No I Am Not Open Parts of Me Are Broken

"Lay? Any chance you know where my keys are?" Dean called from the kitchen.

I was just coming down the stairs into the living room before joining him as I calmly replied, "I'm pretty sure they're still in your jacket pocket like they were last night."

"And my jacket would be where?"

I laughed softly, walked up to him and kissed his cheek. "I hung it up on the coat rack that's now by the front door. Sorry, but I did some cleaning this morning because Toby's bedroom set is supposed to be delivered this afternoon.

He gave my waist a quick squeeze. "No need to apologize. Did you need me to come home early to help you with it?"

"No, that's okay. They said that the delivery guys would carry it to the room since it's on the main floor and then you can help once you get home. Toby said he'd walk over after school to help out too."

I placed my head on his chest and held him tightly. We stood there in silence for a moment then Dean commented quietly. "The new place is looking great."

After taking a deep breath to force back a few tears that threatened to form, I pushed pack so that I could look at his face saying, "Thanks. I know that moving hasn't been the easiest thing…"

Dean gently pressed a finger to my lips to silence me and lovingly interrupted, "Hey, I already told you that it's no problem. When you're ready to go back home, we can, but for now I think that being downtown is just fine. Stop apologizing."

"I will… Sor… Okay. Well, here's your lunch, we don't want you to be late," I instructed with a slightly uneasy tone.

Dean kissed me softly while claiming his lunch box. "Call if you need me to come home early, alright?" He paused after picking up his tool belt, waiting for my reply before exiting the room.

"I promise I will. Quit worrying so much."

"You know I won't," he called over his shoulder as he made his way through the living room.

I did another quick check of the main floor to make sure that nothing was obstructing the path from the front door to Toby's room and then I left the house en route to the General Store. Since moving into town, I had started walking more, even though Dean and I had bought a second vehicle. The sun was shining brightly on this warm summer day, but it still didn't keep my thoughts from straying to sadder topics.

Dr. Wingren had insisted on keeping me in the hospital for a little over two weeks after I had finally come out of my coma because he was concerned about my emotional state after I had had a few nightmares. The day after Castiel's 'visit' had been the hardest one to get through. I couldn't stop crying and they had to put me back on an IV drip to ensure that I was getting some sort of nutrients into my system since I wasn't able to eat all day. Instead, I just stayed in the fetal position, crying uncontrollably for nearly twenty four hours straight.

Dean had remained dutifully by my side, trying desperately to have me respond to him, but I remained completely mute. Toby had wanted to visit, but Dean was worried that seeing me like that would be too traumatic, so he sat with our son in the hallway where they had a frank discussion about everything that had happened. Toby understood that there would be devastating consequences after I had been told about the death of his sister and he was adamant that he could help to make it all better, but he didn't argue with Dean when Dean insisted that Toby wait before visiting.

I remained in a relative funk until Dr. Wingren was able to have me take some anti-depressants. Once I was talking again, he explained that he thought that hormone replacement therapy may be best for my recovery. Since I was starting to feel more like myself now that I was on whatever medications he had me on, I continued to follow his advice without complaint.

Before my discharge, I set up a schedule of physiotherapy appointments for my leg. It was difficult to get around in the cast, but I knew that once it came off, I would still have issues with walking and I wanted to do anything I could to expedite my recovery. Based on Dr. Wingren's recommendations we didn't rush anything during the progress of my leaving the hospital, which gave us time to find a house in town for us to move into.

I had woken up one morning and realized that the thought of returning to our previous home was the major cause of most of my continuing anxiety. The idea of walking past the room that was supposed to be Victoria's nursery reduced me to tears. I immediately enlisted Dr. Wingren's help along with my psychiatrist, Dr. Tomkins, to convince Dean that relocating would be the best thing for my mental health. Bill had been keeping his eye on a beautiful house close to the center of Kidder, so he placed a bid on it right away to surprise us when I was finally ready to leave the hospital.

Dean packed up our clothes and some other personal items, but he hope that one day I would be able to live in the house my Poppy had built, so we bought new furniture for our new place. I found that having the simple task of setting up our new house helped me to keep my mind off everything that had gone wrong over the past year and half. This meant that my recovery went pretty swiftly.

Dean and I had done a lot of research to find any viable options for freeing Sam from Lucifer's cage, but after my accident I stayed true to my word and did nothing more to be involved in the war that continued to rage in Heaven, Hell and on Earth. Dean was kind enough not to pack anything from that life into our new home, but I knew that he snuck back there to continue with research when he had a chance. I didn't let on, but I also knew that he kept things like holy water, Goofer dust and shot guns filled with rock salt rounds strategically hidden around the house. I understood that protecting ourselves was still important even if I didn't want to be actively involved, so I stayed quiet.

I still laugh to myself about the day I finally got up the nerve to put down a Devil's Trap at the front and back doors. After pulling back the carpet, I immediately saw that someone had beaten me to the punch… Well "someones" had because the design at the backdoor was definitely Toby's handiwork.

"Addy? Sweetheart?"

I had been walking the same route to 'Neely's General Store' for over a month now and I always seemed to daydream on my way there.

"Addy? Are you alright?" Bea's voice started to sound more concerned as she touched my shoulder.

I looked up from my spot on the top stair. "Hey… Sorry Bea. Yeah, I'm fine… I just keep forgetting how quickly I can get here now that I'm not a complete invalid."

She was hobbling with her cane because her left foot was in a cast as she replied while trying to open the door, "Okay… And darling I keep telling you that you don't have to come every day to help me, I can manage just fine on my own."

I claimed her keys, unlocked the door with ease and held it open for as I flipped on some lights.

"I know Bea, but it's Wednesday so I figured that I could help take care of the deliveries and restocking of the shelves for you. Plus the house is almost completely set up, so I could really use something to keep me busy. You know, you'd actually be doing ME a favor here."

Despite stating otherwise, the elderly shopkeeper let me take care of all of the tasks that needed to be completed to open the shop while she made herself comfortable on a stool behind the cash register. After my cast came off, my therapists (both physio and physiological) had advocated the benefits of walking for my wellbeing on all fronts as well as staying active. On my daily outings, I had inevitably passed by 'Neely's General Store' and she of course had insisted that I stop to visit each time I passed by. Gradually during my visits, I started to ease into doing a few odd jobs around the store then soon enough visiting with Bea and working at her store became a part of my regular daily routine.

Every day before I started doing any work, Bea would insist that I didn't HAVE to help, but she never took any steps to stop me. After she slipped in the store one day when I wasn't there and shattered her ankle, Bea finally relented and allowed me to do more for her… Well at least she only protested every other day that she was fine and that I was doing too much to help her.

I signed for the shipment and then got to work at restocking the shelves throughout the store. This time of day was always quiet, so Bea had fun grilling me about Dean or Toby or any other topic that she could come up with. Surprisingly, her interest in our lives became my favorite part of the day… It made me feel like I had my mum around to ask the same thing.

"Now… Addy… I love you helping me darling… And getting to see you on a regular basis is such a treat…. But I have to wonder… Why are you home so much more now than you used to be?"

I continued emptying the box in front of me until all of its contents were placed properly on the shelf while I tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for her. As I broke down a couple of boxes and walked back towards the register, I caught her disapproving, but concerned, look and I felt my heart sink. I placed the two flattened boxes with the pile of recycling and pulled up a chair opposite her at the counter.

"Addy… Darling, we all love you… But it's just such a big change… I worry about you," she continued taking one of my hands in both of hers.

"I know you do… You know how much I love you for it, right? But you really shouldn't worry Bea… It's just that after my accident I realized that my being on the road… For work… Kept me away from everyone and everything that was the most important to me…"

"Your Toby and your devilishly handsome man," she broke in with a playful and teasing tone.

"Exactly… Plus there's also Bill and Mo… I mean, we almost lost her and I wasn't even here… Wasn't here enough. So, I'm done… Done wasting time being away from them and hopefully they won't get sick of me any time soon," I explained with my voice becoming more timid.

During this explanation I had tilted my head down to stare at Bea's hand that was now stroking my own. She used her bent index finger to lift my chin up to for eye contact. She then stroked my cheek and stated with loving firmness, "They… We could never get sick of having your beautiful face around. Now, I believe I'm owed a rematch after that last Cribbage game."

I chuckled softly and with an earnest smile in my tone replied, "I'll go get the board."

As we played a few customers came and went… Some lingered to catch up, pass on their (awkward) condolences, whereas others shopped quickly and only stopped their momentum to pay. The two of us passed the time quickly and I only stole the rarest glance at my phone to check on our delivery at home.

After my third innocent check, Bea kindly admonished, "Addy, if there is somewhere you need to be I've already told you that I'm just fine here on my own."

"Oh goodness Bea, it's so not that," I retorted repentantly as I stuffed my phone deep in my pocket. "Dean and I are expecting a delivery and they're supposed to call, but I was honestly just checking the time."

"Well Darling if you need to be at home…"

"NO! Honestly I would probably go stir crazy there right now… I would rather wait it out with you," I interrupted quickly.

"Alright… But I'll deal the next hand to keep you from cheating," she joked with a wink.

As hard as I tried to let Bea win a few rounds, she kept dealing me hands that were too good to throw. I checked my phone one last time and I saw that I had a text from the furniture company's automated system stating that our truck was en route. I had told myself that I would head home then because that would give me enough time to get home on foot and meet them.

"Bea… I'm sorry to take off in the middle of a game, but they're on their way to the house," I explained.

With a bright smile and a dismissive wave of her hand, Bea replied, "No worries Darling… You head off." As I stood she grasped my wrist to add, "But we'll have a rematch tomorrow?"

It sounded more like a desperate request than a statement, so I smiled warmly and said, "I'm sure that can be arranged."

I made my somewhat hasty retreat home with the expectation that I would make it there quickly, but on the path to our house I was stopped by one of our new neighbors. He was out on a run and halted me with a few shouts of "Addy! Addy! Wait up!" from half a block away.

I quickly stole a glance at the clock on my phone before I stopped and turned with a forced smile saying, "Hey Sid… What's up?"

He jogged up to where I was standing and answered, "How are you doing? Is everything okay with you and Dean?"

He had a faint hint of true fear in his tone so I slightly over compensated to appease him while countering, "Yeah… Yeah, everything is great. Well pretty great with us… Why do you ask?"

"Oh… I guess it's nothing, but Dean… He has…" He dipped in closer and lowered his voice even though we were the only people on the empty street. "He has a hand gun. Is that safe with Toby staying with you so much?"

I gently touched his arm and lightheartedly chuckled, "Yeah… Toby has been taught about handgun safety. Really Sid, he knows not to touch it… But thank you for your concern."

Without giving a second thought as to why Sid might be worried about Dean owning a handgun, I turned to go back to my original path. Sid's hand shot out to grab my arm and then he breathlessly added, "But Addy…He… He almost shot a dog that ran out of the Glickman's garage… Are you SURE that everything's okay?"

I swallowed hard and then gave him my full attention while I hoarsely questioned, "Pardon? Dean did what now?"`

"He nearly shot the Glickman's dog… Then I think he mumbled something about… Wait, what was it… Sulfur? Yeah he was saying something weird about sulfur when I left him," our neighbor clarified in a confused but concerned tone.

After a couple of quick breaths to cover my apprehension, I answered, "Oh… I'm sure it's nothing to worry about Sid, but I'll make sure to talk to Dean about it, okay? I don't want Toby to think that guns are a toy and all. Thanks for telling me about this and I'll take care of it, promise."

"Oh… Okay… But if I can help, you'll let me know, right? We're just next door if you need us," he finished awkwardly before finishing his run.

I clinched my fists as I walked home to remind myself that I shouldn't run home to an empty house when I knew that I had to maintain a calm demeanor. Luckily for Dean, my phone rang three doors away from our house to announce that the delivery had arrived. As I hurried home, my attention refocused on our son and making sure that our new house made him as comfortable as possible.

After the movers placed the last of the boxes in Toby's room, I worked at putting everything together. Without looking at a clock, I knew that I had been working on Toby's bedroom set for longer than I should have been all by myself. The majority of the work was done so I decided to take a break and find out where Toby had disappeared to after school.

I poured myself a glass of water and was about to dial Toby's cell number when the landline rang.

"Toby? Where are you?"

"Sorry Mum. Pop picked me up after school because a spot opened up at that conference that Mr. Wilson wanted him to go to, so he and Mom thought that I could spend a couple of nights with you and dad while they're away, but I had to pack and I know you probably worried, so I should have called…"

I could tell that Toby wasn't going to take a breath during his run-on explanation, so I just jumped in saying, "It's okay Buddy. It would have been nice if you had of called, but no worries. What time will you be here then?"

"Well they both need to pack and Pop has to get some of his blueprints and stuff together… So maybe an hour?"

"Perfect! Dean should be home by then and I'll have your room done too."

"Really? Awesome! Thanks Mum! I'll see you then!"

I replaced the phone then went out to the garage to retrieve a few tools to make completing my job easier. As soon as I stepped out of the kitchen door, I saw Dean's pickup in the driveway and the door to the garage was open. By this point I was too tired to really get into an argument with him about being so reckless in front of our neighbor, so I pushed that into the back of my mind for later. As I approached the door, I could hear the trunk of the Impala open but by the time I stepped through the door, Dean had his car recovered and was rummaging through our toolbox instead.

Now I KNEW something was going on, but Dean obviously wasn't going to be honest with me about everything. This thought really got my blood boiling, so after gaining a second wind I started my interrogation using a calm tone that sounded sincere, "Hey… You're home early... How was your day sweetheart?"

"Pretty good… I was just grabbing a few tools before heading in to help you."

"Great. So… Nothing interesting happened today at all?" I continued still trying to sound like I didn't want to fight.

"Nope. Why do you ask?" He questioned dismissively.

"Oh… So that wasn't you that Sid saw when you were about to unload a few rounds into the Glickman's Yorkie?"

Dean turned away from the toolbox slowly and was met by my unimpressed, scowling face. He remained silent and I clenched my folded arms closer to my chest as I tried to remain calm. "So you didn't find sulfur there either then," I stated as anger crept into my tone.

"Lay… Look… I'm sorry. Yeah… That was me, but I didn't want to say anything until I knew more," he finally explained as he took a small step backwards.

"But you think it's a demon?" I questioned as my voice broke slightly.

"I'm not sure," he answered just over a whisper. After we stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, Dean then added, "I'll look into it and then I'll deal with it all okay? Why don't you and Toby catch a movie or something while I take care of it tonight?"

I nodded and put out my hand asking politely, "Can you please pass me a Phillip's head screwdriver? I need one to finish everything up… Toby will here in about an hour."

He obliged with an apologetic look on his face and as I turned away he held my hand and added, "I'll take care of it Lay, I promise."

I nodded again and retreated to the house before I gave into my tears. As I finished tightening each screw, I cursed myself for believing that just because I wanted out meant that we would be. Somehow I managed to not only get Toby's room set up, but I was also able to calm myself down enough that when Toby arrived he didn't seem to notice that anything might be wrong.

I finally pried him away from the new room with the promise of a "date night" for just the two of us. We then went out for pizza and movie and during our talks, Toby's excitement about the school year was so infectious that I was able to genuinely relax and nearly forgot all about everything that was going on with Dean. All of that animosity had been put aside until we returned home because as soon as we stepped through the door, Dean ran over and scooped us into his arms.

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Sorry Dean, I forgot to take it off silent after leaving the theater," I apologized as I felt myself starting to panic. "You know what it is, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do… And I think it might be best if you go to Bobby's until I can get it taken care of," he explained softly.

"I'll go get my bag," Toby offered quickly. He then started out of the room, but stopped when someone rounding the corner blocked his way. "Uncle Sam!"

"Toby! Wait!" I called out as I stopped him by grabbing his shoulder. "Dean! What is that?"

"It's okay Lay… He's Sam," Dean answered with a soft chuckle.

I hadn't noticed that I had let go of Toby and he ran over to hug Sam tightly. "It's so good to see you again!" He nearly shouted before continuing towards his room.

"Sam… Oh my gah… How?" I stammered as walked over to him to give him a hug. "You know what? I don't care… You're back…"

He rubbed my back and answered, "It's good to see you too."

I stepped back away from him and brushed away my tears before turning towards Dean. "I'll just go throw a few things in a bag."

Sam followed with Toby in his new car so that Dean and I could talk on the way to Bobby's house. He explained everything that had happened that day and how Sam had saved his life when the Djinn's touch elicited vivid and horrific hallucinations.

"So your Granddad is back too? Wow," I replied as I took his right hand off the steering wheel and kissed it. "And now you'll be doing this hunt with the Campbell's?"

He rubbed my thigh and looked briefly over at me. "Yeah, they seem to know a lot about them and all. Why do you sound so worried?"

"They're the Campbell's… Mom and I worked with them a couple of times and I don't know Dean… They're just… Different… They don't hunt like we did, they just… They just don't care about the victims, you know? They get in, kill and leave," I tried to explain.

"Okay… And?"

"And they're really cold… Just… Be careful, okay?"

After he parked, Dean turned and pulled me into a kiss. He kept me close to him as he promised, "I always am. It's just this one job with them and then we go back to our lives."

I wanted to believe him, so I smiled and didn't voice anymore of my concerns. We met Sam and Toby by his car and then we all made our way up the stairs to Bobby's front door. Dean knocked tentatively and we were all greeted by Bobby's saddened face.

"Damn it," he grumbled as he pulled me into a hug.

"You said it Bobby," I tried to joke as I hugged him back. "You don't mind having company, do you?"

"Never. The rooms upstairs are all ready," he replied with a nod towards the stairs. He patted Toby on the back as he passed adding, "Good to see you again son."

"You too Bobby." I was already part way up the stairs, so Toby stopped and quickly whispered, "Can I maybe check out your library?"

"If it's okay with your mum, then sure you can."

"Awesome! Thanks Bobby!" Toby exclaimed in a hushed tone before he rushed to meet me.

After we somewhat settled in, Toby immediately pulled out his homework and set on completing it all. I left him to it and walked towards the main floor to make him a snack and to offer another 'Good luck' to Sam and Dean, but I stopped on the stairs when I overheard the three of them arguing.

"A whole damn year? Why didn't you put me out of my misery?" Dean questioned with a tone that hovered between devastated and annoyed.

"Because you were out!" Bobby answered sharply. "You two were going to have a baby and live a normal life."

"Does THIS look out to you?" Dean countered angrily.

I sat down on the stairs with my hand in my hands while trying to block out everything they were saying. I'm sure they continued to argue, but I couldn't (refused to) hear any of it. I finally looked up when I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder.

After I looked up, Dean tried to straighten his face, but I could see tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He then sat down on the stairs by me without a word.

I caressed his cheek in my and quietly said, "All that matters is that he's back. Just focus on that Dean."

He gave me a weak smile and replied, "Yeah, but still…"

I interrupted him by pulling his face to mine and silenced his words with a kiss. "They're right… We almost had a normal life. Please, don't be mad Dean, he's back and that's what we wanted, right?"

"Right… So… How's Toby settling in?"

"He's suspiciously eager about doing his homework without my having to push him to do it," I explained with a chuckle.

Dean held both of my hands and looked like he was searching for the right thing to day. I leaned into him until our foreheads touched. "Be careful, okay?" I implored once again.

"I'll call you when it's dead. Then I'll see you soon." He quickly kissed me and then we got up and I walked with him to the door. Sam and Bobby fell silent when we walked into the room hand in hand.

"Thanks again Bobby," Dean stated somewhat flatly as we parted ways. "Ready to go Sam?"

San nodded and moved to stand up but I walked up to him, hugged him and whispered, "Just keep him safe, please?"

He simply nodded once again then met Dean at the door and they left. I turned my attention to Bobby and noted that the color had almost completely drained from his face.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything, I smiled warmly and said, "I only have one question that I really need you to answer Bobby… Was Sam with you when you went after Deke?"

He wasn't able to hide his surprise as he nodded and muttered, "Yeah."

"Phew! Thank God because I seriously thought that I had lost it that weekend… Okay, so I'm going to make Toby a snack, are you hungry?" I replied with a happy and relieved tone.

Bobby's face softened and as the color returned to his cheeks, a smile spread from ear to ear. "I'm fine Koala Bear, but thanks for offering."

I smirked and shrugged then turned into the kitchen without any further commentary.