A/N: Here's the chapter everyone has waited for! The introduction of Happosai! Enjoy!
Chapter 37: Here's Happosai!
In a distant mountain range something began to stir… something EVIL. The vile thing managed to escape it's imprisonment and knew where it must go.
At the Tendo Dojo, Soun and Genma were having a spar, when suddenly the family shine fell.
"The Family Shrine…" said Soun.
"Maybe an evil Spirit put a curse on you." Said Genma.
"Don't joke about that!" yelled Soun.
Meanwhile at the cat café, Cologne got a bad feeling.
"Cologne, what is it?" asked Diana.
"I have a bad feeling." Said Cologne, "Something's coming."
The next day, the track team was on a run. When suddenly something pounced them, it was a tiny old man Cologne size and it began to bounce around groping the girls.
That is until he got to Ran. He patted her chest.
"Wow… you're flat." He said.
Ran grabbed him, "What did you say?" she asked.
That was when Akane and Alex.
"What's going on?" asked Akane.
"Hey Akane, A.J." Said Ran.
That was when the old man wrestled himself out of Ran's grasp.
"Oh Akane!" said the old man going in for a hug.
Akane blocked with her book bag.
"What in tarnation is that thing?" asked Alex.
"And old man…" said Akane, "I think…"
"You don't' remember me?" asked the old man.
"No…" said Akane.
"Don't try to give into his games." Said Ran, "He just groped the entire team."
"You wish I groped you, Flaty." Said Happosai.
"What did you call me?" asked Ran.
Ran tried to attack him, but Akane stopped him.
"I'm sorry I don't' remember…" said Akane.
"Oh…" said the old man, "Then let cry in your bosom."
That was when Ranma-Chan showed up and stomped the old man.
"Oh Akane!" yelled the old man going into snuggle with Ranma-Chan's boobs.
Ranma-Chan punched him in the head, but he recovered.
"Oh Akane. You certain are sported, then again you are Soun's daughter." Said the old man.
"You know my father?" asked Akane.
"Wait you are Soun's daughter?" asked Happosai.
"Something's weird is going on." Said Ranma-Chan.
They got back to the Tendo Residence with the old man in toe. When they got there both Soun and Panda Genma were scared beyond reason.
"Hello Soun, it's been a long time." Said the old man.
That was when Soun hugged the old man, saying, "Oh Master it's been a long time." He said.
Soun tried to punch the old man, but he stopped the punch with just a finger.
The old man walked over to Panda who tried to play dumb.
"What's going on?" asked Twilight entering the hallway.
"We don't know." Said Ran.
Soun began to explain the story, that he was Happosai, the founder of Any Thing Goes Martial Arts. He had been the one to train Soun and Genma in their youth and he was terrible, he would have them steal for him, put the blame on them and even starved them.
So they decided to one day get him drunk, lock him in a casket, strap a bomb onto it and seal him away in a mountain.
"Over kill much?" asked Ran.
"But you made one mistake, you didn't finish me off." Laughed Happosai.
"Can say they didn't try." Said Cologne who happened to hear the whole story.
"Oh man! It's the crypt keeper." Said Happosai.
Cologne gave him a good whack on the head.
"Honestly you haven't changed." Said Cologne.
That was when it hit Akane…
"I'm leaving…" said Akane, "There's some concrete blocks I need to break."
Cologne knew what that was about and just shrugged.
"How do I know you?" asked Happosai
"Just never mind." Sighed Cologne.
"You know you kind of remind me this one girl…" said Happosai, "My lost love."
That was when he somehow projected a flashback to everyone of when he was young and dashing version of himself. HE was in the company of a pretty young woman.
Well he would have had Cologne nod whacked him in the head.
"Wait..." said Happosai, "Cologne-Chan."
"It's been a long time Happy." Said Cologne.
"How do you know each other?" asked Ranma-Chan.
"Well when I was young and stupid… I was in love with him." Sighed Cologne.
"I'm going to for a run." Said Ran.
"I think I'm going to go train…." Said Ranma-Chan.
"I'm going to do my homework…" mumbled Twilight.
"I think I'm going to lay down" said Alex.
As they left… Happosai had one question.
"What was with the talking unicorn?"
"Why should I answer that?" asked Cologne.
Later in the common room, those that knew about Happosai were telling Shampoo, Pinkie Rarity and Fluttershy.
"So let me this strait, the man who trained your fathers, founded anything goes martial arts and happens to be Cologne's old boyfriend is here…" said Rarity.
"He's also a huge pervert." Said Ranma.
"Is he going to be living with us?" asked Fluttershy.
"Unfortunately." Sighed Akane, "Dad and Mr. Saotome are absolutely terrified. Dad even gave him his own room downstairs."
That was when all of them were splashed with cold water. And Happosai who was the one did the deed grabbed onto the nearest girl he could.
"Soun is letting me stay so we're all roommates." Said Happosai.
That was when he realized something, the nearest girl turned out be Ran.
"Oh, it's you Flaty." Said Happosai.
Ran kicked him out of the window.
"We're going to be on our guard around him." Said Ranma-Chan as he was handed a thermos.
"I'll ask Luna if she knows some barrier spells." Said Twilight who had since changed back as well, "I know a few as well."
Everyone sweat dropped when she said that.
The next morning Ranma was brushing his teeth when he was suddenly splashed.
"Ranma your father has asked me to train you." Said Happosai.
"Then why did you have to splash me?" asked Ranma-Chan.
"Because I like this form better." Said Happosai.
"Sorry but I already have someone with knowledge training me." Said Ranma-Chan.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Happosai.
That was when Cologne entered the room.
"He means me." Said Cologne.
Happosai jumped.
"Oh come on Cologne, why do you have to train him?" asked Happosai.
"Because, he's engaged to wed my granddaughter." Said Cologne.
"But he's engaged to marry Akane." said Happosai who then remembered the Heaven and Earth Solution, "You know Ranma, you a very lucky boy."
"Uh-huh." Said Ranma-Chan trying to ignore it as best as possible.
That morning at breakfast.
"Please wear this for me." Begged Happosai to Ranma.
"For the last time no." said Ranma, "Go bother someone else."
He decided to bother the pony who sat next to Ranma, but changed his mind when he saw it was Rainbow Dash.
"No thank you Flaty." Said Happosai.
He then moved over to the pony next to her which was Fluttershy, however Fluttershy used the stare on him, which caused him to freeze up for quite a while.
"What is he doing anyway?" asked Scootaloo.
"Just something involving human women." Said Applejack.
The three cutie mark crusaders nodded, remembering that humans have different standards than ponies.
Later that morning… the group was walking to school.
"Man. I can't live this." Muttered Ranma.
"I know but if we ignore him he'll probably just get bored." Said Hikaru.
"She's right you know." Said Alex.
"I don't know, I kind of like him." Said Momo, "He's kind of like Chamo from Negima, but human."
They all stared at her with sweat drops.
"Let's just get to school." Sighed Hikaru.
School went normal, for as normal as this school went. However towards the end of the day. Screams echoed though to the school.
"My underwear is gone!" yelled one girl.
"So is mine!" yelled another girl.
Many of the girls in the class were wondering what could it be.
"I think the answer is obvious." Said Shou, "And underpants gnome is doing this."
"Oh come Shou? An underpants gnome? That's ridiculous." Said Hiroshi.
That was when an Happosai ran passed them yelling "What a Haul! What a haul!"
Everyone in the room looked at Shou who just started to hum the underpants gnome song.
"What…" said Ranma.
However Akane grabbed his mouth and shook her head no.
The others grabbed Ranma and brought him into the hallway.
"We have to get rid of him." Said Ranma.
"But how?" asked Hikaru.
"Beat him up?" asked Ran.
There was an awkward silence… why because there wasn't a better answer.
"Oh there's something I always wanted to try! Maybe I should use it!" said Momo.
"I have bad feeling when she said that" said Ran.
"Just ignore it." Said Akane.
As Happosai continued his raid he saw Ranma running after him.
"Oh Ranma? Are you here to finally slip in that little number?" he asked.
"No!" yelled Ranma who tried to punch him, but Happosai dodged.
Was when Shampoo joined in trying to whack with her Chui.
However Happosai tried to grope her but Shampoo kicked him away.
"Hey!" called out Momo.
Happosai turned her attention on her, he practically flew over to her bouncy bosom, as he was about make contact he found he found something was off.
Logged!
I know the joke is old, but hey, I still love it.
"What the…" said Happosai he saw the log he hugged.
Both Shampoo and Ranma gaped at what just happened."
"I've been practicing some jutsus… I haven't gotten down the Shadow Clones yet." Said Momo who was in a nearby tree.
Ranma and Shampoo looked at each other, both them were terrified at the idea of that many Pinkie Pie roaming around.
"Hey aren't we supposed to be fighting him?" asked Ran.
"Why would I be interested in you Flaty?" asked Happosai.
Ran ran to towards him but Alex grabbed her by the shirt.
"This isn't the best way to fight him." Said Alex.
"Well then what is?" asked Ran.
"Twilight has an idea!" said Akane joining in.
"Oh your friend Twilight Sparkle has a way to beat me." Said Happosai with a laugh, "I'd like to see her try."
That was when Hikaru showed up with her hands glowing. Happosai was separated from his haul and was sent flying.
"Why didn't we just think of that earlier?" asked Ranma.
"I have no idea." Sighed Akane.
Somewhere else, on a rooftop, Happosai had taken out a pipe.
"That girl can use magic." Said Happosai, "Even in human form. This could be a problem."
That was when he decided on a plan. After all of the ancient artifacts he gathered over the years one of them might rob her of her magic.
Then he have the last laugh.
He got back to his room, and began to look though things about magic, he could find. Really the only thing on magic there was about some clan that was able to use magic but he was sure that was far different that the unicorn magic Twilight was able to use.
"What can I do to strip of her of her magic?" asked Happosai.
"Who's magic are you planning on stripping?" asked a voice behind him.
"Don't worry it's not yours." Said Happosai, he could feel the power radiating from the Princess, and to cross a being as powerful as her was a very bad idea.
"THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT ANY BETTER!" yelled Princess Luna using the royal Canterlot voice.
Happosai was knocked back buy the sheer volume of the Royal Canterlot voice.
"Oh come on why can I do it?" asked Happosai.
Princess Luna glared at him.
"Okay, okay… I won't do it!" cried Happosai.
"VERY WELL THEN! HOWEVER I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I SHOULD BE WATCHING YOU!" yelled Princess Luna.
"Can you please turn down the volume?" asked Happosai.
Later that afternoon, Princess Luna and Cologne were talking.
"So he is a afraid of you." Laughed Cologne, "Can't say I'm not surprised."
"However I do fear he might attempt it at a later date." Sighed Princess Luna.
"We'll cross that bridge when the time comes." Said Cologne.
However in the common they were discussing what they heard.
"So Happosai is afraid of Luna?" asked Ranma.
"Is anyone really surprised by this?" asked Rainbow Dash.
There was a silence.
"So do you think we'll be able to get rid of him anytime soon?" asked Akane.
That was when Happosai tried to sneak in behind them and go into one of the girl's bedrooms. However there was a magical barrier set up at the door to prevent Happosai and only Happosai from entering.
"Oh come on!" yelled Happosai.
He saw that everyone in the room was staring at him so he left using the window.
"Oh man I really hope so." Sighed Ranma.
"Please tell me you and Luna added barrier to my room as well." Sighed Akane.
"We still have to add barriers to the windows." Said Twilight, "But wee added them to the doors of your, Nabiki and Kasumi's bedrooms."
"Well at least it's better than nothing." Sighed Akane.
And so the old master Happosai has come to live in the Tendo Household…
To paraphrase something Princess Luna had once said "The madness has been doubled"
Next Time: Cologne searches for something Happosai stole in their youth. What is it? A bracelet... which a secret that if it gets out will cause chaos and problems for who knows how long. What will happen? Find out next time!