HEY Y'ALL. PREPARE FOR SHIT TO GET EXTREMELY REAL.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Au Revoir

In the wordless journey down to the dungeons, there was ample time for undistracted rage to simmer. I just couldn't stop thinking about what Ana had said, and I got the feeling Severus was thinking the exact same thing. By the time we got down there, my hands were wringing themselves and I saw that Severus' jaw was clenched tighter than I'd ever seen it. When the door shut behind us, I felt like I was watching a pot that was about to boil over. Everything was creepily silent, but there was a buzz in the air. We were just staring at each other, daring the other to be the one to explode first. Of course, Severus was the master of self-control, and I hated to be the one to back down, so we stood there staring for quite some time. I felt like we should be circling each other with fists raised or something, but we were motionless, Severus leaning back against the writing desk and me standing awkwardly in front of the door.

"Why do you do this?" I asked quietly. The silence had been killing me but I didn't want to be the first to yell.

"Me?" barked Severus. It was louder than I was expecting, and I winced a tiny bit. I always hated it when he yelled. "What about you? Pouncing on every single opportunity to impress upon me who you could be with instead."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, I was joking all those times," I said, trying to match him in pitch and anger level. He wouldn't be getting me to back down, no way. "Do you understand what that means? Not serious! Besides, the problem is you and your stupid jealousy!"

"Of course it is," he shouted. "I'm always the problem. You flounce about flirting with every man that glances at you, what do you expect?"

"I expect you to trust me," I cried out. Now, we were circling each other, but our fists weren't raised. I was flinging my arms about as I sometimes did when excited, and he was keeping his firmly motionless at his sides. "And every time you don't, it's like you're accusing me of something, when you should know that I'd never do anything like that, because I wouldn't."

"How am I supposed to trust you when you manipulate me into jealousy just for your own fun?" he shot back. Now, I was by the writing desk and he was the one in front of the door.

"So you don't trust me then?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I do. I don't believe you think I'm defective just because I get agitated when you play your stupid schoolgirl games."

"That's it, isn't it?" I cried. "You think I'm too stupid and immature for you."

"That's not what I said," he roared.

"It's what you meant, isn't it? You've always thought it, haven't you?"

"Maybe I have," he shouted. "Maybe I don't like that you're still acting like a bloody fifteen-year-old, giggling about how 'awesome' it is to get drunk with the neighbour boy on your parents' alcohol."

"At least I'm not having conniptions every time I don't know where you are," I shouted, feeling my throat begin to scratch. I didn't usually use my voice in this way. "At least I can see you talk to other people without thinking you're going to leave me for them."

He stared at me for a moment. "At least I don't have to pretend other people are after me so that I'll be more highly valued."

A silence rang in the air after that. My jaw was clenched tightly and my eyes blazed with rage like I'd never felt before. He was wearing the same expression as me, but I wanted to stab it off his stupid face with a staple remover. Merlin, what I wanted to do. I wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp. I wanted to hit him with a frying pan. My lips curved into a snarl, my hand found a heavy object on the desk behind me and I flung the bottle of ink in his direction with as much force as I could muster. In a flash, his wand was out and the ink bottle shattered in mid-air, but the force of the spell sent me flying and I smashed through the liquor cabinet to land in a heap of broken glass on the floor. I was dripping with acrid-smelling liquid and blood was pumping in my ears. Pieces of glass embedded themselves in the palms of my hands as I tried, in a daze, to push myself up off the ground. I managed to stand upright and brush most of the glass off me when I looked up at Severus, surprised. He stood there motionless, still holding his wand out, but looking just as surprised as I felt.

"Raphaela, I didn't -"

"No."

I felt my eyes sting but fought to suppress tears, knowing that I couldn't break down right in front of him.

"It wasn't my intention to –"

"Don't."

My breathing came shallow and ragged, and I moved past him towards the doorway. I took my jacket from the coat rack without a word and slipped it on over my old clothes, staring at the door frame intently. The silence was somehow even heavier now. It was almost palpable. I didn't move. I just stared at the door frame.

"Let me fix your hand," he said from behind me as he took my wrist. I wrenched it out of his grasp but remained staring at the door frame.

"Don't… touch me," I said. "Please." Without turning back at him, I pulled the door open but hesitated before stepping out.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"… Will you be back?"

"… I don't know." I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out what had just happened from my memory. I hadn't just attempted to injure my husband. He hadn't sent me through a glass cabinet. I wasn't about to leave. None of this was happening. "I… I don't think we're going to be okay."

I heard an odd noise from behind me but still didn't turn around. "I love you." He said it in a weird way. Not in a trying-to-make-me-stay kind of way, or a pleading kind of way, but just as a monotone statement. Bloody hell.

I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and walked away.