CHAPTER 36

Kyouya-san regards the three men levelly.

"Hikaru, tend the shop," he commands, walking to the kitchen. And close at the earliest opportunity.

Hikaru nods.

Knowing they are to follow, those three trudge after him obediently.

Hikaru, I –

Go, idiot.

Uninvited, Kaoru goes with them anyway. None of the three bats an eye at his presence – from the events of today, he has a very good inkling why.

"Explain yourselves."

"Kyouya-sama, I am Tachibana Seizaburo. I was a servant with the Ootori household during your childhood, and your personal bodyguard. I followed Kyouya-sama into the Ichijo household and performed the same role."

It dawns on Kaoru that, "You're the one who lost him!"

Tachibana lowers his head in disgrace. "No, I was on vacation that week. The replacement bodyguard that I recommended was not up to scratch, and as a result, Kyouya-sama paid for it."

Flatly, Kyouya-san asks, "The other two?"

"This is Aijima, the head of investigations for your case; and this is Hotta, one of the then-junior policemen assigned to your case, and one of those who responded to the call to go to the scene where Haninozuka-sama and Kyouya-sama were found. I've since joined the police force, so they are my colleagues."

"To my knowledge, the head of investigations resigned for being unable to solve the case."

"That is true, Kyouya-sama. However, Aijima's experience and expertise are still valuable to the force, and he is an acting consultant to all of the detectives."

All three of them bow respectfully. "We're truly sorry, Kyouya-sama. In the end, we couldn't catch the culprit."

Kyouya-san's face is so expressionless that Kaoru wants to hold him, though he knows Kyouya-san won't want to be held.

"I wasn't of much help, either. I can't remember anything before or during the incident."

"But, somehow we need to make it up to you, Kyouya-sama!" Hotta cries. "Tachibana-san says that you lost all nine years of your memories and your mother passed away before you had the chance to know her again!"

Kaoru hadn't known it was that bad. He grips the rim of the table tightly, hurting for his friend.

"You don't have to. I came back alive, did I not? Being regular patrons of this establishment, you must have observed that I am doing very well. Isn't that more than enough?"

"Kyouya-sama…" Tachibana removes a handkerchief from his pocket and dabs at his eyes. Clearly the man has an emotional core behind his wooden façade.

"So don't stop coming here because of this. I should be upset to lose any business."

Discreet as always, they file out from the back door to avoid any more fuss than has already been made, leaving Kaoru in the kitchen alone with Kyouya-san.

The silence between them now is simply blank. Both at a loss, neither knowing how to approach the other, they wait while hearing the sounds of Hikaru bidding the customers goodbye and chasing out those who loiter around to fish for more gossip. He is exercising his sensitive side by not coming in to interrupt them and he's turned up the Brahms to give them increased privacy.

Kaoru has been on both sides before: the one to ask someone else out, and the one being asked out. Pursuing someone isn't new to him, though he knows his courage can fail. At what point does he quit? At what point does he push?

He'll never admit it aloud, but he is tired.

It's exhausting to dance without stopping. This workplace has actually placed more strain on him than any other, because he's so content and happy that he has formed attachments to the place and people.

What if… this isn't a mystery that can be solved?

"I'll help Hikaru close up shop," he says, sliding off his chair.

A fine-boned hand seizes his wrist to stop him.

"I'm sorry."

Kaoru's brain freezes; he's so shocked.

"For not giving a response to your confession on my graduation day, and for my unwarranted coldness towards you a few weeks ago."

Loath to do it, Kaoru tugs himself free from Kyouya-san regardless.

"Don't do that. It's not fair," he whispers. "You of all people should know that in the long run, it's kinder to be hard-hearted all throughout than to blow hot and cold."

"You make it very difficult to be hard-hearted." Kyouya-san steps closer; they're breathing the same air. "Do you imagine you're being fair to me when you do all the little selfless things you're wont to do? Is it your concept of fairness to offer yourself on a plate to me everyday, or to come in here and listen to my history with that intimately solicitous expression painted on?"

"Then don't blow hot and cold, and neither of us will have to play fair."

"I am not here for the cakes, Kaoru," he replies in an unmistakable allusion to Tamaki-san. "I will leave this industry – your world – one day. It may not be to a place which you will wish to follow, and I cannot stay for you."

"You will not even try to keep me by your side?"

"That would be atrociously selfish."

"If you only asked," Kaoru says.

"I will not do something so reprehensible."

"If I want you to ask?"

"If I do not want you to say yes?"

"Shouldn't that be my decision?"

"Shouldn't it be mine, too?"

Impasse.

Those lowered eyelids, the wickedly long lashes, the slightly parted lips – they wrestle Kaoru's self-control away from him.

Leaning in slowly, slowly…

.

19/06/2012