Chapter 37. Secrets
Severus' point of view.
After an exhausting evening, I finally feel my princess' breathing slowing down and I can feel her drift off to sleep. I'm so angry at that Kyle. How dare he try to strike my girl, how dare he do this and humiliate her in front of everyone. I will get my revenge! More importantly I need to finalise my plans for next weekend, next Saturday is our second anniversary and I'm going to make it as special as I can. Obviously I'm going to need my lord's help as well as Bellatrix's. I need to talk to Madam Rosemerta as well. I'm sure it'll all come together nicely. My lord has called a meeting tonight, I think I'll go and speak to both of her parents tonight. Hopefully it won't be too painful. I decide to scribble a note for my Cal, in case she wakes and I'm not here. I want to get there early to talk to my future family before the rest of the followers turn up. I leave Hogwarts quickly and quietly making my way through the forest to be able to apparate to Lucius' manor. I enter silently.
"Hello Severus. You're early" Cissa comments.
"That I am, is our lord and your sister free? I need to speak to them." I inform the witch, cutting to the chase. As I'm speaking Lucius enters the sitting room, we nod a greeting to one another. My heart is pounding, I don't think I have ever been this nervous.
"Our Lord is in his room, do you want me to get him?" Lucius asks, I shake my head.
"No, my friend. I'll go." I say, slowly making my way through the maze that is Lucius' estate to find the room occupied by my future father in law, well hopefully. After a couple of deep breaths, I knock.
"Come" My lords' voice calls through. I open the door, enter and kneel as we always do in his presence.
"Good evening my lord." I say softly, gaze cast to the floor in the most respectful way.
"Rise Severus, and inform me of why you choose to disturb me!" with his permission I stand. Keeping my posture respectful and my tone calm I breathe deeply as I try and say my plans.
"If it's acceptable my lord, I wish to speak to yourself and Bellatrix about your daughter and my current courtship with her. I would prefer this conversation tonight but whenever is convenient my lord." I say as humbly as I can. My plan is not to anger the man until I manage to get my request across to the pair of them.
"There is time now, if it is acceptable to Bellatrix, then you may return in ten minutes, with Bellatrix and you may have until the meeting starts and if required we may also converse once it's finished." He dismisses me so I head a couple of doors down to knock for Bellatrix. She answers instantly.
"Severus? Is my Cali here?" She asks immediately.
"Good evening Bella, unfortunately Cali couldn't make it tonight, she is sleeping soundly hopefully. However I was hoping to speak to you and our lord about her" I say. Bellatrix's face goes from confusion, to anger then to worry.
"Is she ok?" She asks silently. Her eyes don't meet mine as if she is afraid of the answer. I give a single nod in return.
"Our lord says he is free shortly, if it is acceptable to you as well." I inform her, to which she answers with a nod as well. "He says we may meet in his room in 10?" again she nods and shuts her door. I make my way down the hall to my guest room to freshen up slightly, and attempt to calm myself before going back and baring my heart and soul to these two people and giving them the option to stamp on my dreams. God I hope that doesn't happen.
After the ten minutes, I'm as calm as I'm going to get without the use of a spell or potion, I make my way back to his room, Bellatrix is already waiting outside, she knocks and silently the door opens. Slowly we both make our way into his room, I cautiously look round before I kneel, Bellatrix is already in position as she entered the room first. "Rise" I look up to see that he has prepared for our arrival by transfiguring his bed into three chairs. He is already occupying one, Bellatrix instantly takes the one set out next to him. This leaves me in the one facing the pair of them.
"I wish to discuss something with the pair of you and I beg of you both, please allow me to finish before you comment." Reluctantly, the pair nod their consent. "I want both of you too know…. I'm absolutely in love with Cal. She is my whole world. My everything. There is nothing I want more then to be with her for the rest of our lives. I want to be her rock, her world. I want to be the one she turns to in the middle of the night when her nightmares take hold of her and she is screaming till she can't scream any more. Next Saturday is our second anniversary, I wish to propose. I want her to be mine. Whilst I fully understand that she won't want to marry straight away, I want her to have my ring for eternity" I tell them slowly and carefully. Keeping my gaze on the floor, I breathe again. "I have the day planned fully, if you'll allow me this honour."
"You want to propose? Does Cali know?" Bellatrix asks.
"Yes ma'am I do. I haven't expressed these thoughts to Cal yet, in case you as her parents didn't agree. She is my everything, I promise you, and all I want in this world is to make her happy. Proud. I want her to be proud to be mine. No one else will ever lay a finger on her maliciously, especially not blood traitors like weasel." I say baring my soul to them.
"If we were to give you our blessing for this union, how would you propose?" My lord asks me. I take another deep breathe or two. This question I could confidently answer as I had it planned for so long.
"We would start the day in my rooms my lord. Cal has repeatedly told me there is no where she feels safer. I would cook her breakfast and then give her the presents she doesn't know I have bought her. I would take her shopping and have a private lunch in the three broomsticks, madam Rosemerta has allowed me the use of her private function room. I would finish with a family dinner here my lord, all her favourite foods and then after dessert, I would ensure the table goes silent as I drop to one knee and tell her how much she means to me and pray my lord. Pray she says yes."
"Who would be witness to this proposal?"
"Yourselves obviously, me and Cal, Lucius and Cissa as well as drake and Lorelai if it pleases you" my lord looks to Bellatrix and then back at me.
"We will discuss it, and inform you after the meeting of our decision" I nod feeling grateful that he didn't say no straight away. He dismisses me with a wave of his hand, I leave and go to calm down in my room before the meeting starts.
Cali's point of view.
I wake up to an empty bed and sigh wondering where Sev has got to. I stretch out in bed and feel and hear the crackle of parchment. Picking up to read it I see it is from Severus.
My princess, it reads in Severus' scrawl.
I've been summoned to a meeting with your dad. I will be as quick as possible my love. Please try and enjoy your day as much as you can.
Sx
I look at the clock and see it is still early so I snuggle back under the covers, my head on his pillow and encouraging his sent to encase me. I make the decision that after yesterday I'm never going out again. A couple of hours pass by, once I wake from my slumber I note there is still no word from my love. I decide to turn on the old muggle radio charmed to play my favourite songs. I try to block the numbness I feel as the memories from last night surround me. I feel the anger radiating from Kyle. I feel myself helplessly stood there while he attempted to strike me. I wonder how many people are laughing, calling me weak and pathetic. I know I was certainly thinking about it myself. As these thoughts rained over me I feel my levels of panic rising steadily. I try to control it but it's useless, the tears are coming without fail, the voices in my head are getting out of control and are viciously telling me all my worst fears and how I'll never be ok again. I try to reason with it, this is just a blip in my emotional state but the voices argue back. Telling me no one loves me, why would they look at me? I couldn't even stand up for myself against that Hufflepuff. All I can do at this stage is let the anxiety take control of me. It makes me so numb, I hope Severus will be back soon, he always can help. After an hour or so I manage to calm down enough to control my breathing and stop my sobbing. I notice its lunch time but as usual hunger hasn't struck me. Hopefully everyone else will be in the great hall, maybe now would be the right time to sneak out to the library. Before I have the chance to talk myself out of this decision I go quickly praying the route is bare of people.
As I reach the safety of the stacks, I send a silent thanks to which ever god just helped that journey be void of people. I think of my upcoming assignments whilst browsing the stacks of books. Gathering ones I think will be helpful and interesting. Internally I debate how many I can physically take back to Sev's room. I put a few back after recognising the titles as ones Severus owns, I carry on perusing when I feel someone come up behind me.
"Cali?" The voice says softly, almost caringly. I try to place the voice but I'm struggling. It's obvious this voice isn't mocking me. "Can we…. Do you want to talk?" I turn and then smile at the sight of my future sister in law.
"Hey Lore." I whisper not wanting to draw attention to us. She takes my hand in hers.
"I'm so sorry." She replies "I wanted to interject but by the time he'd swung, you'd already ducked and Drake grabbed me to stop me getting hurt too. He was then getting ready to step in front of you but then the Professor was there." She says quickly, I hadn't blamed her or Drake, it's not their fault I'm useless. "Did you want to go somewhere more private? Or if you want to stay here I can cast some silencing charms."
"You can accompany me somewhere more private if you want to" I say softly. Lore nods in return. We get up and silently I lead her to Severus' potions classroom. It was as close to him as I could get, without invading his privacy by allowing someone in his private rooms without his permission. We sit at one of the work benches.
"Do you want me to cast a silencing spell? So no one else can hear us?" she asks, I nod softly. The elder witch complies. I watch as she casts the spells, also transforming the slightly uncomfortable work bench into comfy seats similar to what is in the common room. I see he giggle as she smiles "we can change them back later." As I look at Lore I can see she really cares about me. Could I tell her what's really been going on? The secret I'm trying to hide from everyone. The thing that has undoubtedly made the numbness and anxiety worse lately. Could I really admit to what I've been hiding? No everyone will be so angry at me, but maybe talking about it and admitting it will be the first step to healing my mind.
"So Cal, do you want to talk about it? Kyle I mean?" Lore says after minutes of silence.
"Not really, is everyone talking about it?" I whisper scared of my own voice.
"Honestly? A couple of first years were giggling about it first thing. Trust me Draco saw to them. Kyles been suspended, Ava" Lore rolls her eyes at Ava's name. "Well Ava has been sobbing all day. People have been accusing her of setting the whole thing up" Lore chuckles softly. "Trust me when I say Slytherin haven't been easy on Ava."
"Please Lore, I really don't want to talk about it. I was up all night over it. I'm terrified that Sev's going to leave me. I'm done talking until I'm forced to."
"I'm not going to force you Cal. I'm worried for you."
"You've only just met me. You don't know me, this could be normal behaviour for me." I say getting slightly agitated.
"I've known you longer then you realise. The minute Draco told me about you, which was about an hour after he found out! I've been in the background watching out for you. I've always kept an eye on my sister. So yes Caitlyn, I know you!" she snaps slightly, but then instantly pulls me into a hug.
"I'm sorry." I whisper "Can I tell you a secret? You CAN'T tell anyone. Not Draco or Severus. Please promise me"
"I promise Cal"
I close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths before holding my arm out. I'm hyperventilating, I wordlessly remove the charm cover the skin on my arm.
Severus' point of view.
After the meeting, I hang behind like I normally do to get my orders of what lies to tell Dumbledore. The room clears slowly. Eventually only Lucius, Bellatrix, I and our lord is left.
"Severus." My lord calls over. "Bellatrix." We both look to him. "A word. With you both." We both make our way over to him. He is sitting on his throne. "Me and Bellatrix have discussed your request Severus" he starts. "We have a couple of conditions"
"Of course my lord." I say, praying they would be reasonable.
"Firstly, if Caitlyn agrees, she will set the pace for everything." He makes the word everything stretched putting pressure on the stress of that word. I nod in return. I was going to do that anyway. "Secondly, if she say no, you will not get angry, or unreasonable with her. You will sit and listen to her explanation" I nod again. "Thirdly, you will have two ceremonies. The first being a private family one that myself and Bellatrix get to be involved in. The second may be slightly larger and include other people you wish to share the day with. Like friends from Hogwarts etc." I nod again wondering how many more there would be. "Finally. If Cali accepts, then the rest of the followers will have to be informed of your courtship and engagement, to ensure complete protection of my daughter." He look at me seriously. "Do you understand and accept these conditions?"
"Yes my lord." I take a deep breath. "Does this mean I have your permission and blessing my lord?" I ask.
"Yes Severus." He smiles and dismisses me with a wave of his hand. I bid my goodbyes to the rest of my future family and apparate back to the forest and make my way back to my room. I don't see Cali in my rooms. I try to use our connection to place her but I can't feel her. I look over into my classroom and see Cal in there with what looks like Lorelai. I can't hear them but it looks like Cali is sobbing, I cast a disillusion spell on myself and silently enter my classroom without either of the girls noticing.
Cali's point of view.
I'm finally brave enough to open my eyes and look at Lorelai.
"Cali…. What are you showing me?"
"These scars on my arm." I whisper. I feel so scared, I know people are going to be angry, I stare at the floor. Too nervous to meet Lorelai's gaze. Lore kneels in front of me. She holds my hand. I feel her gently trace the longest scar the goes from my wrist in jagged movement all the way to my elbow.
"Cali, will you tell me how you got these?"
"Please don't tell anyone" I beg.
"CALI! What happened? Did you do this to yourself?"
I shake my head. "No Lore." Tears lined my eyes. I'm panicking so badly. In one way I wish Severus was here to hold me and tell me it's ok. The other side was slightly glad he wasn't so he couldn't be mad at me if he doesn't know.
"Cali. Do you want me to get professor Snape?"
"I'll get him" I whisper and call him through our connection.
"S...Severus" I ask.
"Yes my sweet." He sounds strange guarded almost.
"Are you far away? Or are you still with daddy?"
"I'm finished with your daddy princess. What do you need?" he responds.
"I'm in your potions classroom. With Lorelai. Please can you come? A…as soon as your free. I need to speak to you, I ne…need you."
"I'm coming my princess."
I look back to Lorelai. "He's coming. I promise I'll tell you everything when he gets here." She nods and we sit in silence for a minute or two until we hear the door open.
"Good afternoon ladies." He places a kiss on my forehead before picking me up, sitting on the chair and placing me into lap. He changes the chair into a couch so we can sit comfortably.
"Do you want me to leave?" Lore asks.
"No!" I beg and look to my prince for conformation its ok.
"It's fine Lorelai, but because of the privacy of this conversation, you will witness the intimacy me and Cali share." He tells the witch holding me tightly. I'm shaking so badly. I can feel my heart going a million miles a minute. Lorelai nods. "You will not gossip about this or mention it to anyone except if Cali talks to you first. Promise me this"
"I promise professor." Lorelai says softly, getting off of the floor and back onto the couch.
Severus takes hold of my arm, he runs his hand over my long scars over my arm. "Princess. I'm going to ask you some questions. You are going to answer them honestly." He says rather sternly. His other hand makes its way to my hair. "You need to be really brave for me. Just like I know you can be. I know you're scared but we can't help you unless you are honest with me. You are not going to be in trouble." He says sternly again but still lovingly. As I'm still looking at the floor, he lifts my chin so our eyes are on each other. "Do you understand princess?"
"Yes Severus." I answer softly.
"Good girl. Did you make these marks yourself?"
I shake my head violently "No. I promised you. I promised I would talk to someone before I thought about doing that again."
"I need you to tell me, how did these marks happen? Did someone do this to you on purpose?" I nod slowly. "Who?"
"Ron" I whisper so softly I'm not even sure I spoke allowed.
"Pardon" He says.
"Ron Weasley." I say louder and all the tears finally escape and I'm sobbing. He pulls me in tightly rubbing soft circles on my back.