I hate everything about you

Every roommate kept awake,

By every sigh and scream we make,

All the feelings that I get,

But I still don't miss you yet,

Only when I stop to think about it,

I hate everything about you, why do I love you?

Three days grace - I hate everything about you

I awoke the next morning from my cell phone vibrating. Lifting my head to look around, I was only able to open one eye. My contacts were still in, I had must have forgotten to take them out the night before. I rubbed my eyes attempting to force my contacts back into place when I caught sight of my purse. It laid on the floor next to the door, its contents spilled all over the ground. My cell phone lit up in the mess of my items. Today was going to suck. Wedding rehearsal and pre wedding jitters with one of the worst hang overs of my life. I must have drank myself into oblivion last night. My cell phone went quiet and I placed my head back onto my pillow, rubbing my temples attempting to calm my headache.

The last thing I could remember, was meeting up with the girls at the hotel. I was excited, the majority of all my high school friends were there and after my encounter with Criss, I was ready to get good and loaded and enjoy the night with my friends. Apparently that's exactly what I did. I was regretting it now. I was glad Jo got me a room at the hotel, that way I didn't have to figure out how I was going to get back to my apartment, trashed.

I rolled over to catch a glimpse at the clock. I had to meet Jo at 10 to get things ready for tomorrow. As I rolled, my arm stopped short. My eyes widened with surprise and shock as I noticed Criss laying in bed next to me, shirtless and sound asleep. What the hell was he doing in my bed? I sat up quickly and stared him down.

I surveyed the room, trying to get a clue as to what the hell happened last night. Nothing seemed out of place, with the exception of my purse, nothing looked broken. I didn't sleep with him did I? Glancing down I noticed I was in Criss' shirt. God I'm an idiot! Here I am, trying my damnedest to keep myself from going back to him, I get drunk and he mysteriously appears in my bed. What the hell was I doing? I was screwing it all up, that's what I was doing.

It wasn't that I didn't love Criss. Hell, it wasn't even that I didn't want to be with him. I did. I loved him more than anything, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him. So why was I being so stubborn about it? Because I didn't want to hurt Criss anymore than I already had. I hurt him, on more than one occasion. I was beginning to see that I was a bad news magnet when it came to men. And I cared for Criss too much to put him through anymore.

So yes, for the sake of sparing Criss the pain, I was going to be a bitch. As much as I hated the idea of being that way towards him, its what I had to do. If Criss thought I hated him or even if I pissed him off enough, maybe he would finally back off and give up. He'd eventually get over me, and then him and Mary could live a happy life. And although I felt resentment towards Mary, I was glad for her, glad that she was there to pick up the pieces that I was going to leave.

I slowly and carefully pulled back the covers and slid out of bed. I rummaged through my bag and yanked on a pair of jeans. Grabbing some clean clothes, I tiptoed to the bathroom. I was going to attempt to make it out of the room without waking him. I shut the bathroom door quietly and searched through my bag for some Tylenol. I quickly popped a few of them then got dressed. Once I looked presentable I cracked open the bathroom door and attempted to make my escape.

"Where do you think you're going?" Criss asked just as my hand touched the door handle. I hung my head and dropped my arm. Better get this over with. I turned to face him. My stomach wasn't agreeing with me, probably due to all that alcohol, I wouldn't be a but surprised if I was still legally drunk. I leaned against the wall for support. I looked at Criss and asked the question that needed asked the most.

"What happened last night?" I asked. Criss threw his arms into the air and rolled his eyes.

"Figures you wouldn't remember." he said. I gulped loudly.

"So does that mean, we?"

"Nothing happened." he reassured me. It sounded almost as if he was disappointed.

"Then why did I wake up with you in my bed?" He opened his mouth but I held up my hand. "You know what? I don't want to know, I'm running late. I have to go." I turned to open the door. I wasn't ready for the answer. If Criss and I slept together, it was only going to complicate things more, and I figured it was best if I didn't know.

"Can I drive you?" he asked as he got out of bed and slipped his shirt on.

"I'm going to my moms, to help Jo get things ready." I told him, hoping the wedding planning would scare him away.

"I know, Sully asked me to meet him there. He has some last minute things that need to get done. There's no point in taking two cars. Ill drive." He slipped his shoes on and walked over to me. As much as I didn't want to be stuck in the same car as him, I didn't feel I was in good enough condition to drive. I sighed heavily and reluctantly nodded. His face instantly lit up as he opened the door.

"Let me get my keys." he slipped into his room and was back in a matter of seconds. Most of the drive was quiet and I was thankful. I didn't want to talk to him. I knew what he wanted, and I didn't want to break his heart for the last time.

"So, are you growing your hair out?" he asked, trying to start a conversation. Damn it! So much for riding in silence. I shrugged and stared out the window, hoping he would get the hint. "And thee, um, tattoo, whats that all about?" he asked and nudged his chin toward my leg.

"Criss, I didn't agree to ride with you so we could talk." I finally said. I hated being a bitch to him, more than anything. But it was the only way I could think of that would make him leave. I watched him out of the corner of my eyes. His mouth a hard line and his hands gripped the steering wheel a bit too tight.

Suddenly he slammed on the brakes, forcing my body to fling forward. I braced myself against the dash board before I smacked into it and looked over at him.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled. I had to admit that I was a bit surprised at the way he was acting. He threw the car into park and turned to face me.

"We're not leaving this spot until you talk to me. I'm tired of these games Lana."

"Criss, c'mon, seriously, Jo is waiting on me."

"Then I guess we better get this over quickly." I sighed in frustration and looked down at my feet. We both sat there silently for a moment. "I tried Lana, I really did. I tried keeping my patients and giving you time to come around. But I cant do it anymore. I'm not giving you up. So you're either going to get real sick of me, or you're going to realize that you and I belong together. Either way, I'm not going any where."

I kept my eyes on my feet, not wanting to face him. I wasn't prepared for what I had to do. Nothing could have prepared me for it, but I had to do it.

"I don't love you Criss." I whispered. He snorted and stared me down.

"I don't believe you, not for one second!" he snapped. "If you didn't love me, you wouldn't avoid me. You wouldn't be scared to look me in the eyes, because you know, the minute you look at me, you're gonna give in." he was right. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me." he said. "If you can do that, then I'll leave you alone. I'll go back to Vegas and you'll never hear from me again."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Could I really do this? Could I really look him in the eyes and say I didn't love him? Even if I could, could I make him believe me? I bit back my tears that threatened to spill and turned to face him.

"I don't... love you." I managed to say it while looking in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he believed me or not, but I was surprised that I was able to do it and not break into tears. He huffed a laugh and nodded his head, with a sarcastic smile on his lips.

"Its Jared isn't it?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I looked away from him and stared out the window. I wasn't going to tell him Jared and I were no longer together. The logic? If Criss thought I was still with Jared, he was more apt to give up easier.

"Right," he nodded his head, taking my silence for an answer. "So you're fucking him now? I mean, you guys looked pretty cozy together, living in his house in LA. Going to his studio, helping him write his songs."

I snapped my head to look at him. I wasn't surprised he knew all of this, but I was surprised that he was taking this approach.

"Are you fucking him?" he waited for my response. I turned my head to stare out the window again. I wasn't sure how much longer I could play this game. Things were not going the way I expected them to. He was supposed to give up and leave, not get pissed off and fight more. He was only making it harder for me to do this, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could fight him off.

"Are you two fucking?" he demanded an answer. I was at my wits end. And I knew what I was about to say was only going to make it worse, but I was hoping it was the shove I needed. I snapped my head to him.

"Every fucking day! Most of the time 6 or 7 times a day. Give or take." I screamed. Criss' eyes widened as he stared me down. "And you know what? I love it! I enjoy every inch of him and every orgasm he gives me. I. Enjoy. It." By the time I was finished Criss was livid, and I already knew, I was in trouble.

He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. "A simple yes would have done." he said between his clenched teeth. I shrugged and smiled at him.

He stared at me with an evil glare before flinging his door open and quickly making it to my side of the car. I thought the door was going to come off the hinges as he whipped my door open and yanked me out, slamming me against the car, my body pinned between his and the car.

"What are you trying to do? Do you want me to be jealous? Well guess what, I already am! The only reason Jareds still alive is because I know it would hurt you if I killed him!" he yelled. I shoved against him, pushing him off of me. He took a step back and stared at me, his eyes full of rage. I could feel myself getting angry, and that was never a good thing.

"What about you, you hypocrite? You've got that nice little bleach blonde tramp waiting for you at home, and yet here you are, trying to get back together with me." I snapped, shoving my finger into his chest. "Its bad enough you fucked me while you were with her!" I gasped and slapped my hands down onto my mouth. That was the problem I had, when I got angry, things came out of my mouth that I never meant to say, and that was one of them. I watched him wince at the mention of our rendezvous behind the club in LA.

"I'm not with her anymore!" he growled. I took a step back. He what? He wasn't with her anymore? Did I just hear him correctly? "That's right. I left her. Because I knew all I wanted was you. And she was never going to be able to replace you. No one can." I looked to the ground, suddenly feeling like the biggest pile of horse shit in existence. It didn't matter. None of it did. I wasn't going to be selfish. I couldn't go back to him, knowing he'd live a life of pain. I couldn't do it.

"Well I don't want to be with you anymore." I gulped, trying to shove down the pain. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him, tell him I was sorry, and just spend the day in his arms. But I knew we were too far gone for that to happen. Our relationship was shredded, and there was no gluing it back together. I turned to get back into the car but he grabbed my shoulders and pinned me back against the door.

"Running away again. All you do is run away Lana. You're scared, afraid to face your problems head on. Noooo." he laughed, "no, instead you run away, not caring who you hurt. Every time things went bad, you'd run. Hell, sometimes you'd run half way across the country. Well ya know what Lana? I'm not letting you run this time." he clenched his jaw. His nostrils flared as he took loud shallow breaths through his nose. Holy shit, he was pissed.

"But I think, just for today, it'd be best if you kept your distance. Because right now, I cant tell you what I'm capable of doing." he narrowed his eyes at me before side stepping me and walked to the drivers side door.

I leaned my leaned my head back against the car and took a deep breath. "Shit!" I muttered to myself. This plan completely backfired on me. And to be honest, I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up this charade. Every second I spent with Criss was breaking down my wall. And I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to hold myself back.