I have to remind you that I am taking care of a whole bunch of them while also being short on two people?!"

He only realized that he might have overstepped his boundaries after those words left his mouth. Not that he could change that now. Such an insensitive statement was enough to get the usually calm brunet's blood up in an instant – which resulted in another enraged outburst.

"How dare you bring up this topic! Don't you see that I'm trying with all my might to get this case over?! What the hell is wrong with you! I really don't want to deal with this kind of crap now!"

Sugawara, however, couldn't drop the issue just like that. They were having problems and he sure as hell wouldn't run away from a confrontation. After all, talking was supposed to solve all struggles, right? Right now, shouldn't be any different, should it? And so, he argued back, in the hope to calm the situation. It proved to be futile, seeing how it escalated quicker than he could understand and it grew more heated by the minute. Until they were full out yelling at each other, throwing every little thing at each other that had built up at some point.

Everything came to a sudden halt the moment a slap resonated throughout the room. Time seemed to stop as Daichi's hand lingered in the air and only the stinging in his cheek reminded Suga of what had just happened. An intense wave of panic erupted deep within the ash-blond as he backed away in haste, with his eyes opened wide. Daichi himself was just as startled by his own action. How could he hurt his beloved boyfriend like that?! He never wanted to do this to him! So, he inched closer, with both his hands raised in front of him, to show that he had no intention of hitting the other a second time. Doing it once was a huge mistake after all. Suga's reaction, though, came immediately and not in a way Daichi had ever wanted to witness.

"Get… Get away from me! Don't touch me! Please, I'm sorry!" he stuttered with a barely audible voice, obviously terrified.

"Forgive me, Kou! I did not mean to do this, I swear! Let… Let me help you." Daichi responded frantically, guilt written all over his face. Unfortunately, Sugawara was in no place to notice this now, thus he shoved the approaching male away, scrambling towards the door in sheer panic.

With a shaking voice he shouted, "Leave me alone! I – I don't want to see you anymore!"
With that, he left, locking himself in his unoccupied room. With no intention of facing his boyfriend anytime soon. Moreover, he realized that he needed to calm down. He had to! Working himself into a full blown panic attack due to Daichi was simply something he couldn't allow to happen. It wasn't right!
And yet, as soon as he was left alone, everything came crashing down on him at once. Just why did they have to argue in the first place? Should he have left Daichi alone? Should he have reacted differently? Was it… his fault? After all, his comments had been really insensitive, now that he really thought about it… How could he let things get so much out of his control? How… How could Daichi hit him? Was his past about to repeat itself? That couldn't be it, after all, Daichi wasn't like that! Right?

As more and more doubts began rising up, his tears increased with them, until he was full out sobbing. The ash-blond curled into himself on his bed, trying to make himself as small as possible. He lay there until he hadn't any tears left to cry, though it was no reason for him to move out of his little cocoon. What was the point in there anyway? Only his need to visit the bathroom was enough to convince him to get up in the end. After relieving his bladder, Suga decided to take a bath, hoping it would help his exhaustion, the sickness harbouring his body and this emotional mess inside of him. Not his smartest idea if he had considered beforehand, just how dizzy the hot water would make him feel after a while. Thus, he ended up sitting in front of the bathtub with his head between his knees in order to get this lightheadedness under control. Under normal conditions, he would have asked Daichi for help, who would have complied with utmost urgency, but as of now that wasn't an option.

Once he had regained his balance, he changed back into comfortable clothing – a too wide stolen sweater from his boyfriend and a pair of loose sweat pants. The view he provided in the mirror, though, was still anything but healthy. His silver hair was all tousled, his face was ashen and his eyes were all puffy and red from crying. Seeing himself like that was enough to bring him to tears once more - It reminded him all the more just how weak he was. It reminded him that the entire situation he found himself in was completely his own fault as well.

In a sudden outburst of frustration, he slammed his fist into the mirror, smashing it into countless pieces in the progress. A move he regretted the moment sharp pain pulsated throughout his entire hand, making him hiss at his own stupidity. After a few seconds passed, Suga sat down on the edge of the tub to examine his freshly bruised hand. Unfortunately, a few pieces of glass were stuck and removing them resulted not only in more cuts, but also him wincing in pain. And still, looking at his blood running down his wrist was oddly calming at this time. Oh no… It was a feeling all too familiar, a feeling he thought he had long forgotten. For just a moment, the ash-blond found himself fascinated by the sight of the red liquid and the pain emanating from the shallow cut. It distracted him from his own misery. Something he had never wanted to feel again, seeing how it was one of the main reason why he had been in therapy for so long. Who could have guessed that one simple argument could have such a huge impact on his finally stabile life? Before he could stop himself, one of those shards was already in his uninjured hand, tracing soft lines on his currently bloody wrist.
Softly, he whispered, "I know I shouldn't do this, but…" Memories of his beloved filled his mind, memories he recalled in order to stop himself from getting any more self-destructive. Yet it was in all for nothing the moment he remembered Daichi's angered expression, his raised voice and the palm connecting with his face.

Old habits die hard, huh?