A/N: All I can say is that my heart was racing at the end of this chapter. I plan to update soon, but this is a busy weekend, so your patience, as well as your kind and helpful reviews, is appreciated. You remain great…this current story seems to be winding down…but there are still many twists and turns ahead, so hang on! Hope it pleases! –Kathy
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He was finding it a bit difficult to breathe.
Frantically, Grissom had raced through the hospital lobby and up the stairs until he stood anxiously in front of the room where he had left her.
With a few timid steps he now stood in the open doorway, looking dejectedly over towards the bed where she had been resting when he left her.
Why did I leave you? What was I thinking? This is all my fault…
Shoulders slumped, he stared at the IV lines that had dripped after they had been pulled out of her tender skin, like tears that were pooling onto the floor until the staff had closed them.
The bedding lay in disarray, causing a horrifying image to overcome his thoughts.
Sara…I need to see you…please, honey…please…be alright…I'm so sorry…forgive me…this is all my fault…
He felt his pulse rising, and as he touched the pillow where her head had laid, he became so overcome with emotions – anger, despair, and unspeakable guilt - that those familiar white dots again appeared before his eyes, for the second time this morning.
Feeling as if he couldn't catch a breath, Grissom attempted to flee the upsetting environment and find his love, all the while chastising himself:
It is all my fault…MY fault…I'm so sorry, honey…you will never be able to forgive me for this…
If it had not been for the staff physician arriving at that moment, Gil's buckling knees would have contributed to his collapse onto the cold tile of the hospital corridor.
"Dr. Grissom…can you hear me? Are you alright? Dr. Grissom?" the older doctor was inquiring at a loud volume. Grissom was only slightly responsive.
The missing officer had not been located, but the officer sent by the Sheriff to investigate was within earshot of the older doctor's plea for assistance.
They moved an almost immobile Grissom to a nearby patient room which had been vacated when this wing had been sequestered for the Sheriff's "special patient".
The older doctor, taking Gil's blood pressure, winced and pressed his pager button.
He closed the blinds to create a dimly lit atmosphere, kicking the door closed to block out the noise of the hallway.
He then rolled Grissom onto his left side, before answering the ringing tabletop phone.
Barking orders for medication, he turned to the officer who had remained at Grissom's side after laying him on top of the covers.
Seeing his concern, the older doctor assured him that, considering his involvement with the patient, the pressure of the situation had simply been too much for Grissom.
A cursory examination would suggest it was a panic attack brought on by the physical exertion and emotional upheaval of the current events. Rest, quiet, and some medication would allow him to "reset his clock".
The doctor felt that, for now, he would keep his other concerns about this patient to himself.
"Officer, you may continue your duties. I will stay with Dr. Grissom for a while and monitor his improvement. I am sure he will be fine."
And Grissom would be fine.
Because the medication the older doctor administered had led him away from the unraveling horrors of the hospital, depositing him in an area where the sounds of a nearby beach were beckoning him.
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The garage doors closed and Sofia stepped over towards the opening driver's door of Eckie's vehicle.
Sara lay unconscious, unceremoniously dumped onto his backseat.
Sofia sidled up to Conrad provocatively, enjoying the fact that the entire LVPD was screaming around Vegas looking for the "prize" Ecklie had hidden in his backseat.
Ecklie, however, halted her intimate movements, himself obsessed with the person he was now sure had abandoned Grissom in preference for him.
Sara had become his only focus.
And for the second time this afternoon, Sofia had found her presence barely tolerated. Pushed away because of her. This did not sit well with the blonde investigator.
Did not sit well at all.
So this well-lit garage found itself with an unconscious victim and two persons obsessed with their darkest, albeit totally different, desires of what they'd like to do to Sara Sidle.
Ecklie's psychosis almost complete, he would do anything – anything – to ensure the object of his desire remained within his control, a means to satisfy his basest desires of lust – and revenge.
Sofia's paranoia where Sara was concerned had heightened to a level where she would do anything – anything – to rid her of this person she now perceived as the one stumbling block to getting everything that was due her – including Grissom.
So there they stood, each glaring through the opened back door of Ecklie's vehicle – totally unaware that someone was watching, almost unbelieving at what was presented before him, through the security camera hidden in the morgue's garage.
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Having arrived separately at the hospital, the Sheriff and Brass rode the elevator silently to the floor where the kidnapping had taken place.
Not more than twenty minutes had transpired since the officer had first discovered the disappearance and the duo were now receiving his report.
In his haste to transmit the details as he knew them, the officer did not at first tell them about Grissom.
The Sheriff decided to join the officer in a search of all the rooms on this floor, while Brass started towards Sara's room.
He was surprised not to find Grissom there. Years on the force had given him a radar that sparked alive when faced with an inconsistency like this.
Brass turned on his heels and started down the other end of the hallway, almost bumping into the older doctor as he hurried from Grissom's room.
This doctor was always cautious around new people arriving on a scene where something was amiss. And this whole matter of Sara Sidle screamed of something being amiss.
Glancing over his shoulder towards the closing door, he eyed Brass warily as inquiries were made about Grissom.
"He was here before, but I saw him going down the hallway there," the older doctor told in a half-truth. Indeed, Gil had been going down – and would have fallen totally if he hadn't been caught.
"Doc, I gotta tell you…" Brass sighed impatiently. "I'm getting the feeling you are lying to me."
The older doctor weighed his options. If this man were to rush him, he probably could take him after a struggle. But noticing the bump under his coat, he would have to be sure he didn't have a chance to reach for his gun….
A voice brought him out of his musings.
The Sheriff had joined them, and had asked after Grissom. The doctor's silence puzzled him. Today, the Sheriff was in no mood for hesitation.
"DOCTOR…have you seen Grissom???" the Sheriff intoned again.
The older doctor could only look at Brass questioningly. This caused the Sheriff to pause and really observe what was happening here.
In an understanding nod, the Sheriff introduced the doctor to Brass.
Relieved that yet another kidnapping was not going to take place, the older doctor simply turned and opened the door to Grissom's room, implying that they should enter.
Brass gasped at the pale color of Grissom's face. The Sheriff spun around to face the doctor, asking for details without saying a word.
Given the assurances previously given to the first officer, the Sheriff joined the doctor in the hallway. Brass stayed behind for a moment.
He looked at this broken man lying before him
Brass didn't have many friends. And Grissom was…well, was more than a friend. They had been through so much together…and they had their love for Sara to bind them closer.
What would happen to him if they didn't find Sara in time?
Brass leaned over Grissom's sleeping form and whispered, "We'll find her, buddy. Don't give up on her. She needs you."
With that, he turned on his heels and left the room, shutting the door quietly.
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The sunshine was so brilliant he had to squint a bit to focus on her exquisite form sitting at the edge of the dock.
He approached her slowly, at the same time wanting desperately to hold her…yet not wanting to reach her.
He was not ready to watch her turn away from him. But who could blame her?
He had failed her. Again.
He was the cause of her current situation. He had not protected her. Again.
She would never want him now.
He knew he would never be able to live without her. Not now. Not after everything they had shared.
He sat down on the first planks of the dock, momentarily smiling at the good feel of the warm waves washing over his bare feet.
Then his smile fell as he looked at her sitting at the end of the stretched out dock.
Sara…my Sara…but not mine anymore…
He could never forgive himself for all that she had endured because of him…how could he ever expect Sara to forgive him?
She turned as she felt his presence.
At first, she didn't run to him.
She didn't run away from him, either.
She just turned…and smiled at him.
He was putty in her hands. To look upon her brought life to his being… because of her.
But he couldn't bear the pain she had been through… because of him.
Like her perfect, beautiful butterflies, their time together could only now be a beautiful memory.
Like her perfect butterflies, he had unwittingly, yet undoubtedly, exposed her to such horrors…that their dream of being together could only lie dead like her fallen heroes… like their crumpled little bodies…
Sara…I should have been more careful…I let it all slip away…it is all my fault…
He had said nothing aloud, he was just staring at her.
Sara started to move towards him, but Gil stilled her motions with his hands.
Curious, she smiled again at him, waiting patiently. Sara knew Gil Grissom like the back of her hands.
Often, he needed time to formulate his words so that he would make things clear to himself first before sharing his thoughts with her.
So she sat, smiling…waiting.
She was not prepared for what things he had finally made clear to himself.
Gil couldn't bring himself to look upon the face that had become his sole reason for living.
"Sara…I love you."
---------------------------------------"I love you, too, Gil…"
"Sara…I'm…sorry…I should have been there… I feel…this is all my fault…"
--------------------------------------"Gil…what?..."
"Sara…they'll find you. When they find you, remember…I'm sorry…."
--------------------------------------"Gil? WHAT has happened?...you're scaring me…please, tell me…"
When he found himself unable to respond, she continued.
--------------------------------------"Gil…whatever it is…we can work it out together…when we get back, we'll…."
She found herself silenced by his steely gaze, a look that penetrated her soul.
This look sliced through her confusion, and was serving up a healthy portion of … anguish.
Sara was now standing with her arms wrapped around herself tightly. A tear was forming in her eyes. She needed him to hold her. But she was going to give him the space he needed now. She loved him enough to wait and let him come to her. She was sure he had something else to say.
Gil was now standing also. He needed to hold her in his arms, this one last time. But he needed to beg her forgiveness before he would feel worthy of that loving touch.
"Sara…I've finally seen the light…I've…messed up too badly this time…you need to understand that I have always loved you and will continue to love you, forever, no matter what…
That's why I need…I need to hear you say you can forgive me…for not being there…for not protecting you…for being such an ass about Warrick…for everything…please, honey…please let me know you can forgive me…."
Sara hugged herself tighter. She had soothed his conscience before about their rocky path to finding each other. But there was something different this time.
---------------------------------------------"Forgive you? Of course I forgive you. But Gil, I don't blame you for any of this…it was Ecklie…you'll see, when we get back, you'll see…."
And that was when her whole world was turned upside down.
Gil looked away from her and, glancing out over the beauty of this seascape, spoke in tones slightly above a whisper:
A little trust that when we die
We reap our sowing—and so—good-bye!
(DuMaurier)
Sara had not fully heard the content, but gaped wide-eyed as she caught the end of his quiet rant. She continued to stand, not fully believing, when Grissom turned to look upon her sorrowfully.
"Sara…my dearest love……I'm...not going back…"
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Doc Robbins was sitting glued to the security monitors.
Although he never spent much time in his office, years ago he had insisted on having his private domain fully equipped with monitors, intercoms, and computers tied into the mainframe of the LVPD. Using his handicap as the reason for his request, the department had given him carte blanche to outfit his working area to make the entire department accessible to him.
Today, his past requests may just have saved a life.
As luck would have it, Doc was actually in his office today catching up on paperwork when he first noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye.
Wheeling around in his office chair, he realized the foreign movements were coming from a little used observation camera in the morgue's rear garage area.
This site was not generally used, except in extremes of weather. In some situations, it had been used as a staging area for training exercises by the departments, or an emergency triage center for multi-car accidents when the main hospitals were overworked, or for a makeshift morgue following those events.
Today, however, the crime scene landscape was blessedly peaceful.
Which made movement in that authorized area most noteworthy.
Discerning immediately who the players in the drama were, Doc never took his eyes from the screen while he picked up his cell and speed-dialed the Sheriff.
Before the Sheriff could utter more than his name, the coroner assaulted him with the burning question:
"Is everything alright with Sara?"
The Sheriff's short synopsis caused Doc to close his eyes and hold the receiver against his chest, silent prayers to the heavens that the monitor was displaying a possible conclusion of Sara's current nightmare.
"Sheriff, you need to get your units back here now…no lights or sirens."
Not waiting for further clarification, the Sheriff knew he had good people on the team, and spent no time questioning such a directive.
Barking orders to all units, and shouting for Brass who by now had entered the hospital room where Sara had been last seen, the Sheriff was on the move.
Breathlessly, he spoke: "Al, talk to me…"