A/N: In this chapter I begin my take on 'Advanced Criminal Law'. *Lynn
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"So," said Señor Chang with a thick smile. "I suppose you're all bouncing at the bit to get the results of last week's quiz." He gazed at the hopeful faces which suddenly turned fearful as the students watched his transformation from benevolent force to a demon. He reached into his Hawaiian shirt pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. "Well not until I find out who wrote this." He began to pace. "What is this you ask? A crib sheet with all the answers. I found it on the floor after the test. So who wrote it?"
The class was still.
Señor Chang shook the piece of paper. "The cheater has until Friday to come forward or everyone in the class gets zero. Clase despedido!" He stormed from the room.
XxX
"I can't believe this," Annie said in a near-panic. "I'll never transfer colleges with a bad grade."
Pierce tapped his pencil nervously. "So who do you think cheated?" As one the group turned to Jeff.
"Remind me never to call on any of you as character witnesses," the ex-lawyer replied with a wry smile.
"Well somebody did it and Lord have mercy on him," said Shirley grimly.
"What makes you think it's a guy?" sputtered Pierce. "The printing would have to be pretty small to fit onto a scrap paper like that. Almost as if the culprit had lesbian hands." He turned to Penny who rolled her eyes.
"There's no way Señor Chang can fail all of us," the waitress growled. "Isn't there someone we can complain to?"
Shirley shook her head. "Not unless you're planning to drop Spanish—"
"Which she's not," Jeff said quickly.
"So what do we do?" pouted Annie.
"Walk on eggshells as we suspect each other of committing the crime," said Abed evenly. "It's like Clue only there's no murder."
"Oh there'll be a murder all right," said Penny with a frown. "I studied all week for that stupid test and if I find out who did it he'll get a taste of the junior rodeo."
Annie raised an eyebrow. "What's that mean?"
"I can hogtie and castrate a calf in less than sixty seconds."
"That's messed," hissed Troy.
"What's with this 'castration' thing? Again you're blaming a guy for doing it." Pierce looked knowingly at Penny. "Given your alternative lifestyle your viewpoint isn't a surprise but really you shouldn't hate every man." Penny's jaw dropped.
"I'm not a lesbian!" she protested. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"It doesn't matter," Pierce said gently. "We've met your girlfriend and she's lovely."
"It all makes sense now," mused Troy. "I knew that guy couldn't be your boyfriend."
"Remember when we used to talk about Spanish?" Jeff smirked to a flabbergasted Penny.
"Sheldon is my boyfriend!" She got up from the table. "I need to go to the bathroom."
"Right with you honey," said a sympathetic Shirley.
"Simmer down with the lesbianism, Pierce," Jeff said seriously after the women left.
"So Penny's not a lesbian?" asked Troy as he sought to keep things straight.
"No," said Jeff even as Pierce said "Yes."
The quarterback frowned. "Well either way it still doesn't explain that guy."
Jeff cocked his head at Abed. "You still have the footage from Thursday?"
"Of course."
"I think it's film night," smiled the ex-lawyer as he leaned back in his chair.
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Leonard spotted his roommate reading on the couch as he entered the apartment and deposited the keys in the bowl.
"One plus two plus four plus five plus twenty plus twenty six equals 'fear'," said Sheldon before turning a page. "One plus two plus five 'b' plus twenty six equals 'surprise'." Again he turned the page.
"What ya doing?" asked the shorter man.
"Memorizing the facial acting coding system."
"I'm sure you have a reasonable explanation," Leonard said with a little smile.
Sheldon put a marker in his book before setting it on his knee.
"It's no secret I have difficulties discerning certain non-verbal cues. Up to this point I've managed but now I find myself desiring greater mastery," replied the lanky man. Leonard nodded.
"Trying to figure Penny out, huh?" he said as he sat in his chair.
"Indeed. She's surprisingly complex," replied Sheldon. "For instance her vocal intonation is quite dexterous when she employs sarcasm in an indirect, ironic manner. It's easier for me to garner the direct statement."
"I—could always ask mother about the techniques they used at the Asp—at the clinic," Leonard said hesitantly.
"I've already consulted." Here Sheldon pursed his lips. "Your mother, while a brilliant woman, seems to have bypassed the scientific method and come at me with a broad-sweeping—and unsolicited—diagnosis." In typical Dr. Beverly Hofstadter bluntness she'd praised Sheldon's inquiry into Asperger syndrome as a positive step towards acknowledging and treating his 'shortcoming'. Indeed the more she spoke of his success despite his 'condition' the more indignant Sheldon felt. The only thing was he knew she was not being malicious. She stated facts. Just like Sheldon. While he appreciated her candor the East Texan did come to an epiphany of sorts as Beverly highlighted all of the AS indicators she'd spotted in him: stating facts brought one closer to truth but it also made for an annoying conversation.
"Yeah she can be blunt. I remember in kindergarten I got a star for a picture of a horse I drew and all she could say when she saw it was that my motor skills were adequate although my sense of proportion needed work." Leonard sighed at the crushing of his spirit. It was when he was older that he came to realize that he'd seen that wounded look through much of his life—on the face of his father. "So she recommended the facial code?"
Sheldon nodded. "With my eidetic memory to remember the codifications she thought it ripe time to see how well my—difficulties—could be addressed through facial muscle recognition alone."
"Figures she'd turn this into an experiment," said Leonard as he rolled his eyes.
"Actually I much prefer it as such," countered Sheldon. "It allows me to remain objective. The last thing I need to do is succumb to frustration. Lord knows Penny leaves me frustrated enough with her folksy ways."
Leonard smirked. "She might not get quantum mechanics but she can read people."
"It's her ability to read me that's so—unnerving," said Sheldon as he unconsciously thumbed the pages of his book. At the heart of it all he realized that most people couldn't be bothered getting to know him on a more intimate level. Indeed the feeling was quite mutual since most people didn't measure up to his standards. In contrast he surpassed Penny in so many areas it confounded him that they were so compatible. Again she broke the rules and without rules there was no order.
Without rules there was no protection.
"I never get over that part," smiled Leonard. "With Leslie I don't even have to say anything and she knows." Here he laughed. "Maybe that's not such a good thing long term but I wouldn't trade this level of intimacy for anything. We 'click' and the whole is greater than the parts. Or at least this part. Leslie's terrific any way you take her."
"I'll defer to your judgment," Sheldon said with a twitchy mouth. Leonard sighed.
"You think the two of you will ever get along or will you keep on with this childishness?"
"She's stubborn, confrontational and opinionated. And she's a big poopie head," he added with a pouty face. Leonard rolled his eyes as he got up.
"Five plus fourteen plus twenty three plus 'M' sixty eight. You're puzzled."
"Nope." The experimental physicist made his way to his room.
"Exasperated?"
"You got it."
Sheldon was pleased. "This isn't so hard after all."
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Not bad. Penny glanced around Sheldon's apartment which was decked out in various skull motifs and marigolds. The centerpiece on Sheldon and Leonard's desks was a Day of the Dead altar with candy skulls, one for every guest marked with his or her initials. Annie, Amy and Penny had prepped the skulls the previous night. The teenager was initially skeptical about Penny's insistence on a work song but once the ladies got into the swing of things Annie saw that every 'way hey' got them closer to their goal.
What the waitress found the most pleasing about the night was that Annie and Amy got along. Between the teenager's uptightness and Amy's prim forthrightness they became a force to contend with when it came to getting their vision across for the party.
"I'll grab the pan de meurt after I've changed into costume," said Bernadette as she arranged the candied pumpkin on the plates.
"Sounds good," replied Amy as she checked off another line on her list. "As this is a class party I'm expecting people to arrive early to attain their accreditation before jumping off to another function."
"Annie will be here in about twenty minutes to set up the sign in book." Penny dragged the DNA model closer to the bookshelf to make more floor space.
"It'll be ok, Stuart hasn't seen the Frodo outfit. We were at Penny's party, remember?" said Leonard as Sheldon and he came down the hall dressed in their hero finery.
"It was a memorable night," agreed his roommate as he thought of Leonard's confrontation with an angry Kurt. "Of course every night to me is memorable." He made to continue but stopped short as he caught sight of Penny in her Black Canary outfit. Immediately he pursed his lips even as Leonard smiled.
"Wow," said the curly haired man. "Maybe I should have been a member of the Justice League after all."
"I believe she still has her Wonder Woman outfit," offered Sheldon. Penny shook her head.
"Nope. It's at Zack's but who knows if he kept it."
"Odd, considering it didn't fit him," mused the theoretical physicist.
"I left it there after um—shouldn't you be at the comic store?" blushed Penny.
"We're going down to meet Howard and Raj," confirmed Leonard as he adjusted his Hobbit feet.
"I still wish you'd wear a Halloween costume," Sheldon said with a bit of a pout to his girlfriend.
"You think I wear this every day?" laughed Penny as she indicated her black fishnet stockings and scant body suit with her hand.
"Only in our dreams," Amy said evenly while adjusting a bouquet.
"Anyways," continued Penny after taking a moment to think about her best friend's words. "I can't afford to buy another costume and I have this one at the ready."
"But it's ComicCon regalia not a Samhain garment," insisted Sheldon.
"I've got a better idea," said Penny as she set out skull candles—permitted only if they remained unlit. "How about you say I look pretty, wish me a good party and go enjoy yourself at Stuart's."
"Have a good party and I shall attempt to enjoy myself," said Sheldon as he made to follow Leonard out the door.
"Sheldon," teased Bernadette, stopping the man. "You didn't say Penny was pretty."
He cocked his head. "Because she isn't pretty. She's stunning." He gave a nod then raced out the door as befit his Flash costume.
"He's a keeper," the microbiologist said to a smiling Penny.
XxX
Pierce braced himself as he mounted the last flight of stairs towards apartment 4A. He'd almost decided not to come but realized he had an obligation to Penny and Annie since they were part of the study group. His study group. Putting on an amiable smile he knocked at the door and was greeted by Annie.
"Hi Pierce, sign the attendance book," said the teenager in a skeleton outfit. "Just to let you know the punch is alcohol free because some of us are under age but there's alcohol on the counter in case you want to mix some in your cup."
"Sounds good." He scanned the crowd of people for more of the study group, noting a Bat-Man clad Abed standing at the outskirts filming the gathering.
"I'm amazed at the turnout, all things considered," said the young woman. Pierce cocked his head in confusion. "The cheating thing and Senor Chang's threat." Annie scanned the room with pursed lips. "Just think we could be entertaining the rat and not even know it. He could be anyone."
"There you go again with the 'he'," Pierce said in a high tone. He cleared his throat and smiled. "I assure you the cheater must have had her reasons for doing what she did so maybe we shouldn't judge her until we know the facts. Well if we ever get to know them on the off-chance she doesn't come forward but I'm sure she's not that selfish because the guilt must be eating her alive." He paused as he took in Annie's weird look. "I think I'll try that punch. Alcohol you say?" He ventured into the room.
XxX
The comic shop was decked out in a Bat-Man motif with Joker green and purple streamers, black balloons and a stuffed Scarecrow in the window.
"Not bad," remarked Raj as the guys entered. "The streamers really bring out the green in my costume."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Raj you're the Green Lantern. Your entire costume's green."
"Isn't this wonderful?" said a pleased Sheldon as he bee-lined to the comic wall display. "New comic book night and we get to dress up. All we need is to go to Raj's to play Halo and the night would be perfect."
"We're not going to Raj's," Leonard replied while grabbing the latest Superman comic.
"Oh I realize that. We've got a horde of people at the apartment and as much as we've taken precautions I'd like to ensure the safety of our property." Sheldon noticed a micro crack on the spine of the Flash comic and grabbed another copy.
"I remember one party got so out of control everything was either looted or trashed," mused Howard. Raj was impressed.
"You were actually invited to a major party?"
"No, it was three doors down from the house. I got a ladder and hopped the fence once I figured everyone was drunk enough not to notice me," the engineer said sheepishly.
"Well at least we get a proper party here first with candy and a costume contest and prizes before we subject ourselves to a cacophony of sounds and general wantonness," said Sheldon as he took his small stack of comics to the cash.
"I suppose we'll have to suffer with the sounds of music and drunk coeds," replied Howard with a smirk.
XxX
"Jeff! Thank God!" Annie gushed in relief as the ex-lawyer entered the apartment. She knew a party could only be deemed a 'success' if the cool people were there. It was almost a shoe-in with Penny hosting but it was a slam dunk with Jeff Winger in attendance.
"Looks like the entire class is here," he remarked as he scanned the crowd for the hostess. Spotting his target it was almost like a blow to his stomach as he took a breath to steady himself. He half-heard Annie's speech about alcohol and gave her a nod before venturing towards Penny. Not lost to the dismissal Annie pursed her lips before closing the attendance book with a snap.
"Wow," said Jeff as he came up to the waitress. "That's some costume." He noted her eyes dilate as she took in his attire: straight cut jeans, cowboy boots, white button down shirt and Stetson hat. Score one for the cowboy look.
"Black Canary," she said as way of explanation. "A super-hero in the DC universe." I can't believe I know that.
"Remind me to pick up a comic book," Jeff said with a smirk. "I see your friend Amy's here."
"Yup. She and Bernadette offered to help me set up and keep the peace."
Jeff raised an eyebrow. "You mean the host isn't here?"
"Sheldon's at—well he's out," she said quickly. "The guys will be here later."
"Looking forward to meeting him," he said with a wink. Penny wasn't sure how to take his statement.
"Remember: boy scout."
"Even brought some cookies. They're in my car." He turned his head to see a short blond woman wearing a black body suit complete with a red devil's tail and horns and flat shoes.
"Bernadette, this is Jeff," Penny offered as a way of introduction. The microbiologist smiled.
"Nice to finally meet you," she replied.
"I never dreamed I was a topic of conversation," he said with a laid back smile that encapsulated his whole demeanor.
He's a right pretty fellow, thought Bernadette. "Oh we wouldn't dare."
Penny rolled her eyes. At this point she wasn't sure if she'd be better off with Amy talking to Jeff.
Speaking of the neurobiologist, Amy noted Pierce standing by himself looking out the window. Remembering the online book of hosting etiquette she knew never to let a guest feel isolated and so went to remedy the situation.
"Good evening Pierce." He glanced at her before slipping on a smile—the attempt at deception didn't get past Amy.
"Ah, hello again Amelia."
"Amy," she amended. "Penny told me you're the head of Hawthorne Wipes. I use them at the lab and must compliment you on the product for its durability."
"Lab?"
"I've a doctorate in neurobiology."
"You have an impressive family what with your brother being a doctor, too." Amy was puzzled.
"I don't have a brother."
Pierce smirked. "Don't try that one with me. From what everyone said there are so many similarities between you and Dr. Cooper it isn't funny."
"I assure you we're not siblings. In fact Sheldon and I are former companions."
"Ah, yes, like you and Penny are 'just friends'," he chuckled.
Amy raised an eyebrow. "Our relationship is platonic. Penny is my 'bestie'."
"Ah, so that's what they call it nowadays," he nodded. "Far be it for me to judge. Come, let's get a drink and join the festivities. Jeff's here."
The bespectacled woman spotted the ex-lawyer chatting with Penny and applauded his fashion sensibilities.
"Work it baby," she murmured to herself.
XxX
"Wasn't that terrific?" said Leonard excitedly as he got in the back of the car carrying his little trophy. "Score one for the Shire."
"You just capitalized on the movie hype," Sheldon said sourly.
"Still we all got candy so it's a win-win," grinned Raj. He started the car.
"So you say," huffed the theoretical physicist. "There are Junior Mints in the bag. What kind of person buys that?"
"Someone who likes the minty 'ahh'," Raj said defensively. Stuart and he had spent the previous evening making up the candy bags. Since the comic store owner was a little short on cash Raj picked up the majority of the candy hence it was no mistake his favorites made it into the bags.
"Now on to the main event." Howard rubbed his hands.
"You make it sound like you're not married," tsked Raj as he drove.
"A little eye candy does the cardiovascular system good," soothed the engineer. "Besides I got a glimpse of Bernie's outfit and let's just say it's devilishly hot."
"Devil and skeletal masks are quite common at Dia de los Meurtos celebrations with townsfolk dancing in colorful costumes," said Sheldon. "In Guatemala the celebration is culminated with the construction and flying of gigantic kites. If Penny's determined to host another such gathering next year we should convene in the park and fly kites. Now that would be entertaining."
"Somehow I don't think they kite fight." Leonard stroked the edge of the cup with his thumb. This was going to sit next to his Bat-signal.
XxX
"I should have brought my jacket," Penny murmured as she climbed the last of the stairs and opened the door to the roof. Sure enough she spotted Pierce sitting on a concrete slab looking out at the stars.
"Hey," she said brightly.
"Hello Penny," he replied with what she readily recognized as a bold waitress smile. "What brings you up here?"
"You." Annie mentioned to Penny that Pierce had left the party but instead of going down he went upstairs. Knowing he'd had a couple of drinks the waitress wanted to make sure he was alright.
"Ah," he said with a half-smile. "That's nice. My fifth wife was always concerned with knowing where I was. Of course I later learned it was because she was having an affair with her tennis instructor."
"Ouch." Penny braced herself for the cold as she sat next to him.
"I envy you all. You're all at a special point where you're ready to seize life by the horns and create your own destinies."
"Every day we're alive we do that Pierce. Even you." Here he gave a bitter laugh.
"Even me." His eyes drifted over the city. "You know I thought I had it all founding a successful company. I had money and social status." He turned to Penny. "But at the end of the day all I have are seven failed marriages and alienated step-children. I can't have children of my own. The doctors say I have something like hyperactive sperm."
"No kidding," Penny said with a neutral tone. She'd never heard anything like that before. She'd ask Amy about it later. "Sometimes success isn't measured by knowing other people. Sometimes it's knowing in your heart and wanting to improve yourself where it counts."
Pierce slapped his thighs. "Exactly! That's why I thought to come back to college. Expand my mind. Impart some wisdom." Here a weird look came to his face. "I never expected to find a bunch of people to care about. Study group is about more than just Spanish, Penny. It's about genuine communication. Before each session we catch up on each others' lives, experiencing the highs and lows together. Offering encouragement and sympathy when needed."
"We're pretty special all right," Penny said with a little smile as she patted his arm. She knew the older man was kind of odd but she never realized how lonely he was. "Why don't we go back to the party?"
"Because I can't handle any more reminders of what I'm going to lose."
"That's crazy talk, Pierce. You're not going to lose us."
He cleared his throat. "I'm the one who cheated." Penny was stunned.
"What? Why?"
"I wasn't doing so hot in class and knew if I didn't pull up my bootstraps I'd fail and be left behind," he said with a sigh. "I've been left behind too many times by people I'd cared about. I couldn't do it again especially since this was supposed to be a fresh start."
Penny rubbed her arms for warmth. "So what are you going to do?"
"What else? Confess on Friday and be removed from class."
"I'm sorry, Pierce," she said sympathetically.
"Don't worry about me." Here he smiled. "Isn't it funny that I wanted you all to look up to me. To respect me. And here I go doing something like this. Crazy."
"Come on," she said gently as Penny hooked his arm in hers. "Let's get back to the party."
"You've got spunk, my dear. Seize the day."
"Thanks," she smiled. "Now let's seize the night."
XxX
"Time for some Latina heat," grinned Howard as the guys mounted the stairs. "Look out world because Rajesh Koothrapalli is in the building."
"It's a wonder anyone in the building can hear what with the music blaring," tsked Sheldon. "There must be three parties going on tonight. What happened to Halloween being for children?"
Leonard cocked his head as he thought about the four of them wearing costumes and attending a Halloween party at a comic book store. Best to say nothing.
"Hi," said Annie as the group came through the door. "Sign in for attendance." She indicated a notebook where the key bowl usually sat.
"Why should I sign in to my own apartment?" sniffed Sheldon. At once Annie furrowed her brows.
"Oh it's you."
"I see your reputation precedes you," Howard quipped to the lanky man, who scowled in return. Leonard smiled at Annie as he herded Sheldon into the room.
"Be nice," he warned. "Remember this is for Penny's class."
"I'm aware," Sheldon replied tersely as he glanced around the room to ensure his protective measures were in place: the clear vinyl sheets covering the book shelves were untouched as were the combination locks on the kitchen cupboards. He'd already cleared his desk and removed his telescope and whiteboard. Penny had to do a lot of pleading for him to keep the DNA model in the living room but at her insistence she'd clean each piece by hand he acquiesced. "Let me make sure the banditos haven't invaded my Fortress," he said as he bee-lined for his room.
"Hi cutie," said Bernadette as she sashayed over to her husband, her devil tail swinging from side to side. "Can I tempt you with a kiss?"
"Of course." Lips met. "You make every day a living hell," the engineer quipped. Bernadette and Raj both swatted him on the arm.
At once the Caped Crusader complete with video camera swooped over to the group.
"Ah, more of the Justice League," Abed said approvingly to Raj in a very husky voice. The astrophysicist looked at Bernadette before he gave Abed a nod and pleasant smile.
"Abed, this is Raj and my husband, Howard," Bernadette said as way of introduction.
"Captain," nodded Abed as he noted the engineer's Captain America costume. "I thought your film was better than Thor."
At this Raj frowned but said nothing. Realizing this was going to be a long night without it, he knew he'd have to hit the six pack of wine coolers he had in the refrigerator. Before he excused himself Amy appeared at his side with two cups of punch in hand.
"Good evening Rajesh. Berry and vodka?" Gratefully the astrophysicist took the cup and drank.
"I'm glad you came," he said happily. "I'm surprised you're taking part."
Amy adjusted the satin devil horns on her head. Aside from Penny's naughty little headdress the neurobiologist wore her standard attire of wool, cotton and striped cardigan.
"Well it is Halloween," she said with a little smile. "Things always get a little ca-razy."
"Speaking of crazy, now that we've got you speaking let's get you mingling," Howard said to his best friend.
"Howard, most of these girls aren't even twenty four years old," Raj reminded him.
The shorter man raised an eyebrow.
"You're from a culture that arranges weddings with child-brides." Raj blushed as he acknowledged the comment with a shrug-like nod.
"I think I'll get another drink," said Amy evenly, giving a half-hearted smile before disappearing towards the punch bowl.
"Now let's get you introduced my belle of the ball," grinned Howard as he led Raj away. Bernadette caught the astrophysicist's glance at Amy before submitting to his friend's whim.
"Interesting," Bernadette murmured to herself.
XxX
Sheldon's Flash cowl hid his creased brow as he returned to the living room. His room was secure though the bathroom was a complete write off. Indeed someone had taken down his sign regarding rules of urination he had carefully laminated and placed over the toilet. Perhaps he should ask Pierce if the Hawthorne company could come out with a general cleaning cloth? At the very least the physicist wanted to meet the man responsible for a superior moist towelette although Sheldon did have a suggestion or two regarding improvement….
"Jeff!"
At the name Sheldon focused on the woman he knew to be Shirley as she ventured towards a man wearing a cowboy hat. He hadn't met Jeff at the Open House and he wanted to know all the variables in Penny's study group.
"Nice to see you got here," said Jeff with a smile. Shirley rolled her eyes.
"Lord if you could see the amount of candy the boys got tonight I swear they'll be hyper until Christmas."
"Exciting times all round," said the ex-lawyer with a cryptic smile as he turned towards the approaching man wearing a Flash costume. From Abed's video he noted the physicist's tall and lean stature and this guy fit the bill. Jeff also made note of his excitable nature, literalness and extremely limited grasp of social cues. "Sheldon I presume?"
"Good luck," said Shirley with a smile. As both men met up she could feel their gazes as each scanned the other.
"You're Jeff?" Sheldon clarified with what Jeff noted as a bit of a Texas twang.
"And you are?" asked Jeff innocently.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper," he replied with pursed lips. Here the ex-lawyer grinned.
"Ah, our host."
"Indeed. Although right now I come to you in the capacity of Penny's boyfriend."
Jeff held up his hands. "Look I didn't—"
"From what I learned you're the leader of Penny's Spanish study group. I'm sure you realize it's a place for serious study not social chit-chat."
"Of course," Jeff said evenly. It took him just a flash to process the information but what he gleaned was significant: Penny never mentioned their ongoing flirting to her boyfriend or else Sheldon was the coolest cucumber he ever met. Judging from the way the physicist's eyes flashed in irritation while discussing homework schedules and better procedures for conducting group business Jeff somehow doubted he'd keep it together if he knew about the ex-lawyer's transgressions. Interesting. "Although it's kind of nice to take a breather every once in a while. You know, shoot the breeze. Bond."
"Another reason why emotions are a detriment to academia," tsked Sheldon.
"Oh? You mean you don't have a passion for your work?"
"Curiosity drives me."
Jeff chuckled. "You see? We have something in common because curiosity is what brought me here tonight. I had to meet someone who likes comic book heroes, theoretical physics and Penny. It's an odd combination."
"I assure you they compliment each other," Sheldon said tersely.
"I agree wholeheartedly," said Jeff as he spotted Penny and Pierce entering the room. The waitress took one look at her boyfriend and the ex-lawyer and headed over. "We'd never have had Penny in a Black Canary costume without you."
"Penny's more than—"
"Hey you two!" Penny said enthusiastically as she put a hand on each man's arm. "How are you boy scouts doing?" She stared meaningfully at Jeff.
"I thought Sheldon here was going to read me the riot act for stealing cookies but it turns out he didn't even know I was taking orders," Jeff said with a smirk.
"Why would I accuse you of stealing?" asked a puzzled Sheldon.
"He didn't steal," Penny said with color on her cheeks. "He mistakenly thought the cookies didn't belong to anyone. Now that he knows I'm sure Jeff knows better than to eat another person's cookies."
Jeff's jaw dropped in shock. "'Eat'? You mean you actually thought about me eating the cookies? Wow."
"Mmm mmm mmm mmm," said Shirley with thin lips before she walked away. Being a baker and mother of two she knew damn well what went into making a good cookie and she knew at this moment there were too many cooks in the kitchen.
"Jeff—" warned Penny.
"As fascinating as a conversation about carbohydrates is I believe we've deviated from the point," said Sheldon as he noted Penny's face approached the codification for anger. His Conversation Log was going to get a workout tonight.
"Sheldon's right," said Jeff amiably. "Who cares who's eating who's cookies? The point is some people eat dinner for the dessert while in this instance—"
"I'm not hungry," Penny growled.
At once Jeff looked serious. "Penny I was only—"
"I know. Sorry." The waitress let out a breath of frustration before she took Sheldon's hand and dragged the two of them into the hall and around the corner.
"Are you—" Before Sheldon could continue Penny's arms encircled his neck and she kissed him hard. He loosened her hands and straightened. "You're upset." Penny sighed.
"No. It's been a long day." She gave her boyfriend a waitress smile. "I'm usually not thrown by sarcasm but between going to school, working and prepping for the party I'm wiped."
"I'll speak to Jeff."
"No!" Sheldon's eyebrow raised at her tone. "Just leave things alone. I'll deal with him at school."
"I won't see you distressed," he said firmly.
"Sweetie, I need you to focus on being a good host and not Mr. Chivalry." She took his hands.
"I disagree."
"Sheldon please." Blue eyes met green.
"Alright then," he said with a thin smile.
XxX
Bernadette pursed her lips as she spotted a nearly drunk Amy in the kitchen.
"Looks like someone's gotten into the spirit of things," she quipped. The neurobiologist grinned.
"Vinum! Mulieres! Carmen!" She downed her punch.
"That's Latin."
Amy shrugged. "Close enough at this point."
Following her friend's gaze Bernadette spotted Raj chatting with a blond woman in a bunny suit.
"Amy, have you talked to Raj?" In response Amy rolled her head to look at the short woman.
"We talk all the time. We're friends don'cha know."
"I think he likes you."
Amy set her cup on the counter. "He's grateful. Thanks to my handiwork he'll soon be free to walk the earth and seduce his beauty."
"Amy—"
"I think I have to use the ladies." Amy thought for a moment. "Nope, I'm sure now." She dashed off.
"Hey Am—" said Penny as the neurobiologist passed her and Sheldon in the hall.
"Not now Bestie, I have to urinate."
"I'll see you in a bit," the waitress said to her boyfriend before she ventured off to get Pierce out of the corner and back into the group.
Realizing he was reaching his limit for socialization Sheldon sought out his roommate who was in a conversation with Bat-Man. As he approached the men the Caped Crusader turned and flitted down the hall.
"Great party," Leonard said with a grin. It wasn't at the level of unbridled mayhem his surprise birthday party was—from his understanding since he spent the night at the hospital with Howard—but nevertheless it was more exciting than a university social.
"The noise ordinance bylaw comes into effect in seventeen minutes," Sheldon replied as he noted the time on the dvd player. "I'm sure Mrs. Vartabetian will alert the police."
"I don't think so. Penny talked to people in the building about the party and promised it would end by one o'clock."
"Good Lord," Sheldon sighed as he realized he still had two hours and seventeen minutes to endure. "I think I'll retire to my room."
"Go ahead," said Leonard. "Penny and I've got things out here and besides the crowd's thinned out somewhat."
"So I—" Sheldon stopped short as he spotted Jeff sitting with Shirley and Annie on the couch. First the cowboy wannabe stressed out his girlfriend then turned around and sat in his spot. Intolerable.
Leonard realized where his roommate was going and quickly followed.
"You're in my spot," Sheldon said to Jeff.
"Sheldon," whined Leonard.
Jeff cocked his head. Since his teasing backfired he decided to lay low until he could apologize to Penny. Now this.
"I didn't realize it had your name on it." He could see the agitation rolling off the physicist.
"Well now you're aware." The two men stared at each other.
"Mmm mmm mmm mmm," murmured Shirley while Annie sat stock still.
"Should I bother moving or is 'your spot' the apartment as a whole?" asked Jeff.
"No it's where you're sitting. Seriously," said Leonard. "We'll be sanitizing the couch tomorrow. Just leave it be," he said to his roommate.
"This doesn't concern you, Leonard," Sheldon said curtly.
"Actually it doesn't concern me either," shrugged Jeff. "I'm not the first or the last to sit here tonight."
"We'll see about that," the lanky physicist replied as his gloved hands unconsciously curled into fists.
"Well this is what happens when you leave something precious unattended," Jeff said evenly.
"I'm here now," Sheldon growled.
"Sheldon could you get me another drink?" asked Bernadette as the microbiologist appeared and tucked her arm through his. "We're out of glasses so I need you to unlock the cupboard."
"You're the only one who knows all the combinations," Leonard reminded him. Sheldon pursed his lips.
"After he gets out of my spot."
"Remember your Southern Gentleman training," Bernadette said in a stage whisper.
"I'm leaving," said Jeff gently as he got off the couch. Immediately Sheldon grabbed the seat cushion and departed to the kitchen, ignoring the stares and whispers from a few of the guests. He spotted the stack of plastic cups and glared at Bernadette.
"I want a mug," she said with a too wide grin.
Sheldon was annoyed as he unlocked the cupboard and handed her Leonard's mug before securing the door. He heard a bunch of people laugh, Penny and Leonard included, and turned to see a gathering around Jeff.
"And that's how they do it in the Shire, right?" Jeff said, causing another peal of laughter and a look to appear on Leonard's face that was simultaneously proud and blushy.
The theoretical physicist observed the mixture of college kids and his friends seemingly surrounding Jeff like he was a proton. The ex-lawyer had Penny in stitches and she gave out a "Stop it" as she rested her hand on his arm. Sheldon flashed Jeff a look of death which the man seemed to sense as his eyes flickered to the physicist as he smiled. The lanky man readily came up with the facial acting codification for 'asshole' and could immediately hear his mother scolding him for his language.
Bernadette noticed the grip Sheldon's fingers were giving the cushion.
"Sheldon—"
"I'm not a child," he snapped at her before storming through a group of people and down the hall. As he approached his room he saw a light on under the door. Now beside himself he opened the door in a fury to find Bat-Man in his room taking pictures of his action figures.
"What are you doing in my room? No one can be in my room!"
Abed stood, unruffled by Sheldon's ire. "Leonard said he had action figures in his room I could look at and I thought this was it. Sorry." He turned in a flurry, sending his cape in a ruffle of fabric and departed.
Sheldon closed the door and scanned the room before determining that nothing was missing. He realized with a sigh that he'd have to clean his bedroom tomorrow. Feeling what? angry? weary? sulky? he sat on his bed in a huff and set the couch cushion to the side. He pulled back his mask and took out a Hawthorne wipe from his nightstand to mop his brow. He knew his dislike of Jeff was irrational. Granted Sheldon was annoyed at his upsetting Penny but that didn't account for the level of animosity he felt. After all he wasn't in competition with Jeff. Penny had made her choice. Where in the world did that come from? He took a breath. As much as he wanted to throw Jeff out of the apartment he knew Penny would object. Sheldon laughed mirthlessly. For someone who grew up on a farm Penny sure didn't know anything about putting two males in the same room. He knew that were he to step back into the living room there would be words, maybe even—
A knock at the door.
"What is this, Grand Central Station?" growled Sheldon.
The door opened and Abed stuck in his head. "I left my lens in here. Mind if I get it?"
Sheldon sighed and glanced at his shelf. "It's on the second comic bin."
"Cool." Abed came in and closed the door before grabbing his lens. He made to leave but instead cocked his head. "The party's out there. Why are you in here?"
"I require solitude."
"Cool, cool. The Caped Crusader understands solitude." A pause. "Jeff can be a lot to handle in a prolonged session."
"Pardon me?"
"Jeff is like Steve Gutenberg in Police Academy: he charms his way into everyone's heart and always gets the girl but there's a kind of smugness that gets to you after a while. You're more like Brent Spiner from Star Trek: you understand the protocol but are unsure how to proceed in real life situations."
"I always associated myself with Spock," Sheldon said evenly.
"Umm no. Spock is cool. He's had more than one girlfriend."
"I've had two," the physicist said with a scowl.
Abed cocked his head. "You and Penny are so different it means you connect on a major level." He nodded to the corner. "I've seen the formulas on your whiteboard. You're like Lon Chaney in The Phantom of the Opera working in your own laboratory until Christine's voice captured your soul."
"You've obviously never heard Penny sing," Sheldon said drolly.
The young man raised an eyebrow. "I'll make a note." Another quick pause. "You really shouldn't be insecure about Penny."
"Insecure?" Sheldon drawled. "Why should I feel threatened by a barely speaking Spanish cowboy wearing second rate boots? After all it's not like he's stated an interest in Penny."
"Actually he did. The whole reason why we have a study group is that Jeff wanted to get into her pants."
Sheldon turned and stared at his comic bins. "I see," he said quietly.
Abed shrugged. "Penny takes it in stride. Very Pepper Potts."
"Tony Stark got her in the end," frowned Sheldon.
"Only because she wanted it. Penny doesn't. It's like Star Trek where all the women are attracted to Riker because he's cool except for Tasha Yar who's got a thing for Data. He might be socially awkward but he's also a wonder to her because of his vast intellect and innocent nature. Of course it also helps that he's fully functional." Abed flashed a smile.
"We've yet to consummate our relationship. I've a germ aversion."
"Ah. That's why she knew about Hawthorne Wipes." The young man cocked his head. "Funny. So what does that have to do with Penny?"
"She's covered in them."
"And? I saw you touching her earlier."
"That's different," explained Sheldon. "I expect to be contaminated and have already planned an extensive post-party cleaning."
Abed was confused. "And you're not expecting to be contaminated while having sex?" The physicist didn't know what to say. "Don't be afraid of your emotion chip. You might feel things like anger and jealousy and fear but you also get love and contentment."
"I've had friends betray me," Sheldon said slowly. "If Penny pulls away now I can gather some semblance of myself. If I let things continue I will be inconsolable if she…." He couldn't continue.
"'Do or do not, there is no try'."
"I'm—unsure."
"Are you really? Because coming through the door you seemed angry enough to have an opinion," Abed said evenly.
Sheldon looked at the young man. "I'm afraid."
"And that is why you fail. You must unlearn what you have learned. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side: anger, fear, aggression. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will."
Sheldon took a moment to process before he nodded his head.
"Wise words, Abed."
"I'm not Abed—I'm Bat-Man." The student gave an awkward smile before disappearing out the door.
Penny was in the midst of conversing with Jeff and company when a leather-clad arm caught her around the waist. Surprised she turned to see Sheldon in his Eccleston Doctor Who outfit from ComicCon.
"You changed," she said.
"We match," he replied.
Penny smiled and gave him a kiss before turning back to the conversation. Sheldon's other arm wrapped around her and she leaned back into his embrace. Jeff noticed the physicist's stance and the two men locked eyes. Slowly Sheldon lowered his head without losing eye contact and kissed the top of Penny's head.
XxX
Raj smiled to himself as he listened to an inebriated neurobiologist humming away as they drove. Throughout the night he'd noticed Amy getting chattier—and drunker—and decided he'd be the designated driver for once so she could have a good time.
As for himself the evening was enjoyable but he realized that he must be getting older because the young coeds didn't do for him what they used to. Granted there's always time for perky breasts but there was something more to be said for stimulating conversation and goofing around. A mix of intellectual curiosity and playfulness. He inwardly sighed. For the guy who's had the most number of sexual partners it didn't seem fair that he'd be the only one left alone. Well, that's not completely true. Amy was single although the astrophysicist knew it was only a matter of time before another Sheldonesque man came along and swept her away.
Amy started patting her thighs to a beat only she could hear. It took Raj most of the drive to realize she'd been humming a mix of Danse Macabre and Ghostbusters.
"Well here we are," she said with a grin as they pulled in front of her building. She unhooked her seatbelt with deliberate slowness to ensure success. At the loosening of the belt she looked up and grinned, causing Raj to giggle.
Is this what I'm like when I'm drunk? "Amy," he said with a smile.
"You've got nice brown eyes," she said huskily. "They're really expressive."
At once Raj was out of the car and around to Amy's side to open the door. She took his proffered hand and got out of the vehicle and together they made it into the building.
"I believe the event was a success," Amy said happily as she let their still clasped hands swing. Raj nodded his head and smiled. "Bestie really looked hot. I mean smo-ken." The elevator opened and they got in. "It's obvious why Sheldon fell for her. Just delicious."
"Amy," Raj said in a sympathetic tone as he squeezed her hand.
"No, no, not feeling sorry for myself," she said with a smirk. "I'm a butterfly too don'cha know." They exited the elevator and made their way around the corner to her apartment. "'Who ya gonna call?'" Amy sang to herself as she unlocked the door. She stepped into the room and turned on the light. "I've some Yoohoo in the fridge. Help yourself."
Realizing she didn't hear the door close she turned to find Raj standing at the apartment's threshold. "Not coming in?" He shook his head as he indicated a 'watch' motion on his wrist. "Ah." She ambled her way over. "Well I want to thank you for driving me home." Raj smiled. "Although it's of the comic book genre I must say I like your Green Lantern costume. Of course after seeing you in spandex I can say you really don't need the polyurethane abs."
"Amy," blushed the astrophysicist.
"Just sayin' it cutie," Amy winked. "Of course you don't speak so maybe I'll just 'say' it in a way you understand."
Her arms wrapped around his neck as she planted a kiss on his lips. Finding her footing she dragged him back until the door had room to close. Suddenly she was thrust forward against him as Raj leaned against the door.
What started as the pressing of lips became something so much more. More than Amy Farrah Fowler ever experienced. Ever dreamed really as even her imagination was curbed by a cutting voice of 'as if that'd happen to me'. Up to this point the only man of no relation she'd kissed was Sheldon and it sure didn't feel like this. Oh, the desire was genuine but there was no curling of the toes and an inherent desire to stick her tongue in his mouth as she did right now with Raj.
"Rajesh, make me a woman," she hissed before closing the gap for another kiss.
At once the magnitude of what he was doing and who he was doing it with slapped the astrophysicist in the face.
"No," he said firmly as he straightened.
Amy pulled back as she realized what she'd said and the finality of her friend's answer.
"No, of course not," she stammered as she turned away. "As if you'd be interested in me after bedding Penny. I'm sor—"
"Wedoitright."
Amy turned back, stunned. "Rajesh…."
His eyes were serious and he did his best to speak but to no avail. Unfazed, he stepped close and caressed her cheek with his gloved hand. "Amy."
"I have a little wine in the refrigerator," Amy offered. Raj shook his head.
"We do it right," she said to him with a smile.
Lips met.
xTBBTx
Wikipedia: Facial Acting Coding System
Abed's Yoda Lines: The Empire Strikes Back
Vinum! Mulieres! Carmen!: Wine! Women! Song!
Thanks for reading!