November 3, 2018: Full Circle
It was 9 PM. Ezekiel had fallen asleep at her bedside but when her hand stirred in his hand, his eyes shot wide open.
"Desiree?" he said sitting up and looking down into her face. "You awake, Baby Girl? Daddy's here." He studied her face carefully, looking for any sign of life. None came. Ezekiel sank back down into his chair but still kept a protective grip on her hand. He closed his eyes again, but not from exhaustion this time. He closed his eyes to the anguish and heartache that was ravaging his soul.
After Desi's body had been pulled from Lake Chatuge, she had never regained consciousness. Bob told her father that she had likely suffered extensive brain damage. Not only that, but she had a significant lung infection from the lake water she had breathed in. Her prognosis from the beginning was poor but it had only gotten worse. Bob said that it was highly unlikely that she would be able to overcome all the damage done to her brain and lungs.
Despite the circumstances, Ezekiel held out hope. He sat at her bedside, day and night, holding onto her hand and praying for a miracle. "My girl's a fighter," he told the others with beaming pride. "If anyone can pull through, it's my Desiree."
But it had been more than three weeks since the near drowning and Desi's condition had only worsened.
That morning, Bob told Ezekiel that it was time. There was nothing more he could do for Desi and the chance of her making a recovery was all but impossible.
"Give it one more day," Ezekiel plead. "Just one more day. If she doesn't come back to me by tomorrow morning, I'll let her go."
"Of course we can wait another day," Bob replied with compassion in his eyes.
As the day went by, Ezekiel's hope was replaced with finality. As each minute passed, he knew that he was just waiting for the end as opposed to waiting for a miracle.
A quiet knock on the door pulled him from his dismal reality for a split second. He looked up and saw the door open. Rosita entered the room.
"I brought you a cup of coffee," she said thoughtfully as she handed him a mug. "I knew it'd be a long night."
Ezekiel took the mug from her hand. "Thank you. That's very kind of you."
"Would it be okay if I sat with you for a while?" Rosita asked. "I just got Isaac to sleep and I thought you might want some company."
Ezekiel looked up at her through bloodshot eyes. "I don't think I'll be very good company but it would be nice to have someone wait with me." Rosita pulled up a chair next to him. They sat quietly for a long time before Ezekiel finally broke the silence. "Thank you for all you've done to help take care of her."
"I didn't do much."
"I saw what you've done for her...keeping her clean, feeding her, making her comfortable. Please don't diminish your goodness and what that's meant to me." Ezekiel looked into the warmth of Rosita's eyes. "I'll always remember your kindness to my daughter and me in our time of suffering and need. To you it may have seemed like someone just doing there part, but to me, to take care of my baby girl the way you've been doing, it's much more than that."
"You're welcome, Ezekiel. I only wish I could have done more," Rosita said with a tentative smile.
Ezekiel looked down at Desi and smiled at her through his tears. "Isn't she beautiful?"
Rosita sat up and looked over at him. "She is. She's a beautiful girl."
"Before the end, she was trying to be a model. She was going to move from Detroit to New York so she could find an agency. Before she went though, she came to visit me in Birmingham. She was just 17 years old. She dropped out of high school her senior year so she could model. It pissed me off something terrible that she gave up on her education. She grew up in an ugly neighborhood in Detroit with a bunch of thugs and crack-heads. She was looking for a way to get out. She thought her beauty would get her further than books.
"I take it you tried to talk her out of it?"
"There's no talking this girl out of something she's got her sights set on. I wanted her to go back to school - go to college but she wouldn't listen to me. But as it turned out, neither college nor modeling were in her future. Her future would be fighting the dead like everyone else left alive. I must've thanked God a thousand times that she was with me in Birmingham when the world came crashing down."
"If she were still in Detroit, I'm sure you would have gone after her."
Ezekiel shook his head with a regretful expression."I don't know about that."
"I could always see how devoted a father you were to her...how devoted and good to her you are right now."
"I'm none of those things. I'm a coward," he said as his head dropped. "I left my baby girl in a bad neighborhood on the South Side of Detroit because she wanted to stay with her mamma. She grew up with her crack-head mother and her crack-head uncles. Her brothers were bangers that didn't look out for her. I abandoned my only child to a life of drugs and death...a life of despair. If I didn't rescue her then, why would you think I would have later?" he asked with anger and self-loathing. "Then when I finally got my girl to this island, what I thought would be a safe place, I threw her into a den of lions! Those animals treated her less than human and I went along with it because I believed what they told me. They said they were taking care of her and I was naive enough to actually believe that!"
"What choice did you have?" Rosita replied.
"I could have fought back sooner. I should have fought back sooner!"
"They would have killed you."
"Fighting to get her back would have been worth my life!" Ezekiel practically shouted. He hung his head, resting it on Desi's hand. "I was a coward. The world has always been out to get my little girl and I let it. I didn't save her once. I should have come to her rescue but I never did."
"It's okay to forgive yourself."
"I'm not sure I can do that. Carl had been beggin' to come and see Desiree since it happened. I didn't want him to though. I blamed him for letting this happen to her. But then earlier today I finally told Rick that he could come and say his goodbyes...that he could come and talk to us and say whatever he needed to say to get things off his chest and possibly get the closure he needed. He came and practically fell at my feet begging for my forgiveness. Carl saved my girl three years ago...saved her from the people I couldn't save her from. He gave her back to me for a little longer. And even though it hasn't looked too pretty from the outside, I know he's been a friend to her as best as he could. How could I not forgive him?" Ezekiel shook his head. "I forgave him but I can't seem to forgive myself right now."
"I know what I've seen you do for Desiree. I saw you fight with your life to take down the ones that hurt her. I didn't see you waiver then. You lead the charge. We won this island because you lead your people into battle with our people. And damn it, we won. And I've seen what you've done for the last three years. I've seen a father that's been trying his best. I've seen a father that's been there for his daughter...trying to undo some of the hurt and make up for lost time and mistakes."
"Whatever I've done as a father, whether it was years ago or just over the last few weeks, this is where it's gotten me." Rosita watched as tears fell from Ezekiel's eyes. "I've failed my baby girl and tomorrow I'm going to bury her in the ground."
Rosita put her hand on Ezekiel's. He turned to look at her, surprised by her touch. "I'm sorry, Ezekiel. I really am so sorry. But life is too hard right now without adding guilt to your pain. I'm speaking from experience. When you lay your little girl to rest tomorrow, when life has forced you to bury her, I hope that maybe you'll be able to bury the guilt too."
Ezekiel brought Desi's hand to his lips. He kissed it gently then laid it back at her side. "God knows, I'll try."
September 5, 2019
Everyone gathered around Jenny Rhee as Maggie brought the cake out to the backyard. Seven candles stuck out of the home-made frosting as they all began to sing "Happy Birthday" to the young girl. Maggie set the cake on the table in front of her as an excited Hershel ran to his big sister's side and tried to blow out the candles before she could.
Glenn gently scolded his son. "Hershel let Jenny blow out the candles. It's her birthday, not yours buddy."
"Mommy," he said looking at Maggie. "After Jenny blows out the candles can you light them for me to blow out...please."
Maggie smiled and tousled his dark hair. "Okay Baby, I'll light them again since you asked so nice."
"Thanks, Mommy!" Hershel squealed.
Jenny finally blew the candles out on her cake as as her perfect blonde ponytail bounced on her head.
Glenn and Maggie didn't know exactly when her birthday was so they chose a random date to celebrate her birth. Loving the little girl left behind by the islanders, was easy for Glenn and Maggie. They adopted her nearly four years ago and although the decision wasn't easy, they never looked back on it. When Glenn looked at Jenny, he saw chance to do something good a midst the bloodshed of taking the island. A chance to preserve a life after ending so many others. But when Maggie looked at the little girl, all she saw was Beth. At least once a day, when Maggie looked at Jenny, thoughts of her little sister came to mind. It was bittersweet, but mostly, it was just sweet. Jenny appeared small and delicate on the outside but her parents saw that she had a joyful and fiery spirit that couldn't be contained. She sat on Glenn's lap as Maggie re-lit the candles for Hershel to blow out.
It was a beautiful day as summer neared its end. All of them were there for the celebration. It was a joyful but rare occasion for just their close-knit group to gather. Life on the island didn't afford them the opportunity to share life together the way they used to. Today, Rick, Michonne, Carl, Judy, Eva, Liv, Clementine, Carol, Morgan, Bob, Sasha, Davis, Rosita, Isaac and Eugene gathered to celebrate Jenny's seventh birthday. A handful of others were there also, including Ezekiel and Ben, Liv's fiance.
Rick and Michonne sat at a table with Carol, Morgan, Glenn and Maggie. Liv brought over a tray and set six small pieces of birthday cake on the table. Carol took a plate and scooped half the frosting off her piece and fed it to Morgan.
"Mmm, thank you darlin'" he said licking the frosting from his lips.
"Well I have to watch my figure," she replied coyly.
"That's my job," he said with a smile then leaned over to kiss her.
"You two are too much," Michonne said shaking her head as she looked at the happy couple. She then turned her eyes to Rick, "And if you think for one second that I'm giving you any of my frosting, you better think again."
"Oh I know better," Rick said widening his eyes and squeezing her thigh. Rick picked up his fork and ate his tiny slice of cake in two bites.
Maggie cleared her throat and looked at the others. "Now I know this is a birthday party but we're all together and there's some things that've been on my mind."
"What's so pressing?" Morgan asked her. "We're missing a few people on the council."
"Well it's not an official council meeting. Besides, I just want to talk to you four before we take this to the next meeting. I've met with Rick a few times and we've been talking about a lot of changes that have taken place already and quite a few changes that still need to take place." Maggie continued. "Since we've been here, there's been a small but steady stream of people coming to these islands."
"That's a good thing," Michonne replied. "More people coming means we have more people to work to keep this place going. It means more people to grow crops and protect what we have."
"Yeah, it's a good thing. But it's put a strain on our resources," Rick said. "We need to build on what we have here. We need to start branching out – build up some of the other islands and grow the infrastructure even more."
"We need to grow more crops, build more houses and dorms, go on more runs," Maggie added.
"What do you have in mind?" Carol asked. "How do you want to go about doing all this?"
Rick pressed his index finger into the remaining crumbs on his plate and ate them off the tip before speaking. "If expanding is on the horizon, we need to start by expanding our council. Now generally people aren't big fans of more committees or more governing but that's what we need now."
Glenn chimed in next. "Right now we have one council doing everything - making every single decision."
"Exactly," Maggie said. "We can't do it all. We need to have a security committee, an agricultural committee, a construction committee, a school board. We have to start trusting some of the other people here to run things. They've proven themselves. We need to start training these people to not just go on runs but to lead them. We need fresh faces on these committees and fresh ideas."
"Do you have ideas about who you want to head up these committees?" Glenn asked.
"We have a few ideas," Rick said. "And even though I think we're ready to start turning over the reigns to some of the others, I still want our core group to get them started. Even though I want them to start leading, I'm not sure I'm ready to follow - not yet, anyway."
"Carol, Morgan," Maggie said looking at her friends, "crops are high priority and we want you two to start the agricultural committee. We trust you to recruit who you want." Carol and Morgan both nodded in agreement.
Rick looked over at Glenn, "Glenn, we want you and Robert on the construction committee."
"Rick I don't know the first thing about construction."
Rick smiled, "Well then I trust you'll be quick to find people that do. You're both resourceful and adaptable. These aren't permanent positions either. Get it started with a team that can do the job of expanding and then we'll go from there."
"Okay," Glenn nodded confidently.
"We're planning on asking Liv, Eugene and Michelle to establish the school board," Maggie said. "Michonne, Rick and I were hoping you would help the two of us oversee all these new committees."
"Of course. Put me wherever you need me," she replied.
"My duties will be divided between helping on the head council and establishing a security committee."
"Who's doing security with you?" Morgan asked.
"We were thinking of Rosita but we just found out she's pregnant. Of course she's juggling that with a three year old boy," Rick said. "When it comes to security, I want someone I can trust implicitly. No outsiders in charge for now."
Michonne put her hand on Rick's knee. "Rick we've been with these people for four years now, we can trust them."
Rick shook his head. "Our safety and security are too important to put others in charge of it. I won't do it."
"Well then who do you trust to head security with you?" Glenn asked
Rick shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure yet but I'll figure it out soon enough."
"Carl should help you," Maggie said pointedly.
Rick looked down. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Why not?" Maggie asked. "He knows weapons, he's sharp, observant. And he knows the area better than anyone else."
Michonne looked her husband in the eye. "He's been clean and sober for almost a year, Rick."
"Yeah and I want him to stay that way," Rick replied quickly. "He's still young and trying to figure things out. Securing this place is a job with a lot of pressure and responsibility. I don't want to push him."
"Maybe heading this up with you will give him a reason to stay sober. Maybe having more responsibility will help him figure things out," Michonne said.
Rick looked from Maggie to Michonne. "You're looking at this the wrong way. We should try to find the person who's going to be good fit for the job, not giving the job to someone to fill a need in their life."
"We should be doing both," Maggie replied. "Security is your department and I won't tell you how to run it but I think Carl would be a good fit. A perfect fit actually. I told him years ago at the library that I saw him as a leader and I still see him that way. He's a big part of why we're on this island."
Michonne held Rick's hand in hers. She looked at him earnestly in the eyes. "He's 21. He's been home for almost a year, focusing on his sobriety and making himself whole again. He's ready for more. He's ready to lead again. He's meant to lead. Can't you see it, Rick?"
"Yeah, I can see it," Rick nodded. "But I don't want to push him too soon. I don't want to give him this responsibility and then find out it's too much. That's what happened before. He was thrust into a place where he was expected to lead and when it didn't go well, things came crashing down around him. He's finally starting to figure things out again and I don't want to push him."
"We don't get to know what the future looks like. We don't get any guarantees on most of these decisions we're making. We have to have some faith. We proceed with caution but we have to have faith," Michonne said.
"Does anyone here take issue with Carl helping Rick head up security?" Maggie asked.
Rick looked at each of his friends as they shook their heads or said no."Okay. I can see I'm outnumbered here," he chuckled. "Maybe I'm seeing this from the perspective of the overprotective father. I trust all of you and I trust your decision."
"Alright then. It's settled," Maggie said. "The council meets on Tuesday and we'll bring all this up before them."
"Good. Now we can get back to the party," Michonne said standing up as she turned to her husband and kissed his lips. "I'm going to see if there's another piece of cake to share with you."
"You read my mind," he replied smiling back.
September 10, 2019
Rosita walked into her small cottage after her shift at the infirmary had ended. It was 10 PM as she shuffled into the small kitchen and poured honey onto a slice of bread. She ate it quickly followed by two prenatal vitamins that she washed down with a large glass of water. She turned out the light in the kitchen and walked into the living room.
Rosita took her hat off her head and hung it on a hook on the back of a door. She walked to the corner of the room where Ezekiel and her little boy slept on the sofa. Isaac sat comfortably on Ezekiel's left leg, asleep in the crook of his muscular arm while "Goodnight Moon" rested on his right leg. She placed her arms around Isaac, lifting him from Ezekiel's arms.
As soon as he felt Isaac move, Ezekiel came to attention, grasping onto the three-year-old boy protectively. But when he saw Rosita's face, he relaxed and released his grip.
"I didn't hear you come in," he said in his rich, deep timber.
"You never do," Rosita smiled. She cradled Isaac in her arms as he continued to sleep peacefully. She bounced him in her arms as she walked him to the loveseat they used as his bed. She kissed him twice before laying him down and drawing a blanket up to his chin."Did you remember to take him potty before he fell asleep this time?"
"I did. It only took me washing his sheets twice to get me to remember," he chuckled.
"And how many books did you have to read him before he finally fell asleep?"
"Three," he replied.
"Only three this time?" she asked smiling.
"We're getting our routine down."
"I can see that. You even found time to do the dishes," Rosita said smiling as she pulled her boots off.
"What can I say? Domesticity suits me."
"Probably better than it suits me," she exclaimed as she sat down on the sofa next to him. She drew her legs up and pulled her body as close to his as she could. Ezekiel wrapped his arm around her and pulled her even closer.
"You know, this little one-bedroom cottage is going to be a tight fit for a family of four," he said as he put his feet up onto the coffee table. "The council says they want to expand and start building in other places around the lake."
"And?" she asked with wide eyes.
"And, they want me to lead the construction team."
"So you're saying I'm going to have to start doing the housekeeping myself?" she asked as she rolled her eyes in jest. "I'm not the barefoot and pregnant type, you know?"
"Don't worry, love. I'll still do the dishes when I get home."
"A true Renaissance man," she said as she smiled and mindlessly played with one of his dread locks.
"Now I'm compelled to look to our own interests first when it comes to future building plans. I have my eye on a piece of land off Lemon Cove to build us our perfect home. I know a beautiful spot there with the best place on the lake to watch the sun rise."
"Oh really?"
"Really. I'll build a house for us right on that spot. For you and me and Isaac and a nursery for this little one," he said as he rested his hand on her stomach.
Rosita swallowed back her nervousness and moved his hand from her stomach to her hand. "Can I be honest with you?"
"Of course you can. Is that really a question you need to ask me?"
"I don't want to hurt you."
Ezekiel sat up and pulled away from her slightly. "Should I be worried about what you're going to say next?"
"No, don't be worried," she said moving her hand across his chest. "I just feel like I owe it to you to tell you what's going on in my head."
"Tell me."
Rosita let the silence hang above them before she finally spoke. "I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"I don't know...everything. Mostly of being a mother."
"You don't have to be scared. You're already an amazing mother."
"When I was out there, when I was out on the road and fighting every day to live, I was ready for anything. I was ready to die, I was ready to kill. I wasn't scared because I knew the worst thing that could happen to me was to be dead and for all of it to be over."
"You weren't scared before but you are now?"
Rosita nodded. "Yeah. I am scared now. It's more than me. I have two other lives counting on me. I feel like I could make any number of mistakes at any time. I feel like it's inevitable."
"It is inevitable. You will make mistakes. Every parent does. Hell, I wrote the book on parenting mistakes."
"And aren't you scared that it could happen again?"
"No."
"How can you not be scared? After all you've been through with Desiree, how can you not be afraid of making mistakes again?"
"It's the same as you not being scared when you were out on the road. You knew what you were up against. I know what I'm up against. I think the most terrifying beasts are the ones we can't see around the corner. I already know what can go wrong. I know all too well."
"I watched my mom and knew that I never wanted to be a mom...but now I am. I have Isaac and now we're having another baby. I knew a long time ago that I wasn't cut out to be the doting wife and mother. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Maggie. I look at them and see the kind of mothers they are and it's just not me. I push. I fight. I run. I was made for those things. I wasn't made to stay in one place and take care of a family. I don't think I know how."
"You already are doing those things. You kiss that boy a dozen times every day. You're teaching him and you're loving him. And that's what you'll do with this new baby. You will because you don't know how not to. You're not Michonne or Maggie and I know for damn sure you're not supposed to be. You're Rosita. You're Isaac's mother. You're the mother to my future son or daughter. Nothing will ever make that untrue." Ezekiel squeezed her hand and smiled. "You do you, Rosita Espinosa. And the way I see it, I got six months to build us that dream house on Lemon Cove, before the baby comes. I'll build it and then I'll tell you what."
"What?"
"I'll stay in it. I'll be the one to change the diapers and do the dishes. I'll read the books and do the tuck-ins," he chuckled. "You can spread your wings and run and do what you need to do and I'll stay here. Just promise me one thing, love. Wherever you go, no matter how far you run, just promise me you'll always run back to me."
"I promise."
The smile on Ezekiel's face faded into something more thoughtful and reflective. "Life is just so odd and unpredictable sometimes. This life is giving me another chance at being a father. When I put my Desiree to rest, I never imagined I would be a father again. Nothing could have been further from my mind. But here we are. I don't have just one child but two. I am a father again and I don't want to take one second of it for granted."
"And you'd really be fine to stay home and take care of our children."
"Not just fine. I honestly can't think of anything that would bring me more joy. I know what's out there and I know I'd rather be here...be with these children we've been blessed with. These last few months with Isaac have been a breath of fresh air. Seeing his bright face and hearing his laugh every day has done so much to get me through my grief. I love him," he said looking at the sleeping boy. He turned and looked back at her. "I love you, Rosita."
"I know you do." She looked around the room and tried to think of any valid reason to not tell this man how she felt. Her heart suddenly felt a sharp punch when she thought back to the time when she withheld those three simple words from Abraham. When her prideful walls prevented her from saying them back to him. She thought she would have plenty of time to tell him if she ever felt like it but she was wrong. He was taken away and she never got the chance to admit to him that she indeed did love him. She didn't want to make that same mistake with Ezekiel. She extended her neck and petite frame to meet his lips with hers. Their bodies pressed against each other as they kissed deeply. Rosita let her mouth softly linger on his as she breathed him in. "I love you too."
A/N: Just a tiny side note: I picked the name Isaac for Rosita's baby because I love that name. Just a few seconds later, I thought about Isaac from the Bible and remembered that His father was Abraham. Even though Rosita said back in Chapter 30 that she doesn't know who her baby's father is, I'm the author and I do know. It's Abraham. :)