Natsu's Harem?

"Natsu, I think you need to get some new pants..." Lucy commented, scanning Natsu's legs and frowning.

"What's wrong with these ones?" Natsu looked down at his beat-up pants and pulled on the sides.

"They have more holes in them than Swiss cheese," Happy said.

"But they're so comfy!" Natsu slouched.

"I'm sure we can find you some pants that are equally as comfortable," Lucy replied, "why don't we do that now? There's a new boutique in the market center that I've heard good things about."

"Butt cheek?"

"Boutique... It's a kind of store. Ugh, Natsu, what can I do with you?" Lucy pressed the heel of her palm into her right eye.

"Ooh, Natsu! Nice pants!" Macao shouted.

"Really? I think they're kind of weird..." Natsu tugged at random pieces of his pants. The pants were white– he insisted that they needed to be white to match the rest of his outfit. They had a dropped crotch that reached to about mid-thigh but were form-fitting the rest of the length of the pants. He had the bottom hems pulled up to his calves to mimic his typical style.

"They're an unexpected change, but they work well!" Wakaba added.

"Aye! They look cool, Natsu!" Happy said, floating next to his best friend.

Mirajane walked by, balancing glasses on her serving tray, but suddenly stopped and stared at the pants. She quirked her head slightly, her smile dropping.

"Hi, Mira," Natsu greeted, worried.

Without warning, Mira fell to her knees, crawled to Natsu, and latched onto his left shin, laying down.

"Mira?" Natsu shook his leg, trying to get her off of him. She only held on tighter.

"Help?" He said.

"Mirajane, I need more beer!" Cana complained, walking near Natsu who was still trying to pry Mira from his leg. She, too, stopped and stared at Natsu's pants before dropping to her knees and attaching herself to Natsu's right thigh.

"What is going on?"

"Erza! Help! I don't know what's–"

It was too late, Erza was sitting on Natsu's foot with a grip on his right shin stronger than a barnacle.

Natsu tried to move, but could barely scoot an inch towards a table.

"Natsu-san! I like your new pants! They're super stylis–" Wendy stopped her sentence and glued herself to Natsu's free thigh.

Kagura burst through the guild doors. "Erza! I need to talk to you about– what's going on here? Natsu, are those new pants? They look–" She, too, fell victim to Natsu's pants and stuck herself to his left knee. Natsu continued squirming in his spot, getting frustrated with his lack of progress.

Natsu's eyes began to water, "I just want to eat breakfast!"

Like a robot, Mirajane stood up and walked to the kitchen, returning to Natsu with a platter of food. She kneeled, holding the platter above her head, saying, "for you, Natsu-sama."

Natsu stared, frozen. "C-can I sit down to eat?"

The girls attached to Natsu let go of him and picked him up, Wendy and Cana holding his feet and Erza and Kagura holding his torso. They marched to the nearest table, sat him down, and returned to their former positions. Mira presented Natsu his breakfast and fell back to his feet.

"Woah..." Gray said.

"Natsu... Teach me your ways..." Bickslow said.

Natsu blushed, but ate his food.

The guildmembers stared at Natsu in awe. Did Natsu really become so attractive overnight?

Lucy stomped into the guild, screeching, "Natsu! Happy! You ate all of my food! I can't believe you two! I just bought it all yesterday and now it's gone! You even ate my specially-ordered cupcake from the new pastry shop that takes weeks to get because of how busy it is! We're going on a job and I'm getting ALL of the money. You two need to learn to control yourselves and Natsu, stop barging into my house when you're not invit– Where are all of the girls?" Her voice fell to a whisper when she scanned the guild.

Her eyes met Gajeel's. He pointed to Natsu. Natsu pointed under the table.

Lucy's eyes widened. "Natsu, what the hell are you doing? In the middle of the guild of all places? You better explain yourself, mister, because I–" Lucy stopped when she heard growling from Natsu's table.

Natsu dropped his fork and covered his mouth with his hands, after shouting, "it wasn't me!"

"What the fu–"

"Don't curse at Natsu-sama!" Wendy spat.

"Go away, bitch!" Cana yelled.

"Natsu-sama is too good for you, slut!" Kagura added.

"Don't interfere, whore!" Erza hissed.

"Natsu-sama doesn't need your negativity!" Mira finished.

"Natsu, what did you do? Did you drink another of Mirajane's potions? You know–"

Natsu interrupted Lucy's scolding, saying, "I didn't drink anything! Help me, Lucy!"

"He's rocking his new pants, by the way, Lucy! Did you help pick those out?" Jet said.

"Oh, you wore your new pants? How do they look?" Lucy peered downwards, finding the five girls snarling at her. "Okay, don't look at the pants." She snapped her fingers, "Natsu, take your pants off!"

"Lucy, you perv," Happy teased.

"No, Happy, the pants are the problem. They must be cursed or something. I should've known this would happen, that shop got too many good reviews."

"I wanna stand up," Natsu said. The girls detached themselves and moved him to the side of the table, immediately clinging back to his legs.

"Okay... This'll be tough... Natsu, start taking them off, I'll help once you get stuck." Natsu began rolling the elastic waistband downwards and Lucy slowly walked to his backside, the weak point in the fortitude of girls. She pulled up the back of his waistcoat to access his pants better.

The guildmembers snickered.

They reached Wendy's grasp on Natsu's right upper thigh. "On three," Lucy said, "one... two... th–" Lucy froze, realizing her mistake. Her consciousness blurred.

"Lucy? Are you oka–" Natsu started to ask when he felt a face press against his lower back and arms wrap themselves around his waist, her hands resting lower on his—

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" He squealed.

Gray began laughing.

Gajeel smirked.

Romeo paled.

Macao and Wakaba clinked their mugs.

"What's all this ruckus?" Makarov's voice boomed from the second floor.

Natsu continued screaming, his arms flapping around him.

Makarov's hand grew to five times his size and he picked Natsu up by his collar.

"Help me!"

Makarov chuckled and shook Natsu roughly, the girls losing their grip and flying off of him. As soon as he was set down, Natsu bolted into the infirmary and locked the door, scrambling to remove his pants and put on one of the hundreds of spares kept because of Gray's habit.

Natsu crawled under the covers of one of the beds and cried, "I'm never buying new pants again!"

END

So... Harems caused by harem pants.

If you couldn't tell, this was inspired by all of the harem fics. Especially Natsu's harems. I even got the random-female-from-other-guild in there. I never really actually read harem fics, but I see enough of the summaries to kind of know what they're like. I hope I got the major points, at least: Natsu+lots o' girls.

This story returned to my old, goofy parody format like the FaceBook one and the Baby one... Ah, how nostalgic.

Thoughts? Requests? Remember to review!

I hope you enjoyed and I shall see you soon!

-BloodyTeddyBear