I planned to update last night, but I spent last night analyzing my wonderful friends story and figured out and put the pieces together so far in hers! Love you baeeee!
Keep up the reviews as I love you guys for them! :) This chapter is just over 5k words, this chapter is actually quality so please take the time to review as I very rarely write chapters this long.
Disclaimer: I don't own Austin and Ally or The Disney Channel. I don't own the song lyrics either.
Ally's POV
Last night our date ended absolutely perfect with me falling asleep in Logan's arms. I can't believe that our time in Brazil is almost up. Its been really incredible here, as I open my eyes I'm smiling because the room smells incredible because of all the flowers he bought me yesterday. Logan, he really does make me happy. I look and don't see Logan at the moment, but I'm sure whatever he's doing he'll be back soon.
My phone starts to ring and Oh My God, is that really Austin calling me? It feels like it has been forever but not long enough. Fuck, well now what do I do? Great. Well, I guess that I have to pick up. Who knows if he's on a bender.
"Hello?" I say with hesitance clearly in my voice as I feel like I've been dreaming.
"Hi Ally. It's so good to hear your voice." Oh, so I really am on the phone with him and then the feeling of exasperation hits. "Austin, I thought that I told you that I needed space. Why are you calling me?"
"Because I miss you and its been a month since we've actually been in contact. I'm not even sure if I can count those text messages we sent back and forth. Well, shortly after you suggested I get help, I did."
"Austin, you really need to stop saying things that you don't mean. You don't miss me. It hasn't been a month."
" Yes, it has been a month. Don't tell me how I fucking feel Ally. I'm tired of you not believing me when I say it."
"I don't know what to tell you Austin, to me they are empty words iand this is about much more than words and you still don't get that! You just say what you think that I want to hear and not what you actually mean. You pushed me away for so long that I don't believe you anymore. Your actions contradict what you say the majority of the time. I'm still hurt in case you haven't noticed that. I'm not going to get over all the shit that you've put me through over night. I need space I need time away from you. I meant that, yet you can't see to grasp that. You refuse to accept that I'm not yours anymore. Speaking of, I need to tell you something, it's something that you should hear from me and not the paparazzi."
I can hear him gulp, "Austin... Logan and I are official. We're together, well I would want to apologize for being happy, but I just can't bring myself to do that. It wouldn't be right to say that I'm not happy when I am."
There's complete silence for a beat, "Ally I saw pictures that the paparazzi took of you and Logan playing volleyball in the sand, which didn't seem like a big deal to me. Until I see another of the two of you under a palm tree looking like you're ready to go at it. That really fucking hurt."
I try to say something, but just nothing came out. He doesn't deserve an explanation. I'm not Austin's, in fact, I even just told him that.
"You want me to be happy right?" I say after a brief pause and he doesn't say a word and I am about ten seconds from going completely postal on him.
Did he really just ignore the question I just asked him.
He sure did.
We ignore the big elephant in the room momentarily and he continues on, "Well, I just wanted to tell you that I took your advice and I'm in rehab."
"You're what?" I feel my lip start to quiver and feel all of my tough love attitude wain and I want to cry. I mean I know that this isn't my fault that he's fallen of the wagon, but God this hurts so much.
"I'm serious about this Ally, I'm serious about you. So, I'm getting treatment, although it hasn't been easy."
"How come?" I say genuinely curious as to why its been so hard for him there.
"Well, there's this guy Cole that's here and he's a complete dick. He made and mentioned you in the same sentence as and along with inappropriate sexual innuendos and well..I decked him."
Who's Cole and why is he antagonizing Austin?
"Austin. You know how I feel about that."
"I know, I know, but I couldn't let him talk about you like that. Listen, I really want to see you. But I have no idea how long I'm going to be here."
"I don't know if seeing me is a good idea right now anyways Austin. Everything is so screwed up between us. God, we could be guests on Jerry Springer."
"But you answered your phone, I haven't bothered you in a while. So that means that you still love me and that there's a chance. You care about me Ally I know that you do, even if you don't want to."
"Austin, you're not bothering me. It's just that I've already told you that I'm with someone else. Please respect that, please stop making this harder on both of us than it already is."
"I thought we were friends. Can't I just talk to my friend? I need you too Ally."
"Austin, we're just. You know that we're not actually friends, we've always been more than that. I hate that everything is so complicated."
"Well Ally, you're making everything complicated." He pauses, and I can hear him get tense on the other end of the line. "Is this about him? So help me God, Ally. If it is...You've known me for over seven years. Why in the fuck would you choose Logan over me?"
"Logan isn't the one who broke my heart repeatedly. YOU ARE! I was stupid enough to keep on running back to you, well not this time Austin."
He doesn't say anything, I didn't mean to say it to hurt him, but the truth hurts. The reality of it all is that Austin's broken my heart multiple times and Logan hasn't broken it at all.
"Does he love you? Is he in love with you? Has he told you that...because if he has Ally there's no way that he will ever love you the way that I do and the way that I know I can fix everything if you just let me."
I can feel myself starting to become undone like a piece of thread unraveling and ruining my favorite top. I need to stay strong and show him that I am being serious about this.
"Austin, I'm not having this conversation with you. It's weird and I don't feel comfortable talking about this at all."
"ALLY! JUST TELL ME!"
"No Austin, it's none of your business."
The moment I say that Logan walks into the hotel room as his eyes light up and he smiles when he looks at me. "Good morning Princess!" He walks over to give me a kiss on the cheek and then another on the lips loudly, but I doubt intentional because he doesn't even know who I'm talking to on the phone yet.
"Princess?! Did he just call you Princess?! What the fuck is that about?" I ignore Austin for the moment, give Logan my undivided attention.
"Is that who I think it is?" Logan asks me and he looks worried and his smile falls the second, "Yes, it's Austin." comes out of my mouth.
"Should I go?"
Austin screams YES into the receiver, and I shake my head at Logan in response to what Austin just said.
"No, I want you to stay with me. I woke up and you weren't here and I was missing you."
"HELLO!" Austin screams into the receiver, "I'M STILL HERE AND YOU BOTH ARE TALKING LOUD ENOUGH THAT I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING."
I look at Logan, he tells me that he's just going to hop in the shower and he'll let me finish up my conversation with Austin. Okay, now I'm mad. "Austin. Would you stop acting like a spoiled fucking child who doesn't get to play with his favorite toy?"
"This is lunacy Ally. You with Logan! You're in love with me, not him! You just want to keep fighting me on this and don't want us to be happy together. I'd do anything for you."
"Austin, just don't do this okay? I'm begging you please just stop." My voice starts to shake as those words come out of my mouth and I know that I'm on the verge of tears and yet knowing Austin, he'll just keep on going with his wants and his needs.
"Stop? How am I supposed to stop? Ally, I fucking love you. You have no idea how much this hurts. I'm in rehab for you. For us. I want there to be an us."
"Austin, I'm not trying to hurt you. You're making this so much harder than this has to be." God, I'm starting to sound like a broken record and I just can't get through his thick skull. "Why can't you just admit it?"
"Austin, I'm not going to take a trip back in time with you. Okay? As far as I'm concerned our past together is locked in a time capsule. I'm with Logan. I'm not going to tell you if he loves me or not, because that you will need to figure out for yourself. I'm glad that you're getting help Austin, but just please give me some space. I deserve to be happy."
"Ally, this fucking sucks I'm just so far away from you." He starts to sing this verse.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand."
I can't help but think to myself, Damn it, Austin. He starts to completely breakdown. "Please don't do this to yourself Austin. Of course I care about you, but it's not the way that you want me to. I feel like I lost my Austin, I don't even know who you are anymore. I need to figure out who I am by myself and who I am with Logan. I've already told you this and even though this will probably hurt..you've been the only guy that I've been wanting for so long, I finally have someone else other than Gavin or Dez that wants to be with me and that bothers you. It bothers you that Logan wants to be with me. I'm not some trophy to him, Logan doesn't toss me around, neglect or abandoned me the way you do when the second someone prettier comes around. I'm Logan's first choice, whereas with you I'm only second best, or actually the next best thing. You only want me around when it's convenient for you. You don't care about my feelings, my needs or my wants. I put you first and very rarely did you reciprocate my feelings or show that you actually loved me. Who knows maybe he'll bring out the happier side of me..the one that or the piece of me that I thought that I lost."
I can hear him crying on the other end. "Ally, I'm supposed to be the other piece of you. It's me that you're supposed to be missing, but you don't." He continues to breakdown and cry as what he said to me was almost barely audible. It was defeated sounding and filled with angst and heartache. I feel awful that he's hurting, but he did this to himself. It's taking all of my will power to not completely breakdown right now. I do deserve to be happy.
"Austin, I'm sorry but I really need to go. I have my last concert tonight in Brazil and I really need to start writing another song for it. Take care of yourself."
"Forever & Always Ally. I love you."
I don't say anything back. Angered and devastated that Austin just had to say our "thing" and that he had to take the knife that's already in my heart and twist it even harder making it much worse for myself, probably for him as well. I hang up the phone and just start to cry sitting with my back against the headboard. It's not just any sort of crying, I'm full on wailing and choking on my sobs while doing so. Why does it hurt so much to talk to him? Why does it feel like right now Austin is just toxic for me? I lied, I do love him, but I just don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore.
Logan comes out of the bathroom in a towel, slides on his boxers and a shirt. When he hears me crying, I see him grab and bring out a box of tissues. He comes over to sit next to me on the bed and takes my hand in one of his and as I face him he starts to rub my back to soothe and calm my never ending tears. Ugh, that makes me think of I Think About You and it just makes me cry even harder.
"Babe, what happened?"
What happened to You Can Come to Me?
The answer.. Life. People change sometimes for the worst. They don't value those around them that they actually should and when the person taken for granted has had enough they just walk away.
"Just the whole conversation with Austin. It was awful Logan." He tightens his grip on me as I can feel him just wanting to protect me and keep me from any emotional, physical or mental harm. "We can talk about it if you want, but I want you to want to talk to me and open up only if you are comfortable. I won't force you to talk."
I trust him and I want to talk to him about this, "He claims that he still loves me Logan, that he's still in love with me. He's in rehab right now and I can't help but feel like it's my fault even if it really isn't. This is the worst feeling ever. Every time I talk to him I end up crying. I told him that I needed space. You would think that almost a month without us communicating would help, but it just has made everything so much worse. He was my best friend for so long and then when we got together, he took me for granted and just ruined me emotionally for the next guy, which is obviously you. I'm just so sorry that you have to deal with this. We're just starting our relationship as a couple and it's not fair to you that Austin thinks that he can just come waltzing back into my life whenever he wants to."
"Ally, I can only imagine what you're going through. I knew what I was getting into with your ex-boyfriend being Austin Moon, but I want you. I want everything the whole package and your baggage well that's apart of it, and I understand that. Something that Austin may not seem to grasp. You deserve the world and as your boyfriend, it's my job to make you feel treasured and loved which is exactly what I'm going to do."
I sigh with my vision blurred and choke out. "I just want to be with you. I just want you to kiss me and hold me in your arms because I feel safe with you."
And that's exactly what we did. He just held me while I cried about the emotional pain I feel because of my ex-boyfriend Austin, let me cry into his my loving boyfriends arms. I must have fallen asleep from all of that crying, when I wake up I see a note on his pillow.
Princess,
You looked so peaceful sleeping. All of that crying must have been physically and emotionally draining. I want you to relax. I'm just going to do some songwriting while I'm in my room for a little bit. Don't worry I'll come back, but I know that you need some time to yourself. I love you.
Love,
Tiger
I hear someone knocking at the door and open it to find Dez. "Ally, you look like you've been crying." He opens his arms and I walk right into them. "Come in, please."
"It's not Logan right? Because I'll beat his ass if I have to." I shake my head No.
"Austin called me and I answered." Dez sighs, takes a seat on the chair near the window pulling me with him. He pulls me down on his lap not in a romantic way, but because he knows that it will be the easiest way to comfort me instead of having to reach across to hug me. "What did he say?"
"A lot of stuff actually... like how he misses me and its basically been a month since we've had any contact. I attempted to correct him, but he was actually right. I haven't really spoken to him since we left Ireland and came here and well we're leaving tomorrow morning for the next country we're visiting."
"You're rambling. I'm not trying to rush you, but it'll be easier if you just pinpoint what he said that really upset you, so I can yell at him if I need to."
"Dez..Austin went to rehab. I'm pretty sure that he's only been there a day or a couple of days even so far. That he's there because of me, well for me because he's serious about me and about us. I feel bad Dez, but I'm officially with Logan and I deserve to be happy. Anyways, he told me that some guy Cole is already messing with him and he's already defended my honor and got into a fight with this Cole character. Then he starts fighting with me and asking questions about Logan. I don't want to answer, I'm not intentionally hurting Austin Dez it's just I don't think that he's the guy I'm in love with anymore. He's not my Austin, he's turned into this guy that I don't even recognize." I have tears spilling out of my eyes while Dez rubs my back. Wow, saying these words out loud really does hurt. "Thank you for just being here for me. I never meant to hurt you either."
"Ally, you're not hurting me. I already had this conversation with Logan. I'm going to be fine, Logan makes you happy. I haven't seen you smile or have hope in your eyes in so long and I think that Logan's the reason for the light in your eyes again. I actually told him that." I tilt my head in confusion. He told Logan that? Wow, that really must have meant something for Dez to just say that and to back Logan like that. "I'm your friend, one of your best friends so I'm not going anywhere. As for Austin, I understand where you are coming from and I'm sure a month hasn't been a sufficient enough amount of time for there to be little to no contact. You need more time and he didn't give you that, I'm upset that he didn't respect your wishes. Although I'm thoroughly impressed that he waited a full month to contact you. Let me take this off your hands. I'll reach out to him while he's in rehab and maybe just maybe they'll get through to him and we can have the Austin we know back."
"That's a relief. You're really awesome Dez, I'm lucky to have you. I was actually going to write a song since I'm feeling inspired and to perform it tonight. Do you want to hang out with me while I write it?"
"Sure, I'd love to have some quality Dez and Ally time."
While I spent the time writing the song for tonight. Dez and I, my friend just enjoyed each others company and we spent most of it laughing. After all of the crying I've just done, I really needed this. Dez isn't Trish and he's not Austin, but we've grown extremely close and at least one of them is here with me.
The Concert: The Last One in Brazil
I'm wearing an asymmetrical black crop top with a round neckline paired with a floral red and black mini skirt paired with a pair of hot black stilettos. I'm going to be performing my song that I wrote this afternoon while Logan was getting ready and just giving me some time to myself. I'm kind of nervous, but I really hope that my fans love this new one. If they love it I want this to be my next single. The energy tonight in Brazil is really high, I can hear the crowd chanting my name as they wait for me to walk on stage with my dancers behind me and a special appearance. I told Jess that I want him on stage with me, he already knows the dance moves as he watched the dancers practice at sound check but to just the music and not me singing the lyrics.
Miranda Cosgrove: Kissin' U
Sparks fly
It's like electricity
I might die
When I forget how to breathe
You get closer and there's
No where in this world I'd rather be
Time stops
Like everything around me
Is frozen
And nothing matters but these
Few moments when you open my mind to things
I've never seen
'Cause when I'm kissing you
My senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece
I've been trying to find
I feel like I've found that with Logan, because he really does makes me happy.
Falls right into place
You're all that it takes
My doubts fade away
When I'm kissing you
I walk across the stage and take Logan's hand and pull him out on stage with me. The crowd goes absolutely insane and screams so loudly that it all feels so surreal. The look on Logan's face when I pull him out on stage and I start to actually sing to him is priceless. He looks shocked but overjoyed and just really listens to the lyrics.
When I'm kissing you
It all starts making sense
And all the questions
I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes
When I'm kissing you
Past loves
They never got very far
Austin's failure at keeping me as his girlfriend. He ultimately was the reason that I gave up on Gavin simply because he just wasn't Austin, but also because I didn't think we were right for each other. Whether or not Austin realizes it he sabotaged my chances to really be happy or even fall in love with Gavin. He wouldn't let go, or he tried, but then because I was happy, he got Piper and just screwed everything up even worse. He made me feel unwanted and that was really devastating.
Wall's up, made sure
I guarded my heart
And I promised I wouldn't do this till
I knew it was right for me
But no one (no one)
No guy that I met before
Could make me (make me)
Feel so right and secure
Even Austin never made me feel like I was right and safe with him. I felt like I had always loved him more, but Logan makes me feel like we just work and we feel right. I feel a blush creep to my cheeks as he stands behind me while we're dancing and he has his hand on my waist, and I sing to him the next part.
And have you noticed
I lose my focus
And the world around me disappears
I start to jump around while singing and feel like energy surge through kind of like it does when...
'Cause when I'm kissing you
My senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece
I've been trying to find
Falls right into place
You're all that it takes
My doubts fade away
When I'm kissing you
When I'm kissing you
It all starts making sense
And all the questions
I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes
When I'm kissing you
I've never felt nothing like this
You're making me open up
I turn away from the audience, but to the side and looking directly into his eyes singing the words.
No point in even trying to fight this
It kinda feels like it's love
Logan takes my hand and interlocks it with his own, again the crowd goes absolutely crazy and cheering for our obvious affection for each other. Especially since when he took my hand I looked at him and smiled. From the side of the stage, Jess tosses Logan a microphone, he lets go of my hand to catch it, holds my hands again. I am pretty sure that he's picked up on the chorus and Jess wants him to sing along with me.
Cause when I'm kissing you
My senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece
I've been trying to find
Falls right into place
You're all that it takes
My doubts fade away
When I'm kissing you
When I'm kissing you
It all starts making sense
And all the questions
I've been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes
When I'm kissing you
Logan and I finish the song together. Holding hands until the very end of it and even when we finish he takes our interlocked hands and raises them up. This causes us both to smile so much that it hurts, the crowd starts chanting.
"KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!" He puts his my hand up to his mouth kissing it while his eyes never leave mine. There's an Are you sure about letting everyone know this look.
"YEAH! GET YOUR GIRL LOGAN!" He smirks and pulls me into his arms, we finally give them what they want. He gives me the hottest closed mouth passionate kiss. We hear our fans ask us if we're officially together and we nod our heads in confirmation as he kisses the side of my head, pulling me into the side of his body. Whispering "I love you and you make me so happy and feel alive just like you sang in your lyrics just now." The energy for the rest of the concert was incredible. Our fans were really supportive and happy that we're together, while the conversation with Austin may have started out the rest of an otherwise awful day, Logan and my fans, Jess, Dez, and this concert is the perfect way to end our time here in Brazil. I'm going to miss it here, but I only see better things coming for us. Time to head to the next country on tour...
A/N: Did anyone see any of that coming? Now, there is a lot of content in this chapter...A LOT happened and I mean a lot. So, I want you guys to really look at it as a whole. Try to be objective and not focus on just one specific character and how they're feeling. I'm challenging you to detach from them and look at this objectively without your own emotions about them. How are all of the characters feeling? Has anyone picked up on how strong Ally's feelings are for Logan and that's she's realizing them or she's getting there?
For those of you pissed at Ally for how Ally is acting with Austin... tell me that you wouldn't feel the same way or be stubborn and say the same things. What Ally's feeling is absolutely understandable and easy to relate to with most of you. Imagine finally being happy with an amazing guy to just have the guy, an ex in particular that you loved try to drag with back in and pull you out into the big vast ocean to fend for yourself against sharks. Showing interest and only wanting you because someone else finally has you. Ally's had enough of his crap, has made it clear that Austin needs to get his shit together. Why don't you spend years loving a guy who the second he sees a prettier girl drops you just like that? Then try to tell me that Ally's being a bitch and unreasonable. Try putting yourself in her shoes and recognize just how much harder this is on her than it is on Austin. Oh and let's not forget him doing the drug that killed her cousin. Is it hard on Austin, of course, but he didn't spend years pining away for him like she did. For the record Austin is only at the beginning of his treatment and has a lot to learn.
Okay rant over, I doubt you guys even read these author's notes but if you do kudos and thanks for caring enough to read them. Love ya! XOXO