It had finally grown quiet.
After what seemed like an eternal stem of gunfire, screams, curses, and moans had finally died away, near silence now gripped the clearing that they found themselves in. Frieda, what Mikasa could only hope was their final casualty, rested motionless in the arms of her bloodied and violated sister, who seemed to have forgotten everything else altogether. The sound of metal blade smashing against flesh and skull had also ceased in the trees, signaling the end of the last hooded man. She took in deep gulps of winter air, trying to clear her mind before a crunching of snow took her attention. Moving with a telling limp, Joe emerged from the shadows of the trees, his final victim lying unseen beyond.
He was a truly awful sight to behold; dried and undried blood plastered his skin and remaining clothes and the dark hole of the gunshot was visible through it all. The parts of him that weren't stained red were pale and frozen looking, hair flattened by blood and cold sweat. With a gun in one hand and hatchet in the other, he looked around at all of them with an expression that Mikasa couldn't recall she had ever seen him wear.
It was almost hateful.
While she stared at his face, trying to see into his eyes, his mildly vile expression was put to shame as Krista stepped in front of him, shaking badly.
"You… LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"
"Calm down, I did what I said I would do."
"They're… you… you KILLED HER!"
"I did no such thing, he killed her by consequence, there's little that I could have done to prevent it."
"YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED!"
"If you don't stop screaming, you're going to pass out."
"PASS OUT?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!"
Krista lunged at Joe's throat and knocked him to the ground with as much force as her small frame could muster. Mikasa staggered forward, blinking in disbelief. In nearly any circumstance, she would have thrown herself forward now to pull Krista from him, but a single factor kept her frozen in place, slowly taking in breath.
His voice…
That wasn't the Joe she knew, not the one who's perpetually nervous voice had been one of the many parts of him she had become attracted to. The voice he had spoken to Krista moments ago was cold, heartless, and apathetic enough to make her wonder if the boy before her was who she thought he was. This wasn't the person they had been reunited with at the cabin, and she couldn't bring herself to take another step.
Not as though he was in any imminent danger; Krista was crying and screaming so much that her blows directed at his head were missing just as frequently as they were landing. Florian was still on her knees beside the body of her sister and was cradling her head, eyes locked blankly on the ground while she rocked back and forth slowly. Levi was trying to pull a very unstable Jean to his feet, who hadn't spoken since they had left the cabin; he looked genuinely traumatized, a look that was most unlike him.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST HAD DIED THAT DAY LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO! NO ONE ASKED YOU TO COME BACK! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR FUCKING PROBLEMS COMES BACK TO… "
As a wild swing whipped past his head, Joe reached out and caught Krista by the forearm and shoved her back. In her state, she was in no fit condition to resist and she went crashing to onto her back. Wincing involuntarily, he rose to his feet and stared down at her with nothing even close to resembling pity.
It was more like disdain.
"You're being ridiculous. Why Joe chose to throw in his lot with you emotional wrecks is beyond me."
Krista vaulted to her feet as he spoke, but froze as he aired his last sentence, confusion written on her face.
"What?!"
Stepping to the side and glancing around as though he couldn't stand to even be near any of them, Joe crossed his arms, staring off into the black trees.
"You were fools to have thought it was a good idea to bring him into your folds. He is as emotionally rash as any of you, and possesses an unbelievably obnoxious amount of self-righteousness; always has to be saving somebody else, always has to try and do what he thinks it right… "
Mikasa was starting to genuinely feel frightened as she began to recognize him less and less. It was as though someone was using his shot, battered, broken body to convey some unholy message; this was not Joe. It couldn't be Joe.
"I would have thought he learned his lesson after he fooled you all into thinking he had killed himself, but no, he couldn't even last a year before he was diving back in, risking his neck for all of you."
A devilish smirk crossed his face.
"Perhaps he did put himself in many a sexual situation that many young men would have given anything to be in… "
He looked knowingly at Krista and the blonde's hands drifted over her chest as she swallowed, eyes still blazing.
"… but that was hardly worth it."
Slowly then, he turned to look at Mikasa and her heart stopped as she saw the disgust in his eyes.
"How absurd he was to think that YOU were worth any of this. Love… temptation for the weak-willed. If not for you, I might have persuaded him to do something far more productive with his life by now. But, like a moth to flame, he keeps coming back to you… "
There was the sharp click of a hammer being pulled and Mikasa could only stare as he brought the barrel of a handgun up to point into her face.
"Before he gets back, I think I'd be a good soul to remove that temptation from his path."
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Sasha had long since lost track of how long she had been running, not that she had been trying particularly hard to make note of that number in the first place. Since collapsing and screaming herself hoarse, she had rose unsteadily and broke into a fresh sprint. Where she was running was the furthest thing from her mind; if it was all the same to the world, she would rather a cliff appear ahead of her that she could plunge from and die as she so deserved. But nothing but trees and ankle deep snow confronted her as she powered forward, gasping and panting.
You should have died instead.
The thought stabbed her mind and she nearly faltered in her running. Where had that come from?
You are worthless, people always suffer because of you.
She managed to rasp out a reply to her consciousness.
"That's… not true… I didn't… shoot her… I… didn't… "
Does that matter? Annie came back to protect you. She was there to be killed because of you.
Her mind raged as she contemplated the words that she knew were coming from herself. Her thoughts were forced to her first failure, the first time she had committed a deed that had resulted in more heartache than she ever thought possible.
That son of a bitch.
She thought to Joe and the day she had lit up on the roof, becoming more susceptible to the aggressive questioning he had imposed on her. She remembered her words that had spilled from her like a river, telling him everything that had been discussed with Kenny, and finally, begging him desperately not to act on any of what she had told him. Then… the feeling, that horrible fucking FEELING that had washed over her the night where he had done what they all thought he had. She recalled her first suicide attempt which had led to many a lonely night with a blade or gun in her hand, even an evening she had spent with Ilse where she had almost leapt from a bridge.
But you didn't.
She hadn't. Sasha had turned to anything to punish herself then; death was too simple. Stripping allowed her countless hours to distract herself from what she believed she had done and humiliate herself in such a way that it felt justified. It felt so embarrassing, but so right at the same time. Even when customers had touched her, breaching the rules of the clubs she worked in, she hadn't reported it, or even resisted it; it was only what she deserved.
But he hadn't died.
He hadn't.
Why hadn't he just died?
This isn't like that. You were there, you saw them.
"No, how… how could I… have known… "
Petra and Marco too. You failed them, you failed everyone, you…
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT… "
And in that moment, she realized she could hear another voice shouting among the trees; she slid to a halt and dropped to her knees. She tried desperately to rein in air as she listened desperately. It was far, very far, almost far enough to be beyond earshot, but it was shouting to be sure. Furious shouting, feminine shouting, shouting that…
"Krista."
Pushing herself to her feet so quickly that her head spun, she began moving in the direction that she believed the screaming was originating from. She realized that she very desperately needed to find someone, ANYONE, lest her grasp on sanity dwindle even further.
Though maybe this time, it would be better just to let it.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Head beginning to allow the restoration of her sight, Ymir blinked up into the dead eyes holes of the Klansman she had torn the throat from. Coughing then, she realized the iron taste was still fresh in her mouth; he had bled all down her front to the point where her shirt now felt it weighed at least five times more than it ought to. She mustered her strength and shoved hard; the body rolled off her slowly, it was much heavier than she had expected it to be. Seeing the upraised root that she had almost knocked herself out against, she rubbed the back of her head, wincing before gasping and feeling frantically up and down her body; the Klansman had taken a fair share of bullets before dragging her to the ground and if she had been hit, it was possible that the shock hadn't yet alerted her to any other wounds she had suffered. Bullet penetration was no laughing matter, if the past couple years had taught her anything.
Please, please, please…
Heaving a tremendous sigh when she realized that the bruise on the back of her head was all she would come away from the exchange with, reality came crashing down on her. She rolled upright and clambered over the log she had been knocked behind, cutting her arm in the process. Klansmen lay scattered like leaves, and her eyes immediately moved to her companions, praying that she wouldn't find a single one of them lying silent in the snow.
She saw Levi and Jean both on their feet, neither appearing injured beyond simple bruising. As a small rush of relief swept through her, she saw Florian, kneeling and beaten badly enough to be only somewhat recognizable; a very obviously dead Frieda lay in her lap.
Shit…
Her grief at the girl's death was less something she felt herself, and much more something she feared would be a hindrance to Krista; as she looked around, her eyes locked on the blonde, standing and looking perfectly healthy. Sighing audibly with happiness to see her girlfriend alive and well, she saw the look on Krista's face. It was such a drastic mix of both fury and fear that for a moment, Ymir stopped walking to her. Then, her mind shook her free of the stupor and she walked across the clearing.
"Krista, are you… ?"
The blonde didn't look over, didn't speak, didn't even seem to acknowledge Ymir's presence beyond holding up a hand for her to stop. Doing so and blinking in surprise and growing indignation, Ymir opened her mouth to ask why in the world she was being ordered to freeze. It was then she realized that not a single person had looked to acknowledge that she was alright.
"Hey, what's… "
And she saw then what everyone was staring at.
Joe was standing ten or so feet from Mikasa and had her staring down the barrel of a pistol. Neither of them were moving beyond breathing and neither of them was wearing anything other than a passive face. Ymir then slipped beside her girlfriend and closed her mouth, in disbelief of what she was seeing and not knowing of anything she could do to rectify it.
"Who are you?"
Mikasa asked the question simply and flatly, as though she were in a boring ancient civilizations class, asking if something would be on the test. Joe smiled and Ymir's blood chilled; that was not a smile she had seen before.
"Caught on, have you?"
"Enough to know I'm not talking to the boy I fell in love with."
"Ha. Love again... "
"Scoff if you'd like, but it's true."
"Young women can think a lot of things are true, without any basis other than an emotional one."
"An emotional basis was all I needed for him."
It was truly frightening how nonchalant the conversation seemed to be, and Ymir found herself beginning to let her eyes wander for a weapon.
"Him… so you believe this isn't Joe then."
"You're not."
"So certain… who then? You believe in ghosts? Demonly possessions?"
"I don't, but I do know that I am staring at something that is not Joe."
"Then why in the world do you look so calm?"
Mikasa crossed her arms over her bare chest, breath swirling away into the night like fog.
"Because I know that if he's still in there, he won't let you pull the trigger."
His eyes narrowed as she stared back calmly, feet planted firmly.
"You arrogant cunt, how much do you think you actually meant to him?"
"I meant enough that he always did what he thought was best for me, no matter what that meant for him. And whenever I was hurt, he would torture himself with guilt because he couldn't believe that it wasn't his fault that something had happened to me."
She smiled, a genuine one.
"I meant enough that he came back."
Joe frowned.
"We'll see how well that holds up after… "
Then, his whole body seized as though he had just been hit with a dozen Tasers. Gasping, he wobbled on his feet momentarily; in the corner of her eye, Ymir saw Levi take a step forward. Eyes jamming shut, Joe rasped briefly before they snapped back open and he looked forward. His orbs flicked to Mikasa, then the gun and he gave a terrified roar.
"NOOOO!"
Snapping out with his left arm, he yanked the gun down and a single round blasted the snow by his feet. He yelled again and staggered back into a tree, gaze flashing madly.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
Then his body spasmed and he straightened, growling.
"Stay out of this, when this is over, you'll be much better off."
He shook again, and his voice altered once more.
"DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT HER, YOU PIECE OF… "
The gun flashed towards Mikasa and she dipped out of the way as another round whizzed far above her head. She bent into a crouch, breathing hard, eyes now just as frantic as Ymir had expected them to be.
"JOE, WAKE UP! COME BACK TO ME!"
He roiled like acid covered every inch of his body.
"I LOVE YOU!"
The three words sent him into fresh throes and howls, but as Levi and her both closed in, the gun whipped its way in their directions and they both backed off. Joe rose, teeth bared.
"Stay back, when I'm through with him, I'll deal with you, I won't have… "
He crashed to his knees.
"LEAVE HER ALONE!"
Then, with a scream that sounded to be two people, he shot to his feet and raised the gun at Mikasa once more. His eyes blazed with a mad fire, his mouth bared in what looked like an eternal snarl; then, not knowing why she was doing it, not knowing why she knew it to be right, Ymir launched herself to the side. She felt Krista's hand on her arm and heard her shout her name, but she ignored it, and instead planted herself between Joe and Mikasa, hoping that the sight of someone other than her would snap him free of whatever state he was in. But as she looked into those eyes, so smoking with hate and lunacy, she knew it wouldn't matter; gritting her teeth, she waited to hear the gunshot.
"Do it then, you pussy."
His eyes widened in disbelief and she watched his finger start to squeeze. Then, as if by magic, a second scream, much higher pitched sounding then the one Joe had just released, sounded from just out of sight. Within the next second, Sasha had come sprinting into the clearing, bounding like a stung deer, and belted Joe in the head with the butt of her pistol. The light puffed from his eyes and he collapsed like a sack of potatoes, slumping against Sasha's ankles as she stared down at him, breathlessly. Her eyes then flicked up to the rest of them.
"What… what was he… ?"
In that moment, Ymir knew there was no answer she could give… that ANY of them could give to satisfy her confusion.
Within the next hour, Levi did his best to square away the complete mess that had lain before them. Gentle crying had led a freshly panicked Krista to the place where her baby had been laid with an obvious amount of care atop a snow drift next to two completely disemboweled Klansmen; as the crying blonde had held her child, Ymir had only been able to wrap her arms around the both of them and stare at the spot where it had been left.
Why would he have not just left it?
Shallow graves were dug for the murdered men, with one being dug for Frieda that was considerably more respectful. Florian had almost bit off Levi's hand when he had tried to pry the body from her grasp and it took Krista several minutes of quiet persuasion that culminated in screaming and tears before her sister's body could be buried. Mikasa and Florian had both redressed with what hadn't been torn to shreds and guns were looted from their deceased owners. Sasha had begun sobbing so hard when he asked what had happened at the cabin, that she had nearly fainted; he passed her off to Jean, who put her arm around his shoulder as she bawled at the ground. Speaking over her, Levi ordered Joe to be bound tightly so he would be rendered immobile when he awoke. Mikasa had almost come to blows with him about being allowed to carry him, but Levi insisted the duty fall upon him instead, saying that her emotions would not have allowed her to think rationally if he came to and tried to kill her. She had needed restraining then from Ymir, who realized with surprise that she was the most clear of mind among all of them.
Why do I feel so calm?
The question irked her up until she heard Levi talking to Jean, who he had taken aside.
"The snowmobiles are just up ahead, I'll take you all to them, and then I'm going back to the cabin. If Sasha isn't physically capable of telling anyone what transpired there, I need to see for myself."
"What about… ?"
"Until I return, you are in charge."
"… Me?"
"Yes. You're the only one here whom I can trust to act rationally right now. None of them are fit to make any logical decisions, especially not Mikasa. You keep a close eye on her."
Ymir waited for Jean to start sputtering and objecting, the way his blustery nature always led him to do.
"Alright, I'll do everything I can."
She blinked in surprise and could almost feel the same surprise from Levi before he spoke again.
"Good. Then let's get moving. We've far from won anything."
Ymir knew truer words had not been spoken that night.