Disclaimer: A happy wife is a happy life.
Happy Life
Note: Part II of 'What If' #29
It was with uncharacteristic seriousness that Naruto ate his ramen that morning as he and his new teammate waited for their instructor. It was quite possible, he thought to himself, that he'd been blessed with the perfect teammate. She didn't hit him or belittle him, she did teach him cool new jutsu and helped him with his pranks, not to mention the fact that she liked ramen too. He wondered if she knew how to cook it too? If she did . . . if she did she might just be the perfect woman, he thought in wonder.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" his teammate's voice pulled him from his musings.
"I'm your new instructor, dear," the curvy blonde replied. "I needed something to do now that you're on active service and this seemed to be a good fit."
"Oh," the girl said, pleased that higher ups were showing some sense. "Care to join us?"
"Thank you, dear." The woman sat beside her daughter. "Good morning, Naruto."
"Good morning, Mrs. Yamanaka," the boy replied.
"Call me Sensei, Naruto."
"Okay, Sensei," the boy agreed.
"Now, to start with there are a few things you need to know about how genin teams are usually put together," the woman began, noting that the chef had already gotten started on her usual.
"Like what?" Naruto asked.
"Well, to start with; Teams in Konoha usually consist of three genin," Ino's mother began. "They're also usually given a test to make sure they're capable of being fielded. Hokage's dealing with the first part right not and you've both been granted exemptions from the second test."
"See, Naruto, I told you they'd see how awesome we are," Ino said to her intended. "Who's going to be our third teammate, mom?"
"Well . . ." The woman broke off as her order was placed in front of her.
"Hey!" Naruto said, pointing at what appeared to be a grown man dressed as a ten year old girl. "Look at that."
"Just ignore him," Ino's mother advised. "Different people deal with the stress of being a ninja in different ways."
"Okay, mom," Ino agreed, wondering if Kakashi had done anything to offend either of her parents lately. "So who's our third member?"
"Why don't we just let that be a surprise."
IIIIIIIIII
Hiruzen sat silently in his office and puffed on his pipe, watching the man in front of him for a long while.
"Umino Iruka." He said after a long while.
"Yes, honored Hokage?" Iruka said with just a hint of nervousness.
"Having reviewed the reports from last night I find myself quite troubled."
"As am I, honored Hokage." Iruka said with a frown.
Hiruzen puffed at his pipe."Indeed, though I wonder if you understand the issue at hand."
"Mizuki-" Iruka began, only to be interrupted by Hiruzen.
"-Has been dealt with. No, my current concern is the state of my village."
"State of the village, sir?" Iruka asked in confusion.
Hiruzen puffed his pipe for a few moments and just stared at the man.
"Indeed." He said finally. "I am most concerned about the fact that a traitor was able to gain access to the academy. Several of my advisors have pointed out exactly how badly it could be for our enemies to see how vulnerable we've allowed ourselves to become."
"As you say, sir," Iruka said, unsure of why the old man was telling any of this to him.
"They were divided on how to address the situation. A vocal minority suggested scapegoating you by either reducing your rank or using a harsher form of punishment. They have been dealt with."
"Thank you, Hokage-sama."
"A village that punishes a loyal ninja for its own failings is a village unworthy of the ninja who give it loyal service. I am troubled that any of my advisors allowed themselves to forget that." The old man tapped the ashes out of his pipe. "Still, it is not a situation we can just ignore, which is why I called you in to my office. Umino Iruka, effective immediately you are removed from your position at the academy and transferred to one of the active teams. Your new team-leader will meet you at Ichiraku Ramen and will explain things in more detail.
"Understood, Hokage-sama."
"Dismissed."
"Yes, Hokage-sama." The man's heart sank, he had enjoyed his time at the Academy and the feeling that he was making a difference by guiding the village's future defenders. He would miss it.
IIIIIIIIII
With a sigh, Ino's mother put down the spoon after sampling the broth. It was perfect, as always, like drinking liquid pork.
"Why don't I just let that be a surprise," she said with a mysterious smile. "He should be here soon anyway."
"Okay, Mom," Ino agreed.
They didn't have long to wait for the mystery to be solved as it wasn't five minutes before a depressed looking Iruka came through the front doors.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto cheered. "What are you doing here?"
"Meeting my new team," the man replied. "Yourselves?"
"Waiting for our new teammate so we can start having missions!" Naruto replied loudly. "Why don't you wait with us?"
"I-" a quick glance at the amused jonin caused a flicker of hope to grow in his breast. "Don't think that'll be necessary, Naruto."
"You mean?" the boy's eyes were sparkling. The perfect girl and her awesome mom combined with the best teacher at the academy? Best team ever!
Iruka took a seat next to his new team leader and signaled for the shop owner to prepare his usual.
"I imagine you're wondering why you were assigned to this team," she said in a low voice.
"The Hokage informed me that it was part of a plan to ensure the village did not appear vulnerable."
"Partly," She agreed. "My daughter managed to conceal the fact that she could have easily taken the rookie of the year slot and her love interest, coincidentally the reason she decided to reveal some of the skills she wasn't supposed to know, managed to learn a technique from the forbidden scroll in almost no time–" she picked up her bowl and took a deep slurp "–not to mention the multiple S-rank, slit your throat before reading, secrets around him. I requested a skilled trustworthy assistant instructor, old man decided to throw CI a bone."
"Oh?"
"It's obvious that you were undercover the whole time and we had the situation under control." She snorted. "Congratulations on your promotion to special jonin, by the way."
"What?"
"Backdated to a bit before you joined the academy. Implies that we knew about Mizuki the whole time."
"Anything to avoid the wrong people looking foolish, I suppose."
"Blame my daughter for that one."
"Oh?"
"We're fairly sure she's the one who planted the idea of you being a counter intel operative in need of a promotion and an assignment to me as an assistant instructor." She smirked. "The draft of your commendation made more than one mention of your close association with Naruto, the best of the year's crop."
Iruka grinned. "Nice to be appreciated. What about the 'demotion' that was suggested?"
"Recommended by a couple of the Hokage's advisors.
Hokage was fairly annoyed about it when we thought that my daughter had used clan techniques to make it happen to free you up for the team. Did a bit of digging after the commendation was turned in. Old man was furious when he found out they were just being bastards due to your close association with Naruto. Give it a day and we'll announce their deaths in a series of tragic and horrific accidents."
"Nice to see that the old man is looking out for us. What now?
"Now we take those two." She indicated the two genin eating ramen at the counter. "As our apprentices, Ino vetoed every other genin as being either annoying or potential competition."
"I see. Yet another reason you think she's responsible for my assignment"
Ino's mother frowned. "Going to have that talk with her about that. She needs to learn that it's unacceptable to tamper with people's minds to make sure she has a good team." A conversation they'd have shortly after she was able to find a reason better than 'because I said so.'
"So what's the plan?"
"Current hope is that you'll be willing to go back to the academy after your promotion to jonin or to give you a couple teams and then send you back to the academy as the commandant."
IIIIIIIIII
The sun was beginning to set by the time Kakashi arrived to meet his new team. To the man's surprise, only one of his cute new students was still there waiting for him.
Sakura glared at her team-leader. "You're late!"
"Sorry, I saw a group of civilians eyeing my backside so I did an evasive maneuver then clung to the bottom of a cart to get out of the immediate area. Than I disguised myself as a ten year old girl before making my way here. It took longer to change out of the disguise than I had anticipated."
"LIAR!"
IIIIIIIIII
The mood in the academy was solemn that morning as the instructors realized that with Iruka's absence came the horrifying specter of work. Gone were the days they could dump trouble makers, clan scions, and idiots onto one teacher. Without Iruka to deal with all the problematic students, they were all going to have to actually work.
"I hear the Hokage's honored grandson has been taking lessons from the biggest troublemaker in the village," one of the instructor said while pouring a generous amount of alcohol into their coffee. Meaning that he was likely to be even more difficult than before and that left aside the political considerations. "Not it."
"Not it!" half a dozen instructors said as one.
"Not . . . damn it!"
IIIIIIIIII
Ino's mother was somewhat nonplused when she brought her team to the tower for their first mission and was immediately directed to the Hokage's office. The suspiciously innocent looks on the faces of her two genin did not fill her with confidence, nor did the look of resignation on the face of her assistant instructor.
Her trepidation grew when, rather than being told to wait for the great man to spare a moment, they were immediately directed into this office.
"You called for us, Hokage-sama," Ino's mother stated, bowing low.
"Hey! Old man, call us here so you could get a look at my awesome team?" Naruto bellowed.
Ino's mother pinched the bridge of her nose as she contemplated exactly what she should do to show her displeasure before deciding that it would be better to find out exactly what the two had done to draw so much attention from higher. Better for everyone if she knew how angry they'd made her before she showed them.
"That was one of the reasons, Naruto," Sarutobi said fondly.
"What did they do?" Ino's mother asked in resignation.
"Nothing that my investigators have been able to prove," Sarutobi assured the woman.
"Might I ask why we were called here, Hokage-sama," Iruka prompted respectfully.
"As you are no doubt aware, most genin are assigned D-rank missions at the beginning of their careers. These missions range from dog walking to babysitting to weeding gardens. This gives the new team a chance to get a bit of experience working together in a safe environment before being given more difficult tasks to perform and being sent into more hazardous situations. I am afraid that at this time anyway, there are no D-rank missions that I can assign to your team."
"May we ask why, Hokage-sama?" Iruka asked, knowing that there was seldom a shortage of menial tasks that needed to be accomplished.
"I'm afraid that it is due to the fact that the civilian population refuses to have anything to do with your team. Well, two members of your team."
"What?" Ino's mother asked dumbly. She'd never heard of anything similar ever happening.
"Specifically, they state that while they do not wish to hire your team for any work that would have you anywhere near them, it is not because of any failings on your part, it is because quote; 'you are far too awesome to associate with civilians like themselves.' They further go on to state that they would prefer it if you had as little to do with them as possible because they are afraid that, quote; 'your awesomeness might be diminished by their lack of awesome.' They further went on to state that they are willing pay for an ongoing D-rank to have your groceries delivered so that you never have any reason to go into any of their shops and another to deliver any other supplies you might need or just generally run any errands for you that might take you into a civilian owned shop."
Mrs. Yamanaka was regarding her daughter with a look of profound suspicion by the time the Hokage finished while the girl in question did her best to look as innocent as possible while Naruto nodded along as if he'd expected it.
"This puts us in a bit of a bind," the Hokage continued. "It is my firm belief that D-rank missions are vital to the proper peace time development of a ninja, at the same time D-rank missions for the village and clans make up only a small portion of the available mission pool."
AN: Just thought I'd point out that I based Ino's powers on her father. Looked up the skills he's displayed and gave her reduced versions of them. Doubt that'll stop people whining about how overpowered I made her, but that's the way life works.
Scene inspired by and modified from one written by Veive
Omake: True Romance
"Konoha's Death Lily!" the supposed missing nin screamed. "No! It's impossible, it can't be you! You're dead! They told me you were dead!"
Ino's mother grinned as she drove her kunai through his ear canal into his brain. "Happily, they were wrong."
"What was that about, mom?" Ino asked.
"Well, it all dates back to the war," the woman began, speaking as she stripped the body of anything useful. "Your father was an up and coming star in T&I who was tasked to brief me on my latest assassination target."
"You were an assassination specialist, mum?"
"That and heavy combat," she agreed. "You have to remember, this was before I married your father and got access to the clan techniques."
"And?"
"And I was quite taken with him so I did what any nin in my situation would do." She giggled. "I gathered every piece of information I could on him so I could devise a plan to make him mine. I learned that the Yamanaka clan has always been florists. Knowing that, I guess it's pretty obvious what happened next. I started sending bouquets of red spider lilies to the funerals of the people I killed and taking more and more assassination missions so I could kill more people so I'd have to buy more flowers so I'd have an excuse to visit your father in the shop." She giggled. "Meanwhile, your father was working long hours at the office shattering minds to get information for target lists so that I would go on more assassination missions so that I would visit the shop to buy more flowers so he could see me again."
"That's really romantic, mom," Ino cooed.
"War ended, missions dropped off, and we both moped around for a week till we finally managed to work up the nerve to simultaneously confess to each other."
Omake by Veive
"As such, Team 1, you are temporarily being assigned a very important C rank mission."
"We have noticed unusual behavior from a number of civilian shopkeepers who have demonstrated unusual interest in or aversion to several of our new ninja. You are to conduct interviews with these shopkeepers and their known associates as a part of a background check being done by CI."
"By any chance, did these civilians offer to pay for an ongoing D rank mission in order to reduce their own contact with certain Ninja?" Mrs. Yamanaka asked idly.
"Why yes" Hiruzen said. "Yes they did."
Omake by Veive
Gaara walked calmly into the Hokage's tower.
"Can I help you?" The Chuunin manning the front desk asked.
"I'm a jinchuuri and I'm here to defect." Gaara said cheerfully.
"Wait- Wha?" The stunned man asked.
"I also have reason to believe that Orichimaru has killed my father and is impersonating him."
"Is this some kind of joke?" The Chuunin asked.
"Nope. He's stopped cursing at me, he's stopped drinking and he hasn't molested his secretary in at least a month." Gaara explained reasonably. "Those are all red flags."
"I can see where that would be concerning." The Chuunin nodded. "I'll get someone with authority to discuss this with you."
"Let them know I have a few conditions." Gaara said.
"Anything in particular I should relay?"
"I want Harino Sakura and Hyuuga Hinata to do with as I please, I also want Rock lee to take my sister in manly fashion. She's a prissy bitch who needs to get laid." Gaara explained. "You should probably also tell them that Orichimaru is going to attack during the 3rd phase of the Chuunin exams."