I don't own anything…all credit goes to ABC/Shondaland

Chapter Thirty-Six

Hope you enjoy!

Callie's POV

"I'm really glad you decided to come in, Callie. I only saw you that one time when you came in with Arizona months ago. I haven't seen Arizona in a while either." Doctor Thomas says as she closes her notebook. My time with the therapist has come to a close and I'm feeling more relieved than when I came in. Arizona's words from the bathroom two weeks ago really stung me. Ever since I had the twins I haven't been feeling myself. What worried me the most was that I didn't understand all the feelings and emotions I was dealing with. I knew if I didn't start to understand what was going on with me it would cause more strain with Arizona and I, and probably trickle down to how I interact with our kids. "You have a lot going on at home. Especially now with your mother in law gone. It's understandable for you to be feeling everything you're feeling. If you're up for it, I would like for you to come in for another session."

"I think I'd like that. Quite frankly I think I need it." I nervously laugh. "Can you tell me what's wrong with me?" I scoot to the edge of couch and lean forward. "I don't like the way I've been feeling and I…I just want to get back to old self." I finish on the verge of tears. "Is this…" Doctor Thomas picks up on hesitance and nods in understanding.

"Yes, I think you have a mild case of postpartum depression." Hearing her says the words out loud make it real for me and I can't hold back the few tears that fall from my eyes. "Everything you've told me today points to that. The anxiety, irritability, your lack of interest in things that were once fun to you. I want you to hear me when I say this, you are not alone with this. I'm here and there are many support groups. Not to mention your strongest support system, your wife. You just gave life to twins; your body is still all over the place from hormones and emotions."

"So, so how do I get through this?" I wipe my tears away and straighten up. "What can I do?"

"Well there isn't a need for you to go on medication right now. I think coming in and talking with me is a good place to start." She smiles. "Does Arizona know you came in today?"

"Yes. She's at home with the boys right now. I have to pick up Sof and Noah once I leave here."

"If you two can squeeze in some alone time later, I would sit her down and discuss everything we talked about to. Of course you can share as much as you want, but I think the more she knows the more she'll understand."

"Okay. Thank you." I gather my belongings and stand up. "Same time next week?"

"Sounds great. See you later, Callie." On the drive over to the kids camp, I reflect on my therapy session and start going over all the interactions Arizona and I have had lately. I sense I had depression and when I found the pamphlet doctor Caplan gave me weeks ago in my purse it started to set in with me. I was nervous and almost embarrassed to admit it to myself." Once I arrive to the camp, I have to wait in the carpool line, which only gives me time to over analyze myself. I hear my phone buzz and grab it from my bag.

"Hey babe, can you pick up some more diapers on the way home. Gabriel just used the last one."

"Of course. In the carpool line now, will go to the store once I leave here. I was just thinking about you."

"Good thoughts?"

"Yes." I smile. "Be home soon. Love you."

"Love you." She sends another text with the heart emoji. I put my phone away and continue to crawl through the pick-up line.

"Look what I made! Look what I made!" Noah loudly announces getting into the car ten minutes later followed by his sister. Leaning in between the seats, Noah flashes a new piece of artwork in my face. "Do you like it mama?"

"Oh I love it!" I take it from his hands and look it over. "What do we got here? I think I see a turtle, a bird, and a lizard."

"It's a snake, mama." He corrects, sitting back in his seat. "Can we put it in my room?"

"Of course we can. You two buckle up back there." Once I hear their belts buckles click, I drive off towards the grocery store. "Sof, how was your day?"

"Good. I won at tag during recess. I'm the fastest! And me and Taylor switched lunches."

"Sof, you're not supposed to do that. You have allergies and you don't know if Taylor is allergic to anything."

"But she had pasta with red sauce for lunch and brownies!"

"Ooohh brownies. Mama can we make brownies tonight?" Noah asks kicking his feet against his car seat with excitement.

"Yeah, we baked all the time with grandma." Sofia adds.

"I know, I used to sneak down at night and eat what you guys made." I smile to them in the rearview mirror. "We'll see. We have to stop at the store anyway, so maybe I'll pick up some mix. We have to get some diapers for your brothers."

"They cried so much last night. It was super loud."

"I'm sorry, bud. They can't sleep through the night like you and Sof yet."

"It's okay. I still love my baby brothers." His comment warms my heart and leaves a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the ride.

"I need twenty minutes of reading time from you two before you play with anything!" I call out as the kids run up the stairs once we return home. "Arizona?" I walk further into the house and see Arizona on the floor with the twins getting some much-needed tummy time. I drop the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and join them in the living room. "Looks like we got a little party going on in her here."

"Something like that." My wife answers. I get down on the floor next to her and join our boys. "Hi." Arizona kisses my lips. "How was your session?"

"It was good. I want to tell you about it later."

"Can't wait to hear." She replies kissing my lips again. "We did pretty good here too. Mateo still doesn't like drinking from the bottle, so he's probably hungry. I guess nothing replaces the real thing."

"I mean these are pretty irreplaceable." I quip looking down at my own chest.

"Oh yeah, nothing beats those gems." She laughs. "We got something interesting in the mail." Arizona reaches over to the nearby coffee table and grabs a piece of mail and hands it to me. "It's from the hospital."

Opening the envelope, I pull out a formal invitation. "It's the annual pro bono gala. We usually get these in our mailboxes at work, but since I'm not back yet I guess they sent it to the house."

"We should go. You'll get to see everyone again and help raise money. It's a win-win."

"Yeah…" I reply contemplating it.

"Or not." Arizona quickly follows up. "We don't have to do it. I mean we'll have to get fancy gowns, wear heels, and find a babysitter." I can tell she's just saying so I won't feel guilty for saying no. One of the things I discussed in therapy was trying to get back to doing things I would normally do before the kids.

"No, let's go." I suggest, much to her surprise. "It'll be fun. I'll find a babysitter – oh, we can try out Sasha girl. We'll call her references, have her come in for an interview. If we like her maybe she can watch the kids for a couple of hours. That can be the trial run before we hire her on a more permanent basis."

"Yeah?" She questions with a raised eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's only two hours. You better start looking for something to wear."

"Alright then, I will. It should be a fun night."

"It usually is." I pick up Mateo and stand up. "I'm going to go up and feed him."

"Okay, I'll fill out the RSVP card. Do you want chicken, fish, steak, or pasta?"

"Surprise me." The rest of the afternoon went pretty smoothly. After I finished nursing Mateo, we decided to walk to the neighborhood park. It's not the kids favorite park, but it has swings, slides, and a decent size jungle gym for them to play on. Arizona and I sat on the bench with Mateo and Gabriel as we watched our two oldest run around all over the place. By the time we got back it was time to start preparing for dinner. Halfway through dinner the twins started crying and it was clear they wanted some extra attention tonight, so our family dinner was cut short. Once Arizona and I got them calm, we started getting Noah and Sofia ready for bed with baths and stories.

"Everyone down?" Arizona asks as I come into a nearly cleaned kitchen.

"Yep…well at least for the time being anyway." I take a seat at the kitchen bar and watch my wife dry her hands off with the dish towel. "So about therapy…"

"Uh-huh." Arizona rounds the kitchen bar and takes a seat next to me, turning her attention towards me. "I gotta be honest, I was glad you suggested it. If not, I was going to. I would've proposed talking to me, but communication hasn't been our strong suit lately."

"Arizona, I'm—"

"No," She holds up her hand to stop me. "It's not on you, babe. I'm just pointing it out. You haven't been yourself and I'm not sure what I can do to help. I want to, I really do, but I don't know what you need from me." She confesses truthfully.

"You've been great." I rest a hand on her upper thigh. "I mean besides my whole mother thing, but that turned out to be okay. I explained how I've been feeling and acting and doctor Thomas said what I was thinking for a few days now." I take a deep breath and gather myself. "She believes I have a mild case of postpartum depression. After the twins came I just haven't been the same. And I love them, I do, you know that. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but that pregnancy really did something to me and it's starting to affect me…and I'm having trouble—" My emotions get the best of me and I feel myself starting to cry again.

"Calliope." Arizona says softly. She gets up from her seat and wraps her arms around me tightly. "It's okay, honey. I'm here, I'm right here." My tears come out faster as she rubs my back. "I love you so much, you know that.

"I know…it's just I feel like something is always wrong with me. It's frustrating and annoying. I just want to feel normal again."

"Listen to me, okay?" She pulls back and I can see wetness in her eyes from crying too. "Nothing is wrong with you." She grabs my cheeks firmly and holds my face. "Nothing is wrong with you. You're just going through something. We all go through stuff. We'll get you back to your old self, I promise."

"I just want to be the person you fell in love with. Not this messed up version of me."

"Calliope Torres, you still are the person I fell in love with. Nothing will ever change that." She wraps her arms around me again and we cry together once more. "Whatever you need, babe. I'm here. I'm always going to be here for you."

"I feel like you're always taking care of me." I reply once we break apart.

"Well I am your wife, Calliope." She grins.

"Trust me, I'm so thankful for that, but we should be doing things together. We should be supporting each other."

"We do. Look I'm there for you, you're there for me. It's how this whole marriage thing works. We have plenty of years left together for you to take care of me." She jokes drying her eyes with the back of her hand and pushing my tears away. "Those four kids we have upstairs are going to drive me crazy and push me to the edge, I'm going to need you to be there for me. I can already feel it coming."

"Ha, you and me both. I'm going to get through this and be better for you and the kids."

"I have no doubt, babe. There's no rush. We're all here for you. The kids can't even tell anything is different, I promise. I'm glad we know what we're dealing with, it'll make things easier going forward. What else did doctor Thomas say?"

"She wants me to continue going to her. She thinks some counseling will be good."

"Good. You know me, I love to talk. If you want me to come with you one time I will."

"I may take you up on that." I pull my wife towards me and wrap me arms around her waist. "I love you."

"Mmm, I never get tired of hearing that." She smiles down at me. Her arms wrap around my neck and she leans down to kiss me. We share a few soft pecks until they turn into something deeper. Lucky for me, she's wearing a V-neck shirt, which gives me open access to her chest. She rolls her head back allowing more space to explore with my mouth. I pull her to sit in my lap as I continue to kiss up and down her neck. My hands slide up the back of her shirt and I bring my left hand to the front of and squeeze her breasts. "Callie?" She whispers in my ear.

"Mhmm, what baby?"

"Don't stop." She replies seductively. I pull her shirt off and throw it on the ground. As sexy as the navy-blue bra looks against her skin, it must go. I unhook the material and toss it to the side as well. Her beautiful, pink erect nipples stare back at me and I grab both of her tits with my hands. I rub my thumbs over the nipples as she connects our mouths again. She plunges her warm tongue in my mouth and tightens her hold around my neck. When we part of air, I dip my head down and suck right breast in my mouth. "I've missed you so much, baby." She says rolling her hips over my thighs.

"I want you so bad, Ari." I begin to unbutton her jeans and stand us both up. I push her pants down halfway and she shimmies her way out of them. I cup her ass and connect our lips again as I walk us back towards the couch in the living room. In the few seconds it takes us to reach the couch, she manages to get all of my clothes off me except for my underwear. We fall onto the sofa with her in my lap. She holds my heavy breasts in her hands, looking at me for permission.

"Is this good?"

"So good, baby. Keep doing that." I close my eyes and lean my head back against the couch lost in complete lust.

"You're so sexy, Calliope. I've wanted to have my hands on your so bad."

"You know what I wanted?" I open my eyes and sit up. "My fingers deep inside your wet pussy and your moaning my name." I drip my hand under her thin underwear and push two fingers into her slowly. We moan together in deep pleasure. She rolls her hips and begins riding my fingers. "Damn, you're so wet." Her arousal starts to heavily coat my fingers.

"All of it is for you." I kiss her again and this time our tongues do a slow, sensual dance together. I push a third finger inside of her and continue working them inside of her.

"That's right, Ari. Keep riding me, fuck my fingers baby. You're making me so wet."

"Mhmmm, is that so?" She pulls on my bottom lip before releasing it. "That's sexy."

"You're sexy." I reply pushing deeper into her, making her shut her eyes in pleasure. She pushes my body down so we're laying horizontal on the couch.

"Two can play this game, baby." She slides a hand down between our bodies and cups my wet pussy under my panties. "Mhmm, Callie you feel so good." I can feel my own arousal covering her hand. She runs two fingers through my slit and even pinches my clit, sending pleasure waves through my body.

"I want you inside me." We lock eyes and she pushes three fingers inside of me, making me briefly stop my own fingers moving in her. My mouth hangs open and my breathing increases as she starts working her talented fingers inside me. "Yes right there, Ari!" We both continue to move inside each other, moving faster and harder. I can feel the muscle in my arm straining, but I push through it to bring her as much pleasure as possible.

"I'm about to cum, baby." She rocks faster and faster against my hand. I have a perfect view of her breasts bouncing in front of me and it's one the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Seconds later her orgasm rips through her body and she falls against my chest. "Fuck, that was amazing, baby." She lifts her head up and pecks my lips. "I was not expecting that."

"Neither was I." We pull out of each other and collect our breaths. "I was just in the mood all of a sudden."

"Well I'm glad for that." She laughs.

"Take these off." I say plucking at her underwear. She stands up and turns around so her back is towards me and slowly pulls down her underwear. "This better?"

"Much." She turns to face me and I stare at her stunning naked body. It really is a work of art. Her full breasts, her smooth stomach, her curvaceous thighs and slender legs. All of her is beautiful.

"The same goes for you too." She kneels down and grabs my legs. I sit up and lift my bottom up so she can pull off my underwear. It's then I realize it's my first time being completely naked in front of her since giving birth. She runs her hand over my scar and leans forward to kiss it, easing my self-conscious thoughts without saying a word. "Scoot closer." I move to the edge of the couch and watch as she spreads my legs apart and open for her.

"Arizona…" She lifts my left leg over her shoulder and moves closer to my wet, throbbing center.

"Just relax, baby." I close my eyes and relish the feeling of her kissing my inner thighs and licking my outer lips. Her tongue finds my clit and she flicks it with her pink muscle before sucking in her mouth. One of her hands comes up and kneads my breast while she continues to suck me. Her warm breath on my pussy drives me wild and I push her head down further. She takes one, long lick between my wet lips and looks up at me with a devilish before doing it again.

"Yes, baby, fuck me with your tongue, Ari…shit, that feels amazing." She flicks my clit again and slides two fingers inside me. I nearly cum again with her licking my clit and curling her fingers inside of me.

"Cum for me, Calliope." She mumbles against me. She curls her fingers again at just the right spot and I lose it. A fresh wave of arousal flows through me and my wife's gifted tongue is there to lap all of it up and milk my orgasm to the end.

"Damn, that was good." Arizona proudly smiles removing her head from between my legs. "You have no idea how good you taste." She straddles my lap again and I pull her in for a wild kiss full of tongue.

"I think I have an idea." I reply when we part for air. "You're a master down there."

"I've been a lesbian my whole life, babe. I've become very familiar with the female anatomy, especially yours." She winks at me. "There's nothing sexier than eating my wife out. To be so close and intimate with you…it gets me hot and bothered just thinking about it."

"I'm getting turned on again hearing you talk like that." I rub my hands up and down her arms. "I know we kinda made a mess down here, but let's take this upstairs."

"Mhmm, yes, I like the sound of that." She gets off my lap and pulls me up with her. "Take me to bed, baby."

Thanks for reading! Thoughts?

To the person who guessed postpartum depression in the comments, you were reading my mind. :)