XXXVII. Open Your Heart
I see you on the street and you walk on by
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry
If you gave me half a chance you'd see
My desire burning inside of me
But you choose to look the other way
I've had to work much harder than this
For something I want don't try to resist me
Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key
I think that you're afraid to look in my eyes
You look a little sad boy, I wonder why
I follow you around but you can't see
You're too wrapped up in yourself to notice
So you choose to look the other way
Well, I've got something to say
Don't try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to
Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key
Open your heart with the key
One is such a lonely number
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Open your heart, I'll make you love me
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key
Don't try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to
Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key
Open your heart with the key
Open your heart, I'll make you love meIt's not that hard, if you just turn the key
Open your heart, I'll make you love me
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key...
Ain't No Other Man is the property of Christina Aguilera.
I'll Remember is the property of Madonna.
Low rumbles of talking can be heard from backstage, lasting for about five minutes, but to Manny it's more like an eternity. All the rehearsals, the dress buying, the anxiety leading to this moment, the last twenty minutes of Miss Degrassi. It's not really who will win that she cares about. No, she's more amped to leave the stage, face her father, which now brings more excitement than dread, and find out what he has to say.
"I wish they'd hurry up already," complains Heather. "Gosh, how long does it take to cross out a couple names?"
'Maybe it's tight," says Hazel, adjusting the lavender clip on the back of her hair.
"Between you and Rhinochuk?" says Heather, nodding at Paige. "Please. They're just thinking up ways to let you guys down gently."
"Nose jokes, so last semester," counters Paige, narrowing her eyes at Heather.
"Fine, be unaffected," says Heather, checking her lipstick in a compact mirror. "Hope you're all wearing waterproof mascara. Tears of defeat can really do a number on your mug. Then again, Paige has that perpetual scowl, Emma's got chubby cheeks, Hazel always has dead eyes, and Manny's...got this permanent, dreamy-eyed, blank look. Nah, tears might be a good cover actually."
Heather hums, walks over to the make-up mirror as the other girls trade annoyed looks. That would be another plus to the pageant ending. No more Heather, thinks Manny. At all.
"Are Alex's friends big enough to take her down?" whispers Emma, nudging Paige.
They all giggle quietly, are surprised when they hear Spinner's voice breaking through.
"Ladies, will you please join me onstage?" says Spinner.
Manny breathes in and out, then resumes her place behind Emma. They walk out, to a subdued crowd. The quiet is nerve-racking more than polite. She spots Alyssa, wriggling in her seat, staring back at her with hopeful eyes. Some of the other center kids are there too, her identifying Taylor, Ryan, Henry, and a bit surprising to her, Beth. She hopes they are enjoying the show; it was always tough to say with kids.
"Before we announce our final three, I'd like to tell you a little bit more about our amazing final five," says Spinner. "Starting with...Hazel Aden."
Hazel approaches the runway, the satin lavender skirt of her dress twinkling under the lights. Jimmy whistles, while the audience claps.
"Hazel Aden is a long-time member of the Spirit Squad, managing editor of the yearbook committee, has served on numerous semi-formal committees, and volunteers at many of her mosque's functions. She enjoys shopping, cheering, and community service," reads Spinner off a notecard.
Hazel turns back around, strides confidently back to her spot.
"Next we have Heather Sinclair," says Spinner.
Heather glides down the runway, mouthing "hello" while the audience cheers. To her disappointment, Manny notes that the dress is still getting appreciative glances and comments.
"Heather has won numerous dance competitions, and is currently the Toronto Junior Celtic Dance champion. At Degrassi, she's on yearbook committee, does the morning announcements, and serves on the disciplinary committee. She enjoys theater, doing charity work, and helping others."
Heather nods in agreement to Spinner's comments, twirls so the shiny black fabric of her gown can make one more impression, and returns to the line.
"Up next is Emma Nelson," says Spinner, widely grinning at Emma.
Emma shrugs, walks forward. Manny has to give Emma credit. The white gown, with spaghetti straps and simple beading on the back, was retrieved by Spike in a thrift store, and cost so much less than Heather's, but it shaped Emma amazingly. The haircut they had to give her because of her freak-out over Darcy's comment was unnoticeable since Emma kept her hair clasped in a bun for the entire night. I'm proud of her, thinks Manny. She was definitely no ravine queen tonight. Pure class.
"Emma is head of SITE, Degrassi's environmental club. She's also a frequent contributor to the school newspaper, the Grapevine, student council secretary, and was a member of the Academic Quiz bowl team. She loves the beach, campaigning for animal rights, and dancing."
Emma nods at her parents, smiles at Jack as he happily squeals.
"Coming up, we have Manuella Santos," says Spinner.
Manny immediately smiles, her heels, her feet a bit tired at this point, moving down the runway. Her pulse races, and she can feel trickles of sweat at the base of her neck.
"Manuella is an active member of Degrassi's drama club, and an accomplished actress with one film already under her belt. Her film, Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh?, will premiere this March in Toronto," reads Spinner.
Accomplished actress? Wow, that's a bit much, thinks Manny, but it did produce a smile out of her mother so that's good. The reaction of her father to that she can't see because of a blinding spotlight. She continues to smile, though.
"Currently, she also volunteers as an assistant teacher to Ms. O' Neill's class at the community center here," finishes Spinner.
Before he can continue, a chorus of young, happy voices cheer. Manny laughs quietly along with the crowd. Her students were obviously excited to hear their class mentioned. Spinner appears befuddled for a second, but moves on.
"Last but not least, Paige Michalchuk," says Spinner.
The audience claps again, as Manny passes Paige. Manny stands between Emma and Heather, as Paige goes to the centerof the runway.
"Paige is the captain of the Spirit Squad, the head of the yearbook committee and the semi-formal committee, and the advice columnist for the Grapevine. She also works part-time at the Degrassi mall movie theater. She enjoys fashion design, hockey games, and a facial whenever she can get it," reads Spinner.
Warm laughter fills the room. Paige bows timidly, starts to walk to the other girls, but Spinner grabs her hand.
"And...she's the first ever winner of Miss Congeniality for Miss Degrassi," announces Spinner, giving her a little hug.
Paige puts her hands to her cheeks, then claps excitedly as Ms. Hatzilakos stands, walks up the stairs, and places a pink sash, reading Miss Congeniality in blue lettering, over her head. Everyone applauds, Downtown Sasquatch and Alex the most.
"Thank you!" cries Paige, after hugging Ms. Hatzilakos.
Ms. Hatzilakos goes back to her seat, and Paige, teary-eyed, retreats to the other girls.
"Congratulations!" whispers Manny and Emma to Paige.
"Thank you," whispers Paige.
Hazel throws a shy, but pleased look in Paige's direction. Manny wonders what that meant, maybe that they can be friends again? There's no time to really ponder it over as Spinner opens another card. The results. Manny clasps her hands in front of her.
"And now our final three," says Spinner, smiling. "First..."
All the girls take each other's hands, though Manny really didn't want to touch Heather's.
"Emma Nelson!" exclaims Spinner, motioning for Emma to come to the front.
Emma goes pale, looks as if she's about to fall, but Manny nudges her in the right direction. Regaining her balance, Emma beams, practically runs to where she needs to be. Manny glances at Heather, who looks mystified. Yes, celebrates Manny inwardly, as she claps for her friend.
"Okay, can you feel the suspense?" says Spinner. "You wanna know the others?"
"Yes!" shout a few people.
"Alright...um, Hazel, how about you join Miss Nelson then?" laughs Spinner.
"Yes!" shouts Jimmy."Yes!"
Hazel jumps up and down a little in her tall heels, hugs Manny. Awww, Hazel so deserves this, and she'd finally get noticed no matter what place she got, thinks Manny. Well, she'd be in the paper at least. Hazel walks quickly to Emma, squeezes Emma's hand. To her surprise, Manny sees Heather's expression go blank. It's no wonder, because Heather is staring at her mother, who even with her sunglasses on, appears very upset. Manny guesses Heather figured she'd be one of the first two called, and the chances were definitely shrinking that she'd get in. Manny's sure that wherever she lands her parents wouldn't belittle her, but if Heather didn't make top three, Miss Sinclair would totally do that to Heather.
She'll get in, Manny assures herself. She'll get in.
"And who is joining Miss Nelson and Miss Aden?" teases Spinner. "Who could our third lucky lady be?"
"Michalchuk!" yells Alex.
"Sinclair!" speaks up Katie, pumping her fist in the air.
"Manny!" shouts Beth. "I mean...Santos!"
Tears start to form in Heather's eyes, and Manny gives Heather's hand a light squeeze. Heather throws her a cold look.
"And the last contestant competing for a chance to be Miss Degrassi is...," begins Spinner.
"Come on!" shouts J.T.
"Manuella Santos, come on down," supplies Spinner, winking at Manny.
Manny lets Heather's hand go, chills running throughout her entire body. What? They must've really, really liked her answer to the question. I'm in the final, she thinks as she positions herself between Hazel and Emma. I'm in the final!
Heather's eyes drop to the floor, while Paige keeps on a strained smile.
"Miss Sinclair, Miss Michalchuk, you've been wonderful," says Spinner. "Haven't they, folks?"
The crowd claps in agreement, Alex, Katie, and a couple others standing. Paige waves to the audience one more time, Heather slowly following her offstage. The lights dim as Alex and the others sit back down.
"In our final round, each contestant will be asked the same question," says Spinner. "It has been randomly selected by myself, and the contestants have no knowledge of what the question will be. Up first, Emma Nelson."
Emma twists her necklace awkwardly, then walks to Spinner. Manny smiles. In her pretty white gown and his tuxedo, they looked like a couple on top of a wedding cake.
"Miss Nelson," says Spinner, then reading his card. "What characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?"
Manny closes her eyes, shakes her head. What a tough question. A tough, layered question. Emma and Hazel would sail through this, and she'd totally flop. Emma seems to like the question, though, launching into an answer immediately.
"A true Miss Degrassi cares about those around her," answers Emma. "She always tries to do what is right, and leads with her conscience, no matter the cost. She's strong-willed, mature, and intelligent. All of that is becoming to a modern woman, and to a Miss Degrassi. Thanks."
The answer draws very loud applause, especially from Spike, who wipes tears sliding down her nose. No longer filming, perhaps because he's too excited, Snake puts an arm around Spike, obviously proud, while Jack has fallen asleep on his lap.
"Thank you, Miss Nelson," says Spinner, then indicating for Hazel to come up to him. "Miss Aden, what characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?"
Hazel bites her lip, clearly thinking hard, but smiles and replies.
"A true Miss Degrassi is a role model, serving as an example to her fellow students. She is active, compassionate, with her mind fixed on aiding in whatever areas she can. She's cool, calm, collected, but not afraid to show her school spirit. Thank you, Mr. Mason."
Ms. Hatzilakos claps very loudly, then writes down several things as the cheers for Hazel sound through Manny's ears. Two amazing answers. Get ready for my lame response, sighs Manny, walking to Spinner.
Manny pretends to right her sash, but she's really checking on how fast her heart is going. The thumping is so fast, so intense. She's surprised no one hears it through the microphone. She can't do this. She can't. It's not like the scene where she knew the lines, had Toby there to support her. Instinctively, she searches for him again. He's in the same seat, near the back, hands firmly together in his lap. He nods his head at her, mouths "come on." Come on, Manny, she also tells herself. Come on.
"Miss Santos, what characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?" asks Spinner.
"A true Miss Degrassi is someone who you can identify with," says Manny, surprised the words are in fact tumbling out. "She should be someone you can approach, confide in, trust. A friend."
She glances at Toby, who stares so lovingly at her she almost loses focus. Or maybe she wants it to be lovingly, when it's really not.
"At the same time, you should be inspired by her," says Manny. "Inspired to change and make yourself better, even if it means being a bit different. Sometimes being different or feeling different is worth it. So Miss Degrassi should be a friend and an inspiration. Thank you."
Staggeringly loud cries erupt, then very enthusiastic applause. It surprises her, and thankfully, her heart slows down when she, Hazel, and Emma take center stage.
"Thanks you ladies. In five minutes, we will return and crown our first ever Miss Degrassi," says Spinner into the microphone.
The three girls walk off, go to the backstage, where Paige is receiving flowers from her parents who Darcy lets in. Manny is glad Paige doesn't look too disappointed, smiling as Mrs. Michalchuk snaps a picture with Paige and her father side by side. Heather, on the other hand, looks mortified, quietly sobbing in a chair. Manny fetches a tissue, goes to her.
"Tissue from dreamy-eyed girl?" offers Manny.
Heather takes it from her, wipes her nose viciously.
"I didn't know you were Junior Dance champ," says Manny, recalling something positive to make her cheer up. "That's...huge. In a big city like T.O...winning that."
"Yep," breathes Heather. "And I didn't work at those places either."
"What?" says Manny.
Heather smirks, red eyes focused on Manny. "You work at this center. Coincidence that you've been frontrunner since day one? I think not. And your two close friends get in. Behold the bias."
Manny sighs. She is so sick of Heather and her little conspiracy theories, or insults, or whatever nonsense comes out of her fake mouth. Let her think what she wants, say what she wants.
"You brought this on yourself," says Manny. "I hope you feel a little bad due to all the stuff you've done...at least. I wish you would. And even if you don't, and you hate me, I still don't want you to get ripped apart by someone who shall remain nameless."
Heather frowns, wipes her eyes.
"You learned it from her," whispers Manny. "But that doesn't mean you have to be like her."
Manny shoots Heather a knowing look, sees Emma waving at her, walks to the side of the stage. She stares back at Heather, who cries even more.
II.
"Will the final three please join me center stage?" asks Spinner, nodding at the three girls hovering in the wings.
Spinner's voice sounds so far away in Manny's head. Before, it was just Spinner's regular voice, increased in volume by the microphone, but now it almost sounds like he's not in the same building as she is. Thankfully, all the questions were answered, and that didn't matter.
Hazel, Emma, and Manny loop arms, walk out together. Hazel suggested it, and Manny was happy with the arrangement, Emma's elbow brushing her waist. Any support she could get...fine by her.
"I will now reveal the results, decided on by our judges, Mr. Harold Vance, Ms. Colleen Dale, and Ms. Daphne Hatzilakos. But first, a round of applause for our pageant coordinator, Ms. Theresa Tellman, and our volunteers."
Ms. Tellman stands, her hair in a demure ponytail, wearing a navy blue business suit, with gold buttons, probably because they were Degrassi's colors.
"And it's been my pleasure to be your host this evening," says Spinner, doing a small bow.
Appreciative cheers greet Spinner, and Emma looks proudly on. Manny pokes Emma playfully.
"Our second runner-up receives a gift certificate for a free day of beauty at the Palm Grove Spa, a chain of spas with over seventy-five locations," says Spinner.
Nice prize, thinks Manny. Okay, so it wasn't the prize, but her answer wasn't on the level of Hazel and Emma's, so it would do. Liberty and Ms. Hatzilakos come on stage, bearing three bouquets between them, Liberty holding the scholarship check as well.
"Our second runner-up is...," says Spinner, opening a sealed card. "Emma Nelson!"
Whoa, but to Manny's relief, it doesn't seem to faze Emma. Spinner hugs her, hands her the certificate, and Emma waves it around.
"Yeah Emma!" shouts Snake.
"You're gorgeous!" exclaims Spike.
"Thank you!" replies Emma, as Liberty presents her with a bouquet of white roses.
Emma moves to the right of the stage, still beaming. Well, first runner-up...that was big. Hazel's interview book would secure her with the win, the win she wanted so bad, and she'd more than settle for second. Manny takes Hazel's hand, Hazel grinning nervously, almost a pained grin.
"Our first runner-up receives a monetary gift of two hundred and fifty dollars to use for her education, provided by the Rotary Club," says Spinner. "Should our Miss Degrassi be unable to fulfill the requirements of her title, the first-runner up will take her place. Miss Degrassi will receive the crown, a consultation with our talent agent Ms. Colleen Dale, a scholarship of an undisclosed amount, and the honor of being our first Miss Degrassi. Ladies, you've worked hard. Good luck."
Manny and Hazel hug each other from the side, their heads laying against each other's. She stares at her students, who look so excited, especially Alyssa, who's standing now, practically bouncing up and down. J.J. and her parents are sitting up in their chairs too, and she can see her father this time, blinking blankly, directly at her. Then, she finds Toby, beams when she sees him crossing his fingers. They'd have to settle for second, just like her mother settled for third way back when.
"Our first runner-up is...," begins Spinner.
"Good luck," whispers Manny to Hazel.
"You too," returns Hazel.
"Our first runner-up is...Hazel Aden!" shouts Spinner. "Which means our first Miss Degrassi is Manuella Santos."
The cheers from the audience nearly break Manny's ears. No, she heard it wrong, she heard it wrong. Manny starts to cry, kneels a little.
"It's you, Manny!" whispers Hazel, collecting her in her arms, helping her rise. "Come on!"
In Hazel's arms, she can still hear the enthusiasm, the applause, the happiness. Her heart is going fast, but it's a better type of fast. When's the last time she cried this much because she was happy? Man, she can barely think.
Manny lets out a deep breath, as Liberty first presents a bouquet to Hazel, and then one to Manny. White roses for Hazel, and red roses for her. She can barely hold on to the scholarship check Liberty also hands her. Her fingers are shaking too violently. Body's totally not working, sighs Manny in her head.
"Awww, Manny," whispers Liberty, hugging her gently. "It's okay."
Manny reluctantly pulls away, facing the crowd, who have risen to their feet. She never really saw how many people were here tonight, only keeping track of her family, her students, and Toby. I'm an emotional wreck in front of how many?
"Go Manny!" yells J.T.
Out of the corner of her blurry eye, she can see Derek advancing with a pillow. The shine from the tiara glitters. No, she never thought she'd wear that.
"Well-deserved, Miss Santos," praises Derek. "Spin, a little help."
"Oh...yeah," says Spinner, tucking his cards under his armpit.
Derek and Spin put it on top of Manny's head, several cameras going off, including Spike's and her father's. Liberty comes up from behind, helps fixes it to her hair when the boys start struggling. Hatzilakos also slides a new sash over her head, a gold sash with Miss Degrassi on it. Miss Degrassi. Her? So not happening. Can't, but it is.
"Presenting our first Miss Degrassi," says Spinner, holding up Manny's hand.
"Thank you!" sobs Manny when Spinner puts the microphone in front of it. "Everyone! Man, this tiara is really heavy."
The audience roars, Manny's students squealing with delight. Alyssa starts to cry, smiling, making Manny cry harder. For the first time, the judges are on their feet too. Manny wipes her eyes furiously, goes down the runway, her sash sliding a little. How she was going to be composed doing this walk she didn't know. I look a hot mess probably, sighs Manny inwardly.
She moves anyway, locking eyes with people occasionally, mouthing "thank you." So many people had helped her get here. Her mother, her friends, eventually her father, and...Toby? Where is he?
Over the heads of a few people, she finally makes him out. He's clapping so wildly, for her, for only her. She looks directly at his eyes, underneath his glasses.
"Thank you, Toby," she mouths, though she's not sure he can make it out with all the cheering going on.
She swears she sees his mouth move, hears "you're welcome."
III.
Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon, you got soul, you got class.
Blue and gold streamers hang from the ceiling, same-colored balloons affixed to the corners. Toby had never been to the gym of the community center, and it was pretty big, big enough to hold all the family members, the contestants, and the press, who were currently swirling around Manny. It was the one time he was glad he was shut off from her. The afterparty was busy regardless, so he probably wouldn't get to congratulate her for quite some time.
She looks so happy, he thinks. She answered the questions like a pro, looked like a dream. His heart barely beat before Spinner said the words. He was so nervous for her. He knew she was going to take it, but she did look fearful a couple times.
Standing behind a few reporters and phtographers, clicking away at Manny, flanked by Emma and Hazel, Toby smiles.
"Manny, what does it feel like?" asks a reporter. "You're the first Miss Degrassi!"
"Amazing...scary...funtastic," stammers Manny.
"She invents words," says Emma, wrapping an arm around Manny's waist.
"I'm...I'm speechless," beams Manny. "Ah, I can't think!"
"Borrow my interview book!" says Hazel.
They all laugh, other reporters assaulting Manny with questions, sometimes throwing in one for Hazel or Emma. Toby backs up, goes over to the refreshment table. He reaches for a cookie, feels someone touch his shoulder.
"She'll probably be all over the papers," guesses Clara, presenting him with a couple cookies. "Sugar cookies, your fave."
"Thanks," says Toby. "And yeah, she's going to be everywhere tomorrow."
"They're playing Christina Aguilera in here," mutters Clara. "They couldn't pony up the cash to get your sister's band to play this party too?"
Toby chuckles. "I don't think Craig or Ashley would want to play anymore, especially if it's songs like 'Dancing Queen'."
"Point taken, but they were good," compliments Clara.
"They were," agrees Toby.
"And Manny was too...I thought she deserved it," says Clara, clearly reluctant to get it out.
Toby grins at Clara. He knows that had to be hard to say, and he couldn't imagine her being behind the camera all night, watching the scene between them, wondering what was going on between him and Manny. What she doesn't know is he's wondering the same thing.
A slower song starts up, Clara glancing shyly at Toby. Toby finishes eating, wipes his face with a napkin. In a way, Manny is right. He cares for her, but he does pity her. J.T. is more right. It isn't right to lead her on.
"I'd like to dance with you, Toby," says Clara. "I mean, Manny's preoccupied, right?"
Toby takes her hand. This would be a good time to break it off, explain that he appreciated her waiting, but that the wait isn't going to lead to what she wants.
"Okay," says Toby, leading her out to the floor.
Clara grins giddily, putting her hands behind Toby's head. Toby notices Hazel coming out to the floor, locating Jimmy, hugging him. He glances at Manny, wondering if she's done with the press too. Nope. Ms. Hatzilakos has her arm around Manny, talking to the reporters.
"Clara, I care about you a lot," says Toby, facing Clara. "Your uncle...and you. It felt nice when you guys came over."
"I thought it felt nice too," sighs Clara, her cheeks reddening.
"But the thing is...," begins Toby.
"The thing is you care about me," says Clara, smiling. "Toby, I'm not blind. I know you're head over heels for Miss Degrassi...before she was Miss Degrassi even."
Toby swallows a lump in his throat, looks down.
"But she is Miss Degrassi," points out Clara. "If you date her, when you go to school, it'll be so stressful for you. I don't want that for you. Hasn't it been stressful while we've been on break?"
"Yeah," whispers Toby.
"People aren't always nice, Toby. They judge who you are, who you date."
"It might...might be like that at first," stammers Toby. "But..."
"No, no, Toby," insists Clara, looking behind him. "It'd be all the time. And she's always been in love with Craig. I know it, you know it, the world knows it. If she rejects you, it'd crush you."
Craig? She acted like...backstage, she acted like she wanted him. Admittedly, it has been weeks, and it was tough to get over a four-year crush in weeks, but Manny seems willing. To try, at least. Plus her and Craig didn't work the second time around. What if that is true, and she leaves? Then yeah, he'd be the safety guy.
Toby lowers Clara's hands, shakes his head. Clara nods her head in one direction, and Toby sees it. Manny and Craig talking, Manny smiling while the press begin to pack up their stuff.
"I...um, have to find my dad," says Toby, patting Clara on the arm.
"Oh, okay," says Clara. "But um...I also wanted to say that I'd really like it if you did what we talked about. Not the workshop thing, though I'd love that. You know...you coming to camp, and making a decision. Especially if you care about me. You care, right?"
"I care," whispers Toby.
Clara smiles shyly, walks past Toby.
Yes, he cares. He just hoped Manny cared enough to let Craig go, and to give him some time. Still, he would let her enjoy tonight, wouldn't bother her. That's one thing Clara said that he is totally sure about. She deserves it.
IV.
"One reporter asked me what hairspray I used," informs Manny, holding on to her tiara which despite Spinner and Derek's best efforts, would slip now and again.
"Because that's the most important question ever," jokes Craig. "No, but congratulations. I knew you would win."
"I didn't know," confesses Manny.
"Come on," says Craig. "After that scene? Wow. How long did you and Toby work on that?"
Manny wasn't sure how much to tell, and even if Craig should know.
"Not long," waves off Manny. "The Squatch was putting it down tonight, though."
"Thanks," says Craig.
No longer with any words, Manny hugs Craig. This used to be the moment when she'd feel her heart go all out of sorts, the moment she lived for. Tonight, however, it's sweet, light, a little safe. A friendly safe.
"Um...," says Craig, awkwardly. "I heard this gossip."
Manny pulls away. "Gossip?"
"Don't bite my head off, but I heard...you and Toby were...uh...a thing?"
She blushes, brushes some hair out of her face. Craig laughs, clearly amused.
"You do know Toby and Ashley are semi-related, right?" kids Craig.
"So?" whispers Manny.
"Why, Manny Santos...hmmm," says Craig.
"Hmmm is right," says Manny, hitting him in the thigh with her bouquet.
Craig shrugs. "I don't know what to say."
"I don't know what to say either," sighs Manny. "He might want to be friends anyway. There's stuff that we have to deal with. I'm thinking...let him go maybe?"
"Letting people go is easier said than done," says Craig. "If it's not working, then it's time. But if there are feelings, you should...you should try."
Manny holds the bouquet to her chest. She really doesn't want to tell Toby that she wants to be friends. She wants to tell him that she was up for the risk, that they'd wade through the trust issues and the doubts because there are feelings. And Craig's right. Feelings can trump other things.
"Thanks," says Manny.
"Meh, some advice from your jerky ex," says Craig. "Have fun tonight."
Craig squeezes Manny's hand, makes his way over to Marco and Ellie.
Manny begins searching for Toby, but instead spies her family huddled in a corner. They were seated at a table with Spike, Snake, and Jack. Manny guesses Spinner and Emma are probably off making out somewhere. Or had they kissed yet? They were so strange she didn't know what was up.
She walks to the table, greeted with light clapping from all of them.
"I think Jack fell in love tonight," says Snake, Jack wiggling his feet and squealing at Manny.
Manny laughs, takes a seat, receives a kiss from her mother.
"And he needs to be changed," says Spike, taking Jack, scrunching up her nose. "Hand over the son."
"I could use some air too," says Snake, following her.
"Stinky boy," says Ms. Santos, chuckling. "And beautiful girl. Manny, I'm so proud."
"You were a true Filipina beauty queen," agrees J.J. "And I won the bet I had going with my roommate. He owes me twenty bucks."
Manny smiles, glances at her father. He isn't smiling. Oh, boy, she thought he'd be proud too. Maybe she embarrassed him with all that crying when she won.
"Dad...did you like the show?" stutters Manny, stroking the tablecloth.
"I...didn't like that boy with the loose pants," answers Joseph.
"Oh, J.T...yeah, that was a little spur-of-the-moment," says Manny, putting down her bouquet.
"But the rest," says Joseph, softly. "The rest was good. And you were very lady-like."
Her entire face grows flushed, as Joseph takes her in her arms, kisses her forehead.
"And we have something for you," adds her mother.
J.J. pops his collar, digs in his inside coat pocket, presents Manny with a long velvet box. Manny props it open, her breath increasing in tempo. It's a long silver necklace, with a very small, but beautiful encrusted emerald at the end.
"It was my mother's," says Joseph, unfastening it.
Manny holds up her hair, lets Joseph put it on, her breath still going fast.
"She acted like a real princess," says Joseph. "And now you are. I'd be proud if you wore it, not that I'm not proud of you already."
Manny beams, twirling it, the necklace hanging over the one Toby gave her. She really can't say which one means more to her, but her father saying he was proud of her won over both pieces of jewelry.
"Thank you, Daddy," whispers Manny, hugging him.
"Wear it to your movie premiere!" suggests J.J. "We want to go to that too."
"All of you?" asks Manny, letting Joseph go, staring hopefully at him.
"All of us," replies Joseph.
Manny hugs him one more time, pretty sure she's hugged the entire world tonight, but touched the most by this one. Then, she remembers the provider of her other necklace.
"Someone's missing," says Manny, releasing Joseph. "I'll...I'll be back."
She starts moving through the dance floor, receiving congratulations from Marco, Jimmy, some other students. Then, she sees Toby, sitting alone at a table, clearly thinking about something. If it was her, she'd be enthused, but he's probably not. Tip-toeing up to him, she places her hands over his eyes.
"Don't peek," whispers Manny in his ear .
"You got away from all that?" asks Toby, smiling, taking her hands down.
"For you? Yeah," replies Manny. "Come over and meet some people?"
By the way he acted after the scene, she wouldn't be surprised if he said no. Then again, he usually said yes. Hopefully, this will be the same.
"Okay," agrees Toby.
Manny and Toby walk side by side to her family, her mother instantly standing and shaking Toby's hand. She can see sweat forming on Toby's brow. Manny smiles at him, to make him less antsy.
"Toby!" says her mother. "Oh, you look so handsome. I loved...loved your acting."
"Thanks," says Toby. "But Manny...Manny's the real star."
"She is," agrees J.J. "But you were good too, man."
"Hi, Mr. Santos," greets Toby.
"You had the night off from the video store?" asks Joseph.
"Yeah," says Toby. "My boss is covering."
"Wait...you two have met?" asks Manny, looking from her father to Toby.
"I went to the store one day," supplies Joseph. "Nice place."
"I like it," says Toby, still sweating. "It's...there's tapes."
Toby rolls his eyes, clearly embarrassed with himself.
"And a floor," adds Manny, stamping her foot resolutely. "Tapes and a floor. It's perfect, high-class, all you could want."
They all laugh, Snake and Spike returning with Spinner and Emma at that moment. Emma had replaced her heels with sneakers, and Spinner's tie was undone.
"Second runner-ups don't have to wear heels!" gushes Emma, sticking her tongue out at Manny.
"Is that a prize?" asks Mrs. Santos.
"No, but this is," says Emma, patting Spinner's chest.
"Sick," groans Manny.
"Ha ha," says Emma, dryly. "You and Toby should come with us out on the dance floor."
Manny raises her eyebrows at Toby, who shrugs at her. He might not want to. Ugh, now she feels like back-tracking on what she said to Craig, go with her first instinct and tell him she wants to be friends. Emma can tell what I'm thinking, guesses Manny, receiving a half-smile from Emma.
"Mom? Dad?" says Manny.
"Go with your friends," encourages Mrs. Santos, winking at her. "And Toby."
Manny blushes. "Thanks, Mom."
The four of them approaching the dance floor, music streaming out of the speakers in front of a deejay booth, Emma's ex, Chris, spinning behind it. Manny forgot he still went to this school. Oh, well, she thinks, letting Toby wrap his arms around her waist. She can't forget how good this is, though, letting her arms go around Toby's head. Their dances were always amazing, too amazing to forget. The one at the ski lodge, the one during their date, and this one, this one is sweetest of all. But she's about to make it less sweet.
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
"I thought you left after the scene," says Manny.
"Had to return that pocket watch," explains Toby. "And I...I wouldn't have left."
"I know," breathes Manny.
"Congratulations," says Toby, rubbing her back. "You...you were wonderful. Are wonderful. You blew me away."
The feeling's more than mutual, thinks Manny. But she has to get things on the right track again. The florescent lights burn her eyes, and her eyes glide from the frilly pink streamers hanging from the basketball hoops to Chris swaying to the soft rhythm of the song to Emma running her hand through Spinner's hair.
And I'll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
And I'll remember the way that you saved me
I'll remember
"You should...should go to camp with no worries," says Manny, her body moving in sync with his.
"Okay?" says Toby, giving her a puzzled look.
"I have to tell you that...that I want us to be friends," chokes out Manny, a sour taste forming in her mouth. "It's for the best."
Ugh, lies tasted so horrible. Manny turns her head, continues to sway. Toby stops, however, shakes his head at her.
"I knew it," whispers Toby.
Toby starts walking quickly through the crowd. Manny's mouth drops. She thought this would be a relief for him. Running after him, she ignores all the comments directed at her this time, locates Toby heading down a hallway.
"Toby!" shouts Manny.
"Leave me alone!" says Toby, glancing back at her, still walking.
"Where are you going?" calls out Manny.
"I can't...can't stay here," says Toby.
She hates seeing him go, hates that he's confused as much as her. How many days would they have to go through this confusion? All she knows is that when she's kissing him, it's not confusing, or when they're having fun, or when it all seems so right it blows her away.
Toby's footsteps echo down the corridor, the sound slamming in her head, over the music, over everything, a cold echo that moves her heart, moves her to speak.
"Toby, I'm in love with you!" shouts Manny.
He stalls, turning around, smiles. That's good. He's smiling, the biggest smile she's ever seen on his face. And her saying those words made her warm all over, like they'd been sitting in her chest for all this time.
"You paid for the camp?" says Toby, softly.
"Yes," whispers Manny, turning red.
Toby's smile fades, and she's not sure that's good. What, didn't he at least like that? Toby goes to her, shaking his head. Manny lets her head fall, listening to him move, but she's surprised when he tips her head up, places his lips on hers. Manny sighs happily, lets the kiss grow deeper and deeper. Maybe it's because they haven't kissed in awhile, but she can feel her body go numb in a really delicious way. Toby's hand runs through her hair, something different for them, but she likes it, really likes it. It results in her crown toppling to the floor.
"Mmm," says Toby, reaching for it.
"Forget it," says Manny, pulling him back to her.
She kisses him some more, laying her palms on his cheeks, then lets go.
"This is the part where you say it back," says Manny, rubbing her lips.
"Ummmm," says Toby, shifting his gaze to the ground.
"I'll help," jokes Manny, grinning. "Manny, I love..."
Manny attempts to get him to stare at her again, but he's not budging, not budging at all. Toby bends down, retrieves the tiara.
"You're Miss Degrassi, Manny," says Toby, handing it to Manny.
"Yeah, I know," says Manny, shrugging.
"And I'm...going to computer camp," laughs Toby, nervously. "I like studying software and playing RPGs and reading comics."
"I read the newspaper comics," offers Manny, weakly. "Charlie Brown...he's the man."
"Manny," says Toby, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Go back to your party."
Toby throws her a sad look, then heads down the hall.
"No," whispers Manny to herself, trailing him.
By the time Manny catches up to him, Toby's at his car, about to put his keys in the door. Manny blocks him, standing between him and the door.
"Manny!" exclaims Toby. "What are you doing?"
"Maybe I shouldn't tell you," snaps Manny. "How does that feel, Toby, huh? Being on the other end and not hearing what you want to hear?"
Toby blows out a deep breath, Manny seeing a snowflake fall to the collar of his coat. She shivers, her shoulders bare to the cold because of her gown, but she won't break eye contact. This isn't fair. She told him something big, and nothing? Toby takes off his coat, tries to put it over her.
"No," says Manny, gently knocking the coat away.
"You'll get sick!" exclaims Toby.
"I don't care!" sobs Manny, tears spilling out of her eyes. "And you don't care either."
"I do!" insists Toby. "But I promised...I promised her I'd wait."
"Clara?" asks Manny.
Toby nods solemnly. "I don't want to hurt her."
"You're hurting me!" exclaims Manny. "You can't kiss me like that if..."
Manny starts to cough, so cold her lips are shivering, Toby managing to put the coat over her. Snow is coating everything. The parking lot, their clothes, Toby's glasses.
"And the other thing is," says Toby. "I really don't think you need a boyfriend right now."
"Because I'm a mess?" says Manny, frowning.
"No, because it's all coming together," says Toby. "Your dad's cheering you on, you're meeting with the agent. Other stuff you should be focusing on. Not to mention all this new Miss Degrassi stuff."
"I want to focus on us too," says Manny, rubbing his arm. "I love you. I love you so much, Toby."
"Please don't this to me, Manny," whispers Toby, tearing up. "Please."
She didn't want Toby to cry over this. But why, why was he making this so difficult? His loyalty to Clara is driving her up a wall. On the other hand, he kisses her, looks at her, treats her like he's in love with her too.
"Toby, king of mixed signals," whispers Manny, coldly. "If I was a carbon copy of Clara, I bet you wouldn't be so mixed up."
Toby unlocks his car door, gets in, a couple tears going down his nose.
"If you were anyone else, I wouldn't have fallen for you," says Toby, then shutting the door.
Great, thinks Manny, her heart speeding up as she watches him drive out of the lot. Another Toby bombshell that made her hopeful. Manny puts on her tiara again, wraps the coat around her, sheltering herself from the bitter wind. She goes inside, stops in the same spot where she said "I love you", aware she has to get through the rest of the party somehow. Leaning against a locker, she stares at that same spot, that same song still playing.
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why.
I'll remember.
She'd find some way to make him remember, remember that she's worth the risk too.