CHAPTER 37
Beckett and Castle were standing in the corridor while he was looking for the keys of his apartment.
"Okay, could you stop giving me the cold shoulder?" Kate said, tired of being ignored.
Being unable to speak she understood he hadn't said a word to her. But he had barely looked at her since they had left the precinct. Castle took his notepad and wrote. He held up the pad for her to read Thank you for the ride.
"Wait, you don't want me stay?" she asked.
Castle wrote something else, tore up the page and gave it to her, before walking into the loft. Kate caught the door with one hand, holding the note in the other.
What for? Making fun of me?
"Castle!" she said following him inside. He didn't stop and kept heading directly to his office. "Wait!" she sighed.
When she got to the doorway, he was already in front of his computer. Getting ready to write. To work. That was all he could do. Kate stood there, staring at him. He looked like a little boy, sulking.
"I'm sorry." Castle didn't look up a her. "It's true the boys and I have been a little hard on you today." She went around his desk to run her hands down on his chest as she leant forward. Castle stood up, refusing her cuddle. "What do you take it so badly?" she exclaimed, not understanding his behavior. "We were just goofing around. We didn't mean to be mean." He stood there, looking at her like he didn't believe her, like it had felt nothing like a joke to him. "Fine, I'll tell the boys to stop it."
No need, he wrote. I'm not going back to the precinct without my voice.
"Seriously? Why are you being so touchy about this? Look at what happened today. You were able to help on the case without saying a word. Rick!" she called him, as he headed towards his room, not listening to her. "Can I stay?" she asked nicely as though she wanted to make it up to him. He simply shrugged his shoulders as though she was free to do what she wanted. "I'll make dinner, okay?"
Castle took his pad and wrote Not hungry, before walking to his room and closing the door behind him. Kate sighed deeply. She was shaking her head in incomprehension when she heard a noise coming from the living-room. Martha was home. She noticed Kate walking out of the office.
"Oh darling, you're home. Don't worry about me, I'm just in and out. I forgot my scarf. I needed it to get in character. It's amazing how sometimes a little missing accessory just ruins your performance! Oh, and how's Richard? Has he managed to stay quiet like the doctor advised him?" Martha asked taking her scarf from the coat rack.
"Yes, he did," Kate said joining her.
To her surprise, he had managed to remain silent all day long.
"Where is he by the way?" she asked looking for him with her eyes.
"In his room..." Kate said absent-mindedly.
"Oh darling, you look concerned. What's on your mind? What happened?"
"I..." she started. Kate still had the note in her hand. What for? Making fun of me? She looked at it briefly. "It's true we haven't really been as supportive as we could have been today. Even our boss made fun of this situation," she paused. "But I don't understand why he's taking this so seriously! We were just teasing him a little, ribbing him. In a nice way, it wasn't mean. And now he's giving me the cold shoulder and he refuses to go back to the precinct until he's recovered his voice..."
"Oh oh..." Martha did, understanding her son's reaction. It looked the same. It sounded the same. It probably felt the same to him. "You made fun of him all day?" she asked for clarification, like a mother would ask his son's friends in order to protect him.
"Not all day... but the boys didn't really spare him either," Kate admitted.
Martha came closer as to share a secret, a story. An explanation for his behavior maybe?
"It's my fault. I should have warned you," she said, almost whispering. "There's something you need to know," she told Kate.
# # # # #
Kate was staring at him. He really looked like a little boy, huddled up on the bed who had been sent to his room without having dinner. She was not hungry either. She didn't want to have dinner on her own.
"I'm sorry," she simply said. Castle turned round to face the other side of the room, turning his back on her. "I didn't know."
Her little comment intrigued him. Castle turned his head to look at her. What was she talking about? She slowly approached the bed and sat on the side of it, Castle still having his back turned to her.
"I think we've involuntarily brought back bad memories today," she said softly. Castle just looked away. Indeed, they had. "Your mother told me," she said waiting for his reaction. There was none. "She told me you got bullied by other kids in elementary school." Kate put her hand on his shoulder, gently stroking it, squeezing it in comfort. "She told me about those kids laughing at your for not being able to speak for a week and since you could barely write at that time... That you even got beaten because they knew you couldn't scream for help, they thought it was fun..." He had refused to go back to school, just like he was refusing to go back to the precinct. "Rick, if I had known..." she whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," she said very softly. "The boys didn't either." She moved her hand to his chest. He gently took it in his as she lay her head on his shoulder. "Kids can be cruel. Adults too at times," she added resting like this for a minute, before raising her head to look at him. "See, that's why I want to know those things about you. So that I know what I can and cannot do, or say..."
If only he would open up more. He already had. She was learning about him piece by piece but there was still so much she didn't know. So much she wanted to know. Castle slowly rolled on his back and looked her in the eyes. Kate smiled shyly at him, hoping he could forgive her careless behavior. Castle gave her a little smile in return.
"Maybe... I could make it up to you... somehow," she said her hand gently going down to his crotch.
She looked at him with a sensual smile on her face making him understand she had something on her mind. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't approve, he couldn't object. Kate stood up and walked to the foot of the bed. She sensually got on all fours as she climbed on the bed. She loosened his belt, unzipped his fly and pulled out his pants a little keeping her eyes locked on his. Castle bit his lip, holding his breath. He looked around to find some paper and a pen. Finding neither, he opened his mouth but she gently put her finger on her mouth.
"Shhh, you need to rest your voice. Just relax," she said with a smile.
Castle let his head fall on the pillow when he felt her fingers on his penis. She leant forward, guided it to her mouth. Castle stiffened and moaned of pleasure when he felt her soft lips around it, her warm tongue licking it, twirling around it.
When she looked up at him again, Castle pointed at her, gesturing her to take her jeans and her panties off and to come to him. She complied without saying a word, coming back on the bed, walking on all fours. She straddled him and was ready to guide him into her but he stopped her from doing so. Instead, he shook his head and kept gesturing her to come closer and closer, up the bed.
He looked down at her crotch and looked up at her again, asking her to come sit on his face. She stared at him for a minute trying to make sure that was what he was asking. He smiled at her gently, nodding softly. Kate held on to the bed head as she was trying to find the right position.
He couldn't speak but there was still a lot he could do with his mouth, and tongue.
##########
Beckett woke up in a start when she heard the alarm clock. She hurried to slap on the machine. What the hell! She hadn't set it up that early...
"Castle, that's not funny," she grumped burying her head back in the pillow.
She didn't get an answer. He was probably still sleeping. When she turned around, the vision in front of her scared her. She was alone. An empty space was all there was next to her. She called for him but got no answer. She rubbed her eyes before leaning on her elbow. His clothes were gone. His shoes were gone. There was nothing left from him in her bedroom. He had vanished.
Then she saw a tiny envelope on his pillow. Her heart raced. It was the same envelope that had accompanied her coffees the week Castle had spent in Europe. It looked bad. He had left without even waking her up, just leaving a note? A break-up note? Coward, she thought. It took a moment for her to process what was going on. They were fine. She thought they were fine. Great, even. How could he have done this to her? She had opened her heart to him, she had opened her home to him. They had spent a wonderful evening together. What had happened? Was he scared? He had waited for her for years and now he was throwing it all away in a heartbeat?
Kate slowly reached for the envelope but kept it in her hand a while longer, staring at it, unable to find the courage to open it. She sat up in her bed, taking a look around her. It felt empty. She felt empty. She looked at that envelope again before eventually taking the note out.
What does it feel like to wake up alone?
That was cruel. He had a peculiar sense of humor that she had learnt to love over the years but this was not funny. Even from him. She let herself fall on the pillow again, curling up, the note in her hand.
What did it feel like? She hated it. She hated not being awaken by his soft kisses on her neck, his warm embrace, the velvet sound of his voice when he said good morning, his warm breath on her shoulder, the smell of the coffee from the kitchen... the smell of the coffee? She could smell it!
Kate got up in a flash, calling for him. She headed for the stairs, still getting no answer from Castle. He had got his voice back. Why wouldn't he answer? When she got to the kitchen, she saw he had made coffee but he was nowhere to be found. A cup of coffee was set near the machine. Her favorite cup. But it also reminded her Castle was gone. He had had a set of two coffee cups made for her, to match their vests. One had Police written on it, the other one, Writer. But the Writer cup was not on the counter, only the Police one was. And another envelope. What was he doing? What was he playing at? She was not in the mood. It was cruel to rub it in like this. Why not end it now?
You said you didn't want to keep one foot out the door... Here's a little something that will help you get in. Any time you want, for as long as you want. May it be your second home. Always.
PS: I suggest you start with the front door of my apartment...
That's when she noticed it. A key was also in the envelope. His key, that was becoming hers.
His note was clearly making references to the talk they had had on the swing on Valentine's day. Kate sat down with a sigh of relief. It wasn't over. He hadn't left. She felt like she was emerging from a bad dream.
# # # # #
Castle was unable to stand still. He was pacing up and down the loft. Then he heard the noise. The one he had been waiting for. Someone was unlocking his front door. He was standing there, a big grin on his face when he saw her on his doorway, like he had not seen her in weeks. Kate was shaking her head almost in reproach, the key in her hand.
"Welcome to your home," he said softly.
Kate approached without saying a word, not taking her eyes off him. Castle thought she was coming to kiss him good morning. Instead, he got a punch on his shoulder.
"Castle, how could you?! Don't you ever do that again!"
"What?" he asked taken by surprise. "Wasn't that sweet?"
"Sweet? Sweet?!" she repeated. "That was cruel! What does it feel like to wake up alone? What do you think? I hate it!" she exclaimed.
"Good," he said with a smile, very calmly. "Me too," he added not taking his eyes off hers.
They stayed staring at each other for a moment. They were on the same page. They were feeling the same way for each other and they both knew it. She came closer, putting her arms around him, resting her head on his chest, relaxing at the sound of his heart. She sighed of relief. It was not over.
"Then don't do that again. I thought..." she started, a lump in her throat.
"You thought what?" he asked. Getting no answer, he gently pulled away to look at her. "You thought... I had left?"
"You wake up and see a note on the pillow. What do you think crossed my mind? There was nothing left from you."
They stayed staring at each other for a minute. Castle had a sorry look in his eyes. He was genuinely sorry she had gone through this but sometimes you need those moments to realize something. And it was clear now, for both of them. They hated the thought of losing each other.
"I made breakfast," he said with a smile.
Kate frowned, feigning being truly upset and gave him another punch.
"It better be good," she told him sharply before cracking a smile.
To Be Continued...
Reviews are always appreciated! :)