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I do not own Twilight

I was exhausted, I was past the point of exhaustion actually, I had reached that point where my body felt like it was floating. I was numb from the emotions running through my body, from the heavy aching in my chest, the constant questioning in my head questioning every decision I had made in the last 24 hours and questioning whether it was the right one. I had nothing left in me but tears, tears I didn't want to let fall anymore, I had cried enough of them over him, over them. I couldn't do it anymore but I had to, I had to keep pushing because on the other side of this airport gate held my freedom, my home, the clarity I craved from all of this confusion hammering down on me.

I look up as I passed security, they glanced at my passport before nodding me through and I took a deep breath, I was almost there, I was almost away from anything holding me to La Push. Once I passed through these doors I would be out, once I got through those glass doors it would be over. I hoped it would be over.

"Savannah" A low voice called over the crowds and my body turned, my insides dropping as the feeling of home rushed through me at the voice, the emotions that had toyed with me came to the surface and I broke. I dropped my suitcase, my hand luggage, my jacket. I dropped everything as I stood directly in the way of everyone trying to manoeuvre their way through the airport and I found him. He was stood watching me back, a fury of emotions running through the eyes I knew so well, the eyes that made my aching chest thunder and my exhausted knees almost give out. He was here.

He moved then, as my swaying body let my tears out he pushed himself through the crowds as if he was fighting for his life, he fought his way and as my final wall broke within me he grabbed me, he held me up in his warm arms as my eyes began letting lose the tears I had hid since leaving Sam's house and I collapsed against him.

"Oh baby girl" He cooed against my head and I tried to regain control of the cries leaving me. I couldn't do this here, we couldn't have a meltdown in the middle of Chicago arrivals.

"Kyle" I breathed out moving myself back, my breaths were ragged and painful but I got a hold of myself and let Kyle push me to a seat at the edge of the arrivals gate while he pulled my bags with him. I sat down in a heap, my body gave up, I gave up. "Kyle" I looked at him again and his thumb brushed over my cheek wiping the tears away with quick ease.

"Savannah, what the hell happened to you?" His eyes were looking me up and down, taking in how tired, pale, shit I looked. I hadn't even brushed my hair. I was a mess inside and out.

"I just, I need to, I want to, I don't know" I stumbled over what to say, how to explain what had happened without blurting out about wolves and imprints. There was nothing I could say and so I shut my mouth and just stared blurry eyed at my best friend.

It had been 24 hours since I rang him begging him to bring me home and he did, he got me on the first flight from Seattle to Chicago. We left for New York next month but for now I needed Chicago, I need home, my real home not La Push.

"Take me home" I whispered to Kyle as he held me to his chest and I felt him nod, I just needed to go home, to forget.

...

I couldn't forget. I couldn't stand the silence that filled Kyle's house and so I left. I caught the night bus through the streets I used to know so well but each one of them only filled me with emptiness now. I felt like I was in a foreign place that I wasn't quite comfortable in and the stores and coffee houses I used to spend hours in with my friends no longer gave me a shadowing smile, the street leading to my old dance school passed by me on the bus and I glanced up, I saw the steps I would run excitedly up whilst waving goodbye to my mom and the stab in my chest became harder.

I turned my music up louder in my ears, it was 3am and the streets were beginning to become empty. Not even the groups of drunk people stumbling around met my eyes and I tried desperately to fill the silence of the bus with music. I needed the silence gone, I needed the thoughts that were giving me a headache gone and the only way I knew to do that was noise. I needed noise, I needed the hustle and bustle of streets, people shouting, shoving into me. Anything to stop me from thinking because thinking hurt.

I didn't even realise what bus I had put myself on until he stopped and told me I had to get off here, it was the last stop. I could either stay on and go right back to the house I left on the other side of the city or I could get off. I looked out of the window to see where I had come, my heart began pounding and I ripped my earplugs out as my eyes took in the stop we were paused at. My stop. I had got on the bus that brought me home. How ironic, I wanted to scream or laugh, maybe even cry. I got off the bus and stared at the road on the opposite side of the street. I had wanted to come home and I had gone to Kyle's, I didn't feel right there and so I went for a walk and I ended up here, I ended up 'home'.

My eyes found the broken down Mercedes on the block corner, it had been there for as long as I could remember and nobody bothered to move it. I had played in it as a kid, that was before they found the needles, I wasn't allowed to play in it after that. My feet began moving, slowly and shakily but they were moving. I walked across the road narrowly dodging a 4x4 that was speeding along and I stopped at the Mercedes, looking inside I saw the mould dripping from the roof, the stale rain water pooling at the bottom. I could just picture the guys faces if they came here, if Emily came here she would have a fit, if Paul...no. I couldn't think of that. I couldn't think of him and so I pushed on, passing the houses of people I knew and of people I was warned away from. I saw the house with the rocking chair out front that in the day times held Bertie, an old man with a cane who sat there and scowled at all those who passed him. I had a special place in my heart for Bertie even though he hated me. I kept going, ignoring the calls of the group of guys hanging around one of the worst houses on the street, they had police turning up every other day and I swear they didn't know the meaning of the words 'sleep' or 'quiet'. I only stopped when I reached the place I knew, the place that was mine, my home. Except it wasn't anymore and once I plucked the courage up to look I saw just how unhomely it really was now. The white wood of the house my mom tried so hard to keep clean was now covered in stains, it hadn't even been a year but tiles were falling off the roof, the window to the kitchen was smashed and duct taped over. The lawn was overgrown and in the driveway sat not a car but some sort of quad bike.

I could feel stinging working itself up my throat, this house, my house. It was dirty, it was run down and cold looking. It wasn't the home I knew it to be, it wasn't the place that held my mothers warmth it was just, it was just a house. A shell that housed some unknown person.

"Hey" A voice spoke out behind me and I jumped, my hand fell on my bag as if I had some sort of protective weapon when I didn't and I turned around ready to strike, only to stop as I saw the car that had slowly pulled up and the boy leaning out of the window. "How did I know I would find you here when you weren't in your bed?" He smirked slightly and I blinked at my watering eyes.

"I wanted to come home" I whispered through the harsh stinging at the top of my throat, it hurt so bad to talk.

"Are you home?" Kyle said with an understanding he shouldn't have. I turned to glance at the house, no. I shook my head, this wasn't my home. I didn't have a home anymore.

La Push.

No. That was not my home. That wasn't somewhere I should be. I needed to find a new home, a new place to call mine but it wasn't Chicago and it wasn't La Push, both places held too much pain, too much hurt and destruction.

"I forgot how awful this neighbourhood was" I walked closer to his car but I didn't get in. I scanned the houses in front of me again, stopping at the ones of the kids I used to play with.

"I didn't" Kyle snubbed, he hated this place, he hated visiting me here and he hated being here. He lived in a two story condo in the Gold Coast that easily set his parents back two million. This place was the size of his parking space in their garage. It was ridiculous in comparison. "Hey"

I felt his hand brush over my arm and I realised I was crying, again. I had been here two days and all I did was cry.

"It will be ok, why don't we go home to mine and we can sort plans out for New York? We need plans, sights to see, places to eat, places to shop"

"I have no money" I blurted out, it was true. Emily had given me some but it was already nearly gone, if we ever got to New York I would be locked in our apartment eating pot noodles and watching TV.

"I got you sorted"

"Kyle" I turned ready to argue but he simply moved over his seats until he was in his driver's seat and gave me room to get in. I did. I gave one last look at the house I used to call home and climbed in. He wasn't paying for me, I wasn't a charity case.

"Why did you come here?" He asked as we drove toward the Gold Coast, I shrugged but I was picking my nail polish off which he saw and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"I can't stand the silence. It gives me time to think and I can't do that, I just, I need" I paused, I didn't know what I needed anymore. "I just can't think about it, or talk"

"I'm not asking you what happened, I'm asking you what's happening now Savannah. I know you'll tell me when you are ready" He assured and I nodded, I still hadn't explained it to him but I couldn't, I didn't understand it myself yet so how could I explain it to him?

How had things gone from pretty good to this I couldn't really remember, all I remember is feeling lied to, hurt and angry, then I left. One minute I was graduating and smiling with people I barely knew and then I was arguing with one person I knew well, the person I had become so close to yet we weren't that close. Not really. I had told him everything I thought there was to tell him about myself but still in his eyes I was this rich kid, this spoilt girl who wanted so much more than La Push had to offer when in reality I was a kid from a city who craved the quiet La Push gave. But now I was running from it, now I needed the buzz of conversation around me, the honking of horns, the angry shouts of passersby, because those things had to stop the thoughts in my head. I was desperate for my mind to stop working, for the feelings I was causing to stop springing up on me. I was desperate for quiet, for peace, serenity, clarity, anything that would stop the confusion; anything that would tell me what to do because truth be told I didn't know what to do. I freaked out and I left and I don't know if it was the right decision but I did it and now I am thousands of miles away and I have to see this decision through.

I stayed quiet as Kyle drove on; I had no idea what to say to him. He was always there to pick the pieces up but I didn't know what to tell him now, he didn't know what pieces needed to be picked up yet here he was.

I woke up the next lunch time feeling just as tired as I had the night before. My eyes were blurred from the tears that had fallen and my body weak from the lack of food and drink it had received. Kyle fed me up with bacon and pancakes before shovelling a litre of water in my face. The condo was nice but it was too big, too high up, too away from the noise I needed. It was my third day in Chicago and I finally decided to try and talk about it, to try and understand what had happened. I couldn't go on in silence, it wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to Kyle.

We had ventured out to a star bucks, not exactly original but it sure as hell beat the coffee I got served in La Push.

"So, the fairytale of a small town didn't quite turn out a fairytale. I could have told you that, I knew when you first said you were going; I knew it would be trouble. I knew those people would mess it up"

"It's not that Kyle" I interrupted after he began bashing the guys who he thought were macho and controlling, they could be but they weren't the problem. "I liked everyone there, it started to feel like home and I really thought maybe I would grow up there, I loved the quiet and the emptiness of it. No huge skyscrapers towering over me, no horns beeping everywhere I went, people said thank you when I held doors open. They felt like my family, I felt somewhat part of a family but" I paused and he leant back on the leather armchair he was sat in.

"You're brother was a douche as was Paul La-not-so-hottie" He rolled his eyes. "But you love him"

I didn't. I was eighteen, I didn't know love. I thought I loved Grant when we dated last year but I didn't. I didn't love Paul, he was important to my life but I didn't, I couldn't love him. The imprint bond brought us together, take that away we were nothing. But you couldn't take it away, it was there and it was real and it was eating me alive knowing that he was hurt because of what I said. But I was hurt too, I was hurt that everything happened like it had.

"I do not love him"

"Look Savannah, I can see you care a lot for him but I can see that you are hurt. In all the years I have known you I have only seen you cry this way once and that was when your mom died. He has really cut you up, you really cared for him even if you won't admit it"

"Kyle" I rolled my eyes as he started getting all inspirational on me and he chuckled.

"So what did he do?"

Where do I start? What do I say? I fiddled with the sugar for a second before pushing my drink away from me and curling my knees up to me chest. I had to tell him.

"I guess, I don't really know what happened. When I first got there he hated me, it was so obvious, he was rude and arrogant and cruel, he made me nervous, he scared me and I hated the thought of being near him but then" I paused, Kyle was obviously intrigued. "Then he changed, he was nicer, he actually took an interest in me and he didn't bitch me out or make comments about how I was a child or a spoilt kid"

"Spoilt, you? Oh come on, a freaking squirrel in a tree is more spoilt brat than you"

"I know" I cut my best friend off but I could see he wasn't happy. "Anyway, there was some things with my brother, things I didn't like about his" I paused trying to find the right word, what could I call it? His furry little problem. "His job, and the other guys I guess. I was scared and I ran away, he found me, he talked to and brought me back, every time I ran away he found me"

I couldn't say his damned name, it hurt too much.

"I guess from that point we just sort of, we were sort of friends, the more I found out about him the more I saw that maybe he wasn't the guy I first thought he was. He lost his mom, his dad is really ill and lives in a care home, his sister hates him and ran away to college without saying goodbye or telling him where she was going. He's alone and"

"So are you" Kyle finished for me and I nodded.

"At least that's how it felt. I felt like I could tell him things because he knew what I was feeling. I met his dad, he would take me with him and I saw this side to him that I didn't see at first but then he would change suddenly. He has these mood swings, he always apologises though and I forgave him because he felt like a friend to me. But there's Rachel, he was seeing her before I arrived and she's just, she's amazing, she's gorgeous and her body is slim and tall, she's smart and I'm not. When I saw them together I got jealous, I got bitchy, I have never felt so much hatred for someone I barely know but her, she really gets to me. Kyle, I don't even know what I'm saying here but he just, he turns me into this person that I'm scared of being. He makes me giggle when I'm sad, he scares me when I'm happy, he turns me into a jealous bitch and he just, he drives me freaking crazy"

"You love him" Kyle spoke so bluntly like it was obvious. I looked at him unsure of what to say, I didn't love Paul. "Savannah Uley, you love him. You can say no all you like but you will realise it one day, I just don't want that day to be too late"

"No, I don't. You don't get it, he was pretending, he was forced to be interested in me by other things. My brother made him be my friend, his tribal leaders, it sounds so stupid Kyle and I can't explain it properly but he doesn't want me, he's being told to be with me but he didn't want me. He was happy with Rachel before I came along. I don't want him, I deserve more than someone who is with me because my brother has told him to be with me. I deserve a choice; I deserve to be with someone who doesn't scare me"

"Does he scare you because you think he will hurt you or because you are in love with him and that feeling scares you?"

"I'm not in love with him"

"Then why did you run away?"

"Why would I run away if I was in love with him that makes no sense?"

"No it doesn't make sense to any rational person but you aren't rational, you over think things and you get so worked up that this happens. You ran away because you're scared of loving him, scared of losing him"

"Kyle just stop, you asked for the story and I'm giving it to you. I don't need to be cross examined whilst I'm trying to explain why the hell I left that place. That place is full of lies, people lie and I end up getting hurt by it, I don't want to be around people who lie so easily and people that can hurt me so easily. I want to feel safe again, safe from the worry that at any second I could" I had to stop before I said something that would flag the situation as weird. Kyle was interested in my words but I stopped. "All you need to know is that Paul wants Rachel, or anyone else other than me, he was told he had to love me and so he tried, he told me he loved me but in reality he doesn't know me so, you can't love someone you don't know"

"Not true, I LOVE Jennifer Anniston and I don't know her. I do know she is the love of my life though" Kyle smirked and I rolled my eyes, I liked this about my best friend, he knew when I needed a serious conversation over and this was the moment I needed it over.

"She's old enough to be your mother"

"But damn she would be a fine ass mom, admit it girl, Jennifer A is b-e-a-utiful" He winked and slurped the last of his drink while I nodded. "Wait so when you decided to leave what happened?"

Maybe he didn't know when to change the conversation. I thought back to that day, the tears that I had cried. The pain in my chest. The arguments, the fights. So many fights.

"I got into it with Paul, he told me he loved me and I said no, I told him I wouldn't be with him because of my brother forcing him to be with me. He told me it wasn't why he loved me, that he actually did but then I realised he doesn't know me. I told him everything about my life here, things that he should have known after being my friend for eight months or not even friends, whatever we were. He should have known but he didn't. He doesn't know me. Anyway, he kissed me like it would make it all better but I ran away, I just ran home and I went crazy at Sam for it, I told him I wanted to leave and he said no, Emily said I should, that I had to go it alone for a bit but Sam said no. I was horrible, I told him I didn't need him, that he was barely even my brother and that he spent more time shouting at me than anything else, he told me not to go back. Not in those words but he basically told me not to bother running to him if anything goes wrong. I rang you, got the tickets and I told Emily I was leaving. Sam didn't come home that night, Emily told him I was going the next morning but he didn't come to say goodbye, the guys came to say sorry for how I found out about Paul"

"How did you find out?"

"Oh, I heard them making a bet on when he would tell me he liked me, but they also let slip that it was down to Sam's warning that he had to be nice to me and so they apologised for what I heard and what they said. Paul tried coming to see me, Jared got into a fight with him right outside before ushering me into his truck and taking me to the airport. It caused a fight with Sam too, Kim let slip that Sam was pissed at Jared for taking me and that Jared was in trouble"

"Does your brother think he's in charge of them all or something? Sorry but he sounds like a control freak"

I paused, my insides freezing. He was in charge of them. He was also a slight control freak. Eurgh, this was a mess. I looked out at the window behind Kyle; the noise I craved wasn't doing much to soothe my confusion. I needed to get to New York, make a fresh start. Get over Paul. Break the imprint.