Author's Note-If you are going through a breakup, send me a DM with some details about and I will write you a one shot with you and your fav wolf.
Chapter 35 - Fool me once.
Lisa's POV
I had completely moved out of the Black's house. The only sign I was ever there was some food I made still in the fridge. Hopefully enough to last Billy some good meals.
I had a lot of things to figure out. I thought as I walked in silence between Leah and my brother, I didn't even pay attention to where I was heading. I knew as long as I walked with them I would be ok.
My first instinct was to run back to Cali, to my old home. I had friends and some family there, the change of scenery and the sun would definitely help. But the distance would hurt me, I knew the pain of the imprint bond, breaking it would be hell on earth but there were ways I could work around it. I knew I owed myself that, I owed myself happiness, peace, satisfaction, being able to dream and live with family. If I tried to break the imprint bond I would have none, which meant I had to stay close to La Push to Jake. I was not a quitter, I knew I couldn't leave La Push after all the mess I made with Brandon. I would never hear the end of it.
There was truly only one solution, I would live in La Push but live my life my way. I couldn't count on Jake and his love. This was going to be me, all me, but at least I would have my family. I turned my head to see Paul watching me.
"I know you must be shocked right now, I know it hurts but we are all here for you Lisa" he whispered.
I saw the other wolves nod.
"Thank you Paul"
I couldn't bring myself to say anything more. The short walk to Andy's ended and I was back in the room I used some time ago, Leah insisted on wanting to talk to me alone and I knew I could use her insights.
"What are you thinking?" She asked me
"I don't know, as stupid as it sounds I never expected this to happen" I told her
"Neither did I, he seemed so in love. I could hear his thoughts, he wouldn't shut up about you"
"Maybe it is for the best?" I thought out loud.
"I don't think so, I know you are his soul mate, the imprints have some meaning no matter what you guys think. When I imprinted on Andy, I could see why Sam and I never worked. I was glad, I would have missed out on your brother if I settled for Sam. The imprints make sense Lee. You have to try to show him that" she told me her voice getting low in the end.
"I thought I did Leah, I accepted the imprint the instant I heard of it, I opened up to him, trusted him. Fuck I have a bite mark in my neck that smells like him for the rest of my life. I was his mate and he let all that go for a girl who picked a vampire over him. I don't know what to say, I don't know why this is happening to me. I know I love him, I thought he loved me too but I don't have the energy to fight for him Leah, not after everything that happened between us. I shouldn't have to fight for my wolf after we mated, even you know that's not how things work."
"You cannot try to break it" her eyes leveled with mine, "It hurts Lisa, more than you can imagine, physically, psychologically, you will fall sick, lose energy and it only gets worse the longer you stay away."
"I'll be right here Leah, I'm not fighting the bond, that is Jake's job. He wants out, he can have out. I'm going to do things that I want to do. I want to bond with the rest of my family, I want to enjoy La Push and high school. I want to recuperate before I think about anything else. I just want to be me before I make any big decisions." I told her what was on my mind. There was no point hiding anything.
I just didn't want to let myself think or feel anything Jacob Black.
I was going to live through my mate leaving to try being "friends" with someone who had picked a bloodsucker over him and I would try my best to enjoy the time and preferably not die.
I stared at the roof while I laid in bed unable to sleep, trying to formulate a plan that would make my heart stop bleeding. Tears flowed silently down my face even as I tried my best to not think about what happened. The warmth that I had gotten so used was now gone, I was alone again.
I woke up with all my thoughts intact, I woke up feeling a little less helpless and more focused than ever. I knew what I needed to do and there would be no stopping me. It was a school day and I had to get through that first before I put the rest of my plan into action. I rode to school with my brother and Leah, they looked worried and didn't ask me anything which I was very thankful for.
"Andy, are there any houses I can rent on the Rez, something small maybe one or two bedrooms?" I asked during our quick walk through the parking lot.
"Yeah, but you can always live with us. Our guest bedroom is pretty empty" Leah said a little too quickly.
"I know and I'm very thankful for that, but I was wondering if I could find a house and start making it home you know?"
"I like that idea, you would make any home a beautiful home, you're very crafty and I've seen what you did to some of the properties, I'll ask around and tell you by the end of the day" my brother told me with a smile.
I knew he was happy with the way I was handling this. I wanted to keep it that way. It wouldn't help the others if they saw how I felt, how much I just wanted to stay home today and not face anyone, especially Jacob.
But I knew I couldn't hide forever, then why even start hiding right? I had too much pride to even act like this was my fault. I had thought that it was, maybe I wasn't doing something right, maybe I could do more and hadn't done enough, was I not enough for Jake? For his wolf? Not smart enough? Not sexy enough? not interesting enough?
All these thoughts had raced through my mind last night when I found out that the man I shared a home with would rather be friends with someone he used to and may or may not have feelings for than be my mate. He wanted to risk our imprint bond knowing how much pain it could cause and all the promises he had made himself that would be broken. I never asked Jake to stop being friends with Bella after she tried to kiss him, but he told me that if something could hurt me so much he would always stay away from it.
One night had solved all of that, one night was all it took for him to want to jeopardize everything I had poured my heart into and that was all I needed to know to understand that this wasn't for me. I wanted to find someone who could love me as we built a home together, raised a family and spent time building our dreams together. This was definitely not what I wanted.
I walked through the school doors and suddenly noticed how many people were staring at me, did they all know? Even in our small high school gossip was quick and vicious.
My brother eyed everyone who stared at me with apparent distaste, I came face to face with Paul and Embry standing by our lockers soon enough.
They both hugged me and told me that they were happy to see me at school.
"Well I couldn't sit at home, I didn't know what else to do" I told them
"How do you feel?" I knew what they were asking me, the imprint bond. They were asking about the bond.
"I'm ok, I feel the tugs. I feel the need to see him or talk to him but it's not too painful. Yet. "
I added. I knew it would get worse, the more Jake doubted it and broke it, it would make us both sick. We would lose strength and concentration. Every time Jake did something to jeopardize it, I would fall sick, but I couldn't control that. I could control trying to make myself happy and with everything that had been taken away from me, I wouldn't let that go.
"Stay strong Lisa, he'll come around " Embry told me.
He was Jake's best friend, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't thinking about it. I refused to make my life about whether he would or would not come back. My life would be bigger than that. I knew that if I started thinking about Jake there would be no end to the tears.
I leaned into Paul, he had always been kind to me. I knew my brothers would make sure that I had a family to lean on now when I needed them the most.
It was time to go to class. I held any thoughts of how I would react to seeing Jacob in some of the classes locked away not feeling strong enough to deal with that now.
I trudged through the morning on autopilot, those who knew that my life had changed last night reassured me with silent nods and hugs not saying too much and those who didn't know barely acknowledged me out of the normal.
Soon it was lunch and I knew what that meant. I walked into the lunchroom with Kim, glad that she hadn't wanted to talk about it or worse asked about it.
I walked to the lunch line as I always did, lost in thought I smiled and laughed along with other people from my classes or people I knew from around the Rez. One of the guys was my physics partner and he was pretty silly making me snort while I grabbed a Juice box, but I knew when I felt the tug that Jake was in the room. My body started humming, I couldn't move but I knew I couldn't let him know how much this affected me.
I walked over to the table that the pack usually sat around and noticed him for the first time since yesterday. He looked the same, devilishly handsome with a T-shirt that fit great in all the right places and a tight smile on his face as he listened to Quil talk loudly. I knew he could feel me coming closer, the same tug I was feeling had to be pulling at his heart too, but he gave nothing away until I came to the table.
I didn't want to look at him and knew that I couldn't take my usual spot next to him, I saw the pack jump into action with Paul sliding to make me some room and Embry taking my usual spot between Leah and Jake. I had to remember to thank them for it later.
I sat down by Paul who immediately started poking around my food and picking bites off from it while I fought to keep him away, the usual jokes and chatter filled the air and I relaxed. Just as I lifted my head up to laugh at something Embry had said I caught Jake's eye.
It truly felt like the world had stopped, the brown enchanting eyes were looking straight at me. I saw no pain, no feeling other than warmth. I broke the eye contact first worrying that he might see the grief in mine. When I was done eating the little food I could manage to eat from Paul's raids on my lunch tray. I got up to walk to my locker when I heard his deep voice say my name. I tried to act like it was no big deal, but I knew he could hear my heart skip a beat, I knew he could feel all my emotions unless I was careful. I thought about the beach, my garden, and my brother.
I smiled at him, not wanting to start this conversation but still stubborn enough to let him know that I was not dying over him
"Hey Lisa"
"Hi" I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. Yesterday was different, we had woken up happy, he made love to me in the shower and we had spent the day together.
Today he was a stranger.
"I'm sorry, it's not personal" he told me simply. I guess that is all there was.
"It's ok" I told him now I could meet his eyes knowing that there wouldn't be anything for me there. Just another guy telling his ex-girlfriend that he had moved on. Normal stuff.
"I hope we can still be friends" I think that is code for let's keep the bond from killing us tonight.
"Of course"
"It's great that you understand" he told me
"Yeah, don't worry about it" I said not knowing what else I could say.
I walked out of the school building. Heading straight for the beach knowing I couldn't control my tears anymore.
I heard the waves and knew I could sob freely.
A/N: We have all been through bad relationships and breakups. Writing this chapter is kind of a purge for me, seeing Lisa do all the things I wish I had done. I wish I had known back then that I had to was to stay strong.
I love each and every one of the reviews! I enjoy reading your thoughts so much. I hope you guys enjoy reading mine! Please keep the reviews coming.
Eclairz1