37. Never ending heartbreak
"Xena love…!" Dahak started, concentrating all his attention on her.
Her eyes were blank and she just responded to his request, unable to refuse his command even if she had wanted it too.
"What do you see?"
"My…my home…Lyceus…he's…he's dead…I…killed him." she stated, broken.
"That's not true Xena." Ares commented. He knew what happened that day very well, it wasn't her fault.
"It's her guilt talking. "Dahak concluded with a grin plastered on his face.
"Go on…" he stressed.
The warrior tried to fight it, she didn't want those painful memories crushing down on her, living every moment of her life again…literally, because she was feeling just like she did that day.
After Cortese, she was lost, didn't know what to do, what to say and seeing her mother so heartbroken, her guilt and that accusing gaze she constantly received from the one who had brought her into this world were killing her slowly so she ran…she ran away, wishing that the ache would just go away, wishing that her mother could look at her as she once used to, without getting the impression that she was looking a murderer in the face.
"The God of War…" the words rolled form her lips slowly and Dahak's smile only got even bigger.
"I ran to him…"
She saw herself fighting, talking endlessly with him, she felt his kisses and she felt every emotion that cursed though her body in that time when she got to know Ares in so many ways possible but her mind couldn't make a connection to be able to put a face to this God of War, she could only feel but why had she forgot this?
Her past with Ares unfolded before her very eyes and with every happy moment with him, a more gruesome and cruel, painful memory was waiting to be summoned.
"I…he used me."
Ares closed his eyes hearing her pain in the voice, wanting nothing more than to comfort her but he couldn't.
He was so wrong and stupid back then to push her away with his actions, with his words, not knowing that he loved her from the very beginning, that he wanted the woman, not only the warrior. But love was never in his mind at that time, he was clueless about his feelings, wanting her as he had never before wanted any other woman and hating her for making him question his entire existence from the moment his eyes landed on her.
"I…loved him…and I run away again."
"Oh Xena…!" his heart was breaking… "Stop it Dahak!"
"But why, we are only starting!" the Dark One stated, knowing what it will come. He was enjoying what he saw tremendously.
Once again betrayed, once again her heart broke…Caesar broke her legs and let her die on that cross…She fell on the ground, screaming when that hammer squashed her bones.
"Mommy!"
"You stay there boy!" Dahak shouted and Adam stopped afraid, tears down his face at seeing his mother in pain.
"Just stop it!" Ares shouted.
"I'm afraid I'm enjoying this too much to stop it."
"You are killing her." Ares added, terrorized to see spots of blood appearing magically on her body.
"Maybe right now she will want just that…Simply killing her now will be too sweet for her." Dahak's gaze shifted from the broken form of the Warrior Princess, to Ares.
"You see she can't really die…she only feels the physical or psychological effect that those moments had on her in the past. She's relieving all that in just a matter of minutes…all her life. What a gift isn't it?"
"You son of a bitch! I will kill you!..."
The God of War looked at his Princess.
"Xena, snap out of it!" Ares pleaded with her but she couldn't…
Her mind wasn't even there, it was just her body…she was on a journey, almost impossible to be broken.
Seconds after that, she started to cry, her hand going to her heart whispering Solan's name over and over again. Tears were now streaming Ares's face too. Gabrielle wasn't feeling better either. She knew all those things that happened to her friend of course, Xena had told her all about it, but seeing her always strong friend like that it was something else…she was falling to pieces just before their eyes.
"I lost you…my boy, my son…" she whispered… "And all because of her…"
Gabrielle's image rushed through her mind and next she was on the mountain, her heart frozen form that pain of losing flesh of her flesh, and then that voice…
It was him…him…and she raised her eyes and finally saw his face….shock sketched on her face.
"You?!" Xena's eyes flew open as if waking up from Dahak's hold on her mind and looked Ares in the eyes confused and hurt. He was the God of War, Aphrodite's brother was the one that she loved?! But he had hurt her so many times in so many ways. She had so many questions and she added confused.
"You hurt me…you wanted to kill my mother…you betrayed me…you turned me against my best friend…you wanted me to kill her…and all that for your sick entertainment!"
"Xena…" Ares wanted to explain, but what could he have said to convince her otherwise, really, when he knew she was right? He had done all of those things to her.
"He did…" Dahak intervened. "And you just let him back in your life…like a fool."
Xena looked at Dahak as if he were insane. What person would do that? Was she that foolish?
"Let me show you…" Dahak said and she nodded against Ares's verbal attempts to make her stop all that, cause he wanted nothing more than for her to stop feeling that pain that he knew was going to come.
Only a few minutes later, she got used to how this sick game of Dahak's worked, she knew in what she had got herself into, it would all come fast and hell it did…it hurt her like Tartarus even more than when he projected her past into her mind because now, the memories were unfolding one after another, from all the ways, wound after wound and Ares was a big part of it unfortunately.
"You killed Eli…and you tried to manipulate me, to make me believe you loved me? You are sick and demented."
"Xena…please… I do love you."
She shook her head dismissing him and let Dahak's powers wash over her again. Seeing that Xena was agreeing to this and that she was damn settled on hurting Ares with her refusal, Dahak was more than pleased…nothing could have hurt more than being despised by the person you love and he could only guess that Ares, the fool did love the mortal woman.
But that was in fact Dahak's biggest mistake…it sure hurt Xena remembering, relieving and feeling all those sensations but it was impossible for him to know everything that happened between Xena and Ares, how they feelt about each other, how deep that ran- a love so deep that it was impossible to be broken.
From the moment Xena saw herself pregnant again, recollecting all those moments, feeling all those moments, her son kicking inside her…what Ares did for them both, how he fought for her, how she gave birth to Adam…a tear escaped her eyes…they fought together, he ultimately gave again everything up for her- his right to the throne…the three years that they were blissfully happy, it was all worth it. She loved him still and she smiled letting Dahak confused but he whipped her smile, going faster through the memory lane and coming to the most painful memory of them all.
Her breath stopped, the air in the room wasn't enough to fill her lungs anymore…tears were forming in her eyes and they fell like a waterfall. She tumbled on the floor, her hands gripping her chest painfully; no scream could go out because the pain was unbelievably agonizing.
"See…that's pure pain."
"My daughter…" Xena wept… "My daughter…Nooooooooooooooooo!"
" Xena…please listen love…it's not your fault…please!" Ares begged, tears falling down his face at seeing her in the same state that she was one month ago…it was tearing him apart and he was terrified with the perspective of her walking down that path again.
"Xe…you got past it…remember?... Please, you must remember this…"
Her brows frowned, concentrating on his voice, on what he was saying, looking back at that time. Xena's sobs ceased and her vision cleared, looking at Ares now.
"You surpassed this…it is all in the past …you are better now, even if I do know that it can't go away so easy…please believe me."
"Ohhh how beautiful that speech…but tell him better Xena. Tell him you hate him for what he's done to you…he used you, he hurt you…he…"
"He gave me a son." she got up and her gaze fell on her still scared child that couldn't dare to look around him. Then she looked defying at Dahak.
"Thank you for reminding me that I have a family." she forced a smile through her tears.
"You…" the Dark One addressed her with venom, seeing that she had dared to play him. He was furious.
"This…" he forced the image of her dead daughter in her mind.
"This is your family…dismantled."
It broke her to being forced to relieve that moment again and again, but everything that she had discovered that day, her son…Ares…her family gave her strength and pushed through Dahak's hold on her mind.
"No, it's not."
Dahak was stunned…Nobody could do that unless he was giving them permission.
He stopped for a moment and Xena's hands came to her temples, trying to compose herself again but Dahak gripped her shoulders with force, as if wanting to break her bones into his hold and he looked straight into her eyes, moving his lips as if wanting to impregnate the next words in her skull.
"I…KILLED… HER!"
No word could escape her mouth, being stunned from the words resonating with such impact in her mind. It couldn't be…
"No…" Ares yelled, trying to use his powers to escape his private power cell once more.
"Oh yes…Just before you gave birth to her…" Dahak let go of Xena and she crumbled to the floor.
"My powers are so great that I could reach into this realm and with the help of Athena and a small vial I killed your daughter inside of you."
Xena felt that she was about to puke.
"Why?" she screamed. "Why?"
"Oh why it's my question too. WHY HIM?"
"What?" She raised her eyes to him, blinking back tears. "My dream…you…you used my pain, my Solan to…"
"To reduce you to a hollow shell."
"I don't understand."
"The prophecy said the God of War can't have children…not with the one that he can grow to love, let alone with the one he loves. You should have aborted your son, right when you found out that you carried him…"
Dahak cleverly let out of course the part in which the God of War's first born son was meant to kill him; he just continued stabbing Xena in the heart with his words. "…than I wouldn't be constrained to kill him too, now…and apart from the so called prophecy, it was my pleasure Xena to take her away."
"You are a monster."
"That's quite the compliment, thank you." he retorted playfully but his tone changed. "You killed my daughter and my grandson and I took your child away…again."
He got hold of her, his hands gripping her neck painfully.
"And now it's time for you to join her." he said, adding pressure to her neck. "I will enjoy doing this the old fashioned way, snapping your neck, feeling your life slipping from your body while Ares gets to watch."
"I promise you, you won't have one single second in peace to reign over this earth." Ares yelled.
"I love you Xena!" he said broken, searching for her eyes. She needed to know how much he does love her.
Dahak turned his gaze for a split second to the God of War…he was on the verge of losing his mind from the pain, seeing that he couldn't do anything, that this was it. Dahak would take Xena from his side and he would watch her die, not even being able to have her in his arms in her last moments.
"Don't hurt mommy." Adam whispered but nobody heard the boy, nobody took a look at him.
"Please don't hurt mommy." The boy said again and again while Dahak was slowly killing Xena.
"I said don't hurt mommy." Adam's voice was growing in intensity by the second with each word, until his voice changed.
Gabrielle took a side glance in his direction and saw that a blinding white light started to grow and grow and just grow, enveloping them all.
"Don't hurt my MOTHER!" Those were the child's last words before everything exploded and with the speed of the light, Adam's eyes fixated the arrow that had been forgotten on the ground and directed it towards the one that he was meant to destroy as the Prophecy had foretold.
Dahak felt a fine pinch on his back but just like the venom of a snake that would fast reach the vital organs, the pinch transformed in such pain that he couldn't hold his grip on Xena anymore. She fell, trying to breathe some air in her lungs again.
"Noooooo!" Dahak screamed knowing that this was it…his ending…a child had defeated him…In seconds, he dissolved in a pile of ash before everyone's eyes.
Ares's eyes fell on his Princess, being relieved to see her breathing again…Aphrodite cheered with happiness and Gabrielle smiled…they were all alive. Everything was over.
"Nooooooooooooooooo!" Xena screamed, her gaze falling on her son who was laying down, unmoving on the cold ground.