Shelby

"You okay?"

"Fucking fabulous." I answered pleasantly. I was sitting sullenly on bookstore David's couch, having managed to pull myself together a short while ago and having finally relinquished my grip on him.

He was looking at me with a smidgen of hesitation but seemed to be fairly laid back about finding me crying outside his door. Either that or he was just very good at keeping himself hard to read and reigned in. Judging from the way his eyes were lightly watching me, I knew he was concerned. I appreciated that he wasn't being nosy or annoyingly hennish, not that I particularly expected him to.

This was so pathetic. What was so wrong with me that I still couldn't make that many girlfriends and had to come running to a guy who had been hitting on me for the past few weeks?

I sighed and accepted the mug of coffee David offered me.

I looked away from his gaze and after a beat, I felt him get up. He soon returned, depositing a blanket and a cushion next to me.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem." He nodded. I was surprised when he just casually walked back to the kitchen table to continue reading some sort of book; the activity I presume he had been doing before I came.

The fact that he didn't hover over me was a completely unpredictable move and I just stared at him perplexedly for a moment, wondering what I should do with myself.

"Oh and you can watch T.V. if you want, and there's not much in the fridge but feel free to anything aside from the pasta in the yellow bowl- that's totally mine for later." He murmured, glancing at me over his book.

"You're not even a little curious about what's wrong with me?"

He shrugged. "Sure I am. I've just had too many friends dump on my couch not to realize that just because they come to me to crash doesn't mean they actually trust me enough to talk. Which is odd, yes, but whatever. You already know I'll listen if you want to talk about whatever so I'm not just going to say it anyways when you don't need telling." David's eyes shifted back to the page and I smiled- actually a little warmed by his consideration.

Of course, he had to add, "Mmm. And though you can stay for a bit, I'm only gonna go for a longterm thing if you finally agree to let me sex you up. If you get lonely tonight, my bed's that room over there." He jerked his head to the door on the right and smirked.

"I will definitely keep that in my mind." I rolled my eyes.

The TV movie I had been watching was just nearing the end when David slipped into his room. "By the way, if a guy did this to you, and not to make assumptions but 8/10 times it is, then he's an ass. Good night." Another flash of a charming smile and he had shut his door behind him.

I looked at the door for a second and wondered for the hundredth time that night what the hell I was going to do with my boyfriend.

xXx

The next morning, I was woken up by David coming back in from the front door. Apparently, the man whore had gotten antsy and slipped out a bit after I fell asleep. I had to give him props for having the thoughtfulness to sleep over at the chick's place and not wake and keep me up with anything by taking her here.

"I may think you're hot but I'm not going to sit up at night and pine for you." Was what his amused eyes nonverbally told me when I asked him where he was.

I supposed then that I couldn't be a dolt and stay hiding from my problems when I was the one who got all spazzy when other people did the same thing. I thanked my friend for letting me stay and he nicely said I could come back if I had to. Our goodbye hug may have consisted of his hand sliding smoothly down a little lower than was strictly necessary, but I'll let him have his moment. I did after all steamroll into his apartment without even a single sentence in explanation. I'm sure I'm as confusing as fuck to deal with, but eh.

I'm doing it again, aren't I? Wallowing in a hazily cheerful daze of denial. Thinking about anything at all except for the fact that I had to run to his place to begin with because Scott's being an imbecile again. Because Scott would neither confirm or deny anything. Because Scott can smile and kiss me and be so great except when it really matters. No, when it really matters he just can't say the right words or do the right thing.

But this isn't even about that. This isn't about what he couldn't say or do. Like I told him, I don't want him to just tell me what I want to hear. But fuck, why couldn't he say SOMETHING? Even if it was 'Shelby. You're right. I don't love you. You're an annoying, insecure, pain in the ass bitch. Juliette is who I'm gonna choose. She's pretty and sweet and well, let's be honest, not YOU!'. Anything but this silence. Anything but this uncertainty.

I dragged my feet as I made my way back to my apartment. I didn't want to go back. But I needed my books for class. I didn't want to go back.

To distract myself, I wasted time at a Starbucks and checked my cell voice mail. Auggie left a message.

Oh, lovely. Juliette had decided to be indecisive and flighty again. Apparently, she had skirted away again and Auggie hadn't been able to find her for hours last night. The apartment had been empty and neither of the bothersome roommates of ours could be found. When he did find her, she was all messed up and panicky again because stupid Scott had guilt tripped her and she was, once again, second guessing her choices.

I sighed.

Flipping my phone open, I called Auggie back and tiredly told him to meet me at the coffee place, with the books I needed.

Why, WHY was I the one who had to glue things back together? Things weren't exactly peachy keen and perfect for me either, but no, people were too fucking weak to fix their own issues.

I downed my frappucino and reluctantly felt bad for my thoughts. Auggie wasn't weak. He just had to deal with Juliette.

Wow, I wasn't bitter at all this morning.

Auggie popped up promptly, his appearance clearly telling the world that he had gotten little sleep last night.

"Hey."

"Hey."

He was cradling his drink for a minute in silence before he asked, "Wait a sec. Where were YOU last night?"

I was not getting into this. I looked at him and all but growled, "Out."

He looked like he might press the matter so I sharpened my glare and cut him off. "Look, I'm not in a very good mood and I have class soon so do you want to talk about how your girlfriend is a spazz or not?"

Auggie crossed his arms. "Fine."

"Okay, so she's being moronic."

"She was all distracted when I spoke to her. She felt really bad about leaving the place we were staying, but she was also really guilty because Scott felt the need to ramble about how he needed her to stay here."

"So get her to grow a backbone. Fight for her. Come on, if it comes down to it, who do you think she'll choose? Scott or you?"

Auggie didn't look too pleased with my response. "Her best friend or the guy she's barely spoken to in a year?"

"Her roommate who's been a manbitch to her lately or the love of her life she's just been given a second chance with?" I retorted.

"I don't know if I should be pushing her. If she doesn't know what she wants-"

"Auggie. She'll never be sure what she wants. Push her or you'll be waiting a lifetime." Okay so I was cranky and maybe just a bit selfish in my advice as I mainly just wanted her with Auggie so I could have Scott focus on me again. But still, it wasn't bad advice.

I left Auggie with that flustered piece of advice and departed. I couldn't help but be paranoid that I made things worse and not better for him and Juliette. It was this nagging little thought at the back of my mind that wouldn't leave me alone until I finally went back home.

I walked into a heated discussion between Auggie and Juliette. Not wanting to be yanked into the conversation, I backed up and out of the door.

Who had to be just entering the apartment but Scott?

"Oh- hi." He said.

"Aug and Juliette are talking." I told him.

"Well, I'm still gonna go in."

"Leave them alone, Scott."

"Where did you go last night?"

"A place."

"A place?"

"A friend's place."

"A girl friend's place?"

I stared at him and maybe took a little too much relish in saying, "No."

His eyes smouldered. His mouth twisted downwards and it was all in all, a not very happy Scott. Realizing that he wasn't going to move his form anytime soon, I gave up on trying to leave and retreated back to the apartment.

I tried not to listen in on the conversation but it's hard not to when they're practically yelling.

"Do you want me or don't you?" Auggie snapped.

Juliette was melting. She was wringing her hands and looking completely torn apart. I glanced at Scott, who had followed me in. He looked just as tense as Auggie did and his eyes were trained on Juliette too.

Hello? I stayed at a guy friend's place last night. As in, I could have cheated on you. Goddamn, what did I have to do to make him care?

I was annoyed now and decided to draw Scott's attention back to me.

"I stayed at a guy friend of mine's place, in case you're wondering. He works at the bookstore with me and is actually really fucking attractive, but of course you aren't jealous or even thinking about me at the moment, are you?" I lowly blurted.

Scott's eyes focused back on mine at last. "You can't just run away like that, Shelby. You didn't even call- I mean-"

"You didn't stop me. You didn't run after me."

"Did… nothing happened with you and that guy, right?"

"I don't know, do you care or are you still wondering what Juliette's going to say to Auggie's question? Because really, if I don't have your full attention…"

"Stop being like this!"

"Maybe I fucked his brains out. Maybe he actually wanted me to fuck him. Maybe I finally got some action for the first time in years and maybe it felt good."

He looked like I had just slapped him in the face. Scott's face contorted and I felt a twinge of guilt for saying all that bullshit.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't see him like that, not when I didn't actually do anything. Not even if he deserved it. "Maybe nothing happened. Maybe I just wish you'd react, show you cared about me for once. Maybe I hate it when you're not even a little bit jealous."

"Shelby…"

"Save it. You had your chance to speak, to make it right. Do you have anything to add to your boatload of silence from last night or are you just gonna say my name and hope I get over whatever mood swing I'm currently in? Because it's not a mood swing and I want you to say actual words for once."

Scott glanced over at the other couple and for the first time I realized I had accidentally interrupted their argument with ours. They were both staring at us.

Come on, Shelby, get your bitch on. "Well? Juliette, DO you want him or not?" I looked at Scott again. "Scott's just dying to know, isn't he?"

"What the fuck?" Scott exclaimed. "I wish you'd shut up for two seconds and listen to what the hell you've been spouting out. You're being delusional. I don't know what's gotten into you but yeah it's driving me off the wall and you KNOW I fucking love you so please stop trying to poke holes in our relationship!"

"I don't know anything."

"I do." Juliette spoke up finally, quietly. "I do know things and I do want you. And I don't want you to leave again. And I don't want to be alone again. And I don't want to fight anymore. Because it hurts too much. Because I can't yell anymore."

Auggie didn't say anything, he just opened up his arms and she fell into them. And they hugged tightly. She kissed him intimately and all was fixed.

God, WHY can't my love life be as easily cured as hers? Why was her life always so much smoother?

Scott looked at the couple like they had just declared that they enjoyed eating decapitated babies.

He muttered something under his breath about being out of line and his lip curled in disgust.

"And look who's angry again at all the wrong reasons." I spat out.

Scott glared. "You know what, I am fucking angry. At all of you. At all of this." He shot daggers at Juliette and looked like he was going to start attacking something or someone fairly soon.

Auggie looked bewildered. "You always gotta be pissed at something, don't you?"

"Is Augusto confused?" Scott mocked.

"And you're being a viscious mother fucker again. I just love this version of you, Meat. Love." Auggie rolled his eyes.

"I suppose I should be congratulating the happy couple. At least someone can be happy." Scott looked back at me.

"Excuse me for not being able to fake it all just to keep you in your stupid bubble of denial." I snarled. "I half wish I did actually sleep with David. Maybe you'd realize you don't have it nearly as bad as you seem to think. Maybe then you would stop taking me for granted."

"I don't take you for granted."

"Your words mean nothing and I'm starting to think you don't care about that fact."

"You're starting to get on my last nerve."

"My world won't break. Surprise surprise, you aren't my world."

"You're being totally bitchy now for no reason."

"You just refuse to admit the reason."

We glared at each other for a long time before he caved under the staring contest and shook his head, detaching his gaze and locking himself in his room again.

"Look who's running away again." I called after him.

I wished I could run away and never come back. I wished I could stay away and stop being the one who had to do the chasing. What do I have to do to make a guy chase after me for once?

Goddamn I hated my life right now.

AN: yup. So oddly, I have reached a solid wall of writers block for -all- of my stories. Which is why I finally just made myself sit down and type. Inspiration isn't everything and maybe now I'll get back on track. Sorry again for the delay. Stupid real life and boy issues abound. Thank you all for sticking with me.