Hi Guys
I'm so sorry for the looooong wait (if anybody even wanna read any more of this...) But i promised to finish this and that is what I'm gonna do. I have had a hard time. I got a new job and I'm doing a lot better. Then I got pregnant and me and my boyfriend was really happy, but I lost it and is still moving forward from there. But afterward we got engaged and is getting married next summer. And we are still trying to get a child :)

I still doesn't own spn og the charecters. Enjoy!

Castiel was nervous. He wasn't sure how to approach Dean or... or... his brain was just completely blank. He looked at the sleeping boy, full of love. He loved him. He was so scared of the feelings Dean made him feel, but at the same time it was the best he had ever felt. He would give anything in this world to keep this feeling, to keep Dean by his side, to make him feel all these, before unknown, feelings.

Castiel snapped out of it when Dean made a particularly amazing snoring sound. He couldn't help but chuckle. He walked closer to Dean, but then stopped. He still didn't know what to do. He had to wake him, but he was still scared that Sam wasn't right. He didn't know if his heart could take anymore bruises, if it would finally brake completely if Sam was wrong. He had seemed so sure and so had Gabe and that was from only one look. He had to, he know that the risk would be worth it, if there was even a slight possibility that Dean would smile at him again.

After gathering his thoughts and concluding that it would be worth it no matter the outcome, Castiel sat down on the bed near Dean's head. Hesitantly he put a hand on Dean's head and brushed his fingers through his hair. This made Dean slowly move to his side, facing Castiel. He was smiling. He looked like someone having a sweet dream. Castiel couldn't hold a soft smile from his own face. If it all went to the rats now it would already have been worth it, he had seen his smile. Castiel was about to get cold feet, he moved his hands from Dean's head. He was about to move from the bed when Dean led out a thin whiny sound, like he was about to cry. Then he heard a whisper, which made him sit don't and resume brushing his fingers through Dean's hair. "... nnng... Caaas... Don't... Don't leave me..." was what Castiel heard slipping over Dean's lips. He couldn't bear the look of hurt on Dean's face and then a single tear slipped down his face and landed on the bed. His heart was aching. It seemed real. Sam and Gabe might be right. At least, he had to get that expression away from Dean's face. He would make sure that it would never again be his fault that Dean's face made that expression.

Castiel got up from the bed at heard Dean whine again. "Nnnnno... Don't go!" Dean's voice sounded desperate. For a moment Castiel actually thought that Dean had woken up, but it was still just a bad dream. Castiel went around the bed at took of his tan trench coat. He took off his shoes and crawled on the bed. He laid down behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him. He heard a relieved sigh leave Dean's lips and a comfortable humming came from his throat.

Castiel got a little eager and squeezed him in his arms. Dean groaned and squeezed back at Castiel's arms. Then he went completely still and Castiel felt he had to say something, but wasn't quite sure what would be the right thing to say. He ended up going for "Dean? Are you awake?"

Dean had a really bad dream. Castiel had wanted to leave him and nothing worked, no matter what he did, how much he begged he didn't wanted stay with him. Then the dream changed. It had all just been a really bad joke, a misunderstanding of sorts and Castiel came back to him. Castiel had his arms around Dean and squeezed him.

Dean woke from the squeezing and just squeezed back. The perfect way to wake after a great night! Why was he dressed and with shoes on? Then he remembered. All that happened that morning came back to him. He panicked for a moment and went still before he realized that there was still somebody squeezing him pleasantly. Who could that be?

His thoughts were interrupted be a voice "Dean? Are you awake?". It was Castiel's voice. How was he here? He was completely dumbfounded for a second before he suddenly turned around to look at him. He looked at him in awe. "How are you here? Why are you here?" Dean asked, with pressure on the word why. Castiel flushed and looked away from Dean's confused face.

"I... Dean I... I'm sorry about this morning..." He didn't know how to continue and his thoughts got interrupted by Dean. "It's okay Castiel" Dean said, bitterness in his voice "I can tell when I'm not wanted" . Castiel looked up at Dean with worry and urgency in his features. Dean really thought he didn't want him. He had been so stupid. "No... Dean... You Don't understand..". Dean interrupted again and pushed himself up into a sitting position and away from Castiel. "Oh, I understand alright! I'm good enough for a quick fuck, but you don't want anyone to know about it, not even your friends". Dean got up from the bed and turned to look at Castiel, now he was almost yelling. "You know, Castiel" It hurt Castiel to hear Dean use his full name, now that he had become so accustomed to his nick name, he winced every time Dean called him like that. "I really understood why anyone couldn't know about us, I get it! I know people at school can't know! I know that it could get you fired and maybe even me expelled, it was fine! But I thought this was serious enough to tell our friends and maybe even our family... I thought we were serious... I thought I had found the one to share the rest of my life with... but apparently not!" Dean looked towards the floor, unable to look Castiel in the eyes, for a minute. Then he turned to walk away.

He knew this was unfair, that he was just protecting himself, saying all this. He was just really hurt, he knew nobody could love him. Then how could Castiel love him? With everything he had done? Of course he couldn't, no surprise there. He had just led himself to believe that this could be his chance. That this was the exception that proved the rule. "You know I really loved you..." Still does moron, he thought to himself.

Castiel came with a choked sound and Dean had to use his willpower to the fullest not to turn around and throw himself at Castiel. He started to walk towards the door, but stopped still facing the door unable to look at Castiel "You can find the door yourself, can't you?" Dean asked with a voice full of bitterness. "Please don't come find me if you want a quick fuck again... I..." Deans voice cracked "... I can't do that anymore..."

Castiel had been so sure when he heard Dean dreaming that they would fix all their problems and misunderstandings. He had to explain, say something, make Dean understand. Castiel rushed forward and grabbed Deans flannel, before he could reach the door.

"Dean... You have to listen! You need to know... That... " Before Castiel could finish his sentence Dean turned around and yelled "No, CAS! I don't have to understand! If you don't want to be with me FINE! BUT THEN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!". Dean had tears streaming down his face as he broke down in front of Castiel. "But Dean I DO!" Castiel started yelling back "I DO WANNA BE WITH YOU! ... I love you..." The last part came out as a tiny whisper barely hearable.

Dean stopped his sobbing. He slowly lifted his sight upon Castiel and saw him standing there also with tears streaming down his face and looking down upon the floor. His heart fluttered. Castiel really loved him!

He took one step towards Castiel and put his arms around him. "You really love me?" Dean asked, still not fully comprehending what Castiel had just said. Castiel just put his arms around Dean and nodded against his chest. Dean took his face in his hands and lifted it, so he could look into his eyes. He put his forehead against Castiel's, closed his eyes and took a moment to enjoy the moment. "I love you too, Cas" Dean whispered with all the love he could muster.

I hope it was allright :) I wanna tell everyone out there that no matter what you are going through, you are stronger than you think you are and you can do it! and if you feel like you can't, then ask for help. It's hard but worth it. You can't always write me if you need someone to talk to about anything! hugs from me!