Oh, love of mine, would you condescend to help me
'Cause I'm stupid and blind
Oh, and desperation is the devil's work
It is the folly of a boy's empty mind
And now I'm feeling dangerous
Riding on city buses for a hobby is sad
Why don't you lead me to a living end
I promise that I'll entertain my crippled friend
My crippled friend
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I've been there and back again
The state that I am in
-The State That I Am In, Belle & Sebastian

Bobby was standing on the back patio with Warbird. They were on a date. Not because Bobby had said 'yes' to something he didn't want to do, but because he'd asked her out. It was sort of a last-second, impulsive thing to do. Warbird had become significantly less aggressive since she began believing Bobby was Gay for Gambit. Bobby was not a homosexual, he liked women. All kinds of women, including intergalactic avian bodyguards. Bobby wondered what his father would have to say about this woman. Probably nothing, because Warbird would have chopped his head off if he so much as uttered a single insult. Bobby had taken Warbird out to dinner. She was not wearing her Shi'ar uniform for the first time in Bobby's recollection, but a dress. That helped with the whole intimidation thing too since three-quarters of her body wasn't exposed and completely in Bobby's face. They'd then gone for a walk around the lake and ended up on the patio.

"You're...different," Warbird told him, cocking her head to the side.

"Well," Bobby began, plucking at his shirt, "Jean-Paul picked out this out for me. I don't really like it."

"No. Not your clothing. You're different from the males back home. The Shi'ar don't have a word for-modesty."

"Well, that explains some things," Bobby said.

"You have every reason to be proud...boastful," Warbird told him and put her hand on his forearm. "You are very powerful." Her fingers tightened and she moved closer.

"I don't like to brag," he said, looking into her strange eyes.

She smiled. "You're humble. This is another Earth word I have learned. There is strength in your humility. I see that now."

"Well, I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy." Very lightly, he touched one of the plumes that made up her hair as it fell over her bare shoulder. It was soft. Recalling Remy's musings about Shi'ar anatomy, he felt his face grow hot and was glad it was dark out.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I like that phrase. It is comfortable to be with you. You do not offer me a challenge...Except when it comes to avoiding my attentions."

"I don't think I'd stand much of a challenge if we're going to duke it out," Bobby responded and let his hand rest on her shoulder. Her feathers tickled the back of his hand. "Honestly, you're pretty intimidating."

Warbird looked up at him through her eyelashes, her expression almost coy. "Perhaps you'd prefer a meeker sort of woman?"

"No...No, I don't think so," Bobby told her. "That's beginning to dawn on me."

She put her fingertips to the back of his neck. "I have come to some new conclusions as well."

"Oh good, because that thing you saw with me and Gam-mmph." Her lips met his and Bobby was quiet. She seemed like she was into kissing, so nothing strange about that.

Warbird drew away slightly and spoke against his lips: "Let us feed one another with our mouths."

Uh oh, Bobby thought. "Uhm...I'm kinda full, actually."

The light over the patio came on and they drew apart. Wolverine opened the rear entryway door.

"Iceman," Wolverine said. "Get in here."

"What are you, my dad?" Bobby groused.

"There's a problem," he growled.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Gambit," Wolverine said.

Bobby stepped back from Warbird. "Oh, shoot! What day is it? I forgot!" He looked at Warbird. "I'm sorry-I-."

"If you need to see to your friend, go," she told him. "I wouldn't expect you to do otherwise."

Bobby followed Wolverine into the school.

"Sorry to interrupt your potential abduction and ravishment," Wolverine said.

"So, I take it Gambit told you."

"Told me what?" Wolverine asked.

"Uhm...wait. What happened?" Bobby stammered.

"Gambit's gone 'round the bend. He's a total head-case."

Bobby paused. His heart filled with dread. "Oh no. Did he hurt himself? Is everyone okay?"

"Hank's fur will eventually grow back, I'm sure," Wolverine began. "Rogue was a little loopy, but she's come to. And Idie seems more upset Gambit's not taking her to her religion class than anything else."

Bobby ran his hand through his hair. "Oh, geez."

"I hope you can move some numbers around and get the stairway fixed."

"Yeah...but. Okay, did anyone call Doctor Drumm?"

"Who?" Wolverine asked.

Bobby stared at him. "Doctor Drumm...Remy's therapist," he said flatly. "Don't you remember when he told us-."

"I can't keep all these things straight!" Wolverine complained. "I have things to do. You're in charge of H.R., you're supposed to be the one keeping track of this stuff!"

"Honestly, what are you going to do when I leave to become CFO of a multi-national weapons and technology conglomerate!" Bobby said with exasperation.

"What are you talking about?" Wolverine asked. "Never mind. I need you downstairs in the infirmary. Gambit's having himself one of his-what did he call it? Episodes. He won't let Hank anywhere near him. Rachel can't reach him. He's been ranting on and on about something he needs to tell you."

Bobby had been following Wolverine as he walked. They took the elevator down to the lower floors under the school. "What did you do with him?"

"We've got him restrained with his powers turned off," Wolverine said. "He really made a mess. I can't have-exploding staff members! It's bad enough we've got Exodus beating down our door."

Once in the infirmary quarters, they found Beast in the observation room. Rogue was there as well holding Gambit's jacket in her arms. Beyond the glass that separated the observation room from the infirmary, Bobby could see Rachel standing over Gambit. He was sitting on the floor, his head between his knees with his arms restrained behind him.

"Not good," Bobby said.

"He's exhibiting withdrawal symptoms," Beast said to Bobby. "Headache, dizziness, erratic heartbeat, nausea...Do you have any idea why he might have stopped taking his medication?"

"He hasn't," Bobby told him. "I've seen him take it."

"Everyday?" Beast asked.

"Well, I'm not with him every second," Bobby said. "Aren't they in his coat?"

Rogue looked somewhat dazed. She hesitated a moment, then unfolded Gambit's long jacket. She began to empty the pockets. Playing cards, gum and candy, a purple tennis ball, string, several pens stolen from the staff lounge, and his wallet and keys were placed on a nearby metal tray. Rogue uncovered two pill bottles, one for allergies and the antipsychotic for Gambit's mood disorder.

"Here," Rogue said and handed the bottle to Beast.

There were only a few pills left in the bottom of the bottle. Beast removed one and dropped it into a nearby vial filled with liquid. The bottom of the vial turned murky white. "Lactose," Beast said.

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Sugar pill," Beast said. "A placebo."

"Great, more sugar. Just what he needs," Wolverine said with his hands on his hips. He stared through the window at Rachel and Gambit.

Beast regarded the bottle. "Why would Doctor Drumm prescribe a placebo?" he asked.

"Maybe you should call him and ask," Bobby said.

Rogue had taken a memo pad from Gambit's jacket. She was looking through the pages thoughtfully.

"Hey," Bobby said. "That's private."

Rogue's eyes flashed up at him, irritation on her face. "Maybe we should phone Doctor Reyes instead? She seems to have an idea of what Gambit's been up to."

Uh oh...Bobby thought for the second time that night.

"Hey, you guys," Rachel called from the adjacent room. "We've got a problem here."

Rogue was in the dark. It wasn't completely dark, she realized as her eyes began to adjust. There was the faintest line of light below, where the door met the floorboards. She was left alone in this dark enclosed space for an immeasurable amount of time. She could not formulate the words to express the loneliness and misery she felt. She cried softly into her pillow. In the darkness, she could hear a radio playing faintly. It was near her head. She didn't understand the words that were spoken, but she could mimic the sounds.

Partly cloudy overnight, with lows in the high-seventies...tomorrow, hot, with abundant sunshine. High eighty-eight...

Rogue understood the word 'sunshine.' Tattie would sing her a song about sunshine. Tattie was the sunshine. Rogue did not know about the 'cloudy' part. She had never been outside the house and spent most time in the closet. When the voice stopped speaking, she could hear music. The music brought her comfort. Rogue reached under the pillow beneath her head, searching through the folds of the sheets. She was looking for something...her stuffed doggie, her friend. She couldn't find him. She reached further, pushing the fabric out of the way. She tossed her pillow to the floor where it covered the faint line of light. Where was her doggie? Where did he go? He was gone!

Rogue woke with an inarticulate sound. "Gone doggie no!" she cried.

"Rogue?" Logan was there, seated at her bedside. Rogue blinked in the dim light. She was in the infirmary. When Logan stood, Rogue threw her arms around him and wept into his shoulder. He paused, then hesitantly put his arms around her.

"It's all right, darlin'," he told her.

Rogue was desperate to be touched and held, for any kind of contact at all. She clung to him for several moments before her breathing became less ragged. She forced herself to pull away. She felt embarrassed for the sudden burst of emotion.

"Ah'm...sorry, Logan," she said, wiping her palms across her eyes.

He looked at her with concern. "You going to be okay?"

Rogue could dismiss the mutant abilities she absorbed, but erasing thoughts, especially long-held emotions, was not so easy.

She drew a shaky breath. "Yes. Is Idie okay? Hank?"

Logan nodded. "No one was seriously hurt."

"That's a mercy," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You pick up anything from Gambit we should be worried about?" Logan asked after a moment. "Some of his crazy?"

Rogue shook her head slowly. When she'd touched Gambit, she drew on his powers to siphon off some of his excess energy. She could keep the greater part of his personality at bay, though she had caught a taste of his incoherent thoughts and roiling emotions. She was struck with several sudden memories however. Some recent, but most from some time ago in the past.

"Where is he now?" she asked.

"We've got him in Room Two," Logan told her. "Trussed up, though he wasn't putting up any kind of a fight once Idie showed. He just gave up."

Rogue stood. "Can Ah talk t'him?"

"He ain't sayin' much of anything but nonsense," Logan responded.

Rogue followed Logan to the observation room overlooking Room Two. Rachel was inside the room trying to talk to Remy. Rogue found Hank sitting at a desk, staring at a computer console that was monitoring the fluctuations of Remy's mutant powers. He looked grim and more than a little singed. When he adjusted his glasses, one of the lenses fell out.

"All right, Hank?" she asked.

"It is the smell that's the worst part," he responded morosely. "Burnt fur."

Rogue found Remy's jacket over the back of a chair and picked it up. It was surprisingly heavy. She wrapped her arms around it and felt better.

"Where is Robert? Where did Bobby go?" Remy was asking.

"We'll find him," Rachel said. "Calm down, okay? Do you want something to drink?"

"I needed to talk," Remy said. "I had to tell."

"Sure, you can tell me," Rachel said.

Logan shook his head. "I'm going to go track Drake down," he said. "Maybe he can sort out this mess."

"No...not you!" Remy shouted, but his voice had changed. It was hoarse and ragged. He began to pull against his bonds. "Stay away, Phoenix! I will kill you!"

"Remy, I am not the Phoenix..." Rachel said. "Not anymore."

"He killed my mother...! I'll make him suffer!" Remy had fallen over in his struggle.

"Who killed your mother?" Rachel said. She was surprisingly patient with someone who'd just threatened to kill her. She grabbed the restraint holding Remy's arms behind his back and righted him, then leaned him against the wall.

"Cyclops!" Remy ranted. "He'll be sorry!"

"I'm pretty sure he didn't kill her, Remy," Rachel said soothingly.

"He did...! He did!" Amazingly, Remy seemed to break down and begin to cry. "She's dead! I'll never see her again!"

"Who's dead?"

"Maman..." Remy said miserably.

This didn't make any sense, Rogue thought. Cyclops certainly didn't kill Tante Mattie, and the only other mother Remy could know about was Destiny.

"I'm...sorry to hear she died," Rachel told him. She stood and looked through the window at Hank and Rogue. She shook her head and shrugged. "I think he'd hate it if I tried to go in his head but...What I'm picking up from him is pretty wonky."

Rogue hesitated and risked a glance at Hank. Hank was about to speak when Rogue said: "Go ahead, Rachel. He'll forgive you."

Rachel gave her a determined nod then turned back to Remy.

Logan returned with Bobby in tow.

Bobby took a look through the window and said: "Not good."

"He's exhibiting withdrawal symptoms," Beast said to Bobby. "Headache, dizziness, erratic heartbeat, nausea...Do you have any idea why he might have stopped taking his medication?"

"He hasn't," Bobby told him. "I've seen him take it."

"Everyday?" Beast asked.

"Well, I'm not with him every second," Bobby responded. "Aren't they in his coat?"

Rogue was still holding Gambit's coat. Mechanically, she unfolded it and began to empty the pockets into a nearby tray. She found two pill bottles and handed one of them to Hank.

"Here," she said.

Hank turned away to study the pill bottle. Rogue stared through the glass at Remy and Rachel. Rachel was trying to console Remy, who was telling her he was glad she wasn't the Phoenix. He didn't really want to kill her at all, she seemed nice. After several moments, Rogue heard Hank speak again.

"What?" Bobby asked.

"Sugar pill," Hank said. "A placebo."

"Great, more sugar. Just what he needs," Logan said.

Someone had switched out the pills. Rogue felt a creeping sensation of dread. She turned, feeling as though she were being watched. There was no one behind her.

"Why would Doctor Drumm prescribe a placebo?" Hank asked.

At the mention of a doctor, a guilty and shameful thought floated to the surface of Rogue's mind. One of Remy's more recent memories. She felt her face burn red.

"Maybe you should call him and ask," Bobby was saying.

Rogue riffled through the pockets of the jacket and found a notepad. She opened it to the last few pages.

Magneto out to get me / rational paranoia - or - BPD paranoia? Discuss

Vernon's dog died

Wager/Bobby – telling the "truth"

CC

Then again: CC.

There was more, but those two letters kept appearing.

The last line read: 1) CC. 2) Talk. 3) Help.

She knew what CC was now, or rather who: Cecelia Reyes.

CC know me.

"Hey," Bobby said to Rogue, interrupting her thoughts. "That's private."

Rogue was surprised at her sudden anger. "Maybe we should phone Doctor Reyes instead? She seems to have an idea of what Gambit's been up to," she snapped.

"Hey, you guys," Rachel called from inside the infirmary. "We've got a problem here."

Bobby was looking at Rogue with a guarded expression on his face. Rogue stepped past him and into the infirmary.

"Rogue," Hank called after her. "Perhaps you should-."

Rogue ignored him and approached Rachel. "What is it?"

Rachel was looking a little pale. "That's not Remy," she said.

Remy was looking up at them both with a mulish expression.

"What?" Rogue asked, astonished. She looked at Rachel who was gazing at Remy with a stern expression on her face. Beads of sweat had appeared on her forehead.

"This feels like possession to me," Rachel said.

Rogue turned back to Remy. "Who are you?" she asked.

Remy's lower lip stuck out. "I don't want to talk to you," he said in a raspy voice. "Go away."

"I could try to pull him out of there..." Rachel began and closed her eyes. "But he's in there pretty deep."

Remy shouted and once again fell over. He was pushing himself across the floor with his heels. "Stop! You're hurting me!" he cried.

Bobby was right behind Rogue. "Uh oh," he said. "Rachel, stop."

Rachel paused and turned to look at Bobby. "Bobby, he's-."

"It's okay," Bobby said.

Remy had his face pressed to the floor. "Owie, owie, owie..."

Bobby walked over and crouched down beside Remy. Bobby sat him upright.

"What's going on?" Logan asked.

"There's another personality in Gambit's mind," Rachel told him.

"What? Like a split personality? Like Legion?" Wolverine asked.

"No, another presence entirely," Rachel said. "Completely separate from Gambit."

Rogue stared at Remy. "Gambit...you listen t'me," she said firmly. She understood these kinds of things. After all, she'd lived with Carol Danvers in her head for ages. "You gotta get back in control."

Rachel said: "He's not responding, Rogue. He's too far gone. I can try to cage this one-."

"No," Bobby said suddenly. "Don't hurt him. He's not a threat."

"What do you know about this, Drake?" Wolverine demanded, pointing at Remy. "What aren't you telling us?"

"Uhm...well..." Bobby began, risking a glance at Remy. A petulant expression had returned to Remy's face.

"Spill it!" Logan said.

"This is-Remy's brother," Bobby said finally. "I told him to tell you-."

"What!" Logan exclaimed.

Rogue felt her heart flip in her chest. "Rafael?" she gasped.

Rafael's eyes flicked to Rogue. He stuck his tongue out at her.

Bobby looked up at Rogue. "You-you know about him?"

Rogue slowly reached toward the back pocket of her jeans. She removed the page she had kept from the diary. She unfolded it carefully and held it out to show Bobby.

"Oh..." Bobby said. "So you know about Destiny too."

Rogue's eyes flashed at Bobby. "How do you know about that?"

Bobby stood. "Well, Remy told me."

Rogue felt a sudden flare of anger. "He told you? Why would he tell you? When?"

Bobby's arms extended out to his sides in an expression of helplessness. "Awhile ago, back in New Orleans. And I don't know why he told me...maybe he trusted me!"

"The two of you better start explaining just what the hell is going on! Now!" Logan exclaimed.

"It's complicated..." Bobby said slowly.

Rogue turned to Logan, cutting Bobby off. She had a hard time placing her feelings. Was she jealous of Bobby Drake? "Destiny is Remy's surrogate mother. She gave birth to two sons...Remy-and Rafael."

"I like Rafe," Rafael said. "Like what Bobby calls me."

Logan stared at Remy/Rafael with a dumbfounded expression on his face. He then looked up at Bobby. "And how long have you known about this?" he asked, his voice maliciously quiet.

Bobby scratched his head absently. "Uhm...well..."

Logan jabbed his finger into Bobby's chest. "Gambit's a terrible influence on you!"

"That's hardly fair," Bobby said.

"Rafael," Rogue said, holding the diary page out. "Look. You can talk t'me. This is us."

Rafael made a face at her. "No it's not. I don't like you."

Bobby said: "Rafe, that's not very nice."

Rafael looked at the floor. "Sorry," he muttered.

Rogue stared at the back of Rafael's head. "It's not you?" she repeated.

Rafael glanced up at her through his hair. "Can't you tell us apart? Look at it. Remy's the lefty." Rogue turned the page over. In the drawing, Remy was on the left, Rogue on the right. In the drawing, Remy held one child in his left arm.

"Where did this come from?" Rogue asked quietly.

"Remy's book," Rafael said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "It's all that's left. The rest got burned up."

Rogue's heart wrenched painfully.

"Can we talk to Remy?" Bobby asked Rafael.

Rafael shook his head. "No. He's not talking."

"Is he unconscious?" Bobby asked.

"No...just very, very sad. And far away...behind the door," Rafael responded.

"Now what are we going to do?" Logan asked.

Bobby looked up at him, then glanced at Rogue. "You're asking me?"

"You're in charge of H.R., remember?" Logan said. "And you seem to have a handle on what's going on here."

Bobby nodded. "Okay...well, first we need to talk to Doctor Drumm. Remy will have to go to the psych ward on The Raft for now."

"No!" Rafael and Rogue shouted in unison. She felt the diary page crunch in her hand and she wrapped her arms around herself. She couldn't fathom being left alone again in an enclosed place.

Bobby crouched beside Rafael. "Listen," he said. "It's not going to be for long. Just until Remy gets better. You don't want him to hurt himself, right?"

"Why are you talking to him like he's a child?" Wolverine said.

"He is a child," Bobby responded.

Rachel said: "He's right. Rafael's pretty easy to read."

"Get out," Rafael said to Rachel. "It's too crowded in here."

Rogue felt tearful. "Oh, Remy. Why didn't you tell me? Ah could have helped you, sugah."

Rafael wrinkled his nose at her with disgust. "Nyah," he said.

"Stop that," Bobby told him.

Hank appeared in the open doorway. "I've just spoken with Doctor Drumm," he announced. "Someone has been tampering with Remy's prescription."

"Who would do that?" Bobby asked, aghast.

Rafael looked at Hank with an avid expression. "You're a twin too?" he asked.

Next time: Remy knows why the caged bird sings-lots of good drugs.

I finished writing this story on Friday. Sixteen more chapters left, but two are pretty short.