A/N- Hi! Thank you so much to everyone who's been following this story, and for those who just started following it. It's still beyond awesome to see how many people have enjoyed this story. A big thank you to everyone who has sent their reviews in. I knew not everyone would agree with her decisions, but I love to hear what you think either way. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday,and I hope you have a super, safe New Years!
A huge mega thanks to BK2U for editing this monster of a chapter.
Enjoy, everyone!
Eric is still mad.
He drives one of the trucks back, and he doesn't take his eyes off the road. His shoulders are tense, and his jaw is clenched together as though he's biting back his words.
I know his anger won't last forever, but right now it feels spectacularly crappy.
I scoot closer to him, and I hear him sigh quietly; he finally reaches one hand over to grasp mine. His fingers intertwine with mine, and I feel my stomach flip over, as though this is the first time he's ever held my hand.
It's raining by the time we arrive back at Dauntless, and the air is cold and sharp.
I grip Eric's hand tightly as we walk to our apartment, unwilling to let go of him. My limbs have finally stopped shaking, but I'm afraid they will start again if I'm not touching him. We make our way down the cavernous hallways that I've walked through countless times. The hallways feel like they are made of ice, and I'm glad Eric is leading the way.
It doesn't take long to reach his apartment, and it's only a few minutes more before everyone from tonight's raid follows us inside. I wish they would give us a moment alone. I still haven't had the chance to tell Eric that I can remember everything, but now is not the time. It's as though some silent call has been sent out, and everyone of any importance has been alerted to our return and summoned for an impromptu meeting.
Eric's apartment is suddenly filled with more people than I have ever seen. Max and Tori arrive and are seated at our kitchen table. Beside them are Karl and Peter; Rylan and Jason, who both look the tiniest bit stressed out; Kacie, who's glancing around the apartment as though she's searching for something hidden in the décor; and finally, Arlene.
I have no idea who invited her, but I don't want to find out. My last memory of her had to do with me shooing her and her birth control away. For a moment, I'm glad Eric doesn't know I can remember everything; I don't need an in-depth conversation with Arlene about birth control plans and my current lack of them.
"We can send out a message tonight. Tell them to shoot on sight if the need arises."
Max is talking and I stay next to Eric. He has slung his arm around me, keeping me pinned to his side. Tris has glanced at me curiously a few times, and this time I shake my head no, silently telling her I haven't told him yet. I simply haven't had the chance. His apartment has been a whirlwind of action since the moment we stepped through the door.
"We'll need to find her photo and make a bulletin. I want it broadcast on every medium tonight, and we'll have it repeat every half hour in every faction. She's to be brought to any leader if found. No questions asked." Max says the words firmly, and I wonder if there's any leader that would be willing to help her. I immediately wonder about her making her way to Abnegation, but there seems to be way too much bad blood there.
"Do you think Marcus would help hide her?" Despite my trepidation that he is still furious with me, I ask Eric very quietly and he shakes his head.
"I think she's on the run. I don't think she'd be smart enough to threaten Marcus into hiding her." Eric bends his head down to speak to me, and I can feel him tighten his grip around me. He still looks irritated, the frustration bleeding through his features.
"Did you find anything useful?" Tris asks, her voice neutral. I know she's curious as to what they found before we got there, and I'm guessing Four didn't offer up any information on their drive back. He's standing beside her, and he looks almost as irritated as Eric. It seems that neither of them was particularly thrilled with our decision to join them.
"Not much. There were only a handful of people who remained; ironically, they couldn't remember a single thing. She knew we were coming," Eric answers her, his voice rather dry.
Tris swings her eyes to me before she turns back to Eric. "How many factionless are there?"
Eric shrugs and turns his glare to Four. "I'm not exactly the one who could answer that question." I wait for him to out Four and announce that he had a large part in their rebellion training. But he doesn't. "Enough that she's a threat if they all support her."
"This is just like Jeanine all over again," Peter haughtily pipes up from the table, reclining back in the spot I'd once sat upon while I'd kissed Eric. He probably wouldn't look so smug if he knew that. He's tilting the chair back and balancing with one finger on the table. "Look how well her plans went over. Oh wait, we stopped them. I think we're making a big deal out of nothing."
"Jeanine was one woman with a few powerful supporters. Evelyn is one woman with an entire army of supporters. She's everything Jeanine wanted to be," Eric snaps at him, and he finds my fingers, his grip becoming vise-like. "And who invited you here?"
I try not to snort at his annoyed words, and Tris looks like she's holding back a laugh.
"As one of the fence supervisors, I'm required to be here so I know what to tell the rest of them when I go back," Peter throws out. "By the way, nice place you got here, Eric. Who would have thought you were so good at decorating?"
"That's enough," Max snaps, and I can see why Peter was never considered for a position that would allow him to be around any of them for very long. "We'll get started tonight. Jason and Rylan, let's plan on sending something out in the next hour or so. Kacie, make sure your control room teams know exactly who and what they're looking for. Eric and Four, meet me at my office in an hour and we'll contact Jack and Johanna. Arlene will be in contact with all the medical centers. If anyone comes in acting suspicious, we'll make sure to have them brought here."
All around me, everyone is nodding.
"What about Erudite? Who's been appointed to oversee the faction?" Four asks. He's standing beside Tris, his arms folded across his chest. "There's a chance she's headed there, knowing it has no leader."
Tori finally speaks, her voice tired. "Jack's overseeing it for the moment. I doubt Evelyn would head there after what happened with Jeanine. My guess is, she's going to seek out shelter in a less conspicuous place."
Four doesn't look convinced, and I wonder if he thinks she's gone to Abnegation. I suddenly realize no one has mentioned Marcus. As if Eric can read my thoughts he bends down again. "They aren't including Marcus in this until they're sure he isn't involved." He says the words so quietly I almost don't hear him.
"Are you staying here for a minute?" I ask him. Eric nods silently.
"Any questions?" Max throws out, and everyone shakes their head no before standing to depart from the apartment. Rylan and Jason talk briefly with Four, and Kacie lingers for a moment, her stare wandering towards the bedroom door. She finally leaves when Peter knocks into her, mumbling half an apology.
"Four, you wanna head down and get a coffee?" Karl's voice is just as enthusiastic as I remember it, and I can't help but smile. He's calmer now that we're back in Dauntless; he's reverted back to the same Karl that I remember. I'm sure he's thinking how perfect it is that his position allows him all the action and excitement he's ever wanted.
"Sure," Four answers, and he throws Eric a look that I can't read. I have the sinking feeling Karl won't get off easily for letting Tris and me out of Dauntless. "I'll meet you at Max's office in an hour or so."
Eric and I watch as everyone finally leaves. Arlene is one of the last to go, but this time her attention isn't on Eric or me: it's on Max, and she's talking rather furiously as the two of them head out.
The door shuts behind them and the abrupt silence seems overwhelming.
The bath water is scalding hot, but it doesn't matter.
I sink beneath it, enjoying the way that it seems to burn away the memories of today that I'd like to forget: Colton and his final moments, Evelyn's vanishing whereabouts, and Eric's fury at my failure to listen to him. I sit back up, wiping water out of my eyes and attempting to brush wet hair out of my face. I feel marginally better, but not much.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was right.
Maybe I should have listened. Just a little bit.
It's too late now, though.
I vaguely wonder if Eric will come in here.
I've never taken a bath in Eric's bathroom before, but it seemed like a good distraction. After everyone left, Eric had almost immediately begun tapping away on his tablet, his stare not even flicking towards me. His dismissal was clear; he wasn't in the mood to talk, and I'd have to wait until he was. That was fine with me; I'd rather he be less furious when he finally came to talk to me.
I open my eyes and reach for the fancy bottle of bath soap I'd bought. It was one of the few purchases that I'd made with Eric's points. I'd smiled when I bought it, giving them Eric's name and thinking just how thrilled he'd be to discover it on his statement.
The bathroom door opens and I keep my eyes on the bottle, reading down the fancy label. I can just barely see Eric out of the corner of my eye. He walks past me, and I assume he'll take a shower before he has to head back to meet Max and Four. I can feel the disappointment well up in me suddenly; he'll be gone before I can even try to make this right.
I try to squeeze some of the soap onto my hands and I notice that they're still shaky. I frown, wishing it would stop. I don't want Colton's death to define me, but it has certainly left me uneasy. All throughout Eric's training, I had never once been afraid. I'd shot weapon after weapon with him, but somehow the cold metal had felt less intimidating when he was behind me.
I hear Eric make his way towards me, but I keep my stare ahead. I should apologize, offer up some sort of rational explanation for why I went after him, but for some reason I can't.
"Move." His voice is low and threatening, though he probably doesn't mean it to be. It sounds intimidating in the same way he used to talk lowly in my ear in hopes of scaring me into listening to him.
I scoot forwards, not really thinking anything of it. He's probably going to tell me to get out of here so he can shower in peace, or that he's gotten me a book on the proper way to listen to one's husband. I don't pay attention until I feel his weight step in behind me.
I freeze, realizing he's going to sit down and join me in the bath.
He places one leg on each side of me, ignoring the way that his added presence makes some of the bath water spill over the rim of the tub. The tub is huge, but Eric's frame seems to take up all the remaining space. His feet reach the very end, and he settles himself for a moment before one large hand reaches around my waist to pull me back towards him. His knees are above the water, but we're both mostly submerged beneath the sea of overly sweet-smelling bubbles.
I lean back into his chest and he sighs.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." My voice echoes in the bathroom, and Eric makes an unpleasant sound in response.
"I know. I should have stayed here. I put your whole mission at risk, and I involved Tris and Karl…" I trail off, and realize Eric's body seems to tighten around mine, his legs moving inwards.
"I sometimes forget how young you are," he says softly, and I can tell he's been thinking about this. "I know the idea of coming after us probably seemed like your duty as a member of Dauntless, as someone who I personally trained. Maybe even as my wife." One of his hands trails down my arm, lazily tracing over the skin. "But, Everly..." Eric hesitates for just a moment, "...I don't know how else to tell you that I don't want to lose you."
I keep my stare on his knee, my heart thudding wildly.
"I can only keep you safe if you let me." His fingers have stopped on my wrist, and then move down to my hands, turning them over until my palm is facing up. "I've told you that before."
I nod against his chest, enjoying the feeling of him behind me. "I thought I could help."
He bends his head down so his nose is somewhere in my hair. Despite having spent the day stomping around the factionless compound, he still smells good, rich and clean like he always does. I reach one arm up and behind me until I can feel his hair. "You don't need to prove anything to me, Everly." His words are careful and quiet and only for me.
"I know. I just wanted to save you," I tell him, my words achingly honest. Yesterday I'd felt desperate; desperate to find him, desperate to have him back with me, desperate to be with him. Desperate to return to our sense of normalcy.
Eric huffs into my hair. "You should know better. I can take care of myself. I don't need to be saved. Not like that."
He pulls away the tiniest bit and I feel him reach for the bottle of shampoo that's set to the side. I eye it warily, remembering the last time he helped wash my hair, when it wound up mostly in my eyes.
"I need to tell you something," I whisper, and I don't even realize I've closed my eyes. I feel him still for a second, his body tensing up and I wonder if he will ever not be on the defensive. He relaxes after a second, and I can feel the warmth of his chest as he exhales.
"What? That you've finally agreed you won't go outside ever again?" He's only half-teasing. He works the shampoo through my hair, and it feels much better than when I wash it myself. He pulls it through the ends, pulling on the strands the same way he's done a million times before. Impatient as ever.
"Well?" he asks, stopping just long enough to say the word. He helps me rinse out my hair before he reaches for the soap again. He then takes my hands, and very gently scrubs them clean. They aren't bloodied; in fact, they weren't even that dirty despite my scuffle with Colton. But he carefully washes them, taking much longer than I would have, and he doesn't stop until the skin is faintly pink.
Reluctantly, I break away to turn and look at him. He's still bent over, but he doesn't look remotely uncomfortable. His eyes are dark and half-hooded, almost pensive as he looks down at me. They darken even more when I smile at him, uttering the words he's been waiting for.
"I remember."
Eric freezes, his whole body stilling around me. He stares down at me with eyes that get lost in mine.
"Everything?" He says the word slowly, inching towards me at a glacial place.
"Yeah. Were you ever going to buy a new toaster?" I smile up at him, but it's lost when his eyes narrow.
"I've been busy," he mumbles as he pulls me closer, until I'm pressed back against his chest. His skin is warm, slick with the bath bubbles. I watch his knees sink beneath the water now as he works himself around me.
"When did you remember?" he asks. His hands are busy now, they've wrapped back around my waist, anchoring me to him.
I try to answer him, but he's moved to place his lips on my neck. Rather than aggressively biting the skin until I squeak, he presses startlingly soft kisses there. He trails downwards in this maddeningly slow manner. He breaks the contact only to move my hair out of the way.
"Before you left. I wanted to tell you, but you were gone when I woke up." I say the words in a half-groan. He's kissing my jaw, taking his time as though he's memorizing the path he's taking. One of his hands is back in my hair, his iron grip tangled towards my nape.
"Sorry," he mutters. I can feel the shift in him, as though all the anger has slowly slipped away. It's replaced with something I can't quite place. All I know is he's no longer livid, and the relief is tremendous.
He kisses my temple, the act so gentle it's almost painful, and his head rests against mine for a moment. "Let's get you ready for bed."
A short while later, we are both clean and wrapped in fluffy dark towels. I'd reluctantly climbed out of the bathtub with Eric. I would have preferred to stay in there until the water turned cold, but Eric had other ideas, and probably some time constraints.
I walk towards the dresser, trying to decide just how dressed I need to be for bed, when he comes up beside me.
"Everly." He's looking at me intently. "Come here."
I take a step towards him, effectively closing the space between us. I watch the muscles beneath his inked skin tense, the maze-like pattern on his arms tightening as he prepares to say something. I meet his stare and his eyes reflect curiosity.
"Why did you step away from me? Back at the factionless compound," he asks me lowly. "Were you afraid that I would hurt you?"
I adjust the towel around myself and I shake my head at him. For a moment, I flash back to my final fear landscape. I can remember his horrified expression when he'd shown up as one of my fears. The evolution of our relationship had been at its peak; not only had I slept with him, I'd found myself feeling all sorts of things towards him. But I was never afraid of him.
"No. I'm not afraid you'll hurt me. I was overwhelmed by how angry you were, and afraid that you might not ever forgive me." I meet his stare, his slate eyes trained on me. "I could never be afraid of you, Eric."
He nods, his jaw tight and his stare moving somewhere to the side of me. He doesn't look particularly happy right now, despite his affection minutes ago. It's as though the thought had just crossed his mind, unwelcome in our quiet moment.
"I don't want to lose you either," I tell him softly, and I wonder if I'm imagining the flash of relief that crosses his face.
He nods sharply.
"You're to stay here. Unless I bring you with me." His words are tight, reinforcing his point from before.
I nod at him, wishing I had a better way of assuring him, but for now all I have is this.
"Good." He bends his head down and his lips touch mine, and it's hard to say anything else. I let myself kiss him for a moment, just enjoying the way his lips feel against my own. It hasn't been that long since I've kissed him, but it doesn't matter. My stomach drops in a pleasant way, and I feel myself sink against him. I listen to the way his breathing seems to deepen, and he moves himself fractionally closer.
"Forever," he adds, breaking apart just long enough to say the word. I lean back into him, not wanting to stop even for a second. I think back to all the times I've ever kissed him, every one of those moments burned into my mind with their importance. Sometimes kissing Eric seems far more intimate than anything I've ever done with him.
"Yes," I say as he pulls me closer. It doesn't take much before I'm flush against him, and he pulls me upwards until my feet leave the floor, the same way he did back in Amity.
He walks us back a few steps, and I find myself sitting down on the bed, pulling him on top of me. I don't have to undress him this time. His skin is pleasantly warm against my own, and the weight of him feels good as he presses me further into his bed. He meets my gaze for a heartbeat, and in this moment his eyes are the warmest I have ever seen them. "I won't lose you again."
It's not a question at all, but I nod, looping my hands around his neck.
He looks pleased at my answer. Eric takes a moment before he kisses my lips, his own warm and full against mine, and I feel one of his hands move to knock away the dark towel.
"I don't know what I would do…" He trails off as it falls to the side. His large hand slides up on my stomach, his fingers skimming over my ribs. "If something happened to you." His eyes blaze with a fierce, undefined need, his mouth finding mine again as his fingers graze higher. There's nothing rough in his touch; I feel his hand move to cup my breast, and I close my eyes.
Eric is well-versed in my body, but tonight he's slowed himself down as though he's never touched me before. I part my mouth as he intensifies the kiss, his tongue slipping between my lips. I grow warm all over, but he's just starting. I lose track of everything else except the feeling of him on top of me. He shifts slightly, and I can feel his hardness pressing against my thigh. It doesn't take him long to take off the towel from his hips, and I rejoice when I feel his bare skin against mine.
"I've missed you," he tells me, and I shove my hips upwards, wanting more friction between us. He gets the hint, grinning as he runs his nose along my jaw.
I wiggle impatiently.
He looks up to glance at me for a second, lazily skimming his fingers over my hip bones.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you," I tell him. I move to thread my fingers through his hair, and he responds immediately, his kiss gentle again. I could melt beneath him, fizzling out blissfully into his sheets just from his kiss alone. One arm has settled to the side of me, working its way through my damp hair. The other is firmly clamped on my side, his fingers digging into my skin.
"I want you, Eric," I say when he breaks apart from me, moving to graze over my collarbone. His teeth scrape lightly over the bone, followed by his soft lips. When he's satisfied with that area, he moves lower, and my eyes close when he licks his way down my sternum.
"I know," he mumbles the words as his hand moves to hold me in place, his lips closing around one of my nipples. I can't help the groan that escapes me, the feeling of his wet mouth on my bare skin is electric. I can feel him pressing his hips downwards, grinding against the sheets, seeking out the same friction I wanted earlier.
In all of our nights together, I would never consider Eric to have rushed. He's always sought out what he wanted, and I've never been left unsatisfied by him. But this time, everything feels different. He's moving at a maddeningly slow pace, his lips trailing down my ribs as I try not to giggle, his nose following his mouth lazily over my hip bone, all while his hands hold me in place. He's working so slowly that I might just die from the anticipation.
Every time I glance down at him my stomach tightens up; I can see the wide span of his shoulders, the top of his hair curling wildly in several directions, and the curve of the muscle in his biceps. I watch him move lower, his movements soft and unhurried, but purposeful.
He pushes my legs wide apart, giving him room to move until I feel him kiss the inside of my thigh.
I could kill him.
He's driving me crazy, in the most gentle and tender way possible. He's smirking up at me, but it's hardly the usual smug grin that's across his face. This one has something behind it, something warmer than I'm used to seeing.
To my disappointment, he kisses down my leg, grasping my ankle firmly before he starts on the other side. He didn't bother to shave during our bath, and I can feel the scrape of his stubble against my skin. It's a pleasant feeling, and I can't help but breathily exhale his name when his mouth finally settles between my legs.
I swear he grins against me. Eric is far more experienced in most areas, and this is no exception. His mouth works slowly, lazily, teasingly. I can feel him lick upwards incrementally, and my abdomen tightens as do my thighs. I want to trap him there, his head between my legs, until I see stars. It feels beyond good, everything he's ever done has felt beyond good, but this is something else. He sucks gently, only removing his mouth to slide his fingers inside of me, and I can say nothing more than some garbled version of his name.
It's not long before the warmth in my stomach becomes burning hot, and I struggle not to writhe with his touch. I whine against him, urging him on, yanking hard on his hair to make him move faster, harder, anything. But he's determined to undo me himself, at his own pace.
"Eric." I would say his name through gritted teeth, but I can't think; my eyes open abruptly when he moves away from me. The red-hot feeling in my nerves is screaming at him, and I want to yank his head back to me. But he rises up on his knees, stroking himself as he watches me.
"Yes?" He says the words without any sort of patronizing or sneering tone; he's simply asking me a question. "Did you want me to stop?" I watch his hand stroke up and down his erection, his eyes never leaving mine. It's fascinating in a way; I'd never given much thought to Eric ever touching himself, and I wonder how many of his cold showers during my training were a weak attempt to curb his thoughts.
I shake my head at him, reaching for him and nearly knocking his hand away to replace it with my own. He tries to shove mine away, and it becomes very clear that he's focused on me.
"Let me touch you," I protest, and it doesn't take much more than that. My hand closes around him, his skin hot and swollen beneath my grasp. I like touching him, watching him react the way he does. I like that he lets himself lose a tiny bit of his control this way; his eyes close momentarily, and his lips part for a second.
I sit up, and he lets me push him back until he's reclined and I can climb on top of him. He stares up at me, his grey eyes so light they almost look faintly blue, and he smiles slightly as he reaches to brush my hair out of my eyes.
My heart clenches painfully as I settle onto his lap. He keeps his eyes on me, and his breathing is no longer as even as before. He reaches for me, crushing his lips to mine, one hand cupping the back of my head. He holds me in place against him, but there's nothing dominating about the action. It's as though he can't get close enough no matter how hard he tries.
I feel him spread his legs slightly, and push myself closer to him. I realize he's waiting for me to move; he's managed to keep himself mostly still, aside from the occasional uncontrolled jerk of his hips. I groan when his fingers move between my legs, trailing upwards, resuming where he left off before.
I lean forward, burying my face in his neck. I say his name against the darkest blocks on his neck, and my voice sounds like nothing more than a whimper.
"I love you." I've said it before, whispered it against his lips and during the blackest parts of the night, always seeking to assure him of just how much he means to me, has always meant to me.
Eric swallows, not slowing his fingers. He circles them teasingly, and I close my eyes at the sensation. The warm rush of pleasure is almost overwhelming now, and he strokes oh-so-slowly as I find myself arching into him. It's not until I find enough self-control to wrangle myself away from him that he stops, looking up at me in confusion.
"I want you, on top of me." I tell him urgently, climbing off his lap. He follows my lead as I lie back down, yanking him with me. I know this isn't his favorite position, but he makes no protest. He moves until he's between my legs, and it's only a matter of seconds before I feel him slide himself into me.
"Like this?" he grunts, his forehead against mine as I dig my nails into him.
"God, yes," I manage to answer, and I can tell he's trying hard to keep himself still for a moment. I tighten my grip on him, one hand holding the back of his head in place. He feels perfect, deliciously hot above me, and I move my hips to meet his when he finally moves.
"Everly," he sighs as he meets my stare, his eyes holding mine in place. I try to focus on him, the feel of his weight atop of me, the way he's thrusting into me, the way his pace is so much slower than normal. It's almost too much; he feels too good this way, warm and gentle, and it hits me then, right as I feel him kiss my jaw again.
It feels reminiscent of his birthday weekend: he's moving with the same slow, deliberate pace. He feels less like the rough, hulking leader of Dauntless who I first met, and more like someone I would call my lover. He presses his lips to my neck, placing a wet open-mouth kiss as I moan his name. I feel dizzied, my heart beating faster than ever, my blood rushing loudly through my veins. Eric has managed to consume me, this time in the most tender, gentle way possible.
"You feel so good," he groans as I hook one of my legs behind his, and I reach for his back. I skim my hands down the soft skin until I reach his ass, and I dig my fingers into his flesh, urging him on. It doesn't take much longer for either of us; I'm too far gone, too emotionally filled and too wonderfully pleased by him.
I say his name over and over, gasping for him as though he's the very air that I need to breathe.
I know he feels the same; I feel his back tense, the muscles tightening and his head falls forward as he quietly moans a string of words.
Mostly "I love you," over and over and over, until his hips stop and he collapses on top of me, still inside of me, until his breathing slows down.
I'm half asleep by the time he's ready to leave.
"I'll be back as soon as we're done. You do have my permission to come save me from Four." I can hear him talking, his voice low and rough, but I'm too sleepy to answer. His boots sound loud as he marches across the floor. I feel him kiss my forehead, his hands brushing my hair off my face then lingering for a moment to tangle in the strands.
It's the middle of the night when I wake up to the feeling of him sliding under the covers beside me.
It doesn't take long for his bare chest to be pressed up against my back, and his arm to drape around my waist. I let myself enjoy the feeling of him wrapped around me. I feel him kick my leg slightly, until he's happy with his new position. Only once he's finally settled against me does he sigh heavily, his head bent to rest against the back of mine.
"Did you and Four have fun?" I ask him, and he snorts in response.
"Tons."
I reach for his fingers, curling mine into his. "Did he go back to Tris's?"
Eric is quiet for a moment, and I can imagine him rolling his eyes or making some sort of unpleasant face. "I try not to think about what Four does at night," he answers me dryly and I smile, even though he can't see me.
"Eric?"
He's quiet for a moment before he answers. "Hm?" I can tell he's tired, and I realize this is the perfect opportunity to ask him something. I try to wiggle free so I can turn and face him, but his limbs are heavy, and he seems reluctant to move. "What are you doing?" he grunts.
"I want to look at you." He grudgingly moves his arm and his leg, and I turn to face him, sliding my leg back between his. He looks rather suspicious now, as though he's mentally preparing for what I'm going to ask him.
I peek up at him as I reach for his neck. One dark night forever ago, he let me run my fingers over him, exploring where I pleased without stopping me. It was rather surprising for him; in that moment he had made himself vulnerable to my perusal. I can remember tracing the blocks on his throat, touching the large piercings in his ears, sliding my fingers through his hair before I knew that he liked it. He lets me continue the same way now; my touch is unhurried and I lazily trace the sharpness of his jaw before I meet his stare.
"Would you have stayed mad at me forever?" I ask him, my fingers still on his skin.
"Maybe," he answers, his tone short after too many hours spent in a cramped meeting room with Four.
I feel warm under his intense stare, and it's mere seconds before I'm kissing him, all of my thoughts focused on him. I take delight in the way he responds, almost needily, as he moves himself over me, his leg moving between mine, and suddenly everything else is long forgotten.
It's still raining when I wake up.
Eric is still fast asleep next to me, his breathing slow and deep. I don't move a muscle; I lie beside him, listening to the sound of the rain against the windows. I lazily think how warm he is, and how good it feels to be here with him. How warm his bed is, how hot his skin is, how freaking hot his apartment is.
I heave the covers off of me, sitting up and feeling overheated. Eric's apartment is normally freezing. The first month of my training, I thought I might freeze to death before I'd be able to make it to the second stage. I'd discovered that he never turned his heat on, and it wasn't until I'd found myself sleeping in his bed that I realized why. Funny how I'd ended up seeking out more than just warmth from him.
I scrounge up his t-shirt from somewhere beside the bed and I make my way down the hallway. I stop at the thermometer, and I stare at the blinking temperature.
It's set to have the heat turn on, and I wonder how long he's had it on for. It doesn't matter; he's done his best to keep me here while I couldn't remember, but he needn't have worried. I wouldn't have gone anywhere.
Over breakfast I try to find out if Eric knows where Jeremy went. It struck me as odd that he wasn't at the meeting last night, but Eric shrugs indifferently and stares at me over his coffee mug. He hasn't been very open with what happened during the meeting with Max and Four, but I know not to pry too much. It's sort of a relief to have stayed behind, waking to make him breakfast before he heads out.
"Why didn't Jeremy come to your apartment?" I question him, my stare on him. He's stoically eating his pancakes and watching me with one eye.
"Who cares?" he announces. "If I had to hear one more time about how terrible Tris was at every aspect of their relationship, I'd kill him myself."
"She wasn't terrible!" I protest, buttering my toast. "That's mean of him. He should be quiet."
Eric smirks, and I can tell he doesn't really have feelings towards Tris and Jeremy's relationship either way. "He was obsessed with you, you know."
"What?" I nearly drop my knife, and Eric looks smug.
"You heard me. He was fascinated by everything you did. He didn't believe that you were really married to me." He looks gleeful now, happy to have won this nonexistent competition. "Sucks to be him," he chortles, shrugging his shoulders.
"But where is he?" I'm staring at Eric now, and he tilts his head in a way that tells me he had a hand in the answer.
"He's taking a break from his leadership training. Refocusing." Eric seems very pleased and he smiles widely at me. "He's working closely with Peter for the next month."
Arlene is thrilled to see me back in Dauntless, so much so that she gleefully informs me that she's cleared her afternoon when I walk in. Heading to the infirmary isn't exactly how I want to spend my free afternoon, but it's necessary. I need to decide, quickly, what I want to do. It isn't so much that I don't want to have a family with Eric, I'm just not sure if I want it right now.
While the idea is dreamy and the thought of Eric holding a baby is downright adorable, it's terrifying. I still want to complete my leadership training, and I want to spend time with Eric as my husband.
I hop up onto the exam room table and I smile warily as she waltzes in. I still can't quite place her relationship with Eric, but I do know she's very informed about him. It could probably work to my benefit to be on her good side, but in this moment she looks very pleased to see me.
She sets my chart to the side and pulls out a light before motioning for me to follow her movements. After a few seconds she's satisfied, and she sits down in front of me.
"How are you adjusting to life back in Dauntless?" She crosses one leg over the other, and I realize her scrubs are royal blue. I've never given much thought to her past, but there must be a reason she keeps such close tabs on Eric. "Is everything going well between you and Eric?"
I swing my feet back and forth and nod my head. "Really well. I'm happy to be back. And Eric and I are good. He's happy that I can remember everything."
Arlene nods, flashing her eyes up to mine. "I'm sure. Now, I assume you two have resumed your normal sexual activity? He seemed awfully frustrated when I saw him a week ago."
I feel myself grow hot, and it's clear that she's just as nosy as ever.
I nod at her, trying to not to stare at the smug look on her face. "He's fine now."
She stares at me critically before her face relaxes. "And you've decided to have a baby?" She looks delighted, as though everything she's ever said is coming true. "Congratulations."
"Wait, no…I mean, we kind of talked about it." I fumble for the words, wondering just how to explain to her how I feel. It's not like I owe her an explanation, but she's staring at me like I do.
"Uh-huh."
"I actually came down here to talk to you about starting some form of birth control today. Or maybe having some sort of backup method until everything settles down." I let my words trail off, and I try hard not to look right at her. She has the same intense stare that Eric does, but she's shaking her head.
"You'll have to wait four weeks." She smiles at me, and she still looks smug.
"What? Why do I need to wait four weeks?" I ask her. I sit up straighter, pulling my sweater around me. "What am I supposed to do for four weeks?"
Arlene smiles, the same pleased smile that I've seen before. "How many times have you and Eric celebrated your return, my dear?" She's reached for the papers beside her, and I watch her scrawl quickly, making a few notes.
"Um, a few," I tell her, trying hard not to look at her. Out of everyone in Dauntless, Arlene is the last person I want to discuss my sex life with. When I don't say anything else, she throws me a look of disbelief. I scowl.
"Then a few more after that."
"How about today?" She peers over her glasses at me, and I chew on the inside of my cheek. "I mean, I know you still have the entire evening ahead of you." She pauses, and I frown because she's right. "I'll just mark you down to return in four weeks, for accuracy's sake. If you get your period before then, you can return sooner. You'll take a pregnancy test, and barring no more head traumas, we'll write you a script for either your next set of shots or prenatal vitamins."
"So I could have gotten pregnant just within the last couple of days? And I have to just wait around another four weeks to find out?" I stare at her, my mind whirling. I'd been planning on asking Eric to go running with me, and I thought maybe I could see if Max would let me start helping with Four's class again. I hadn't planned on anything happening so soon.
She nods and I watch her file my chart away.
"What do I do until then? What if I'm not pregnant?" I ask her.
She stands and smiles, something wide and bright.
"Ask your husband how he feels about condoms."
He raises an eyebrow at me and shakes his head.
"I'm not into that," he tells me flatly.
"Just like you aren't into marriage proposals," I retort, starting to feel cranky. All the joy of being able to remember my husband is quickly dwindling thanks to my own inability to keep my hands off of him. Our last night together is still fresh in my mind, and all I want is to recreate it again. I want him back on top of me, I want his large hands running up my sides and holding me in place while he says my name.
Eric huffs in response.
"A few days ago you had zero concerns about the outcome of us sleeping together. In fact, you told me not to stop." Eric is staring at me, his grey eyes lit up with satisfaction, and he widens his stance. "I refuse to use a condom while I'm having sex with my wife."
He emphasizes both condom and wife, and I know he's not about to relent. I cross my arms in front of my chest and he grins, declaring himself the winner of this discussion.
"And we all know you have zero self-control, so don't even think about pretending you could hold out for four weeks." He sounds jubilant; sometimes Eric is too smart for his own good. He smiles cockily at me, tilting his head to the side and making sure he brushes against me as he walks past me.
"Guess you should have accepted the injection when you had the chance," he throws out over his shoulder.
He's almost to the bedroom door, so he misses the wadded up paper from the infirmary that I throw at him.
The message is broadcast every thirty minutes.
It means that every half hour I'm forced to see Evelyn's face flash in front of my eyes. The only upside to it is that Eric's face usually follows right after hers. I watch him recite the speech that calls for each faction to be on the lookout for Evelyn, but I can't help but think that it means she's out there, somewhere, waiting.
Things seem to slide back into normalcy in a mostly uneventful way.
All of a sudden my keycards work, my cell phone is filled with names that mean something to me, I can make my way through the hallways without getting hopelessly lost, and Eric turns his heat off.
I smile as I trek down to the training room. Today I rejoin Four for the remainder of the training class. Thanks to all the disruptions caused by the events with Colton and the factionless, they've only just completed the first half of combat training. Four looks pleased when I walk through the door. I spent a good part of my morning talking with Max about resuming the training, and he agreed it would be easiest for me to start up again as if nothing had happened. He told me to head down there and feel it out. If I didn't feel right, I could find something else to work on.
I didn't think it would be a problem.
"Good to have you back." He grins at me, and I grin back at him. He hands me a list of names, and I'm pleased when they all look familiar.
"You want to take half and I'll take the other half? I thought they could practice for thirty minutes before lunch. Then we'll start the fights and put up their interim rankings." Four's voice is serious and I nod, trying to glance at the papers in my hands. His handwriting is a chicken scrawl all over the papers, and I miss Eric's perfectly neat penmanship.
I call out the names on my list and watch as they obediently make their way towards me. There's no doubt that they know who I am. My abrupt departure and then sudden return was no secret. Most of them stare at me with great interest, as though I've lived through something they've only heard rumors about. In a way, I have. My experience in Dauntless hasn't been typical, but it has been an exercise in bravery and adventure. Standing here on the training mats while they mill in front of me, it's hard to remember my life in Amity before all of this.
It doesn't take long for them all to line up. I match them up randomly, paying no attention to the stats Four has given me. I want to see how they fight without any preconceived notions. When I'm happy with how they look, I give them the signal to start, and they obediently begin to spar. I'm impressed with what they know; Four has taught them well, and I vaguely wonder how he's done it all by himself.
"Oh good, they almost look ready for some real fighting."
Eric's words echo across the training room, and I turn around, unable to stop the smile that crosses my face. He's stalking across the floor with his head held high, his face unimpressed. I like him like this; he's dressed as though he's about to come train the class, but I know there's nothing further from the truth.
"Hi," I tell him as he approaches and he reaches for me, one hand sliding around my waist.
"I can't wait until you're done working down here," Eric says the words disdainfully, fixing his gaze to mine. "Hi, Everly." He stares down at me intensely, and my stomach drops the same way it did when he first trained me. "What time does our number one traitor let you break for lunch?"
Since we returned from the factionless compound, the civility between Eric and Four had dwindled down to almost nothing. Despite Four's active resistance to his mother's plans, the bottom line was he still had been involved in them, up to the point of training their army. Eric didn't readily offer up forgiveness, and Evelyn's absence had pushed Eric into blaming Four for her actions.
Eric had been rather vocal about it to me, his words harsh and cold, but my silence on the issue had shut him up. He knew I was mad about Four's involvement in it. After all, it had led to my kidnapping, but there was nothing any of us could do about it now. He'd already apologized to me several times, and he'd looked uneasy when there had been no news of Evelyn's whereabouts over the past few days.
It didn't really matter.
We'd find her. She couldn't hide forever.
"I have another thirty minutes before Four and I are due to take a break," I tell him, smiling up at his grumpy face. He narrows his eyes at Four's figure in the distance before he looks down at me.
"Come with me now," he demands, and I grin at him. I find him strangely charming right now, despite the fact that he's asking me to leave Four and his class alone. A few of the initiates near us are watching him carefully, half-fearful and half-intrigued. He looks especially intimidating right now as he stands next to me, critically watching their every move.
"I wish." I feel the hand encircling my waist pull me closer to him.
"You know I outrank him, right? I could always order you to come eat lunch with me," he hisses in my ear, his lips grazing the outside of it.
"You could," I tell him, trying to keep my eye on the class. "But then I wouldn't be able to fill you in on all the gossip."
I feel him grin behind me, and he kisses my neck sneakily before I feel him release me.
"Fine. I'll still be hungry in half an hour. I'll meet you then."
He throws one final threatening look at the class before he walks away, haughty as ever.
I spend my lunch break in Eric's office, mostly on his lap with my lips against his. It's not until his phone rings shrilly that I realize I have mere minutes left to eat my lunch before I'm due back in the training room.
I kiss him once more, even though he's talking to someone, and I catch the very end of his conversation.
He says the words rather tiredly, as though it's the last thing he'd ever like to think about. I think I'm done with dinners for a while.
I bump into Karl in the Pit.
"Karl, sorry!" I smile at him, but it falters when I realize he's scowling at me. "What's wrong?"
"You got me in major trouble," he snaps. He points his finger at me, but it's not overly threatening. "I told you Eric would be pissed if I took you out of Dauntless."
Crap. I was hoping that Eric would have forgotten about that.
"I'm sorry." I chew the side of my lip. "What did he do?"
"What did he do? Well, Everly, I'll tell you what he did." Karl smiles, and it's the kind of smile that tells me he's very unamused with the situation. "He assigned me to work security for the community center on the third floor." He crosses his arms in front of him, irritation creeping over him. His eyebrows knit together and he looks slightly red.
I shrug. "What's the community center on the third floor?" For a moment I panic, thinking maybe I can't remember. Maybe my memory is failing, because I honestly don't recall ever visiting any such place.
Karl stares at me for a moment before he grits his teeth. "It's the daycare facility for children who are under four. I'm supposed to spend the next month patrolling the floor and helping out if they need it."
I blink, wondering how on earth Eric came up with that. "I'm sorry. I'll talk to him."
Karl looks unimpressed and he shakes his head. "I think I'm going to stay away from you and your husband for a little while." He rubs the back of his neck for a moment. "No offense."
I frown at him, but he's already walking away, probably heading to the third floor. I can only imagine how pissed Eric is at him, and I don't doubt that anything I say will fall on deaf ears.
I make my way towards the elevators to head home.
As I push the button for the floor I need, I wonder if there's a way I can tell Eric to go easier on Karl. I sigh, realizing probably not. Even though it was due to my insistence, Karl disobeyed his direct orders and Eric will not forget that. Karl's actually kind of lucky; working in the daycare center is probably safer than being in Eric's direct line of sight. The elevator door dings much earlier than expected, and I jerk my head up as the doors open.
My eyes widen as Eric's dad steps through, his stare finding my own.