A/N: A warning to any readers who are not dirty h00rs: Leah will be Leah. If you are not partial to talk about pubic hair or men's preferences regarding it, please read carefully. This chapter involves a lot of it.

I really hate to have to do this, but I'm afraid I have to bring this up again. For the majority of my readers who are super awesome and patient and understand that Nessie is doing her best, please disregard this. Based on a few reviews and PMs regarding Nessie's pace, I have a feeling there will be mixed feelings about the next few chapters. Yes, they will *eventually* have sex. No, Nessie will not cocktease Jake to death. *rolls eyes* To best express what needs to be said, I will post what I wrote to one of my awesome reviewers a few chapters ago:

I understand that Nessie's self-consciousness is annoying to some people. After all of Jake's assurances and so much time with him and whatever, she should be able to walk around the house naked and *be* with him every night, right?

Not with PTSD. She's not capable, at this point, to move past anything without help. Yes, she'll get that help, and yes, Jacob is doing wonders for her without even knowing it. If he hadn't started making her talk to him, and if he wasn't constantly there to push her boundaries, she'd be just as shy and self-conscious as she was when they first met. But, therapy is a ways away. Why? Because it's not possible to get into a *good* therapist within a few days unless you were hospitalized first. Even then, the wait can be up to a whole week. As the writer, I want this story to be as realistic as it can be because I am dealing with very real issues, and it would be wrong of me to pretend that PTSD or bipolar disorder were simple to manage and/or cure.

I will end my rant there. Thank you to every one of you who have been so patient and understanding. And for recognizing both the major and the minor steps they've been taking in the bedroom, of which you will see the set up for another in this chapter :)

One more note about the song used for this chapter. I had a hell of a time picking one, and nothing I found fits. I really like the one I chose, but I'm still not sure it fits this chapter. Mostly it just fits how Ness feels about Jake. Good enough, right? Thank you to SwiftMusicQueen for recommending it :)

With that, enjoy! It's not mine.

Give Me a Sign

Chapter Thirty-Four

Awake and Alive

I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms, I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you

-Awake and Alive – Skillet

Renesmee

"Are you excited for the spa trip tomorrow?" Jake asked me Friday night as we ate dinner.

I smiled. "Yes, I think so."

He raised an eyebrow. "You think so? Aren't girls usually jumping up and down for this kind of thing?"

I huffed in amusement, thinking of Leah jumping around excitedly. She didn't strike me as that type of woman. "I guess. I am excited, don't get me wrong. It's just . . ." I hesitated, not sure how to say what I was feeling.

He frowned and scooted his chair closer to me. "Just what, Ness? Do you not want to go? You know you don't have to."

"No, I know, Jake. I do want to go, I promise. It's just that Leah can be very . . . blunt. Sometimes I don't know how to take some of the things she says." I shrugged.

Jake nodded and put his hand over mine on the table. "I talked to her about that today, Ness. She said she won't do anything embarrassing or put you through anything more than you can handle."

I smiled again. "Thank you."

He leaned forward and kissed my lips. "You're welcome."

When we finished dinner, Jacob and I washed the dishes and got everything put away. "What should we do now?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever you'd like to do."

I scrunched my nose. "We always do what I want to do. Why don't you pick something?"

He kissed me. "Because I made you dance with me last night. If you insist, I'll choose we watch a movie or something."

I liked that choice anyway. "That sounds good. What movie?"

He thought about that for a second. "Why not Lord of the Rings?"

I remember he'd mentioned something about that when we'd played Twenty Questions. It also reminded me that he'd never finished asking me the questions, and I'd never gotten to ask mine. I figured we could do that after the movie. "Okay."

I made some popcorn while he got the movie set up, then I snuggled close to him on the couch. The movie actually turned out to be really good, and he told me how there was a story that came before the series called The Hobbit about Bilbo Baggins.

"Didn't they make that movie, too?" I asked. It seemed strange to leave out the beginning of the story.

He shook his head. "No; it just starts there. Not too bad, though."

"No, I really liked it. Who plays the lead person? Um . . . Frodo?" I couldn't help but laugh a little at the name.

Jacob smirked. "Elijah Wood."

I nodded. "He's kind of cute."

He laughed. "I knew you were going to say that. Got a thing for Hobbits, huh?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yes. I like short, hairy people. That's why I fell in love with you, a very tall, hairy person."

He pulled me onto his lap. "I knew it. What would you like to do now?" His eyes told me what he wanted to do. I wanted to make out, too, but at the same time, I wanted to spend some time just talking to him.

"Do remember a while ago we played Twenty Questions?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I think I only got to seventeen or so before you refused to answer me." He smiled.

"Well, you asked tough questions." I tried to sound confident in my defense.

"Mm-hmm. Do you want to do that again?" He held me a little tighter, and I nodded. "Okay. Should I ask you three more, or do you want to start?"

"Go ahead and ask me three more." I slipped my arms around his neck and leaned in to rest my head on his shoulder.

"Still no embarrassing questions?" He looked down at me. I shook my head and smiled. He kissed my forehead. "Okay. Let's see . . . Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle?"

"Yes, once. My grandpa's friend had one, and one time when we visited, he took me for a ride."

Jacob nodded. "I'd like to get you on one now." He smirked and kissed me. "When was the last time you went swimming?" I sat up a little and thought about my answer, trying to remember swimming without remembering something that would make me cry. As I remembered my fourteenth birthday with my dad, my eyes began to water. I looked at Jake apologetically, and he seemed to understand. "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"

I tried to smile as I wiped my eyes. "Somewhere with as little sun as possible. Before I met you, I had thought about someday moving to Seattle." I couldn't even think about going anywhere without him now.

He squeezed his arms around me and kissed my lips again. "If you could spend a day in the sun without getting hurt, what would you want to do?" He rubbed my back as he waited for me to answer.

When I was young, I used to imagine all kinds of things I could do if I wasn't allergic to the sun. "I'd want to go horseback riding, tan on a beach somewhere under one of those umbrella things they always show in movies, grow a garden, and roll around on the warm grass for a few hours."

"That sounds nice, babe. Someday, I'm going to find a way to let you do at least one of those things. Which one do you want to do the most?" I licked my lips and looked down. "And remember I said which one do you want the most, not which one do you think I can pull off."

I smiled. "Honestly, I want to grow a garden. I love flowers."

He smirked. "Of course you do."

I leaned back. "I do! When you have the right ones, Jake, they're so beautiful and can make anything seem better."

"Okay, okay; I'm not going to argue with you about that. They're still weeds, but okay. It's your turn to ask me your questions."

I shook my head with a smile and tried to think of something to ask him. I went over the questions I remembered him asking me when we'd played before and thought I'd start off easy for him, too. "Okay. How about . . . apple juice or orange juice?"

He smirked again. "Orange juice."

I nodded. "Ninjas or pirates?"

"Ninjas. You're right; they're cooler."

I laughed. "Sweet or salty?"

"Salty." He kissed me under my ear, licking just a little. I gasped and pulled away with a giggle. "So tasty."

I blushed. "Black or white?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?" I just nodded. "Black, of course."

"Why don't you own any white shirts?"

"Because I've had them in the past, and they always end up stained with something. It's just easier to get different colors."

I nodded again. "Okay. Red or blue?"

He touched my hair as he answered. "Definitely red."

I couldn't help but blush again. "What's your favorite animal?"

He pursed his lips, thinking about his answer. "I guess I'd have to say timber wolves. They're pretty."

"They're very pretty. Do you believe in ghosts?"

He smiled. "That depends. Are you asking if I believe in an afterlife, or are you asking if I believe in haunted houses and possessions?"

I wasn't sure what I was asking. "An afterlife, I guess."

He nodded. "Yes, I do. I don't believe in the other crap, though."

"Okay. What about aliens?"

"I've been abducted before . . ." he raised his eyebrow.

I sat back, shocked. "What?"

He laughed. "I'm joking, babe. No, I don't believe in aliens."

I gave him a look before I moved on. "Do you have a celebrity crush?"

"Salma Hayek. She's fucking hot."

I raised my eyebrow. "Who?"

"Salma Hayek. She's been in a few movies, but have you ever seen From Dawn Till Dusk?

I shook my head. "What kind of movie is that?"

"It's a crappy vampire movie, but she has this part in it where she dances with a snake. I'll show you sometime, because it's one of the sexiest moments in movie history." He rubbed my back.

"Only a man would think dancing with a snake is sexy." I kissed him, and he laughed. "Have you ever wanted to get a tattoo or a piercing?"

"Yeah, I have. When I was seventeen, I wanted to get a tattoo of a snake going up my arm. I didn't have the money, though, and my dad wouldn't lend it to me. By the time I'd saved up enough, I didn't want one anymore."

I tried to imagine what he would look like with a tattoo like that. "A snake? That wouldn't have anything to do with that movie, would it?"

"No, actually it didn't. I just thought it would be cool." He shrugged.

I smiled. "You were a strange kid, Jake. Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate. Preferably dripped on you." He raised his eyebrows, and I blushed.

I licked my lips and kept going. "Batman or Superman?"

"Batman."

"Really? Why? He doesn't have any cool superpowers."

He nodded. "I know. But he's got Cat Woman. Much, much sexier than Wonder Woman."

I couldn't help but shake my head. Men. "Aragorn or Legolas?" Now that I'd seen the film, I could say I liked Aragorn better. He was conflicted and sexy.

"Aragorn."

I raised an eyebrow. I knew he couldn't like that character for the same reason I did. "Why?"

He shrugged again. "He's just a better character all around. And he's cooler. And, on top of all that, he's a king. Which one do you like better now that you know who you're choosing from?"

"The same. I think he's cute, too."

Jake chuckled. "Okay."

"Vampires or werewolves?"

He kissed my lips. "Werewolves."

I liked that we both liked so much of the same stuff, but had a few differences to keep things exciting. I remembered that this was the point where he started getting into the tough questions. "What are you most afraid of?"

He furrowed his brow. "Losing my temper around you."

For some reason, I thought that was sweet. I kissed him. "What makes you most happy?"

"Seeing you smile." He didn't seem even the slightest bit embarrassed to say that. Then again, I wasn't sure why I thought he would have been. I smiled just because, and he kissed me again in return. I had three questions left.

"Have you ever been on a motorcycle?" I could just imagine him on one. He'd look very nice.

"A few times, yes. Leah's sort-of brother Seth has one, and he's let me take it for a spin. It's pretty nice. Maybe someday I can convince him to let me take you for a night ride." He kissed my head.

"That would be sweet. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you want to live?"

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me, as long as you're there with me."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not an answer, Jake."

He chuckled. "Okay. Somewhere in Russia."

I raised my eyebrows. "Why Russia?"

"I don't know. I just like the name."

I laughed. "Okay. One more question . . ." I couldn't ask him the same thing he'd asked me since he wasn't allergic to the sun. I wasn't sure what to say. There was something I'd been curious about for a while, but wasn't sure if it was okay to bring it up. Or, rather, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer. I knew he'd been with Leah sexually, and I also knew she wasn't the only person he'd ever been with like that. I decided if he could ask me why I didn't want to move in with him while playing the game, I could ask about his sexual history. I cleared my throat, met his eyes briefly, then opened my mouth. "How many, um . . . how many women have you slept with?"

His brow furrowed, and his mouth turned down in a frown. He was silent for a few minutes. "Do you really want to know?"

His question made me realize that it was probably a lot more than I anticipated. I'd asked, though, and I was honestly curious. I licked my lips and nodded. "Yes."

He took a deep breath. "Are you sure you don't want to ask me something else?"

I wondered why he didn't want me to know. It couldn't be that bad. I almost smiled as I imagined him telling me he'd been with over fifty women. That would be something. "No, I want to know."

He sighed and kissed my lips. "Okay." He hesitated another few seconds before he finally answered me. "I've been with eight women."

My eyes widened. "Eight?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Wow." Even though it was nowhere near the number I'd thought jokingly, I was still surprised. I couldn't even stop the rush of jealousy that pushed on my chest. Was it jealousy or sadness? I couldn't even tell. I did know that I suddenly felt extremely inadequate. I put my head on Jacob's shoulder and wondered silently why he wanted me when it was pretty damn obvious he could have anyone he wanted a lot faster than me.

"Ness?" He held me gently and ran his fingers through my hair. I hummed but didn't look up. "I love you. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "I know." I didn't understand it, though.

He made me look up at him and stared into my eyes for a moment. "This is why I didn't want to tell you, baby. I knew you'd go all depressed on me again. I love you, I only want you, and I'll be here waiting for you until you're damn good and ready to have sex."

I sighed. "But—"

He shook his head, interrupting me. "No. No buts. You promised me before you moved in that you wanted me and you wouldn't pull this 'not good enough' bullshit anymore. You asked and I answered; that's all there is to it."

I nodded again and kissed his lips. I would do my very best to believe that again for him. I took a deep breath. "I love you."

"I know, Ness. You just need to learn to trust me." He kissed my forehead.

"I do trust you, though."

"I know you trust me physically, baby, but you need to trust me with your heart, too. I'm not going to hurt you." His arms held me tighter, and I rested against his shoulder. I wanted to tell him it was ridiculous to think he'd hurt me, but I knew he wasn't talking about physical pain. Was I really as confident that he wouldn't hurt me emotionally?

We stayed on the couch just silently holding each other for a while until we were both ready for bed. I snuggled up close to him under the covers and kissed his neck.

"Goodnight, Jake."

"Night, baby. Love you."

I smiled. "I love you, too."

"Does this look okay?" I asked Jake as I walked into the living room. I was trying to get ready for a day at the spa with Leah, but I had absolutely no idea what to wear.

Jake looked me over and nodded. "You look nice."

I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't sure how a plain gray t-shirt and blue jeans looked all that nice, but I wasn't going to question that. Any time I tried, he always came back with something lame like, "You'd look good in a garbage bag." I was almost beginning to wonder if he hadn't read some of my sappy romance novels. Instead of questioning whether it really looked nice or not, I tried a different tactic.

"Is it okay to wear at the spa?"

He nodded again. "You'll be taking it off anyway, babe."

Nobody had said anything about undressing. "What?"

He looked up again, obviously caught off-guard by my surprised tone. "You've never been to a spa?"

I shook my head. "Have you?"

He smirked. "No. But I know what goes on there thanks to Leah. You'll get a massage, probably a wax or something if you want it, and I think they do something with your hair."

"Wax, as in hair removal?" I shaved. There was no need for waxing anywhere . . . I didn't think. Unless Leah intended on having some kind of bikini wax done. Oh, I was in way over my head already. How could I let a stranger touch me there when I couldn't even let Jake?

He got up and came over to me. "Are you okay, baby?"

"I don't know what to do, Jake. I'm going to end up embarrassing the shit out of myself, I can just feel it."

He made me look at him. "Listen to me, Ness. Leah won't let that happen. You know she's loud and obnoxious and really damn good at making a scene, but she's also very protective of you. She'll be there with you and tell you what to do, okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

"Now, you look fine, baby. You don't need to dress up for this. Are you doing okay?" He rubbed my arms lightly.

I nodded again. "I think so."

"Okay. Leah's going to be here in about fifteen minutes. Why don't you come relax for a minute?" He tried to pull me with him to the couch. I gave in and sat next to him. "I'm gonna miss you today, babe."

I looked up at him and realized this would be the first day since I moved in with him that we actually spent away from each other when he didn't have to work. I also realized I was going to miss him, too. I leaned up and kissed him. "Me, too. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby."

"Do you think Leah would take me by the library? I have some books I need to return."

He leaned back and looked down at me. "I'm sure she would. You could have asked me, though; I would have taken you."

I nodded. "I know; I just never thought about it when you were here." It seemed as soon as he walked in the door, my entire focus was on him.

"Okay. Yeah, you can ask her, babe."

I snuggled close to him for a while until we heard Leah pull up. I looked up at him, and he smiled as he got up. I went to grab my books while he let her in. When I came back with them, she was just stepping in and pushed her sunglasses up to the top of her head. I was relieved to see her dressed like me in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Hey, guys." She smiled hugely and hugged Jake then me. "You ready for some fun?"

I licked my lips and nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"Planning on reading while you're massaged?" she asked, gesturing to the books I had.

"Oh . . . Um, no. I was actually wondering if we could go by the library so I could drop these off."

"Sure." She put her arm around me and smiled up at Jake. "We'll be back in a few hours."

He nodded but didn't let us leave yet. "Take care of her, Leah. Remember she can't be in the sun for very long."

She patted my arm. "I got her, Jake." She looked at me. "We'll be just fine, won't we?" I nodded again, but I was still a little wary.

Jake stepped up to me and kissed my lips. "I love you. Have fun. Don't feel bad about telling Leah to back the fuck off, okay?"

I wasn't sure I could say that to her, but I nodded anyway. "Okay. I love you, too. Have a good day, too?"

He smiled and kissed me again. "I'll do my best."

"Okay, lovebirds, we need to go or we'll be late. Be back later." Leah tugged on me a little, and I went with her. Jake managed to kiss me one more time before the door shut, and I smiled to myself as I got into the truck. "All right. First things first, Ness," Leah said as she got in the driver's seat. I tried not to get nervous. "I don't want to hear one word about prices, okay? If it makes you feel any better, I'm not paying for this trip. Sam and my dad are."

I licked my lips. "Okay. Where are we going?"

"We're going to the Red Door Spa. I've been there once before; it's pretty nice. Thank you for coming with me, by the way."

I nodded, but I couldn't get over how strange it was to be in this truck with her like this. "Thank you for bringing me. I take it nobody else wanted to go with you?"

She smiled. "Well, I don't have a lot of girlfriends. I'm more comfortable around guys. The ones that I do have, though, I don't know well enough to do something like this or shopping with."

"Oh." I kind of liked the thought of her feeling comfortable enough with me to do these kinds of things. I didn't expect them to happen often; obviously this was a special occasion kind of thing.

We stopped by the library, and I just ran in quickly to take care of my fine. It was lower than I'd expected, so I paid it and ran back out to the truck. When we got to the spa, Leah led the way in and talked to the lady at the desk. She handed us some papers, and I just looked over at Leah for instruction. She smiled at me and filled out her form there at the desk, so I did the same thing. I wasn't sure what to put down for allergies, so I just put UV rays. After I wrote it, I wanted to erase it. Leah was almost done with hers, though, and I'd used a pen, so I just hurried and got done with as quickly as I could. The lady gave me a strange look when she took the paper from me, and I tried not to look embarrassed.

"Now we go change," Leah said. The lady led us to a room of lockers and showed us each which one was ours. They both had a white robe and some slippers inside. There weren't any actual changing rooms, and I was a little unnerved when Leah just started to strip. She left her bra and panties on, though, and slipped into the robe, then she took her underwear off. "You need to get changed, Ness. Otherwise they can't give you the massage."

I licked my lips and hesitantly started to take my shirt off. I think she understood, though, because she turned around to give me at least a little privacy while I undressed. I did the same thing she had done, but I left my panties on. I couldn't even think about strutting around strangers with nothing but the robe.

"I'm done," I said as I put my clothes in the locker.

Leah turned back around and smiled at me. "Good. Now we got chat in the meditation room until it's time for our massages. It'll be about fifteen minutes."

That actually sounded nice. I went with her to the room and sat down on a bench next to her. I stared down at my feet in the little white slippers and smiled. "This is fun."

She nodded. "So, basically what we're getting is the "From Here to Eternity" package. We both get massages, manicures, pedicures, and lunch. I'm also going to get a wax. I wasn't sure if you wanted one or not, so I didn't get one for you. I'm sure I can sweet-talk them into it, though."

"Um . . . what kind of wax?"

She shrugged. "They have all kinds. I kind of thought Jake should get the full face wax." She laughed.

"What? No. He looks so nice with a beard." I lifted my legs out in front of me and stared at my pale ankles.

"Yeah, I know he does. But he hates it."

I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. "Why did he do it then, if he hates it?" That didn't make sense to me.

"Because you asked him to." She didn't look at me as she said it. It surprised me, though. Why would he do that just for me if he didn't like it?

I didn't even have to ask; I knew it was because he loved me. I wished he would have told me that he didn't like having facial hair. He might look really damn good with it, but it was more important to me that he be happy and comfortable.

Leah leaned back and crossed her legs. "Anyway, you could just get your legs done if you wanted, or they also Brazilian or bikini waxes you can get."

I licked my lips. "What's the difference?" I knew they were both for removing pubic hair, but I had no idea which meant what.

"Well, you can get a couple different types of Brazilian. Generally, that's the one that removes all of your hair, though. Kind of like a porn star wax." I couldn't help but smile at the nickname. "A bikini wax generally just removes the hair you see outside of your panty lines."

I nodded. "Which one are you getting?"

"I'm getting my legs done and a modified Brazilian so there's still a little triangle there. Sam likes a groomed pussy, but I hate to shave so it's only a special treat every now and then."

I pretended to know what she was talking about. "Okay."

She smiled. "Do you remember what I said last week when I was teasing you about the pie?"

Yeah, I remembered. When she told me that cherry pie was another term for a woman's female parts, I had almost choked. I couldn't even imagine what she had meant when she said Jake wanted to eat it. I nodded again.

"Well, Sam is the kind of guy that prefers a trimmed bush. You know, pubic hair. He says it's so he doesn't get hair in his teeth."

My eyes widened. "Sam . . . Hair in his teeth?"

"Yeah. From licking the pussy. Oral sex?"

I felt so small and stupid. These were things a twenty-year-old girl should know. My eyes watered, but I wasn't sure why. At the same time, I wanted to know how Jake preferred a . . . pussy. Even just thinking the word seemed strange to me.

"Are you okay?" Leah asked. I nodded, but I didn't look at her. She leaned down to find my eyes. "You're not going to do this, Nessie. I know we haven't spent a lot of time together, but you're soon going to find out that I'm not going to put up with pouting. If I say something that embarrasses you or hurts you, just tell me. I can back off when I need to."

I took a deep breath. "I just don't know any of this stuff; I feel stupid."

She patted my back. "Don't feel stupid, honey. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. Didn't your friends in school teach you anything?" She smiled like she was joking, but it just cut through me even more.

I tried to smile. "I didn't have those kinds of friends, I guess." I hated the tears I heard in my voice.

She touched my shoulder lightly. "Hey, it's okay. I'll teach you everything you need to know. Our time's almost up, so we'll go over that after. I'll be there beside you the whole time, okay? Did you want to get waxed?" I shook my head. "Okay. Jake prefers natural pussy anyway." She winked at me, and I blushed just as someone came into the room to get us.

The massages were wonderful and relaxing, although I was so nervous about being topless on the table. Leah calmed me down, though, and promised to keep an eye on the masseuse for me. I smiled when I remembered what Jake had said about other people touching me. Although I knew a massage wasn't what he meant, I wondered what would happen if I told the masseuse. I kept it to myself.

By the time the massages, manicures, and pedicures were done, I felt more pampered than I had in my whole life. I went back to the meditation room by myself while Leah got her wax. I spent the time thinking about Jacob and what Leah had said about his . . . preferences. I wasn't sure what exactly a natural pussy meant, but I found myself hoping it meant that I wouldn't need to do anything fancy to make him happy. I couldn't even imagine having that hair ripped out for someone.

Twenty minutes passed before Leah came back. We went to another room for our lunch. We both got a toasted bagel with cream cheese and a smoothie.

"Did you have a good time?" Leah asked as we ate.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's been so much fun. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I've had fun, too. When we're done eating, should we go sit in the sauna and talk sex?" She looked way too excited.

I smiled and laughed a little. "Sure, I guess."

I had always known that saunas were hot. I mean, that's where the saying "hot as a sauna" came from. But actually experiencing it was something different. Leah and I wrapped ourselves in towels and sat down.

"What's that smell?"

"Eucalyptus. It's so relaxing, I think. So where did we leave off? I think I told you that Jake prefers natural pussy, didn't I?" She stretched her tan legs out, and did the same. I was close to the same color of my towel.

"Yeah, you did. What, um . . . what did you mean?" I blushed and hoped she didn't laugh.

She didn't. "Do you know what oral sex is?"

I nodded. "That's like a blow job, right?"

"That's one form of it, yes. But guys do it to girls, too." I couldn't help but wonder what that would be like. "It's all pretty much a guy playing with your pussy with his tongue. Please tell me you've masturbated before." My face had to be brighter than a fire hydrant as I nodded. "Good. Then you know what the clit is and everything. Imagine what it feels like when you touch yourself, then imagine that about ten times better. When a guy knows what he's doing, it's really amazing."

I suddenly wanted that really badly. "It sounds nice."

She nodded and chuckled. "Yeah. Now, like I said, Sam likes a groomed pussy so he doesn't get hair in his teeth when he goes down on me. Jake doesn't care about that, and he actually doesn't like it hairless. I tried it once for him, and he said the only reason he would even still fuck me was because we'd already been together." I was so lost. I tried to pretend I wasn't, but of course she saw through me. She was just as bad as Jake. "Did you even understand a word I said?"

"I understood that you shaved for Jake once, but I guess he didn't like it? I thought that was what most men wanted."

She nodded. "Yeah, but that's just because it's what Hollywood wants you to think. Can you imagine some superstar on a beach with a huge bush hanging out of her swimsuit?"

I laughed at the image her question brought up. "No, I can't. They'd never live it down."

"Exactly. Jake's not like that, though. He's okay with the bikini line and whatnot, but he doesn't like it when there's no hair. He told me it was because a real woman should be hairy, and only little girls should be hairless. That's why he would only be with me because we'd already been together. I don't think he'd be able to keep an erection if the girl didn't have pubes the first time he saw her naked."

I raised my eyebrows. "Wow. So he'll be okay with me if I'm not trimmed or anything, right?" I really liked the thought of that.

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure he'll like it even more since you're a redhead. Fire bush and all."

"What?"

She laughed and patted my knee. "Well, natural redheads have red pubic hair, too, as I'm sure you know. I don't get it, but I've heard a lot of guys—Jake included—talk about how a redhead's pubic hair is really hot."

"But Jake's never seen . . ." I trailed off. Just because he'd never seen mine didn't mean one of the eight other girls he'd been with hadn't been a redhead.

She raised an eyebrow. "He's never seen your bush? I knew you hadn't had sex yet, but he didn't say anything about that. Didn't you try on the lingerie I gave you for your birthday?"

I kind of wanted to hide. "Um . . . No. I . . ." I wasn't sure what to say. What reason could I give to her that didn't make it sound like I hated the gift?

She sat up a little straighter. "So you don't even know if it fits yet? Oh, Ness, you've gotta try it on soon. What are you waiting for?"

I didn't know how to explain my hesitation to her. "I don't know, really. I mean, I do, but it's hard to explain. Jake and I have . . . done stuff together, but every time he tries to touch me, I start to freak out."

"Do you mean your tits, or what?" She sounded genuinely interested and concerned in a friendly way. It surprised me, although I wasn't sure why.

"No, not that. It took me a while, but I can let him touch me there now. But I still can't let him touch me between my legs." I blushed deep and looked down. I couldn't believe I was actually talking to Leah about this. I understood why Jake did it, though. Deep inside me, it felt nice to have someone else to express these things to.

She hummed in understanding. "I wonder if that has something to do with your PTSD. When do you start therapy, by the way?"

"On Tuesday. I'm nervous."

Leah rubbed my back. "Don't be. Jake's going, too, right?" I nodded. "Good. I assume you've talked to him about your hesitation?"

"Oh, yes. He knows. I've been trying really hard to work my way there, and I think I might be getting closer. It's still scary when he gets close, though."

"I'm sure it'll just take time. Maybe therapy will help." She winked at me.

I couldn't help but smile. "I hope so."

The door opened, and two other people walked in. One of them was a man, and suddenly I felt far too exposed, even with the towel. I reflexively put my hands up to cover myself and looked at Leah.

"Are you ready to go? I'm pretty hot." She fanned herself like the heat was too much for her all of a sudden. I nodded gratefully. I noticed the man give Leah an appreciative look, and she made an obvious gesture to show off her ring. I smiled to myself as we walked out the door to get our robes. We went back to the lockers and got dressed, and Leah looked away for me again.

"So do you want to go home?"

I missed Jake terribly. I wanted to be near him again. "Did you have anything else planned?"

She shrugged after she climbed in the driver's seat. "No, not really. I mean, eventually I have to get home, but Sam made it very clear that today was to be relaxing for me. I can't do anything productive."

"Sounds like fun. If it's okay, though, I really want to get back to Jake."

"I had a feeling you would. I'm sure he's wondering where you are anyway." She pulled her cell phone from her purse and nodded. "Yep. He texted me three times." She laughed and started to type something back.

"What are you telling him?" I asked.

"Just that I lost you and had to go through a secret portal to get you back."

I leaned closer to her and laughed. "What?"

She showed me her phone. It was a lot different from Jake's, but sure enough, she'd typed that she had to search for me. "He asked me twice if you were okay then asked if you were coming home any time soon and what was taking so long. So that's my explanation. I'll let you tell him the truth." She winked at me and sent the message.

"Okay." I wasn't sure if I liked that. Then again, I could probably just tell him we were having fun talking and he'd be fine with it.

She handed me the phone. "Listen for him to respond; I want to know what he says." She started the truck and put it in gear.

"What kind of phone is this?" I asked. Jake had mentioned something about getting me a cell phone but added a land line instead. I couldn't blame him after the way I reacted to holding his phone. Leah's was a lot different, though.

"It's an Android."

I nodded and looked at it for a minute before it vibrated. "Something just happened."

She chuckled and showed me how to get to her texts. It was Sam asking how the trip went. "Just leave that alone; I'll text him when we get back to your place."

"All right." Not two seconds later, the phone vibrated again. I did what Leah had showed me to do and smiled when it was Jacob. "Jake says that's not funny."

She laughed harder. "Do you want to text him?"

I licked my lips. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not. We'll be back in like fifteen minutes; go ahead."

I smiled to myself and slid the phone open like she'd shown me and started typing back. It was surprisingly easy to use. I wasn't sure what to say, though. I decided it would be a good idea to specify who he was talking to. Hey, Jake. It's Ness, using Leah's phone. I'm fine. We just spent more time talking in the sauna than I think we had planned. I hit send and looked over at Leah.

"You're so cute when you're concentrating on something," she said.

"I told him the truth."

She nodded. "I knew you would. That's okay."

I almost jumped when the phone went off again. That's fine. Coming home soon?

It was strange but exciting talking to Jake like this. Yes, we're on our way. We'll be there in about fifteen minutes or so.

Good. Miss you.

I smiled and bit my lips as I typed back. I miss you, too.

"You might want to talk to Jake about getting one. Do you like it?" Leah gestured to the phone I had in my hands.

I nodded. "Yes, I do. What I've seen of it, anyway."

"Good. Remember to tell Jake you want an Android."

"Okay." I looked back at the screen just as another text came in.

Did you have fun?

Yes, it was very relaxing, and Leah and I had some interesting conversations. I realized too late that he would probably ask me what we had talked about and that he would make me tell him. There would be no escaping that conversation.

Did you? I look forward to hearing about them. Love you.

Oh, boy. I blushed as I typed back. I love you, too.

"What's that about?" Leah asked.

I'm sure I only blushed harder. "I made a stupid mistake and told him that you and I had some interesting conversations."

"Why is that a stupid mistake?"

I hesitated on my answer. We were on Jake's street anyway, and I was able to keep my mouth shut until we pulled into the driveway. "He won't let me keep it from him."

She snickered. "Of course he won't. He's Jacob."

I agreed with her, and we both went inside. Jake pulled me into a tight hug, and I couldn't even believe how good it felt. I squeezed him around his waist and kissed his chest.

"Oh, Nessie, I wanted to talk to you about something," Leah said.

"You've been talking to her all day," Jake said with a smile.

Leah smirked. "Yeah, well, I'm going to do it some more. So, one of my mother's friends really liked those bouquets you made for my wedding, and she wanted to know if you would be interested in making some for her daughter's birthday."

Bouquets for a birthday sounded weird to me, but I looked up at Jake. He shrugged. "Don't look at me, Ness. If you want to, go for it."

I smiled and turned back to Leah. "Sure. But how? Should I come to your house or do I need to go somewhere else?"

"I would normally say go to her house, but with your situation, I think it would be best to do it here or in my basement where you won't have to worry about being in the sun. Either way is fine with me. She doesn't need them for a few more weeks, so think about it and let me know, okay?"

I nodded. Leah didn't stay much longer. She wanted to get back to Sam. I blushed a little when she winked at me. I had a feeling Sam was going to have a good time tonight. Just as I thought that, I wished I could give Jake a good time.

"Did you have a good day?" I asked Jake as we sat on the couch. It was almost three o'clock.

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad. I spent a lot of time thinking about you strutting around in a robe with nothing on underneath it, though."

I smiled. "I kept my panties on."

"Oh, well that changes everything." He was obviously joking, and I couldn't help it when my smile grew bigger.

I kissed his neck. "I'm sure it does."

"So what were the interesting conversations you had with Leah?" His arms tightened around me.

"Oh, those . . . um, they weren't all that interesting." I wondered how little I could get away with. "She just told me the kinds of waxes there were and stuff. She said you should get a facial wax." I reached up and scratched his jaw. "By the way, why didn't you tell me that you didn't like having a beard?"

He looked down and kissed my lips. "Because you wanted to see it. You have to know that I already know that's not all you talked about. You wouldn't have brought it up if that was it."

I blushed deep. I decided to stay on his beard and see what happened. "Well, I've seen you with facial hair. I like it, but you can shave if you want. I think you're very handsome both ways."

He smirked. "Thanks, babe. Now about those conversations."

Dammit. "It was nothing."

He shrugged as if he suddenly didn't care. "That's okay. Leah will give me all the nitty-gritty anyway."

I huffed. "Of course she will." I kind of wanted to leave it to her to tell him, but I realized that wouldn't be right. I wasn't very fond of him keeping his dislike of growing a beard from me; I shouldn't keep anything from him. "We talked about hair. Well, mostly pubic hair."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

I nodded and hid my face in his shoulder. "Yes. She told me all about you and Sam."

"What about me and Sam?" He sounded genuinely confused.

"What you like and don't like. Sam likes everything shaved, I guess." I shrugged.

"Oh, wow, I did not need to know that."

I laughed a little. "You asked."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess I did. I take it she told you what I like?"

I hid my face again and nodded. "Yeah."

His arms tightened around me even more, and he started to play with my hair. "Did she say anything else?"

I really didn't want to say anything, but it all came down to whether or not I wanted to hide my day from him. I knew I didn't want that, so I nodded. "Yeah, we kind of talked a little bit about, um . . ." I took a moment to hesitate and made sure my face was cemented in his neck. "Oral sex."

I was surprised when Jake seemed to tighten up all around me. I had expected him to joke about it or something, but instead he seemed serious. "What did she tell you?" Even his voice was harder.

I swallowed and kept my face right where it was. "She was trying to tell me why she was getting waxed, and I didn't get what she was saying. She told me that guys do it, too, and explained what happens."

"Did she try to push you at all to let me touch you?"

With his question, I understood why he was suddenly upset. I looked up at him and shook my head. "No, she didn't. In fact, she agreed that it might take some time and wondered if it was because of the PTSD. I promise she didn't try to talk me into anything."

He relaxed quite a bit then. "Okay. I love you, baby. I didn't think she would do something stupid like that, but she can be very unpredictable."

I stretched up to kiss his lips. "I love you, too."

He kissed me back. "What would you like to do now that you're all relaxed from the spa?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Laundry's been calling my name; I should probably start a load."

He smirked. "You don't have to. I'm sure it can wait a little while if you'd rather do something else."

"I know it can wait, but why put it off when I'm not doing anything right now? I'll just start it, then we can do something else, okay?"

He nodded and kissed me again. "Okay. Hurry back."

I went to the bedroom and gathered everything up in the black hamper. With my clothes mixed in, it must have filled up faster than usual. As I separated them into lights and darks, I thought about the outfit from Leah. One of my biggest hesitations, aside from Jake touching me, was that he'd laugh at me. I knew he wouldn't, especially now that I knew he preferred a woman with hair. I made a decision and loaded the whites into the washer, then took the box from the closet into the bathroom with me. I had a half a plan and got changed into the little bra and panty set. I hoped I'd be able to surprise him with it when we went to bed that night. I also hoped he'd be okay if explained to him that he could touch the top half, but the bottom half was just to look at.

It fit perfectly. Like I'd thought, the bottom looked ridiculous. I really hoped Jake wouldn't think so. The top looked okay, though. It wasn't really all that comfortable, especially the bottom part. I tried to ignore it. With a deep breath, I put my clothes back on, stuffed the robe back into the box, and left the bathroom.

A/N: *evil laugh* I couldn't help it. I want the big reveal (and the events afterward) in Jake's POV, and I refuse to change POV's in the middle of the chapter. So, yeah.

Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you think :)

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