Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize I do not own. They belong to JE, and will be returned when i'm finished playing.

Part Thirty Six

When the small plane began taxiing down the runway, I held my armrest with white knuckled death grip. I was trying to take deep breaths. When Ranger said we'd be flying I thought we're using a commercial flight, wrong again.

Ranger's connections allowed him to use a private plane. He liked it because he was able to carry all his weapons. I was terrified because while I was ok on a 747, this little hopper plane scared the shit out of me. I swore several times shortly after takeoff that the pilot was doing aerial stunts, but Ranger reassured me it was normal flight moves.

"Ready to talk?"

"No, but anything's better than watching the plane wings and engine out the window" I was terrified they'd fall off.

Ranger peeled my hand from the armrest, and gave it a squeeze. "The pilot is one of the best. You can trust us."

"Us?"

"Babe, I'd never risk you."

He peeled my other hand off, and pulled me into his lap. "Did you like the house?"

"Yeah, it was great." I smiled. It wasn't really anything like the Batcave I imagined, but I loved his house. "You must read a lot. Is that why you don't have time to watch TV?"

"I was talking about the other house." Ranger seemed surprised.

"Why do you look surprised?" I didn't get it, the other place was nice, but it wasn't the Batcave.

"Babe, I'm not really Batman…."

"We've already discussed that. Your stuck with it, move on already." I interrupted Ranger. I'm not stupid, but when you don't know anything about someone, your mind fills in the blanks, and I've pictured so many other different houses, and nothing prepared me for what I found. His house was small, but it felt like him.

"So you wanted to talk?" I was getting pissed off about him constantly telling me how I should see him.

"We are talking. Why do you like it better?" Ranger asked. I glanced at him, and noticed he had the same serious look he wore in Las Fornos.

I thought about how to explain it for a minute or two. I knew Ranger would wait. He was always patient. "It was you. The personas you like to portray, but that house was filled with stuff that means something to Carlos. I liked his tastes." And I did. Everything looked comfy. There of course were plenty of high tech electronics, but the overall feeling was comfortable.

"How can you be so perceptive, yet not get it?" Ranger said and I'm pretty sure he was seriously confused. I was shocked, hurt, and confused too. What was I missing?

"Babe, you keep telling me that I have all these personas, yet you've always been able to see through them. But when I try to show or explain something, you get completely lost." He shook his head, and I pulled myself back into my own chair. I was trying to work up to pissed, and couldn't get close while sitting in his lap.

Ranger reached out, and scooped me up. He walked toward the back of the plane, and opened a door that had a small bedroom in it. My hormones began doing the samba, while the rest of my body was having an internal debate.

I tried to maneuver back to the front, but Ranger pinned me next to him on the bed.

"Calm down, I just wanted to move somewhere more comfortable, because I think this is going to be a long talk." Ranger said, clearly reading all my reactions to him hauling me in here.

"Let's try it this way. What do you think I'm like with people I really trust?" Ranger seemed completely calm, even though he was using his weight to pin me. Of course, having him so close to me was shorting my brain synapses. I wiggled and tried to adjust myself, but I couldn't move.

I finally said "I'll stay, but I need to be able to move" Ranger rolled us over so I was lying next to him and we were facing one another.

"I don't know how to answer your question. I just wonder if I'm missing a side of you. Like, I've seen you talk so much with your family, but the man I know has made an art form of minimal word sentences. Do you ever relax, sit with a beer and be unaware? Chat with friends and joke?" I shrugged, I didn't know how to explain it, I just wasn't sure I knew the real Ranger/Carlos.

I had been staring at Ranger's chest, avoiding looking at him, when he never said anything, I finally looked up. Ranger was smiling at me and when our eyes caught he raised his eyebrow.

"So, let me get this straight, you think that when I'm around other people, I suddenly morph into a talkative, relaxed man?" He seemed to be trying hard to contain laughter.

I scrunched up my nose. "I don't know what to think. You don't let me into your personal life."

That made his laughter die. He tucked a stray curl behind my ear, and I involuntarily curled my toes as heat rushed south. "I'm sorry for that, but old habits die hard. If you asked anyone else about the things you know, you'd see how much more I'm open with you. At the same time, I answer all your questions because I know I can trust you. It's still not easy; I've been this way all my life. My time in the army and job has only made it worse, I think. Made it more critical, gave me a valid reason to keep everyone away. When my mother apologizes, I'll take you to the Manoso family circus and you can hear all the complaints about how I am."

"Your mother complains too?" Ranger just nodded, and laid flat against the bed. I laid down right next to him, flat on my back. I flopped my leg over his. It was throbbing and maybe the slight elevation would help. I thought about what Ranger said. Could I see him joking and laughing with a group of friends or family? I tried to picture it, and began laughing hard. My brain conjured a mental picture of Ranger walking around with girly hair, and talking a lot like Camila. Then, of course, I remembered his comments about being bullied because he looked like a girl and that's what caused me to turn red with laughter. Could Ranger let himself go? I tried to picture Ranger wearing ripped pants or dirty sweats. I knew Joe did that when he didn't have time to do laundry. I tried to picture Ranger's hair messy, without a shave and stained t shirt. That had me biting my lip to stop the laughter. Ranger wouldn't let that happen, he's always impeccable. Ella kept his clothes clean and pressed. Dirt didn't dare hit him. My skips had proven that many times. I'd be covered and he'd be spotless, only to claim he dodged it all. Ha! I think he must have some neat powers. Dirt magically was blocked. Then I tried to think of a name, and when MR Clean popped into my head, complete with the picture of Ranger decked out shiny head and white painted on t-shirt, I lost it.

"Babe." Ranger growled, clearly using his ESP to follow my mental picture.

When I finally calmed down to speak, I said "Ok, I'll take you up on the family circus. It might be nice to have someone else embarrassed for once, anyway."

"Remember, you asked for it." was all Ranger added.

"So, do you want to talk about my thing now? I asked after a few minutes of silence.

Ranger just nodded, all blank faced again. "Is it really that difficult for you to listen?"

I watched as the blank face disappeared but he still looked guarded. "No." was all he said.

"If you don't want to talk about this fine, but then we'll just have to be friends only."

"I just don't want you hurt."

That sentence made pain shoot through me, and I felt my throat begin to tighten, but held my composure. "Are you saying you're not open to anything more?" I was thinking about his last comment about still not being family material and no marriage.

"You confuse me."

"How can I possible confuse you? You're the one who tells me …no relationships, only to tell me… someday. Then there is the Batcave, that picture, and the new house, but you're telling me you don't want a family and will never get married. How am I supposed to make anything out of all your mixed signals?"

Ranger closed his eyes, put his hands behind his head but said nothing. After a few minutes I began looking for my crutches only to realize they were still by our seats. Sneaky bastard. I stood and went to hop when the plan shook from turbulence. Fuck, I couldn't hop my way out of here.

"Running away again?" Ranger asked, his voice sounding angry.

"What's the point of staying? You've closed up, and you always refuse to talk after that." I shrugged contemplating crawling to my seat. I was holding onto my composure by a thread. Tears threatened to fall and my throat burned.

"Fuck." Ranger scooped me up, and said "See? This is why I shouldn't be in a relationship. I only hurt those around me."

Ranger was afraid of hurting me, well, what did he think all this other shit does?

"I need you to be safe, and me being around you wasn't safe. You confuse me, because you've turned me upside down. I never gave a shit about anything before you stumbled into my life. I don't know what to do with it." Ranger said, still holding my body tight against his.

Ranger flipped through the CD, and I wasn't sure what to do. Escape was looking very appealing, but even if I managed to get to my seat, I was still thousands of miles in the air.

"When I used this plane last, this CD was in the player and I want you to listen to this song."

I nodded, trying to figure out things. The song started out with a thumping beat, far different from the classical music I'd heard him listen to in the car.

[Verse 1:
Want to, but I can't help it
I love the way it feels,
It's got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it, I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'll stop everyday, knowin' that I won't

[Bridge:
I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it

[Chorus:
And it's all because of you [3X
And it's all because…
Never get enough,
She's the sweetest drug

Ranger hit the power button, and I wasn't sure what to think, so I decided to ask. I'm tired of the mysterious talk, and me having to puzzle out what he's trying to say. I think that's most of our problem. We don't lay things out when it comes to our relationship. The song kept talking about a guy being addicted to the girl. Said he didn't want to be, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm not sure which message that was supposed to give me. Explain." My thoughts weren't helping my mood.

"That's how I feel sometimes. Before you came around, my life was just as I planned it. Now I find myself buying houses for Someday, and I was happy when I signed the papers. You've become essential to me, and I feel pressured by that."

"Am I that difficult to care about?" Joe's words flashed in my mind.

"Morelli's an ass." Ranger said, again following my thoughts. Ranger tugged my hand, pulling me on top of him, and said "Tell me what you need."

"Why? You don't even want to care, so why should I even tell you? It doesn't make sense to."

Ranger interrupted my tirade with a simple kiss. "This isn't working. We suck at this."

"No, you suck at this." I spat back, upset how his kiss affected me, and irritated that he held my heart. I was afraid he'd shatter it again.

"Never claimed to be eloquent." Ranger said, not allowing me to move away from him.

I stopped struggling because Ranger wasn't doing this right. "You're supposed to be emotional about this." I told him.

"Why do you think I'm not?" His calm blank face had returned.

"Arghhh" I pulled my hair, pointed at his face and said "That's why. You look perfectly calm and I'm not getting any vibes".

The blank face fell away, and I was trying to figure out the emotion on his face now before the guarded look returned.

"What would you prefer?" Ranger growled. "Me yelling at you, like Morelli does?" he released me.

That made me stop. Is that what I was expecting? I guess I was, everyone in the burg yelled and made scenes when we argue. I thought back to his parent's house. The argument was completely in Spanish, but when they were discussing things, I could still tell that he was pissed.

"I want you to be like you were at your parents." I said, lifting my chin in defiance.

Ranger raised his eyebrow and said "You want me yelling in Spanish?"

That earned him an arm slap. "I didn't mean literally, but at least then I could tell you cared about what was going on." I sighed and flopped back on the bed.

"I don't like fighting with you. I'd prefer you never saw that."

"I'm not. I guess my whole point is I get tired of the blank mask you keep giving me. From the instant I brought this up, it fell into place. I just wanted to explain what I learned and what I want and find out if there is a someday for us." I kept my eyes on the plane ceiling, then softly added "you must have a plan for one if you bought a house. Don't you care what I'd need? Or do you have what the future will be all planned out, and expect me to fit into it like Joe did?"