Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews, I am grateful to receive them as always and I enjoy reading your thoughts on this story. The week in the Lake District was lovely, although the roads were very high and full of turns. At one point I felt rather unwell, due to the altitude. And there was a rooster at the farm next to the cottage, so I did not sleep as well as I had hoped. However I enjoyed visiting the stately homes and ruined abbey, Furness Abbey, Muncaster Castle, Dalemain, Hutton-in-the-Forest, Levens Hall, Sizergh Castle, and Holker Hall. The weather was wonderfully sunny without being too warm and the rain perfectly timed on the last day, only falling when we finished touring Holker's gardens.
The car's heating matrix broke on the way back, but fortunately the nice man from the RAC was able to bypass it so we could use the car still for the remaining three hours to home. At the moment a little blue tube prevents it from leaking water and steaming up. Hopefull we can fix it soon.
Apologies for being late with the post, I had sixty-eight emails to go through and a bunch on stuff to catch up on, as there was no internet whatsoever. Even cellphone reception was limited. I still have stuff to do, but I thought I should take a brief pause so I could get this posted for you.
In this part we see Obi-Wan from the moment Anakin walks past him in the Temple, his return to his quarters and the message awaiting him, followed by his dinner with Padme and the romantic interlude that follows. During the afterglow they discuss their feelings and Anakin's, and Padme confides in him what his former padawan did on Tatooine. The next morning as Obi-Wan leaves the apartment, he encounters a distressing sight.
The title of this part is from one of my favourite X File trilogy episodes of all time. I practically wore out the tape for this episode when it first came out, before the dvd boxsets were conceived. Enjoy.
Part 37: A Torch Upon the Darkness.
Obi-Wan did not encounter another familiar Jedi enroute to his quarters within the Temple after passing Anakin. Despite his seemingly casual greeting, one simple phrase into which a great deal of thought had been put into, his former Padawan failed to acknowledge both the reply and the encounter. Such an event took a shorter time than the length of consideration that he had given the situation, but he could only shake his head in mild regret, an emotion directed both at himself and his former Padawan. As he performed such a motion, he saw the destination which Anakin had been in quest of, the turbo lift that led to the Council chambers. His anxious concern rose a little, but there was nothing coming from the Force to tell him that he should be worrying more. Doubtless his former Padawan was about to be given his first mission as a Knight.
Avoiding the turbo lifts, Obi-Wan wandered on through the maze of Temple corridors in search of his quarters, content to take the long way round, as opposed to the most direct route. Occasionally he would encounter another Jedi Master, Knight or Padawan, but none of them were as familiar to him as Anakin, causing him to reach his quarters undisturbed by any thoughts save for those on his current assignment, and Padmé. A smile formed upon his face as soon as her name passed into his mind. He had never expected for a moment that he would be fortunate enough to meet with the Senator from Naboo during his assignment.
That she would be a member of the List was a surprise, revealing a facet to her character which was previously hidden from him. And from Anakin it seemed, though that was fortunate for all their sakes, as his former Padawan would not regard the activities of the List in a favourable light. One of the rare notions that they had in common, although Obi-Wan was far more tolerant of the vices which the List practised.
In certain light, the clique could almost be a virtue, for it allowed the members involved to discard all their publicly held prejudices and practices in favour of achieving a more primitive satisfaction within the embrace of another. An exercise in tolerance, that could prove beneficial to the future well-being of the Republic, if the members cared to realise that such a truth existed behind the seemingly scandalous act.
But it was more than tolerance which he and Padmé had exercised during their encounter. That she returned his feelings was startling, counselling him to examine all that had passed between them before in a new light. In many ways their consideration of Anakin's feelings had been their undoing. Not only had they ignored the blessing from the Force, they had allowed a harmful factor to effect his former Padawan which had caused lasting consequences to his character.
Anakin's attachment to his mother was unavoidable, but his love for Padmé could have been, if they had taken the trouble to deal with it, instead of hoping that it was a product of a youthful idealisation that would fade away in time. Such an reproach was the benefit of hindsight, but he had been gifted with the Unifying Force, an ability which dealt with looking into the future, however in motion it may always be.
Master Yoda had often rebuked him for his own problems with attachment, but Obi-Wan knew that his were far more disciplined than Anakin's. He only need to recall the moment when Padmé had fallen from the clone army ship on to the sands of Geonosis to support his assertion. Anakin had been ready to halt the vehicle and jump down to rescue her, inspite of their pursuit of Count Dooku. His Padawan had not given a thought to the possibility that she might be able to reach their destination on her own, until Obi-Wan had threatened and cajoled him into doing so. Perhaps that method should have been avoided in favour of a more mild approach, he knew that he too had been preoccupied with making sure that Padmé was uninjured. Anakin's turmoil and distress overwhelmed his senses to such a degree, making him struggle to sense that she was well.
If Anakin had jumped down to rescue her, none of what he had threatened would have come to pass, for the Order was too concerned with keeping the Chosen One that losing him to love, however much they disapproved of his blatant disregard for the code which existed then. What else would have occurred was more difficult to predict. His former Padawan would have arrived too late to help him with Dooku, he might have fared better or worse in the duel without the distraction which his apprentice may or may not have been. Anakin may not have lost his arm, for he would probably have arrived too late to confront the Count.
But none of those alternatives mattered, for the point to focus on was how Anakin had dealt with his emotions when Padmé fell. Unlike his master he had assumed that no one else could save her but himself. It was one of Anakin's failings, the inability to realise he was not invincible. No amount of training or experience could make him recognise the error, it was simply something which he refused to contemplate.
Which was where their attachment differed. Obi-Wan knew that he was incapable of saving everyone. He knew his limits and that no amount of training would ever render him invincible. To be a student of the ways of the Force was a life long journey, one never truly mastered, despite the rank which he now held and the Council on which he sat. He could love someone and let them go. He may not be content to spend his life alone, but if that proved to be his fate, he would accept it.
If Padmé had remained with Anakin, he would have not fought it, except perhaps under the counsel of others, as he had done in the past. But instead she had chosen to realise her own feelings for him, giving her heart to him in return for his own. Such a gift was humbling, and he would honour the exchange for the rest of his life. His only hope was that in time they would be allowed to acknowledge those feelings without it being to the detriment of his Padawan. Given what Anakin had done to her when their union came to an end, he doubted that to tell him now would do any of them good.
Reminding himself of what he heard Anakin had done to Padmé brought another thought to his mind, that of what he should do with that piece of knowledge now that he had it. His instinct was to inform the rest of the Council, but he could not ignore how the assault would be treated by them. As with any Jedi who used their gift to harm another, their conduct was examined and they were reprimanded and sent to a soul healer. But Anakin was used to facing that from the Council, and such a repeat would only serve to anger him and alienate him from their guidance even more than he was already.
His Padawan was a Knight now, a rank which no one could deny him, even if he was not as disciplined as some of the newly promoted initiates of the Order. Nothing that the Council could do would probably serve any of them any good, he knew. However he could not help but recall all the times in the past when Anakin had used the Force with such brutality before, and he feared that it would not be the last time either.
Entering his quarters, Obi-Wan discarded his cloak before heading into the kitchen area for a cup of tea. With a wave of his hand he flicked the com device on his desk into life, letting the machine warm up while his drink stewed. When the tea was ready he cradled the cup in his hands as he took a seat before his desk and caught up on his messages.
One immediately caught his eye, for it was from Mace Windu, regarding a security risk to a member of the Senate. Specifically, the member from the Chommell Sector, who had asked to meet with a Council member to discuss such concerns over dinner. A smile came to face as he realised that he would be seeing Padmé within just a few hours. This emotion was tempered however by the thought of what security risk could have arisen in the time they had parted from each other in the Corellian Grand. Padmé was no ordinary politician. She would not have requested such a meeting unless it was important.
Rising from his chair, Obi-Wan took himself further into the quarters, to where the refresher and his bedroom were located. Shedding his garments he took another shower, this time solitary and short, before attiring himself in a freshly laundered set of robes. It would not do to greet Master Windu in the clothes he wore during his unofficial assignment. Privately he contemplated the possibility of confiding in the rest of the Council about what Bail had asked him to investigate. He could not be the only member within that body who knew about the List. There were the larger implications behind the murders to consider after all.
From his quarters it was not as long a route to the Council chambers as it was from those lived by the members of the Order who did not sit within that body. Obi-Wan wandered the largely deserted corridors of the rooms which belonged to those members, before reaching a door that led to the series of private meditation chambers, likewise reserved, through which there was an entrance into the Council Chamber itself. Before the entrance he paused, stretching out with the Force to determine who else was in the room. Anakin had been heading that way, and he did not wish to encounter his former Padawan so soon. Not all members of the Council needed to be present in order to assign a Knight or Master a mission.
Still it was disconcerting to learn that it had been Master Yoda and no other who chose to brief the Chosen One. It signified that the mission must have been of some importance, or the Grand Master still had his doubts concerning Anakin's abilities. Perhaps it was both. True he could sense Mace with him, but he could also discern that the Korun master had only recently entered the hallowed chamber. Knowing they would, doubtless they already had, sensed his presence, Obi-Wan joined them.
"Master Obi-Wan," Yoda greeted him in his usual manner.
In reply he offered a slight bow to them both before turning to Master Windu. "I received your message, Mace. Did Senator Amidala confide in you the nature of the security concern?"
"No, she did not," Master Windu replied. "Yet there was something in her manner which leads me to believe that this security concern is a matter that involves more than just her safety."
Obi-Wan felt his frown deepen, even as he tightened his shields around the newly realised returned affection concerning the Nubian Senator. "A concern for Naboo, or a concern for the New Republic?"
"I am uncertain," Mace answered. "She is a careful woman, who hides her worries well, even from a Jedi."
"A debt to Senator Amidala we owe," Master Yoda mused. "Without her help on Zigoola you might still be."
"I am sure she considers our own help regarding the relief of the Blockade Crisis to be an even trade," Obi-Wan countered mildly. "She is not one who expects something in return for the aid which she gives freely," he added, knowing that his companions were probably aware of such a character trait, but felt the point should be made in any case.
"Report to us the nature of her concerns you will," Master Yoda intoned.
"If they relate to larger matters within the galaxy," Obi-Wan assured them with a slight inclination of his head. He had detected enough in the Grand Master's words to realise that it was not a command, merely a reminder of his duty. "Which I sense that they might."
With that parting communiqué, Obi-Wan bowed before them then exited the Council Chamber through the same route which he had entered the room. Once outside however, he took the direct route to the Temple hangar, where he requisitioned one of the airspeeders for the journey to Five Hundred Republica. As he entered the route into the navcomputer, he took the precaution of adding to the automated return system, for it would not do for a Jedi issued airspeeder to spend all night outside the apartments. In response to the Supreme Chancellor's crafted propaganda campaign, every Jedi's actions were closely observed by an increasingly attentive holopress. The last thing he and Padmé needed was attention from them just now.
Such a move might be considered presumptuous on his part, especially as he sensed her nervousness from the moment he came to a halt by the door. It was an emotion to which he was not immune either, for his training had not prepared him for this meeting. Dormé greeted him as he crossed the threshold of the corridor, and he held some mundane conversation with her before she ushered him into the living space, where Padmé was waiting for him.
Her appearance did not calm him one iota, for once more he was struck by her beauty, unable to do no more than cast his eyes about the cascaded yellow into pink shaded gown, adorned by a silver gilded clasp fastened about her neck. Though her hair was only styled simply in a half chignon, the long locks falling down her back did nothing to hide the fact that the dress parted wide underneath her tresses, leaving her soft skin unveiled to his gaze.
Obi-Wan was drawn from his silent admiration of Padmé's beauty by her voice as she nervously greeted him. He managed to return the salutation in the same fashion, as he fell back on his training in order to achieve a semblance of serenity. To his relief this was accomplished, causing him to continue the conversation, politely reminding her of the reason he had come.
She elaborated briefly upon her motive for requesting a visit from the Order, then offered him dinner. To his surprise, Obi-Wan realised that he had not had a bite to eat since he departed from her that morning, so he accepted her invitation. As they wined and dined, he learned that the truth behind her summons was a request that the Order exercise their recently granted voting privileges, a dubious honour accorded to them and the members of the Confederacy through the peace negotiations, and join with various members of the Senate in asking that the Supreme Chancellor give up the executive powers awarded him during the Geonosis Crisis, as that engagement had come to be known since the ratification of the peace treaty with the Separatists.
It was both comforting and unsettling to learn that the Order were not the only ones who felt that Palpatine's grasp of power was dangerous to the Republic. If members of the Senate were questioning his motives in refusing to relinquish the powers granted to him in order to resolve the Geonosis Crisis, then there must be more at stake than the Council previously believed. Due to his position on the Council, Obi-Wan was more well-informed than other knights and masters of the Order about the recent political manoeuvres, perhaps more so than his Council colleagues, thanks to his friendship with Bail Organa and the woman sitting across from him.
He knew that the result of the last time the Senate put the request to the floor had enough votes behind it to force a vote of no confidence in the Chancellor. He could understand Padmé's hesitation in proposing such a measure, after all it was the same move which had won Palpatine his leadership in the first place. Another thing he also agreed with her about was that the Senate would need an overwhelming majority to force the Supreme Chancellor to relinquish his powers. That Palpatine would not go without a fight was evident. What exactly that fight would entail was another matter, and one on which no one dared to speculate for fear of reaching conclusions which were entirely unwelcome.
He agreed to Padmé's request of putting forth the proposal before the Council, asking them to exercise their voting privileges. Silently he wondered if a word to Master Dooku would influence the Confederacy into doing the same. Though the former magnate - and former Jedi Master, as far as the Serennoan was concerned, however much some members of the Order might disagree - had claimed sanctuary within the Temple, Master Dooku still had some connections within the Separatists which could prove useful to the Republic.
Whether the Council would agree to Padmé's request was another matter. A great many of them still refused to involve themselves within the Republic, even though most of their diplomatic and aid assignments came from that alliance of systems. Very few matters relating to trouble in the Outer Rim reached their ears now, a downside of basing the Temple on Coruscant, or could it be that the rising cloud of the dark side was responsible, if so Obi-Wan was uncertain. Perhaps it was time to expand their bases, reach out to Master Altis' Order, attempt an reconciliation with the Master whom anticipated the recent reforms by forming an Order of his own to follow those practises previously frowned upon.
All of this however could be focused upon when he return to the Temple. Now, he should follow an old axiom of his Master's, and focus on the moment. On the woman sitting across from him, whose hand he took hold of once more. Gently he caressed the soft skin that was beneath his callused fingers as his sea shaded eyes sought hers. In the Force he could sense that she still felt a little nervous. He ached to reassure her, but knew he could not, for nothing in their lives was as certain as the Force right now.
Still, such knowledge did not prevent him from rising from his chair to kneel beside hers, nor from his free hand cupping her face to pull her into an ardent kiss. As she leaned into his embrace, he felt her anxiety gradually lessen in the wake of their desires. As it had the night before, the ancient energy that was the Force seemed to swirl around them, full of wondrous possibilities. In sync they rose as one to stand, their lips parting briefly as she took him away from the table through the rest of the apartment to her bedroom.
Though the blinds were shuttered against the light of the city that never slept, no amount of material could cloak it completely, casting an eerie glow over the room, which had not changed since he and his Padawan had rushed in to take care of what had then been the latest attempt on her life. At the time Padmé had seen nothing but recklessness in Obi-Wan's daring capture of the craft which had carried the two Kouhuns that Anakin slayed, but now she saw the love which had lay behind his actions, along with the deadly intensity of affection bordering on obsession in Anakin's. She recalled now how that look in the Padawan's gaze, fresh from slaying the Kouhuns with his saber had terrified her, causing her to turn away from him, in time to see Obi-Wan throw himself at the craft.
But while it was easy to reconcile his past actions with her new understanding of his affections, she still found it difficult to believe that he loved her. That he had been prepared to push the reforms through the Order knowing of her misguided feelings for Anakin, despite his own seemingly orthodox loyalty to their once monastic practises. He sacrificed so much for her, that she felt almost unworthy of the depth of love which he bestowed upon her, as well as a regret that she had not realised from the first what she felt for him.
As if he were reading her thoughts, Obi-Wan cupped her face at that moment, drawing her focus back into the present. "Remember what I said this morning, Padmé. I love you, never doubt that."
He drew her towards him, meeting his lips with her own in a kiss which spoke to the depth of her soul, arousing a courage from somewhere deep inside her, enabling her to find her way through the layers of clothing covering his skin. He seemed content to let her undress him first, only returning the favour when she finished, his hands moving from where they had come to rest at the small of her back, in an upwards caressing motion to the silver clasp which fastened the dress around her neck. One click and the material fell to pool at her feet, leaving her unfettered before his tender gaze.
"You are so beautiful," he murmured, his sea shaded eyes caressing every inch of her, lingering on the bacta patch which hid the injury that Anakin had dealt to her. His hand reached out towards it and for a moment he regarded her solemnly. "Do you still need evidence of this?"
She realised now why he hadn't healed it the night before, not just because it was not the right moment, but he thought that the bruises would be required for her divorce proceedings. Softly she shook her head, then forced herself to stand still as he peeled back the bacta patch, laying his hand upon the multicoloured spectrum which his Padawan had caused, as he called upon the ancient power in which he was versed to heal it.
The last time he had healed her was when they were facing the droidekas on Geonosis, when she had been too distracted by the possibility of their dying to even realise he had done such a thing. Now however, through the eerie shuttered glow she could observe the gradual transformation of colour which he worked upon her flesh, savour the sensations which the healing seemed to create inside her. Attempt to define the look in his sea shaded eyes that never left her own.
It was only when she felt him begin to caress her breasts that she realised the healing was finished, giving way to other desires. Her own hands became adventurous too, exploring him until their strength to keep their feet on the ground gave way to their growing passion, and he swept her up into arms to lay her upon the bed.
This time there was a certain fierceness to their union which was lacking from the night before. Not enough to overcome the tender caresses, or to cast doubt upon the passion that was unleashed, but the result came to plunder the depth of their love even further, to a plane previously undiscovered. Last night had been about exploration, tonight was about confirmation, of their feelings and of their pleasure, bound together in an exactness which took their breath away.
In the afterglow they fell back amongst the pillows, their joined hands landing last upon the linen sheets, both sated and breathless. Idly brown eyes met blue in an eloquent gaze, exchanging glances of mutual enjoyment.
"It was never like that," Padmé murmured.
Obi-Wan turned to her with an inquiring look, silently requesting her to explain what she meant. When she hesitated, he added a further plea by raising her hand that he still clasped to his lips, quietly assuring her that she had no need to dissemble with him.
"I was just realising how much of a mistake I made," she continued in the same soft tone. "Why did I marry him, Obi-Wan? I don't know any more. It was never him I loved, it was always you."
"Since when?" he asked her quietly, turning his face towards her.
"Naboo," she replied, reminding him of the moment when he first encountered her, seconds after leaping down from a raised cloister in order to dismember a few dozen droids of the Trade Federation who held her hostage.
"Why did you never tell me?" he queried.
"Because we had responsibilities," she reminded him. "I knew what my heart still felt from the minute we shook hands upon our reunion, but I also realised when Ani spoke that he was still interested in me. I don't know why I once believed that my own feelings reciprocated his. I felt compassion for him, but never the love I should feel. But then neither did he." she turned to face him. "Why didn't you argue your case when you visited me before he and I left for Naboo?"
"I didn't think you returned my feelings," he replied, causing her to frown. "Padmé, I saw you kiss him before you entered the arena, what was I supposed to think?" He sighed and took a breath before continuing. "I saw the future on Geonosis, just not the future I wanted. On Naboo, it was all I could do to honour the last wishes of my master. Ten years later, what I felt was tempered by the feelings of my Padawan and the need to complete his training before raising the question of reform within the Order before the Council. A reform born out of selfish motives, ones which I knew would give Anakin grief, as well as you, even if his feelings were returned. But, considering what you endured at his hands, I wish I had."
"That's another thing I cannot understand," Padmé remarked, "why did I kiss him then, why did I tell him that I loved him? I didn't. I was terrified for him and what he had done, I was torn between arguing with him to tell you and telling you myself."
"What had he done?" Obi-Wan asked.
She told him then, of the events on Tatooine, when she and Anakin had gone to find his mother, only for him to retrieve her dead body from the Tusken Raiders, confessing to her later of the price he had paid in surrendering to his desire for vengeance.
"I'll never forget what he said and how he said it," she uttered as she came to the end of the tale, "'I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them... Not just the men, but the women and children too. They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals.' He said that he couldn't control himself, that he didn't want to hate them, but he couldn't forgive them either. I didn't know what do, let alone how to tell you. I knew you would blame yourself for failing in your promise to Qui-Gon and I could not let you do that."
"Nevertheless, you should have told me," Obi-Wan admonished gently. "Yoda felt something happen to him, what he was unsure, he told me so when we returned. When I confronted Ani, he remained stubbornly silent, unwilling to confide in me. I knew then that I had failed Qui-Gon, but there was little I could do to change things, unless Ani desired to be helped." He sighed and raised her hand to his mouth once more. "All the injuries we could have prevented if we had just found the courage to be honest with each other."
"It was not courage and honesty which failed us, it was compulsion." she countered, causing him to pause in his sojourn and turn to her, curious and concerned. "Or at least, I came to believe that I was compelled today."
He frowned as he contemplated the rather unsettling thoughts which were aroused by her startling revelation. "You are sure that your view is not tainted by his recent actions?"
"Yes and no," she answered slowly, after a great deal of thought. "My view of him has always been influenced by our first meeting, as has his. That view blinded us from seeing the changes in each other which a decade has dealt, changes which we refused to accept."
Softly Obi-Wan gathered her into his arms as he focused on her words. "If you are right, then you and he are not the only ones. The Order was blinded as well, first by their fears of change, then by the belief that he would prove the truth of the prophecy. However, who was it who blinded us? Anakin or the Sith?"
"But why would the Sith care?" Padmé queried. "And on Geonosis? Could their power extend so far?"
"Imagine what could happen if the Chosen One turned," Obi-Wan murmured, "or was compelled to turn. A Sith seeks out the shadows which already lie within you, and uses them to spread the darkness further. And Anakin's shadow has always been his fear that he will not fulfil his dreams, which are now blinded by the hopes of others."
"I can believe that Anakin is being manipulated," Padmé agreed, "but I do not think that advocates his guilt."
"Nor do I," Obi-Wan replied, "but it is not his guilt which is in question. What worries me is how far can he fall before it too late for him to rise again."
As soon as Coruscant's optical receptors signalled the commencement of standard daylight hours, the Senator and Jedi Master rose from their bed and broke their fast together, in the same room that contained their dinner the night before. Unlike the morning spent at the Corellian Grand, both were required to attend to their duties almost immediately, hers a morning committee meeting in the offices of the Senate, his a Council briefing in which he would voice her request that the Jedi exercise their voting privileges. So they rose from sleep, allowed themselves a brief but luxurious coupling before breakfast, whereupon Padmé bade Obi-Wan farewell.
He took the long way home, opting to use public transport as he had sent the distinctive Jedi issued airspeeder back to the hangar during the night, deciding to treat the curious stares which the Jedi always encountered from others as an exercise in tolerance.
In the end however, the decision was taken out of his hands. For before he reached the nearest public transport station, his attention was drawn towards a crowd of beings, gathered together for some as yet inexplicable reason, in the midst of what was otherwise known as the Senatorial district. Calmly he manoeuvred his way through the exclaiming hoard, until he reached the eye of the storm, whereupon his own serenity was dashed into the orbital highways located above.
What he had expected to see in the midst of this crowd was a creature dead from exposure, a domesticated or feral animal maybe, or a homeless being, which was not an uncommon sight on the planet commonly heralded as the Jewel of the Core Worlds. However what he found instead gave him pause, and caused him to exercise Jedi discipline on retaining his composure, for it would not do to alarm the crowd any further than they already were. For what lay before him was not an common sight on the Jewel of the Core Worlds. It was something he had last encountered over ten years ago.
A murdered Jedi.
To be Continued...