Chapter 35: Here is Gone
The shots from the news helicopters don't do it justice. As we pass into Midgar's airspace, a quiet comes over the helicopter's cabin. I take in the view of Midgar's damaged skyline. Naturally, my gaze is drawn to the ShinRa HQ complex and the tower that is a giant over the rest of the city. Half of the ShinRa tower is missing. A huge gash cuts through maybe floors 30 through 70. How many ShinRa employees died in there, I wonder? An odd, displaced feeling comes over me as I realize that our floor, the Turk floor, is destroyed as well.
The rest of the complex looks relatively unscathed except for where pieces of the tower crushed the buildings below. The tower is leaning dangerously and looks like it could collapse any second now. The rest of the city is a mess of tangled and decimated buildings. Probably a result of those freak tornadoes that were reportedly blood-red in color with strength that went past any classification system. Miraculously, some sectors fared better than others, and while some were completely obliterated, others have just a few damaged buildings and infrastructure. Sector 8 is in good shape from what I can tell from the sky.
"Damn, what a mess," Reno says from the pilot's seat after a moment, his voice in my ear through the headsets. That sums up our sentiments perfectly. Tseng is next to him. I'm in the back.
"There's nothing we can do about it right now," Tseng says.
We land the helicopter near the back of the ShinRa building where it is sectioned off by electrified fences. This is where some of the private executive entrances into the building are, too.
Tseng doesn't want us to linger in the building because it may be unstable. We're to go to the 5 separate tech rooms and retrieve the company's data. He hands us all black memory sticks. Apparently, we're supposed to retrieve all of ShinRa's data and these sticks can hold all of that information. Once the transfers are complete, it should wipe it all from the hard drives. Then we'll have to reactivate the building's defense systems and leave within 10 minutes of that. Tseng will activate them once we're back at the helicopter.
"Doesn't sound very secure," I comment as we enter through the executive entrances. It's quiet, eerily so. Just pristine elevator banks and a lounge area.
"The former President ShinRa didn't think about the worst case-scenario most of the time, so the system isn't as efficient as it could be" Tseng says, drawing his lips into a tight line. "He didn't think he needed to. Nothing could touch ShinRa, so why bother? I'm honestly surprised there was even a panic button in the president's office, knowing how he was."
Reno scoffs and mutters something that I don't quite catch. He's got his hands on his hips and is looking around the area.
"Keep in contact with me," Tseng says, ignoring whatever it is that Reno said and tapping the earpiece nestled in his ear. There's a little cord hanging down behind his ear, the only indication that he's wearing a communication device.
"Yes sir," I say, my mouth going dry.
"Let's get this over with," is Reno's response as he slips his EMR out of his black, hooded jacket.
Tseng sighs in agreement.
In true complicated ShinRa fashion, there isn't one master server. But instead, there are several, containing portions of ShinRa's information and company projects, employee profiles, and company secrets. They are in random parts of the building, mostly on the basement levels—which spans entire floors of the building. We split up.
It feels like a daydream wandering the empty ShinRa halls. The guys are quiet on the other end of the com devices. I keep expecting to find ShinRa employee bodies littering the halls, but I know that is unlikely. The emergency response teams probably got everyone out that they could reach. Only important ShinRa employees were in the building that night, mostly everyone else had been told to stay home. No. It is more like those nightmares where you feel like you're falling or when you're awake enough to know you're dreaming but you can't speak or move.
It takes longer because of the stairs, but I finally find what I'm looking for: In the subbasement on Level 2, there is a room with a heavy door. I put in the code Tseng gave me. A little door on the control panel opens up, and I lean down and let it do the retina scan. A screen near the control panel shows my face, my ID. It prompts me for my fingerprint. I press my finger against the panel and a little light turns green. "Welcome, Turk, junior level, Elena," it says in a cool, computerized woman's voice.
The server room has one computer sitting in the middle of the room. It is attached to a larger computer with blue and green lights that are flickering in a pattern. I approach, find the slot and slip the stick in. It makes a little beep and then falls silent. I rest my hand on the hilt of my gun and step into the room, my muscles tensing.
"Status?" Tseng voice says suddenly, making me jump just a little bit. I instantly feel stupid for being jumpy. There's no one here, and if there was—I am more than capable of laying them out.
"Completing the first download," I respond in my most serious voice.
Reno gives his location as well. He's on the floor beneath me in the west wing. He's already at his second server.
"Stop being so efficient, Reno," I say.
"Stop being a hater, Laney," Reno says.
"Your face is a hater."
"Don't make me knock you out, Laney."
"Is that a threat?"
"Maybe. What you gonna do, report me to HR?" Reno says, with a snort.
I laugh, "I'll make sure they never find your body is what I'll do."
"Okay children," Tseng quips with a sigh, "You can kill each other later."
I smile to myself and look to the server again.
Finally, a green light indicates that the transfer is complete.
I remove the memory stick and stare down at it. A piece of ShinRa's secrets.
I remember the ShinRa HQ standing tall and proud in Midgar when I was a student at the ShinRa Academy, my dream to be inside of that building being one of the important people. Doing the important work. Being ShinRa's backbone. And here I am now — in the middle of what is probably the worst thing to ever happen to the company, holding a piece of ShinRa's secrets. Being one of the few people who know that the heart of ShinRa still beats.
My mind is drawn back to the conversation I had with Tseng months ago, me complaining that I don't get to go on enough high-profile assignments and I feel a little silly.
"Heading your way, Laney," Reno's voice says suddenly.
"Huh?"
"I got a server on the same floor as you. Same room, looks like."
Good ole ShinRa and its dumb systems of complicatedness.
"Behave yourselves up there," Tseng says, then I hear his communication device make that tell-tell sound of stand-by mode, which means he can't hear us. Guess he doesn't wanna listen to us threatening each other.
"Kay, I'll wait on you," I tell Reno.
I lean against the server, back to the door, and allow my thoughts to take over.
I barely hear his approach, the sound of his steps at the edge of my hearing, almost inaudible. I feel his presence behind me and practically feel him reaching out to hit me.
"Try it," I say in what I hope is my most threatening voice, "and see what happens."
"What's gonna happen?" he asks from behind me.
"I'll castrate you."
"Whoa whoa whoa! Hey, now why are we taking it below the belt, Laney? I need my tools."
"I don't know about all that." I turn around to see him standing there as casual as ever, his EMR resting idly in his right hand. He grins.
"You are a little crazy aren't ya?" he asks, putting an arm around my shoulder. "Crazier than a bag of cats."
"Your face is crazy."
"My face is glorious."
"Ptfft. But you should know that you don't want to find out how crazy I can be," I say.
"Please, I'd love to see it," he remarks with a laugh as we head into the deadly quiet halls.
We don't say anything for a moment. Here we are in the underbelly of the ShinRa building retrieving years of projects, company secrets, and everything else in between. These little black memory sticks hold a bit of the world, a bit of history.
"Report."
We're making our way up a lengthy flight of stairs. I tap my earpiece. "Heading to subbasement F, Reno is with me, sir."
"When you're done, meet me in Weapons."
"Yes, sir," I say.
"Yeah yeah," is Reno's reply.
Tseng cuts off his connection again.
"Hey, Laney?"
"Yep?"
"I'm glad you decided to stay, though I'm surprised you did."
"Because I'm a skittish, incompetent wreck with her head in the clouds?"
"What? No. I just thought you were gonna let Rufus run you off."
At his words, an old, familiar embarrassment comes over me. We've reached the top of the stairs. I scan my badge and push the door open. I lead the way down the hall.
"Why? Because of what happened in his office?" I say, my voice tight.
"Yeah…that," Reno says in a strange way that tells me everything I need to know. In spite of myself, I feel heat rise to my cheeks.
"You know, don't you?"
He gives me a strange look out of the corner of his eye while spinning his EMR around idly, his other hand still on my shoulder. "A lot of stuff wasn't adding up. The things you both would do or say, or even what you didn't do or say, made me wonder. But even if you two weren't the most obvious secret couple in the world, there's always unmistakable this energy between people who are attracted to one another."
"How long?"
"A while. I was just messing with you half the time, trying to make you admit it to make sure."
"Is that why you did what you did in Wutai?"
Reno laughs slightly. "You never got over that did ya?"
"Would you?!"
"You just couldn't handle the heat. I was just trying to make you squirm."
I'm silent, letting this revelation wash over me. I feel a little silly. I made so many efforts to hide it from them all, and they all knew. I agonized about telling them sometimes, and they'd already known.
"I guess it doesn't matter anymore. It's over," I say, trying to keep my voice light.
It. Whatever "it" was—over. I shouldn't car, but I do and I hate myself for it.
Reno lets out a low whistle as we make a turn around an empty corridor; the lights come on as the sensors note movement. "What happened up there that day? What was all that about?"
The memory of that day in the office is still fresh, just thinking about it makes my face grow hotter, this time with a bit of anger, and something else, something a lot quieter and sadder. I've tried so hard not to think about it. It is easier to be angry, but the heat of my anger has died. I'm just confused and embarrassed.
As matter-of-fact as possible, I say, "I don't know."
"He was talking about work, but that seemed pretty personal…."
"Well, I don't really know what happened, but I got mad and I hit him in the face, cursed at him and compared him to his father."
Reno laughs lightly. "Hitting your boss in the face, Laney?"
"I'm not proud of it, but it felt good at the time," I admit, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
He snorts, "Probably for the best."
"I take it you're not a fan?"
Oddly enough, I expect him to want to know all the gory details of what we got into. His reaction is not what I expected, but maybe that is because of the situation.
"Don't get me wrong, I don't care what you do and who you do it with as long as you like it, it makes you happy, and as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else," Reno says. He's silent for a moment. "Damn Laney."
"What does 'damn Laney' mean?"
We're at the door to the server room. Reno detaches himself from me and does the honors of getting his retina scanned. That computerized woman's voice, cool and creepy, echoes down the hall as she says "Welcome, Turk, senior level, Reno."
When do I get to be senior level?
"Don't you hate that?" Reno scoffs as the door slides open. I follow.
This room is empty except for two large servers that take up entire walls. There is one on either side of the room with bluish green lights flickering, sending and receiving information. Reno makes his way to the one on the left, I go to the right. After I insert my memory stick, I lean against the server's cool metal. "So? What does 'damn Laney' mean?"
Reno's leaning against the other server, waiting on it to finish downloading. "Ah nothing, never mind."
"No, I want to know. I can handle it."
Reno shrugs. "All I'm saying is...I wouldn't have pegged you for someone to get involved with Rufus, but hey, I don't know all the details of what happened with you two so…"
"Well it's over now so," I shrug, staring at the floor. "I don't really know what it was. But … I think … oh nothing I don't want to talk about it, especially not with you."
"Hey what does that mean? Not with me?" He has the nerve to look offended.
"Well for one thing, you're constantly making fun of me," I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Aww Laney, it's how I show my affection, didn't Rude tell ya?" He glances over at his memory stick, and I do the same—those downloads are taking forever. I'm ready to get out of here. "Seriously though, I hope the bull that I say doesn't get to you."
"Course not," I shrug, giving a weary laugh. "How sensitive do you think I am?"
Very, very sensitive.
"So…you guys were getting pretty serious, huh?"
"I dunno."
"Seems like it. You must've gotten under his skin."
"Why do you say that?"
"Rufus doesn't bother with that sort of thing, usually. What did you do to him?"
"I dunno…I…"
"You weren't in love with him were you?"
A silence follows. I look up at him. He's watching me. The light from the servers make one eye seem blue the other green as the dim room's light outlines part of his face. My face grows warm, and I stare at my shoes. "I don't think so, but then again, I don't know what love is supposed to feel like. I do know that I…" I trail off, staring at the ground.
"Yeah?"
It comes out quiet, barely audible even to me. "I really…liked him."
Reno sighs. "When's the last time you talked to him?"
"Same day that I hit him in the face," I say, ignoring the tension clawing at my stomach. Why can't I just cut my feelings of as easily as Rufus seems to?
"You know you're gonna have to talk to him, right?"
"Why? Why do I have to be the one?"
Reno snorts, "You know the answer to that. You're one of his Turks and he's your boss," he rakes his fingers through his hair.
I glance up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. What a mess. A big, tangled mess that I caused because I couldn't tell him no. If I'd just told him no months ago, Rufus would still just be President Rufus ShinRa to me and I'd just be the junior Turk to him. That's it. That's all we should've ever been, but that was then, and choices were made—mistakes even—and it is what it is and there's no going back now.
"What would I even say to him?" I say, slumping my shoulders.
He shakes his head, uncertain. "You'll figure it out. We've gotta be a team in this," Reno says, gesturing around the room as if to encompass the entire situation that we're currently in. The near-destruction of the planet, the destruction of the ShinRa headquarters, the uncertain future of…everything.
"Since when do you have words of wisdom?"
"I may not be an expert in stable relationships, but you learn a few things," he shrugs. "I've been in situations where setting things straight was more important than my ego; I think this might be one of those times."
"I guess," I say. "Why do I have to be the one who tries to fix it?"
"Because Rufus is a bit of a prick."
"That's no excuse."
"True, but if you wait on him to make a move first, you will never get anywhere."
Reno looks over at his stick. It is flickering green, indicating that the download is complete. He detaches it and slips it into his pocket. I turn my back on him and do the same, putting the stick into my pocket.
I feel his hand on my shoulder as I turn around, and find myself standing in front of him, "Let's go before Tseng pops a blood vessel."
"One day he's going to put his foot up your butt, Reno."
He laughs slightly at that and drapes an arm around my shoulder, and we begin to make our way out of the room.
"You can be really wise when you want to be. I wish I was more like you."
"Eh, you don't wanna be more like me, trust me," he says.
"Probably right. Not sure I can pull off the drunken-one-night-stand look. But you're just always so cool about everything," I look over at him; his gaze is focused ahead. "You don't let anything get to you."
"I wish that was true," he says, almost to himself. "Either way, you'll figure it out. You'll be fine."
"You sound like a big brother," I smile slightly at him, "Mr. Senior Turk."
"Dammit," Reno pulls a face, "now I'll never get to sleep with you."
"Aaand you ruined it."
"All in a day's work," Reno says, regarding me in his usual, laid back way.
The sound of Tseng's communicator coming on makes me stand alert.
"Status?"
"On our way, sir," I say, tapping the earpiece.
Reno mocks me silently. I flip him off and he shrugs. We make our way to the Weapons Department.
Weapons is abandoned. Work stations are empty, showing hints of the person who occupied that desk. Cups, diagrams, charts, pictures of family and friends, little posters of things they think are funny.
We have to pass through the main floor to get to the place where almost all of ShinRa's weapon storage is, frequented by soldiers and Turks alike.
The work area has two levels, the top level where Scarlet's office is, surrounded by a balcony where she could look over and peer at her worker bees and probably shout down orders. Directly beneath Scarlet's office is the office of the lead worker bee. Sierra's old office.
I wonder where she is. I stand there, staring at the closed door as we approach. I stop in front of it, feeling just a little bit sentimental.
I look over at Reno. He's got his free hand in his pocket and his weapon is tapping against his pants leg in the other. He's wearing the slightest hint of a frown. "We'd better get to Tseng." He sweeps past me, heading for the armory.
I follow. "Hey Reno, whatever happened with that whole incident with Sierra's step-brother and him trying to steal weapons plans anyway?"
It totally had slipped my mind after Icicle. Everything had gone wrong so fast after that, and Reno didn't offer up information about it during the week we had to wait on word from ShinRa before Meteorfall. But then again, I also didn't ask.
We've reached the door to the armory. I let the security device at the door scan me.
"Well?"
"Welcome, Turk, junior level, Elena," the computer's voice says. Stupid, pointless computer.
Reno looks over at me, frowning. "You didn't read the report?"
"Uh...no. Should I have?"
Reno gives me a strange look out of the corner of his eye, scoffs and heads into the armory without another word, leaving me behind at the door.
"What was that look for?" I ask, keeping up with his pace.
"Nothing," he says, but his tone isn't quite as careless as he'd probably want it to be.
"Are you sure?" I ask, following him.
"Yep."
Did I say something wrong? I let it go and just follow him.
Once we meet up with Tseng inside the vast ShinRa armory, I focus on gathering weaponry and ammunition that we may need to get us through these next few months, pushing everything else from my mind.
-oooo-
We leave the ShinRa building in two helicopters — Tseng got another so we could have more than two helicopters at our disposal — all of us heading to Sector 8's residential district to retrieve personal items. Tseng goes to his apartment, which isn't in the same building as mine and Reno and Rude's but is on the same block as Rufus' penthouse.
My apartment looks exactly how I left it. The television is on, its blue light sending a ghostly blue haze over the apartment as images of a newscast flicker across the screen.
"…with the Mako reactors possibly going into meltdown state, Midgar evacuations are ongoing; volunteers are heading up the effort. The Midgar government is showing to be a shell without the ShinRa Company backing it. This has been a trend throughout the world. ShinRa's soldiers, reportedly without orders, and ShinRa employees are helping, but how long will this last? The search for Rufus ShinRa's remains—"
I grab the remote, cutting the television off and drop it back on the coffee table with a thunk. There's still a glass of soda sitting on the table, a half-eaten sandwich, and wads of tissues.
I make my way through my apartment, stopping at each room and taking the time to look around and commit it to memory. It isn't decorated — I never got the chance to. It looks exactly how it did when I moved in. I didn't leave a mark in this place at all.
I make my way to my bedroom. The sheets on my bed are mostly on the floor from where I'd kicked them off the morning before the world almost ended, getting to headquarters without even eating. The blinds are still open and the curtains pushed back, letting in feeble sunlight.
At the foot of the bed, I drop to my knees and drag my luggage cases out from under it and then head for the closet, sliding it open. There isn't much in my closet, a couple extra pairs of boots for work, several Turk uniforms, some jeans, some t-shirts. My eyes fall on the colorful gowns hanging together on the left side of my walk-in closet. I run my hands across the smooth fabric of the dress I wore in Junon when I took his speedboat for a spin.
Throat dry, eyes burning, I pull my hand away and close my eyes, looking away. My fists clench at my sides.
I'm stronger than that. This doesn't matter. It never mattered to him, so why should it matter to me?
"Laney, you ready to go?"
Reno's standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. His hands are empty — I guess he's already stored his things (and probably Rude's) in the helicopter. "I'm ready, just gotta shove some clothes into some bags."
"Need any help?" he says easily, his gaze traveling my room.
"Sure, it'll be quicker that way."
He steps in, sauntering over to me with his hands hidden in his pockets; his gaze lands on the closet. "Whoa, what's all these?"
"Dresses, what do they look like?"
Reno makes a 'tch' noise at my comment and runs a hand over one of the dresses. He lifts the blue dress—the one from my first date with Rufus—and fingers the material, shaking his head ever so slightly and letting out a low whistle. "Put it on. I want to see what happens when you look like a girl."
"You're so mean to me," I say, slapping him on the shoulder.
"Well, someone's gotta keep you on your toes, Laney," Reno says, pushing the dresses together and pulling them off the rail in one motion, throwing them onto my bed. "Wanna burn em?"
"What? No, why would I do that?" I remain at the closet and chew on the inside of my cheek.
He just gives me an odd little grin. "Gonna take them with you?"
"Nah," I say, trying to seem casual. "What would I do with all those?"
Maybe I should burn them.
He gives me a shrug and looks around my bare, undecorated room. "You ever decorate? Jeez."
"I didn't get around to it," I say, staring at the dresses, letting his comment roll right off, "Reno?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks again for the other day."
"Are we still on that?"
"Yes. And thanks for not making fun of me crying."
"Course not Laney. You're not a complete flake. Sometimes you just gotta cry."
I let out a hard little laugh. "Whatever. Either way, it means a lot y'know."
He lets out a long, exaggerated sigh. "I guess."
"And um," I say, feeling awkward, "I'm … sorry about earlier."
"Not sure what you're talking about," he raises a brow at me. I guess we're going to pretend like he didn't say a word while we were in the armory, and up until right now, didn't say much to me during the flight to Sector 8.
I shrug, biting my lip and shifting from foot to foot, feeling even more awkward. I turn my back on him and face the closet, pulling clothes off hangers and throwing them on top of the luggage. "I never asked what happened with Sierra, and I guess I wasn't paying enough attention…"
He doesn't say anything for a moment, but I hear him moving around behind me. "Don't worry about it, Laney. It is what it is."
"Are you sure?"
"Very," he says. There's the sound of a drawer opening. "Whoaaa…."
"RENO!" I whip around, dart across the floor and pull a blue, polka-dotted bra out of his hand. "Maybe I should rethink having you help me pack." I stuff the bra back into the drawer. "Steer clear of the underwear drawers."
He gives me a lazy grin, and I find myself grinning back at him. "Hey Reno, this is kinda weird, huh? We're kinda abandoning Midgar, at least for a little while."
"I've never lived anywhere else," he says, quiet for a moment. The slightest frown crosses his face, and he doesn't say anything else. After a moment, he gives a strange little laugh and starts opening drawers, pulling out t-shirts and throwing them onto the bed without a sense of organization whatsoever.
"Hey, Reno, are we friends now?"
"Eh….I dunno about all that."
"Are you serious?"
"Stop asking, and you'll get your answer when you get your answer."
"You're so mean to me."
"That just means I like you most of the time."
"So we are friends?"
"We'll see."
Our phones buzz at the same time. It's Tseng texting to tell us that he made a detour to the Sector 5 slums and to just meet him down there.
The slums? What does Tseng need to be down in the slums for?
Quickly, we pack my things, and by pack, I mean we shove them into my luggage carriers with no thought to folding.
-oooo-
The Sector 5 slums are a tangled mess of warped metal, destroyed structures and abandoned homes. The top of the plate seems to be leaning towards it, just waiting to crush it. It is a wonder we were able to find an entrance into the slums at all. I can only imagine how long the pillars will continue to stand, with Midgar's infrastructure weakened, how long will it take for the rest of the plates to fall and destroy these old, forgotten neighborhoods?
We land in front of the sector 5 church, Reno saying it's probably where Tseng is. He decides to stay in the helicopter while I get out to see how Tseng is doing. I look back at Reno, but he's not paying me any attention. He's got his eyes closed and is leaning against the seat with his hands behind his head. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was asleep.
The church is an old, small gray and white wooden structure with two floors and a bunch fractured stained glass windows. It's a wonder it is still standing.
I go inside, slipping into the quiet of the church. Tseng is sitting on a bench, the front pew on the left with his head down.
The wooded, vaulted ceiling has a jagged hole that lets the sun in on a circle of grass covered in a patch of flowers. I remember seeing this place in Tseng and Reno's reports on different assignments. Aerith the Ancient that was part of Cloud's crew and was killed by Sephiroth was always the focus of those reports. Tseng had encountered her several times. In fact, he was once assigned to keep tabs on her.
I remember, during our flight from the temple, he was delirious from the blood loss, but he said Aerith's name at least twice.
What was the connection with him and that pretty Cetra, I don't know, but she seemed to have a profound effect on everyone that knew her. Or at least on Tseng. I watch for a few more seconds. A warm, comforting breeze caresses my skin. Maybe I should leave him in peace.
I glance over my shoulder, feeling oddly like I'm being watched.
I make a move to leave only to step on a brittle piece of board. It snaps loudly and echoes. Tseng's head jerks up and he looks back.
"Sorry, sir! I was just — I'll wait outside."
"You can stay, Elena. Don't worry," Tseng says, resting an arm across the back of the pew and watching me over his shoulder.
Now I have to stay. I hover near the crumbling stone wall near the door.
Another nice, warm breeze brushes against me and toys with my hair for a moment.
I make my way over careful to step around the flowers. "Mind if I join?"
"Of course not," he looks up at me with is dark brown eyes framed by thick dark lashes.
I sit beside him with my knees together and my hands in my lap. We stay silent for a moment. Should I put a comforting arm around him? I move to do that, only to stop myself.
Too awkward. I don't think our relationship is at that point, yet.
"So, Aerith was more than a target — uh an assignment for you," I ask quietly. I don't want to pry, but I have to demystify Tseng in order to move forward from whatever lingering warm fuzzies I might have about him. It's barely there, but it still exists. I have to kill it. I just have to.
"Yes," Tseng says after a moment, sitting back against the bench and continuing to let his gaze trace the place, as if he's committing it to memory. "But not quite the way you're probably imagining."
"Ohhh…I…wasn't imagining…"
"I was tasked with keeping an eye on her, as the last known Ancient, she was valuable to ShinRa in its search for the so-called Promised Land, among other things. She is — was — pretty sharp, so she easily realized my job and intent. She was unique in that she initiated what would become something of a…." he trails off.
Romance?
"…friendship, I suppose. If one could call it that. Given the circumstances, perhaps even that isn't an appropriate word for it."
"Oh. I'm sorry, she's….gone..."
"Hmm, thank you," he says, looking to me, "Though, the last time I saw her, she wasn't happy with me. Our last words with each other weren't the most amiable."
"Oh no, I'm so sorry," I say, still feeling really awkward. What else am I supposed to say to that? 'Sorry' is so meaningless when someone mentions the dead, but really, what else is there to say? "When was that?"
"The temple."
"Sorry," I say again.
There's a slight raise of his eyebrow. "There's nothing to apologize for."
"Okay," I say, biting my lip and staring at my hands. I pick at one of my nails.
The wild flowers are little splotches of yellows and whites and a few purple and reds here and there. They sway on their skinny stems in the warm breeze, and dust particles glitter in the sunlight. It's a peaceful place, but a little gloomy. An abandoned church in a ghost slum under a ghost city. Somehow, these plants are so well-tended though.
I look over at Tseng again, he's lost in his thoughts. Maybe he feels guilty about something. He's seen and given a lot more than I could imagine, hasn't he?
We never talk about what happened in the temple. Not the blood, not the fear and pain, and definitely not the question of dinner. Whatever dinner was supposed to be. I could never live up to a memory anyway, regardless of their relationship. And would I even want to? There was a time when I would've killed for the chance.
Somewhere along the way, I realize as I watch him, the butterflies in my stomach settled down.
"Tseng, I just want to say that I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to," I say, and as the words leave my mouth, I know that I actually mean it.
He looks over at me, "Thank you, Elena. I return the sentiment."
My mouth just hangs open like a dead fish. I try again. "Tseng?"
"Yes?" He looks at me, giving me his undivided attention.
"I...um...I hope this isn't bad timing, but if I don't say it now, I probably never will. Tseng, I don't know if you knew this, but I had the biggest crush on you when I started."
The silence that comes from my stupid confession lingers. He doesn't say a thing, he just leans back slightly, crossing his arms; his jaw tenses slightly and his brow knits. Oh crap I shouldn't have said a thing.
"Elena..." Tseng starts with a heavy sigh, "I have to be frank with you, I —"
"You two dead in here?" Reno's voice shatters the tranquility and tension in the church. He comes around, crushing several of the flowers underfoot and standing in front of us.
"Reno!" I jump up, shoving him off the plants, needing somewhere to expend my nervous energy. "You're killing them."
"Well hell," Reno says, catching his balance easily. "Can we go?" he looks to Tseng. "I hear a storm is coming in."
"Right, let's go," Tseng says, standing up, dusting himself off, not looking in my direction.
We head for the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tseng turn and look back for a few lingering seconds before we step out of the building.
Swallowing my anxiety about what just happened in the church, I look away and head for the chopper that Reno and I came in on. There's no way I'm flying back with Tseng now. What's going to happen next is anybody's guess. I'm a little scared of that prospect, but also a little excited. But mostly scared. Midgar has always been a beacon of stability for me. I was mostly raised in Midgar, I trained at the ShinRa Academy at Midgar, and now?
Is this it? Is it really gone?