Time started to feel like a burden to Maryn. It would crawl by, dragging out until she was aching for each day to end. However, the nights were the worst. Night terrors had been her constant companion before she had arrived in Asgard, but she had very rarely been able to remember them once she awoke. That all changed when Loki fell from the Rainbow Bridge. The night terrors became a constant and she would remember every horror-filled moment after she awoke screaming. Loki's comforting presence was gone and she endured night after night of fear so vivid it felt real. In the nightmares, monsters would tear at her flesh and Coros would drag her down into a deep pit while she heard Loki and her unborn baby scream in pain. She soon became so lost in those dark dreams that she would sometimes hear her baby and Loki during the daylight hours.
As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Maryn became a ghost of her former self. She would wander the golden halls of the palace at all hours dressed in black with a dark veil over her hair and face. Her creamy skin, which once shone with life, became pallid and drawn. The sparks of mirth were gone from her grey eyes and they became hard and cold. Eating was a struggle as everything tasted like ashes in her mouth, and her body suffered for it.
Frigga and Tora tried to care for her but she would disappear for hours at a time when their backs were turned, only to reappear again looking tired and weaker than before.
Tora tried desperately to earn her mistress' trust once more, but Maryn had shut herself off so completely from everything that she was unreachable.
The only comfort she seemed to find was in Fenrir and Thor. She did not blame her good-brother for what happened during the fight between him and Loki on the Rainbow Bridge, and could often be seen walking at his side through Frigga's private gardens, both individuals silent. However, even Thor could not lure Maryn back to society or feasts, and not even Fenrir could entice a smile out of his mistress.
She felt as if her link to Loki had been severed in the most excruciating way, the remnants of the bind raw and painful in the back of her mind reminding her of her loss every moment of every day. Not even sleep could reduce the ache. The dulling spell Loki had cast before that fateful trip to Jotunheim was still there and, despite the agony she knew she would be in, she worked tirelessly to break it. Her choice to do so was borne more of grief and guilt than anything. She wanted to suffer as Loki had suffered, as her child had suffered. The pain she was in now was manageable; the pain she would be in when that spell was gone would no doubt rip apart her mind.
Maryn slipped away from the watchful gaze of the Allmother and her lady-in-waiting to search the palace library for a way to be rid of the dulling spell. Between her horror-filled dreams, she had seen Loki injured, trapped, but alive, and with an intensity that spoke of near mania, she believed he still lived and would prove it if she could only break his spell. Hours melted together, she spent so long pouring over tomes and spell books that she would lose track of the days and could be there for nearly a full day before she realised. The pain of the severed link spurred her on. If Loki was dead she would break the dulling spell and the wound left by the destroyed magical tie would heal, if Loki was still living her magic would search out his and he would be found.
A few months after the Bifrost was destroyed she finally found the spell she needed. Before her nerves could get the best of her, Maryn took the spell book that contained the incantation to the Yggdrasil fountain where she and Loki had their first magic lesson over two years before. She knelt before the water feature and balanced the book on the lip of its bowl, her veil pushed back from her face and her black velvet gown pooling around her. Closing her eyes, she spoke the words and centred her magic. Although it was still wildly uncontrollable at times, she had taught herself techniques to keep it manageable.
The feeling of the magic block that had been in her mind shifting and crumbling slowly made tears well in her eyes and slide down her cheeks, smudging the kohl and gold eye makeup she wore. When it was gone, she gasped, coming out of the trance she had settled in to do the spell. Falling back on her hands, the princess glanced around, a soft humming filling the air around her. She could feel the magic all around her so much more strongly. After it had been dulled for so long, the power in everything felt so much greater, it was readily at her fingertips where it had been a struggle to even summon the energy to search for the magic before.
With renewed purpose, Maryn took the pendant from around her neck and dipped it into the water of the fountain. Closing her eyes, she focussed on a memory of Loki's face, keeping it in her mind as she opened her eyes. Her body stilled as she stared at the water; nothing showed there. She couldn't see Loki. Trying again, she pictured the Dark Prince as he had looked the night before his death when they lay together in their bed. Again, she opened her eyes, and again there was nothing there. Becoming frantic, Maryn thought of Frigga, the sight of the Allmother's face projected onto the surface of the water confirmed her worst fears; Loki was truly gone.