A/N: Okay, I know I didn't give any warning at all, but this is actually the LAST CHAPTER of this story. Thanks so much for everyone who's reviewed, and if you haven't yet, make sure you let me know what you thought of the story. Don't forget to check out the sequel, which will be up as soon as I can get it up.

Now, I realize that this chapter may be a little confusing, so don't hesitate to ask if you don't understand anything. The flashback from Christmas (the part in italics) is from Chapter 12, the chapter I wrote last christmas, so if you don't remember that chapter, this may get a little confusing for you. Also, I'm sorry if the grammar isn't very good, and I seem to be going through a stage of putting random question marks where they shouldn't be, but I was kinda rushing through checking it, because I wanted to get it up before Christmas, and I'm short on time.

Hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 36


Not for the first time in his life, Reno had made the wrong choice. It didn't matter though, not anymore. He was stronger; he wouldn't get hooked, right? Well, that was what he had told himself every single time he'd let the lithium take hold of him. He knew straight away that she shouldn't have done it, shouldn't have let those smooth pills slip down his throat, but he couldn't help himself. Even though he knew he didn't need them, it was just like a habit that was too hard to break. He was desperately forcing all other negative thoughts out of his mind, like what he was throwing away by letting himself drop back down again. There was Tseng, and his job as a Turk; there was Carrie, one person who had helped him so much; there was Elena, another mysterious figure that he was desperate to get to know; and then there was his new partner, whoever he was, and whenever he was going to arrive; he would be ruining things for him as well.
But more than anything, he was ruining things for himself. All the times before in his life, he hadn't cared about himself at all, but now he wasn't sure whether he was caring more for himself, or whether he just felt guilty for being such a burden. At the end of the day however, it was his life, and it had been Tseng that had been so desperate to get him involved with the Turks in the first place. It wasn't his fault.
The lithium obviously hadn't taken effect straight away, and Reno was at a loss as to what he should do now. He had come here to do a mission, he had a purpose, and he'd blown it. He wasn't sure whether he should go out while he was still thinking straight and see if he could figure out where Damien was hiding? Or maybe he should stay home and hide his shame.
When he thought about it, he was starting to see a way he could use his weakness as an advantage. Unconsciously checking that his mother's bracelet was still on his wrist, and that his knife was still in his pocket, he stood up and left his room, closing the door behind him.
It was cold outside, since it was only the beginning of spring. Reno was only wearing a shirt and jeans; he hadn't had a jacket before he joined the Turks, so he couldn't take one with him. No, he only had the clothes on his back, the ones that emphasized how he felt inside; like complete and utter scum.
Maybe it was just the shock of going from a warm place to cold place so quickly, but Reno was starting to feel light-headed already. Suddenly, things didn't seem so bad?
He walked down the street innocently enough, but he could sense something was wrong. People kept looking at him; did they know he was a Turk? What if something bad happened? What if Damien learned that Reno was trying to fool him, and something terrible happened to Elena? It wasn't her fault, and she shouldn't have even been involved in any of this is the first place.

Reno wasn't even sure where he was going, or what he was doing; he was growing increasingly light-headed, and somewhere deep inside his mind, he knew he needed to see Damien, although he was no longer sure why. The redhead was just about to enter an alleyway behind a bar, when he heard a cry behind him.

"Reno!" he turned around to see a familiar blond behind him. At first he thought it was Elena, but then his brain kicked in.

"Carrie?" He stood at ease as the blond approached him, an ambiguous expression on his face. She stood, only about a foot away from him, and stared into his eyes, her blue eyes boring into him.

"What have you done?" she asked. The disappointment in her voice was overwhelming; he would have preferred it if she'd have shouted. He felt a familiar pang of guilt shoot through his heart, but he was so numb he hardly felt it now.

"You shouldn't be here." Reno said quietly. His words were slurred, he could hear it himself.

"Reno?" Carrie took him roughly by the shoulders. "Are you prepared to throw all you've done down the drain? You've come so far…"

"You don't care." Reno shook his head. He suddenly felt resentment towards the older girl standing in front of him. "You and Tseng are both the same; you only care about my job, and the person that's fillin' it. You're not bothered what happens to me…"

"You selfish jerk!" Carrie suddenly shouted. There were tears in her eyes. "Do you not remember? If I didn't care about you, why would I have saved your life?"

"What are you talking about?" Reno asked, calming down slightly.

"You… you really don't remember…" Carrie looked down, letting go of Reno's shoulders. Tears were falling down her face…

Reno just stared at Carrie, who was obviously not going to say anything else. He was desperately trying not to let the guilt get to him, even though he knew he'd hurt one of the few people that claimed to give a shit whether he was dead or alive. Memories of his past few months with Carrie entered his mind and exited just as quickly as he was trying to recall what the blond was talking about.

"Christmas?" Carrie said a small voice. "Four or five years ago…"

It was like a light being turned on in his mind, except the light was too bright. He didn't want it to be. "I'm sorry." Reno said quietly. The words that came from his lips sounded strange, as he'd used them so few times before… "Damien and me fought… he beat the shit outta me… and someone saved me… I never knew… it was you?"

"Are you okay?" a voice said from above him. Reno couldn't see who was talking, but the voice was very unfamiliar. It was a woman, and from the highness in the pitch of the voice, the picture planted in his head was of a young girl, a bit older than Reno, with a kind face and smiling eyes.

Then the pain returned to him; biting through him like white hot needles.

"Can you hear me?"

The Christmas that had just passed, he remembered thinking about his childhood; he had been wracking his brains for the whole of his first mission for who had saved his life when he was just 11 years old, when all the time the answer had been staring him right in the face.

"When I first saw you in the hospital bed, after Gun had shot you, I knew your face. I thought about it for hours and hours, till I finally remembered." Carrie explained. Reno could see she was no longer crying, but she hadn't bothered to wipe the tears from her face. "I suppose I can't really expect you to remember, it was a long time ago."

"I do remember." Reno said bluntly. His voice was somehow clearer now. "I just couldn't remember your name."

"Why did you do it Reno? You've taken something, haven't you?" Carrie asked him. It was a voice of genuine concern, not of anger, but somehow it was difficult to answer. It was so hard to admit he'd done wrong to someone he cared so much about. "I understand." She said quietly when he didn't answer her.

"Why did you come here?" Reno asked her, looking into her deep blue eyes. "I'm on a mission."

"When Tseng told me you'd left, I knew you'd come back here… and the odds of nothing going wrong weren't very high. I needed to see that you were okay." Carrie's eyes filled with tears again, but then they suddenly became wide with fear as she looked past Reno, into the alleyway behind him.

The redhead turned as well, his heart filling with rage as he saw what Carrie was staring at.

"I'm sorry to interrupt this touching moment…" said the figure in the darkness in a cynical tone. "But I've got a score to settle."

"Damien…" Reno narrowed his eyes as the figure moved out of the darkness, and Reno and Carrie could see his shining, arrogant eyes.

"Good to see you, Reno…" the black-haired man carried on. "But I wouldn't expect a couple of Turks to be crawling around the slums for no good reason. I hope you weren't on my tail."

"You can keep calm, 'cause I'm not a Turk anymore." Reno said loudly and confidently.

"Oh yeah?" Damien raised an eyebrow. "I thought all ex-Turks were terminated?"

"I was left alone on mutual terms…" Reno said, slightly less confidently. "Given the circumstances."

"Ah… you mean because they forced you into it and then you didn't live up to their expectations?" Damien asked with a smug look on his face. Reno had to resist smirking himself; Damien was falling into the trap. "It's always the same with you, isn't it Reno? You never live up to anyone's expectations. That's why everyone always leaves you."

Reno swallowed hard. He wasn't going to bite back. Carrie on the other hand, seemed to have a lot less self-control in the circumstance.

"You shut up, Damien!" she shouted, stepping closer to him.

"Right back at you." Damien promptly slapped her in the face, sending a surge of anger through Reno. "You're nothing but worthless Shin-Ra scum. Makes me wonder how a little bitch like you got up with the top-dogs."

Carrie stayed quiet this time, rubbing her reddening cheek. Reno could hear his own pulse rushing through his head as he watched Damien staring back down at him.

"So, not a Turk anymore?" the black-haired man raised his eyebrows. "What are you standing here talking to this slut for?"

"She… she wants me to come back. But I won't. I'm done with Shin-Ra." Reno said, forcing emotion into his voice. "I don't know why she came."

"Do you hate her?" Damien asked brusquely. Reno seemed to stop breathing. He knew exactly what the man in front of him was thinking.

"I hate all of Shin-Ra… for what they've done." The redhead said eventually. Damien nodded in a satisfied manner. Reno could sense Carrie behind him, and dreaded to think what was going through her mind.

"Well then… you won't have any problem in ending her life… right now." Damien took a gun out of his pocket and handed it to Reno, who took it, a lump forming in his throat. "Shoot her."

Reno held up the gun, facing Carrie, who had an undecipherable expression on her face. After a few seconds, she smiled. "I understand." She said, only just loud enough so Reno could hear her. "You don't hate me. I'll never think you do."

Reno nodded and aimed the gun closer to her head. His hand was shaking and he could practically feel Damien's eyes on the back of his head.

"Go on… do it." Damien's voice whispered quietly in his ear. "Show me where your loyalties lie."

A/N: There ya have it. I hope you enjoyed the story. Sorry for leaving it on such a terrible cliffhanger, but it was the best place I could end it. Hope to see you reviewing the next story, and thanks so much for all your support and criticism.

Hope you all have a Happy Christmas and a fantastic New Year!