Nathan watched my sleeping face with a somber look. He could only imagine how much pain I had been forced to endure in the last two months.
"Mika," he murmured softly, his eyes glistening slightly. He reached out and gently brushed back a few stray strands of darkened, still oily hair away from my face. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this..."
His eyes darkened as he thought silently. Optimus had promised to protect me with his spark, and yet here I was, lying in the hospital, missing almost a fourth of my body. He had vowed to protect me at all costs, for lack of a better term, and yet I was still somehow grievously wounded by the torture I had sustained.
But realization hit the brother like a tidal wave, leaving him with eyes wide, tears gathering in his vision.
And yet, somehow, despite Optimus's seemingly failure at keeping me safe, Nathan hadn't protected me either. He himself was just as much fault as the Prime in his mind.
I failed you too, he thought, silent tears beginning to roll down his cheeks once more. I failed to protect you.
He watched me with blurred vision as I peacefully slept on the hospital bed. His hand closed into a tight fist as he fought his tears.
"I promise you will never be hurt again, I promise," he choked out. "I will make sure of it."
By the time the Autobots had returned to base from their mission, the sun was just beginning to rise. Exhaustion was written all over their features as they exited the groundbridge, met with the familiar sight of the silo's walls. Jack, Miko, and Raf stood nearby, their gazes switching from Autobot to Autobot as each one fell into sight.
"We got energon," Bulkhead said to the medic, who stood next to the groundbridge controls. The medic huffed and walked over.
"It's about time. Our reserves were getting dangerously low," he commented. "How much did you get?"
"A few carts. The rest kinda...blew up," Smokescreen suddenly piped up, almost sheepishly.
"Yeah, all because of your brilliant ideas," Arcee snarked, anger flashing across her faceplates. "You can't just take a blind shot and hope for the best. You nearly got us all killed!"
"Arcee." Optimus's baritone voice cut through the air, stopping the two.
"Fighting about what happened before will not change what happened. However," he glanced briefly at their newest arrival before looking back to the others, speaking in a slightly softer tone, "Smokescreen, your actions almost cost the team's health. I would advise you to use some restraint before acting without first thinking of the outcomes." He watched the young Autobot with a critical, neutral gaze. The mech in question seemed to shrink.
"I'm sorry, Optimus. I won't let you down. I'll make you proud," he quietly promised the towering Cybertronian.
The Prime softened his expression as he looked at the much younger Autobot, before Smokecreen was drawn away by a grumpy Ratchet, insisting on checking the young Autobot for injuries.
Optimus's thoughts roamed to me, remembering my ever-forgiving nature and gentle care for others. His spark hummed in its chamber, desperately longing my presence. He ignored it however, and instead headed towards his private berth room. He sighed heavily, his fans slowly whirring. While he stepped towards his neglected datapad on his berth, his processor wandered to the memories he had created with me. Just as he began his first attempt to work on the files on his datapad, his personal comm link rang, picking up an incoming signal. Datapad instantly forgotten, he angled his helm slightly as he completed the connection.
"Optimus?"
The towering red and blue Autobot's optics widened slightly. "Nathan? For what purpose did you contact me?"
A heavy sigh came from the brother, which did not help to alleviate the sudden pain in Optimus's proud metallic chest.
"I talked to the doctors, and they said that as long as I say it's fine with me, you're allowed to visit Mika."
Instant relief flooded the Prime's systems, gratitude filling his spark. "Thank you, Nathan."
"Yeah, yeah, don't mention it." After a moment, Nathan mumbled something inaudibly way from the phone, much to quiet for his phone speaker to pick up.
"Is she doing well?" Optimus asked. His worry was suppressed, but still quite evident in his voice.
"Well, if you mean by alive, then yes, but we both know she's not the same any longer."
Optimus sighed heavily, glancing around the room out of habit, before sighing and turning his attention back to the male on the other end of his comm link.
"I shall be there soon."
When the Prime arrived at the hospital half an hour later, courtesy of a helpful groundbridge provided by Ratchet, Optimus's holoform ran inside the hospital. As soon as the front desk was in sight, he slowed to a brisk, purposeful stride as he made his way towards it.
The male nurse working behind the desk, whom Optimus did not recognize, looked up at the Prime as he neared.
"You're here again," he stated in a monotone. He casually adjusted his glasses in an almost delicate fashion. "You still cannot see the girl. She's still in intensive care."
Optimus's spark angrily lurched in its chamber, his processor instantly focused on what the other male had called me. Mika has never been a 'girl' ever since I first knew her. She was, and still is, a mature young woman. Out of respect and dignity, he forced himself not to speak his thoughts out loud. He did not wish to disgrace himself, especially when he was so close to seeing me again.
"Will, that isn't necessary. Her brother said that if this gentleman came back, he was alright with him seeing her." A nurse walked over, looking at the male nurse. She glanced at the Prime briefly and gave him a soft, understanding smile as she neared.
"Come with me. I'll show you where Mika's room is," she said in a gentle tone.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
As the nurse led Optimus to the elevators, he allowed his thoughts to roam freely, and as he did, his expression progressively darkened.
"What is the extent of Mika's injuries?" Optimus finally asked the nurse as they rode the elevator to the fifth floor.
The nurse sighed softly, fiddling with the hem of her scrubs. "I don't remember all the details, but the clipboard in her room will tell you everything that we treated her for." Her voice dropped a little as she looked down at the elevator floor. "There was a very real possibility that she could have died."
Optimus's spark stopped at her words. Never in his life had he expected those words to be about the female he held dear.
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
The nurse continued on her train of thought. "But, she seems to have an exceptional will. She fought for her life, and it now shows the fruits of her labors." The elevator stopped, and the doors opened. The two stepped through, and the Prime followed the nurse's lead as she led him down a hallway.
"She never was a woman to give up, especially for others," Optimus said in a soft murmur.
"She is your girlfriend, isn't she? The look in your eyes tells me that she means a lot to you."
The Prime gave a curt nod after a moment of hesitation.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all this. It must have been hard on you."
The Prime silently accepted the understanding statement as he continued to follow her.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
The nurse stopped in front of a partially closed door. "This is her room. If you need any refreshments, the cafeteria is in the basement. The coffee is good, if you need caffeine to keep you up for a while."
The Prime slightly nodded, his expression neutral. "Thank you."
"No problem."
Optimus watched the nurse as she walked away for a few brief moments before finally turning and stepping into the hospital room. The curtain around the further hospital bed was half-drawn, keeping the bed from view of the door, but open enough to allow the light from a lamp shade to spill out into the rest of the room in a somber half-light. Nathan was nowhere in sight.
He silently strode towards the bed and gently moved the curtain aside. When he did, the sight left him struggling to keep his composure, and his holoform's legs struggled to keep itself upright. Tears instantly sprang into his once vibrant blue orbs, now dulled with grief and sorrow.
He knew what had happened to me, but now, seeing it in person, instead of on a screen, brought the sheer magnitude of what had happened crushing down on his frame. His steps faltered as he forced himself to move to my side.
"Mika," he choked out, a slightly shaking hand reaching out to touch my scratched cheek. My skin was warm to the touch.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
I didn't stir when he touched my cheek, causing Optimus's spark to slowly break. As tears gathered in his holoform's eyes, he carefully sat down in a chair set right next to the bed. He reached out and gently cradled my only hand, now mutilated by the torture I had endured.
A choked sob left his throat as he desperately clung to my limp hand, bending down to press his forehead to it. His eyes tightly shut, he tried to suppress his anguished sobs in vain.
"Forgive me, Mika," he whispered.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Ten minutes later, approaching footsteps drew Optimus out of his grieved thoughts. Raising his holoform's head, he looked towards the open door. Taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself, he brushed the tears away that had gathered in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.
Moments later, a figure appeared in the door and stepped inside the room.
"Oh," Nathan's voice said, stopping briefly before continuing on over. "You're here."
He moved towards the table that sat next to the bed and set down the two cups he had been holding.
"I brought coffee," the brother said quietly. "Had you been here earlier, I would have gotten something else for you if you wanted it. I wasn't sure if you even liked coffee, but I got it in case you did. If you don't want it, I'll drink it."
Optimus nodded slightly in appreciation. "Thank you, Nathan. I am willing to try it."
Nathan shrugged a little and grabbed the cups, handing one to the Prime. "It's just black coffee, so it's pretty strong, but it's not decaf." He sipped at the steaming liquid, watching the Prime with half-lidded eyes.
The scent of coffee pulled at Nathan's heartstrings. Three months ago, he and I would have gone off at any time of day to get coffee together. He had always preferred straight black coffee, while I chose Starbucks. I had always complained about his love for the strong liquid, but now that I was simply lying there, recovering in a hospital bed from a horrifying experience, the lack of teasing made his heart ache.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
Optimus made a slight face as he took the first tentative sip of the coffee. He wasn't expecting just how strong the flavor of the dark colored drink truly was.
Nathan sighed softly and set the cup down. He moved around to the other side of the hospital bed, briefly glancing at the Prime, who stayed at my other side. Reaching out, the brother barely brushed his fingertips across my cheek in solemn fondness.
"I failed her as a brother. I'm supposed to protect my family, especially my sister," he eventually said.
"No, it is not your fault." Optimus's voice was soft as he stared at my limp hand in his own. "I am Mika's guardian and her significant other. It is my duty to protect her from harm." Suppressed angst filled his voice and colored his words.
"Boyfriends come and go. Their duty to protect the one they love for that time only lasts for as long as the two are together. But a brother's responsibility is to always protect his family. That never changes."
"I never intend to leave her. That will be Mika's decision to make, if that time comes. I hope it will not come to that, but I will respect her choice." Optimus breathed a heavy sigh. "Regardless, you are a human, and as such, much easier to offline. Mika needs you alive and safe. I am the one who should protect her, and you if the need arises."
Nathan dismissively waved a hand. "That's Arcee's job now, and even still, I honestly don't want her to. I can protect myself. Unless it's 'cons, I won't let her take my job of protecting myself. But you're a Cybertronian, Optimus. You can't use your normal form while other humans are around. When Mika was kidnapped, you would have had to use only your holoform, and we both know that the MECH soldiers would have easily overpowered it, even if they can't harm it."
Optimus slightly hung his head. "I know."
The two males watched my sleeping form in silence after that.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Half an hour later, Nathan had to leave in order to get ready for work. As he left, he made sure Optimus promised that someone would always be in the room with her, either one of the Autobots, Donovan, or Fowler. The Prime had readily agreed to it, and before long, Optimus was left alone in the hospital room with me.
"Mika," he murmured softly, gently caressing my cheek with such tenderness that it seemed as if he were touching a paper-thin piece of glass, instead of my own scratched skin. "I'm sorry I left you at Ryan's funeral. I should have stayed." He sighed softly and retracted his hand, somberly watching my remaining hand. When he spoke moments later, it was a faint whisper as he gently squeezed the palm of my hand. "Please, forgive my terrible blunder."
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
He gently rubbed circles with his thumb along the back of my hand absentmindedly. He watched my sleeping face, glad to see the peaceful look I held as I slept.
"I believe I know what you last tried to say to me," he mumbled, standing up and moving a little closer. He gently sat on the edge and peered down at me with soft grey-blue eyes.
"You were trying to tell me...you loved me," he finally whispered.
Drops of moisture fell from his eyes, conflict tormenting his spark. He didn't know whether to feel happy that I had finally wanted to tell him for the first time how I truly felt, or upset that I had never finished, and I probably couldn't hear him at all now.
"Mika."
Optimus placed a tender hand on my jawline, avoiding the oxygen tube that helped me to breathe better. He bent down until his mouth was near my ear.
"...I love you too. I love you, so much that it makes my spark ache in pain...I truly, deeply love you, Mika..."
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
A soft moan drew Optimus from his thoughts, and he watched my facial expression in concern.
A soft smile curled my cracked lips, covered in a moisturizing gel. My hoarse voice mumbled something inaudibly in my sleep as I shifted slightly, subconsciously moving to get more comfortable.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
For the first time in months, Optimus genuinely smiled. He cradled the sides of my face in his hands tenderly as he bent down to reverently kiss my forehead.
"Sleep well, anata. I will be here whenever you wake. I will not leave your side."
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
If any one had been in Optimus's place, they would not have heard or understood what I had muttered in my sleep. Then again, they were not Optimus.
And if Optimus knew anyone, he certainly knew me, probably better than I knew myself.
"I love you too."
I had heard what he had said, even if I probably thought it was just my own dream, and that simple knowledge brought hope to a desperate Optimus. He could wait a little longer for me to wake up. The wait would be worth it.
As he settled in the chair next to the bed once more, he smiled again and kissed the back of my bandaged hand gently.
Minutes later, fatigue caught up with the Prime. He hadn't disengaged the holoform before falling into a much-needed recharge, so it lay half on the bed, my hand pressed against his throat where a heartbeat would have been.
Each of us went through a terrible trial, but it seemed that the road to recovery would yield much brighter days and happiness in the near future.
Optimus couldn't have wished for more.
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life