"There you two are," Andy said as he rubbed the back of his head. He'd slept hard, and now he was trying to wake himself up from his nap. It had been a good nap, obviously, by the length of time he'd slept and also by the company. He'd awakened to find the room empty and quickly had gone in search of Sharon and Brady.
Sharon looked up from where she was sitting on the floor with Brady. She'd spread out his blanket, a favorite thing of his to play on, and he was sitting on it while she was feeding him some baby food. "Hi," she smiled up to him. "Sleep well?"
"Great," he nodded, still stretching as he sat down on the edge of the couch near the two. "Munchkin sleep at all?"
"About an hour," she shrugged, "so, not too bad."
He nodded, "You sleep any?"
"Maybe a half hour or so," she told him. "I feel rested. We've been out here playing, and he started to get hungry a few minutes ago," she gestured to the food she was feeding him. "The condo doesn't have anything for him to sit in, so we're on the floor. It's working well," she grinned.
"I see you are ready for the beach," he nodded to her attire. She'd changed clothes, now wearing her black one-piece swimsuit that he decided he liked very much. It still showed off plenty for a one-piece, and she had a wrap around her waist, looking very tropical.
She looked down to her swimsuit, "Yes, I thought it would be nice to walk on the beach. It's getting later in the day, so it might be a bit cool to sit on the beach, but still enjoyable for a walk. Then, tomorrow, maybe we can sit by the pool, the beach, or both," she shrugged.
"Sounds like a plan," he hit his knee, agreeing with her. "Munchkin looks ready too," he nodded to Brady, who was also ready. He was wearing the swim trunks and rash guard shirt Andy had found. He looked up at the sound of Andy's voice overhead and smiled at his dad.
"He's ready," Sharon smiled. "After he eats, he'll be ready to hit the beach."
"Okay, then just let me change, and we can go for a walk," Andy offered.
15 minutes later, the trio started out to the beach. The spot they thought contained the staircase didn't, but instead had a ledge. Andy hopped over it onto the beach and turned to help Sharon. She had Brady in the carrier, and now that he was bigger, he was facing outward, looking around instead of looking at Sharon. She sat down on the ledge, and Andy took her hand to help her down, making sure neither she nor Brady got hurt.
"Thank you," she smiled to him, not letting go of his hand when she landed on the sand. "I guess we need to find the proper way to get back to the condo when we leave the beach."
"I think you are right," he agreed, nudging her hand, "which way?"
They walked for quite awhile; the sun was already starting to set. The beach wasn't busy this time of day, and they remarked that it was still warm with a chill in the air. Neither ever broke the loose grip their hands hand on each other.
"Do you want to stop for a few minutes and let him crawl around in the sand?" Andy asked when they were almost back to the condo. Sharon looked around and nodded.
"That sounds nice," she offered, and Andy helped her unsnap Brady. He put him on the ground, and Brady started moving instantly. Sharon sat on the sand, watching, and Andy joined her. They started to laugh when Brady picked up his hand and looked at the sand, almost a horrified look on his face.
"He's such a good baby, Andy," Sharon smiled as they continued to look at Brady.
"He is," Andy smiled, "he's given me a fresh start at life, a new perspective," he added. They continued to watch Brady, who almost acted as if they weren't even there. He was enjoying his exploration of the sand, crawling all over the place. He kept stopping and turning around, almost to double check that his parents were still in sight.
"My mom asked me something at Christmas that I can't get out of my head," Sharon said suddenly. Andy, who had been focused on Brady, turned to Sharon, with a look of interest.
"What's that?" he asked, not sure how to gauge her tone.
Sharon took a deep breath before continuing, "She asked me how I would feel if, and I suppose when, you start bringing a girlfriend around, in Brady's life, even on a trip like this."
Andy remained silent, trying to give Sharon the space she needed to talk. He had gotten to know her well over the past six months, probably better than many people knew each other simply because they weren't romantically involved right now. He had started to be able to gauge her moods, her thoughts, and he knew all of this terrified her. Jack Raydor had done a number on her, and Andy knew if he ever stood a chance to have the family he so wanted, he had to let Sharon figure this out for herself. He often had his AA group to talk to about his thoughts and only wished Sharon had someone too. He knew he couldn't suggest that, though, but he figured her talking to him, at least sharing some of her thoughts as she was now, was a start.
"Tell me," he encouraged, looking at the sand and not at Sharon. He knew direct eye contact right now would scare her. She was watching Brady, so he continued, "why can't you get that out of your head?"
"I don't know," Sharon sighed, shaking her head. Truth was, she probably knew exactly why. Andy had a pretty good feeling why she was focused on that, but again, he needed to let her process that.
It was silent, except for the baby sounds Brady was making and the crashing of the waves. "Sharon, I'm not going to bring a girlfriend around."
"Maybe not today or next week," Sharon gestured, "but it will happen sometime, Andy," Sharon sighed.
"You haven't asked me how I would feel," Andy pointed out, and Sharon turned to him with a questioning glance.
"Sorry?" she inquired, trying to understand the question.
"You said you have been thinking about that and can't get it out of your head. Well, reverse the roles. You haven't asked me how I will feel sometime when I come to get Brady and am greeted with some boyfriend of yours-how I will feel when some other man is in the picture acting like a father to my son," Andy said softly. He wasn't trying to upset her, but she'd opened the door to this conversation, so he was trying to get her to see what he, and others, already saw.
She pulled back, surprised. Her face registered a total look of surprise, "Andy, that's not going to happen," she told him. "That's not something you need to worry about, at all," she clarified. "I don't want you to ever worry about that."
"Same here, Sharon," Andy nodded. He realized he could add more to the statement, but Sharon's shocked expression told him he'd rattled her enough, made her think about things at least more than she had. She opened her mouth to say something else and then closed it again, choosing to remain silent. She looked to Andy, who was watching her, and then she quickly turned toward Brady. He was crawling toward them now, covered in sand. Andy's hand found Sharon's hand on the sand, and he squeezed it. "Why don't we take Munchkin upstairs and get him a bath. He's had a wonderful time in the sand, but I think he's about ready for his pajama party."
Sharon nodded as she looked down at their hands, his on top of hers on the sand. She smiled to Andy, "I carried him the whole walk. You can carry the sandy baby back to the condo."
He chuckled, squeezing her hand one last time, Deal," he smiled. He stood and offered his hand to her as she stood too. Andy picked up Brady and gave him a small toss in the air, which caused the baby to start giggling. His giggle was contagious, and soon all three were laughing. Sharon walked right behind the guys, making faces at Brady the whole way, thinking about Andy's recent question to her.
Later in the condo, Sharon was just finishing Brady's bath. Andy had offered to bathe him, but Sharon had volunteered, asking Andy if he would find a towel and dig out Brady's pajamas. He walked into the bathroom, towel on his arm, ready to take over the next step. Sharon looked up to him from her spot on the floor by the bathtub, "I'm feeling like pizza tonight," she explained. "Yes, I know it's junk food and greasy, but it is vacation."
"I can do pizza," he nodded. "Want me to order one? I think I saw a stack of menus in the kitchen."
"Sure," she nodded. "He'll play another few minutes," she gestured to Brady.
"Toppings?" he asked.
"Whatever you want is fine; I prefer vegetables, as you know," she explained. He nodded and stepped out to order the pizza. Sharon started to get lost in her thoughts again, thinking back to their conversation earlier on the beach, "Same here," Andy had said, referring to Sharon saying she didn't want Andy to ever worry about that. Same here? What exactly did he mean by that? Brady smacked his hand and splashed water all over Sharon's face, snapping her out of her thoughts. Andy reappeared a few moments later.
"Pizza is on the way. I'll get him," he nodded to her, "if you want to change or shower."
Sharon looked down; she and Andy were both still in their swimsuits, and yes, a shower sounded heavenly to her right now. Brady was using the bathtub attached to Andy's room, and it appeared that for tonight, at least, Brady was staying in Andy's room.
"You know, I would like a shower," she said as she stood. Andy nodded to her as he stepped in to take over.
"Go get a shower; I'll get Munchkin ready for bed," he said.
Sharon didn't take too long with her shower because she soon smelled pizza in the condo. She put on some comfortable clothing to lounge around in and made her way to the living room.
"Perfect timing," Andy smiled up from the coffee table. He had put two plates, the pizza, and two glasses out for them. "I just put Brady down if you want to say good-night," he offered. She stared at him.
"When did you have time to shower?" she asked.
He shrugged, "I may have jumped in the shower with Brady. After you left, I started to let the water out of his bath. He started to cry, upset it was over, so I decided to hop in the shower with him. He loved it, if you've ever tried that with him."
Sharon's cheeks turned red, and she quickly tried to shake the image out of her head, "No, I haven't tried that. Good to know," she told him. "I'll just say good-night to him."
The two were quiet through their pizza, both hungrier than they had realized. Sharon blurted out another statement toward the end of their dinner, "My priest says trust is something I don't give easily."
Andy put his napkin on his now clean plate and looked to her. She was on the couch, and he was sitting in an armchair.
"I would agree with your priest," he stated.
Sharon pursed her lips and glanced toward Andy, almost with surprise, "I don't do that on purpose," she told Andy.
"Don't you?" Andy asked, earning another curious glance from Sharon. Sharon put her plate on the coffee table and shifted to look at Andy. He continued, "You've spent a great deal of your adult life having people break the trust you have given them. At some point, you said enough was enough and stopped trusting people, most people," he corrected himself. "It's not that it's a bad thing, necessarily, but it can be if you shut down and don't trust anyone."
"I trust people," she pointed out.
"A few," he replied. "A few people with a few things. Again, not all bad, but what might be the more accurate statement is complete trust is something you don't give easily."
Sharon paused to think, nodding at Andy's statement. "I trust you," she blurted out.
He looked to her, "You trust me with Brady, yes. With other things," he shrugged, "not yet."
"Like what?" she asked him, puzzled.
"Things, Sharon," he said, now feeling flustered himself. She knew it, deep down, and he truly didn't think she was playing games with him. She just wasn't seeing it yet. "It's not for me to tell you how you do or don't trust me," he sighed. It was quiet, and Andy let Sharon think while he stood to clear the dinner plates and pizza box. He finished, and Sharon was still sitting on the couch, thinking. Andy walked over and sat next to her on the couch.
"One day at a time," he said softly, as he offered her a small smile. She looked up with an inquisitive glance.
"You know, AA," he told her and continued, "they tell us that all the time. Take one day at a time. Baby steps. "Trust isn't something simple that fits into a box, and it's not necessarily something you can measure. Think back to the day I found out about Brady. Would you have trusted me in that moment to take Brady home with me and trust I would bring him back to you a couple days later?"
Sharon thought, only a brief moment before she shook her head, "No, of course not. I knew you were his father, but the idea of you getting to keep him for any amount of time terrified me."
"Exactly," Andy encouraged. "Even after you started to get to know me, you had a hard time allowing Brady to stay with me that first night, remember?" he bumped her shoulder with his.
She groaned, "I'll never be able to forget that," she sighed.
"Hey," he nudged her again, "not a bad thing all the time, but you were learning to trust me with him. You have learned to trust me with Brady. Now, look at you," he gestured, "Brady and I were away for almost a week, and we all made it through that," he smiled. Sharon closed her eyes and chuckled, nodding.
"You are a good father, Andy, and I trust you with Brady," she explained.
"I know you do," he nodded, agreeing with her. "That's not an area I have a concern." The room grew silent again.
"I've been talking to my priest for over a year now," she blurted out again, turning to gauge his reaction.
"That's good, Sharon," he nodded. "A lot?"
"No, but it's been helpful. I first asked to speak to him last year when I was pregnant. I was afraid he was going to try and have me kicked out of the church. Here I was, a divorced Catholic with a mid-life crisis baby-out of wedlock," she groaned. "I asked to speak to him after Mass one day. It was just after Christmas, and I was clearly starting to show. I knew I needed to get some spiritual guidance. He really helped me," she nodded. "I really appreciated the talk, the guidance he gave, and I asked if we could speak again. That's been going on now since then, so just over a year now. We don't have a set time or anything," she paused. "In fact, when I had Brady, I didn't speak to the priest that summer; life was too busy, but I started seeking his help again after I finally found you. I knew I needed to let you into Brady's life; I wanted to do that, and he helped me talk through all of that."
"I didn't know," Andy told her. "You've never mentioned it."
She shrugged, "When I do speak to him, it's almost always after Mass. You've never been to Mass with me."
"I'd go," he replied instantly. "Sharon, I will go if you ever want me to go, and as Brady grows up, I do want him raised in the church. I know that's important."
She nodded, "I'd like that," not clarifying if she liked the idea of Andy going with her, Brady growing up in the church, or both. Andy just let her process things. She was fidgeting now, playing with her hands on her lap, not sure what to say. Andy knew he needed to give her space. In just a few minutes' time, she'd opened up a lot, something he appreciated very much, but he knew she would appreciate the space to think.
"I think I'm going to read on my balcony for a few minutes," he stood, placing his hand on her shoulder as he stood. "I'm here if you need me, Sharon," he offered a small smile. "Get some sleep tonight, and sleep as long as you can tomorrow. I'll take care of Brady."
Sharon nodded to Andy, putting her hand over his hand that was on her shoulder. She squeezed it as she smiled up to him, "Andy, if not Brady, what other things?" she asked, referring to Andy's comment that she didn't trust him yet with other things.
"Sharon," he sighed, looking upward before he continued, not sure if he liked how he was saying it, "Sharon, I hope you will trust me with your life." He squeezed her shoulder and offered a small wave as he walked to his room. Sharon sat there, thinking through his cryptic statement.
"Her life?" she wondered. They weren't in the same division at work; she would understand that from a police perspective. Of course, if they ever happened to find themselves in a life or death work situation, she would trust him with her life. She would do the same. What did he mean by that? She sat there, thinking back over their conversation. Her life? They hadn't talked about work at all. What did he mean by that? Was it work-related. Suddenly, she let out a soft, "Oh," and she felt her cheeks flush again, turning bright red. It was almost Valentine's Day after all, so red was the color of the day, right? Except, Sharon didn't want anyone to see her with her face this red. Her life. "Sharon, I hope you will trust me with your life," continued to run through her head, as well as other things he'd mentioned from the conversation, "You trust me with Brady, yes. With other things, not yet," and his other cryptic comment, "That's not an area I have a concern." Sharon sat on the couch, for what felt like hours, with Andy's comments swirling through her head. The two had been part of the same conversation, yet she'd missed all the deeper meanings behind it. Andy had not, obviously, but she'd missed it all. She was a detective, and she'd missed what he was saying. "Oh," she uttered again, as she sat, running her hands through her own hair, trying to make sense of her mind.