As soon as Regina got home, she had second thoughts about not telling Emma about her dinner plans for the following evening. What if Belle told her first, and then Emma got pissed because she didn't say anything? But she'd told the girl not to tell, so she couldn't exactly change her mind and spill the beans. With a sigh, the doctor sat down on her couch and rubbed her temples. Was this even a good idea? But she was committed, and Emma was right. It was important for her and Belle to mend their relationship if they were both going to remain in Emma's life.
"It's going to be fine," she told herself firmly, lifting her head and staring at the unpowered TV screen. "It'll be fine."
When it came time to pick Emma up from school the next day, Regina's palms were sweating as they gripped the steering wheel. When Emma got in the car, she could tell her lover was nervous, picking up on her anxious demeanor immediately.
"Babe? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
"Fine, love," the doctor said quickly, looking over at Emma. "I'm fine."
"Alright... If you're sure..." the blonde said hesitantly, biting her lip.
The afternoon went on as usual, with each of them asking about the other's day and discussing the small events that had taken place. Eventually, Regina's nerves calmed, but by the time six o'clock rolled around, her palms were sweating again. The knock at the door came shortly after that, and even though the doctor was expecting the company, the noise still startled her.
"Your mom?" Emma questioned, looking at the door as her lover rose to her feet.
"No, dear," Regina replied. "Someone far more pleasant."
"But-"
Emma was unable to get another word out before Regina made her way over to the door and opened it.
"Hi, Belle," she said with a smile. "Please, come on in."
Emma, who had just stood up to see who was at the door, stared at the two of them as Belle stepped inside.
"Belle?" she asked, looking confused.
They both nodded their heads in confirmation.
"I invited your friend for dinner, sweetheart," Regina explained. "I hope that's okay?"
"I... That's... It's wonderful, honey. I just... Why didn't you tell me?"
The two brunettes shared a look before the younger one cut in, saying, "We wanted to surprise you. Are you surprised?"
"Very," Emma laughed. "I didn't think you guys would ever really talk again."
"Actually..." Belle said slowly. "We had quite a good talk. In any case, I'm very glad and flattered to have been invited to dinner, and I appreciate that invitation."
"You're more than welcome here, dear," Regina told her sincerely. "I harbor no ill will against you. My jealous and uncomfortable feelings stemmed from my own insecurity, not a true dislike of you."
This earned a bright smile from the younger brunette as she replied, "The same goes for you. I envy what you have, but I don't dislike you in the least."
"So what are we having?" Emma asked, after a pause.
"I've got quite a bit of chicken I'd like to cook, so that's what I was planning," Regina answered.
"That sounds great, babe," the blonde said, kissing the woman's cheek very quickly.
Regina appreciated the gesture of affection, and Belle appreciated the fact that it was short.
Emma and her friend sat together on the couch, laughing at whatever was on the television while Regina prepared dinner in the kitchen, until finally, Emma grabbed the remote, turned down the volume, and looked directly into Belle's eyes.
"Why did you decide to come?"
"She asked me to."
"But why did you say yes?"
"Because I love you, Emma. You're my best friend, and if you love her that much, and if she's going to be such a big part of your life, I want to get along with her and have a healthy relationship with her, for your sake. But also for mine. She's not a bad person. I've just been incredibly jealous."
"I can understand that, and I'm really glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too."
"Hey, guys!" Regina called from the kitchen, cutting their conversation short. "Dinner's ready! Go wash up!"
After thoroughly cleaning their hands, as instructed, the girls met Regina in the dining room and sat down at the table.
"Oh, my God, babe," Emma gasped. "It looks amazing."
"Hopefully it is amazing," the doctor teased. "But I guess we'll see."
"I'm sure it will be."
So the three of them dug into the meal and ate quietly for some time, after Belle and Emma had complimented Regina on her cooking numerous times.
Eventually, Belle spoke up and said, "I never thought we'd be hanging out again, after everything that's happened between all of us."
"Honestly, my reluctance to be near you was childish," the therapist sighed. "The whole thing was childish. Being jealous of you was childish. Being upset with you was childish. I was childish. It's really embarrassing, to tell you the truth..."
Emma watched in surprise as her friend smiled at her lover and said, "My jealousy was pretty childish too. I've just never felt so strongly for anyone before, and it's really hard to cope with that, when Emma and I are so close and such good friends. It's difficult to see her so happy with you, but that's stupid, and I'm trying to get over that. What I truly want is for her to be happy, even if it's with someone else."
"It takes time to get over, I think," Regina told her. "I've never been in your exact position, but I can certainly tell you that I've spent a lot of time with people who have, and I understand just how painful that can be, but from what I've understood from the experience of others, it does get easier."
"I'm sure you're right," Belle sighed. "I just wish these feelings would hurry up and go away, you know?"
"I just want you to be comfortable around me, Belle. I don't want there to be tension between us."
"I think you guys are more alike than you think," Emma chimed in, looking back and forth between the two. "You're both caring and smart and loyal, and those are all the things I could ever want in a friend or a lover. I'm blessed to have you both in my life."
They both paused, considering Emma's careful choice of words, before the girl's friend asked, "Em... Do you believe in God?"
This caught the blonde off guard as she realized the gravity of what she'd said, having used the word 'blessed.' Her face grew warm as she contemplated her response as she tried to decide on how to explain what her complicated opinions on the matter were.
"I guess I'm not sure. Given all the things that have happened to me, I'm really torn. Part of me wants to know how a god could allow horrible things to happen to such good people. Death, torture, murder, rape..." She trailed off for a few moments before continuing, "The other part of me recognizes all the wonderful things that I have. Namely, you two. And for that, I'm truly grateful to whoever is responsible. I think it's too wonderful to be a coincidence. You've both helped me to move on from so much..."
"I think bad things happen to everyone," Belle shared. "If there is a God, I don't think bad things happen because he or she wants them to. I think it's just a part of life. Besides, most bad things happen due to the choices of other people. That doesn't really explain natural disasters and illness, but I don't believe that everything can be perfect. I just feel like all the blessings in the world, even just the simple beauty of the struggle of life, are - like you said - too good to be a coincidence. I think that's where God comes in. I think he or she adds the beauty that the world would be missing if left to its own devices. I think he or she puts the good things in the world to get us through the inevitable bad things that plague the word."
Emma nodded her head in understanding, then looked to her girlfriend to gauge her reaction.
"Regina?" she asked, noticing the uncomfortable demeanor that the woman was displaying as her posture stiffened and her facial expression became somewhat anxious. "You okay?"
"Fine, dear," the woman replied, taking a bite of her meal.
"What do you think?" Belle asked carefully, her voice gentle rather than pressured. "Do you believe in God?"
"No," Regina said shortly, taking in another mouthful of food.
"Why?" Emma pressed. "I mean... not that it's bad that you don't! I just... I meant... What makes you sure?"
"I'm not sure," the woman answered. "I choose not to believe."
The doctor's lover wanted to ask 'why?' again but refrained from doing so. She exchanged looks with her friend, who felt the same way. After a long pause where Regina could tell the two were incredibly curious for an explanation and that they were tempted to press for more answers, the woman finally offered an explanation.
"I can't believe - I won't believe - that a god who allows an eight year old to be raped, or a twelve year old to be beaten half to death by their foster parents could possibly be good. That being the case, I'd prefer to believe that one doesn't exist, rather than believe that the one that exists is not a good god, but a neglectful, uncaring, unmerciful, unjust, vindictive one."
Both girls stared at her, soaking in what she'd said, and suddenly began to feel guilty for their curiosity. They were glad they hadn't been the ones to ask for the explanation, but still felt badly that the woman had felt the need to offer one.
"I'm sorry," Belle muttered. "I really should never have brought that up. Ever."
"It's a perfectly reasonable question," Regina told her, shrugging her shoulders as she pushed her plate away.
"Not really. Not for a light, casual conversation at the dinner table."
"I don't mind being asked. I just... I'm uncomfortable with the subject because most people disagree with my pessimistic outlook."
"I can completely understand where you're coming from," her lover told her sincerely. "That's why I'm torn. I don't really know what to believe. Either way, I'm incredibly lucky to have you both, and I couldn't possibly treasure you more."
This brought a small smile to the brunettes' faces as they looked at Emma, grateful for her words.
The rest of the dinner conversation was far more casual and light-hearted and included quite a few laughs from all of them. To Regina's surprise, it was far less awkward than she'd expected it to be, and she was relieved that Belle made no criticisms of their relationship or digs at her or her occupation. In fact, they got along far better than the doctor ever could have imagined, and it made her regret her previous feelings toward the girl.
By the time Belle prepared to leave, their relationship was mended enough for the girl to offer a quick hug, which Regina accepted warmly as her lover watched with a broad smile.
"Love you," Emma told her friend as she stood in the doorway. "I'll see you in the morning at school, and I'll be home tomorrow night to hang out. Actually, I've got another test on Wednesday that I'd love some help studying for, if you don't mind. I'm really struggling with the material."
"Of course, sweetheart. You know I'm always here to help."
After sharing a firm embrace, the two said goodbye, leaving Emma and her lover alone together.