Chapter 36

It had been a long time since Kara had set foot upon Cloud 9. The last time had been on Colonial day nearly two years ago when she had left with Baltar. This time she wasn't wearing a dress, choosing black slacks and a silky fitted shirt. Her hair was also a lot longer now, flowing just beneath her shoulders, a length she had not kept since entering the fleet academy. Kara was usually against dressing up for a night out, preferring combats and tanks, but today felt as if more effort was needed especially because everyone else on Cloud 9 was dressed up. She'd even put on a little bit of makeup.

Racetrack and Skulls had been on duty and transported her over. During the trip they'd happened to mention that they had brought Lee over earlier. As if she could forget.

Kara couldn't remember the last time she had been allowed some proper "r & r." In the first year after the attacks she had been over to Cloud 9 a lot, concentrating on meeting random people she hoped never to meet again. The ship was just as she remembered with a wide open space that was designed to feel like the outdoors. She saw the spot where she had sprayed Lee with the garden hose, laughing and giggling like school children as they chased each other around on the grass. Kara laughed inwardly to herself at the memory; no-one could make her smile quite like Lee Adama. There was a large bar and banqueting room where they had had a few drinks before taking out some heavies. That day seemed like an eternity ago, remembering the look on Lee's face when he had seen her in that dress. She had lost count of the number of times she had wished that day had ended differently.

The main banqueting room was closed off for VIPs only, so Kara would have to make do with the other bar, which was situated in the lower decks where most of the military tended to hang out. The room was loud when she entered and a few men she didn't know turned their heads towards her in appraisal. She ignored them and scanned the room looking for a group from the Galactica. Lee had told her that he was coming to Cloud 9 with a few people, though he hadn't been specific as to whom, but Kara could guess. At first she wasn't going to join them, but then Fisk had ordered her to go after she had yawned three times during his debriefing.

Her heart almost stopped when she saw him sitting on the other side of the room, not because she had seen him, but because he was alone with her. Part of Kara wanted to walk over and slap him hard around the face, but the fight had gone from within her and she walked over to the bar and ordered a strong drink, it would be her only drink. The barman came over shortly afterwards with her drink, which she slurped at lazily, willing herself not to look over towards Lee. She refused to show any weakness in front of him.

Her hand was still in a soft cast, which was due to be examined the next day, so she held onto her glass with her left hand trying not to draw attention to herself.

"What's a lovely woman such as yourself doing sitting here all alone?" came a slightly slurred voice from a dishevelled looking man as he sat in the chair next to her. Kara ignored him, focusing her concentration on the drink. "Hey, I'm talking to you sweetheart."

"Frak off," she replied bluntly.

"Hey sweetheart, I was just being nice."

Kara turned towards him. He wasn't bad looking and about a year ago she would have welcomed his advances, but she was not interested in anyone at the moment, "well thanks but no thanks."

"You're beautiful," he slurred and lunged forward to put his arm around her. Kara reacted instinctively and grabbed his arm, twisted it and planted his head into the bar top. "What the frak, you crazy bitch," he yelled out as she let him go and he darted away to the other side of the room. Many faces were suddenly turned in her direction.

"What?" she barked out and sat herself back down at the bar.

A few minutes later and she felt another presence behind her. She braced herself, ready for another confrontation.

"If I had known that you'd end up sitting alone like this then I would never have let you go," said a friendly voice that Kara instantly recognised. She turned around on her bar stool and came face to face with Anders. She'd lost track of him since turning him down, hearing that he had requested and been granted a transfer to the Galactica.

"Hey Sam, do you want a drink?"

"You're not going to face plant my head into the bar are you?"

Kara smiled and motioned to the seat next to her. The barman brought him over a drink, a familiarity which made Kara guess that he was a regular.

"So how are you doing?" he asked after taking a sip.

"Great," she replied without conviction.

"And the kiddies?"

Kara smiled, "they're great, getting big now and crawling around like crazy."

"So are you going to tell me why their father's sitting over the other side of the room with Dualla when he could be here with you?"

"Why don't you go over and ask him."

"Okay, obviously a touchy subject," said Anders taking another gulp of his drink. "When you took your dogtag back, I just assumed that..."

"Well you were wrong."

They went silent, continuing to drink their drinks until Anders had finished his. "I still care about you," he said leaning towards her slightly. "If you ever want to give it another go..."

Kara turned to look at him, shocked at his proposition, "I don't think that would be very fair on you...or me."

Anders nodded, looking disappointed, "because of Lee?" Kara smiled into her drink as she took another slurp. "Listen will you do me a favour?"

She looked at him puzzled, "what?"

"Don't end up like him," he said and pointed to a man at the end of the bar. She recognised Billy who was looking exhausted and downtrodden. "He comes here all the time, just sits there and stares at his drink all night. Now there is a guy with a broken heart."

"Hmmm, no wonder, he used to go out with Dee."

"Ah," replied Anders, seeming to clue in to what was going on.

"So what about you Sammy? There must be thousands of women in the fleet who would love to shack up with a former C-Bucks star."

Anders shrugged, "no-one special."

"Aw come on, what about that other member of the resistance, urm Barolay. She liked you."

Anders laughed, "Err Kara, I think you are more of her type."

Kara nearly spat out her drink, "Oh. Frak, my dradis is way off these days."

"That's what having babies will do."

That was too true. The old Starbuck would never let her emotions take control. "Go and have a good night Sam, I'll be fine."

"And leave you on your own?"

"I think I can survive. Besides I have Billy here for company."

Anders looked over at the forlorn former president's assistant and shook his head, "just do me a favour Kara, don't get into a bar fight."

Kara laughed and gestured for him to leave. He placed a kiss to the top of her head and then scampered back into the throng.

Once he had gone Kara chanced a glance across the room and saw Lee staring straight back at her. She smiled and raised her glass to say hello, but then he looked away, turning his attention back to Dee who placed a hand on his arm.

Kara had seen enough, she stood up from her barstool and walked over to Billy. She knocked her glass against his, "To hopeless cases."

Lee kept looking over towards the front entrance, hoping that Kara would changed her mind and decide to come over to Cloud 9 for some "r & r." In his opinion she couldn't get here quickly enough. He had come over under the false impression that they were going to be with a group of people, but when he had entered the bar Dee had been sitting alone.

They had casually talked for a while, but now Lee was getting impatient.

"So how come you came over alone?" he asked trying to keep the impatience out of his voice. He wanted to know the answer, but then that meant taking his eyes off the front entrance.

Dee looked down disappointed, "I thought it would be nice to spend some time alone."

Lee felt a sense of foreboding dread wash through him. "Dee," he said as kindly as possible, in fear of making her cry. "I told you last week, I'm not ready for a relationship." The tears seemed to pool in her eyes and he hated to see people crying. "Look, you're great, but it wouldn't be fair on either of us if we started something."

"Because of Starbuck?" she said hitting the nail right on the head.

"We've been through a lot together..." he began.

"You don't think I know that? Lee, I'm not blind. I know there's something between you and that you would go to her in an instant, but I'm willing to have you for as long as she lets me."

Lee couldn't get his mind round her crazy sounding words, was she seriously suggesting what he thought she was. He had to turn away from her, tempted to run away to the other side of the bar. And then he saw Kara, sitting at the bar with him. He stared across the room intently, focused upon the bar and the blonde who was sitting there with Anders. They seemed to be deep in conversation, glancing at each other intermittently.

"Lee, are you listening to me?" asked Dee, but he didn't turn back to her.

He carried on watching as Anders suddenly stood up and placed a kiss on top of her head before walking away and then their eyes locked. Kara's gaze could make his heart stop in an instant. She really didn't know how beautiful she was and what she did to him.

He watched on as she raised her glass. Was she seriously trying to tease him? Lee turned his gaze away quickly, knowing that if he looked at her any longer he would end up making an idiot of himself.

"What's wrong?" asked Dee sounding concerned. She placed a hand on his arm trying to be comforting. "You seem miles away."

Lee pulled his hand back, "look Dee, maybe this was a bad idea, I don't want to give you the wrong impression."

"What impression would that be?"

"That we have a chance," he dared to glance back over towards the bar, also not wanting to see the disappointment wash over Dee's face. Kara was now sitting with Billy, the two laughing away as if they were school children. "When did they become friends?" he thought, not realising that he had said it aloud.

"What?" asked Dee, who already had tears in her eyes. She looked over towards the bar watching Kara and Billy as they continued to giggle, "oh."

Lee was entranced, the envy bubbling away inside of him. He wanted her to smile and laugh with him again and only with him. He loved it when she smiled, the way it lit up her entire face. Suddenly she rose from her bar stool and grabbed at Billy's arm, dragging him to the dance floor. The poor kid nearly fell off his chair, spilling his drink in the process. Lee could partially see them through the crowd, dancing amongst a group of people to the loud music.

"I didn't know they were friends," said Dee bluntly. Lee looked back round to her, seeing the annoyance in her face. He wasn't sure if she was more annoyed that Kara was here or that Billy seemed to be having a good time. "I have to go to the bathroom," she added and suddenly stormed away.

Lee wasted no time hanging around at the table. He stood up and walked over to the dance floor, but he couldn't find Kara or Billy. He cursed to himself and continued to search not caring if Dee had returned to their table.

He knocked suddenly into a sturdy shoulder when he was not looking where he was going and was about to apologise when he saw it was Anders. "Hey, have you seen Kara?" he shouted in order to be heard above the music.

"She left with Billy a minute ago."

"Right," he muttered back and stormed out towards the exit. What the frak was Kara thinking? Frakking the Vice-President was one thing, but shacking up with the former President's aid who was barely legal? Lee would be damned if he let that happen.

"To hopeless cases."

Billy seemed a little confused by Kara's introduction. "You okay?" she added.

"I'm great," he replied. "What can I do for you Captain?"

"It's Major, but just call me Starbuck or Kara," the poor former aid seemed terrified of her.

"I...I, sorry Starbuck," he stuttered shyly.

"Are you scared of me?" asked Kara with a grin. "It's okay if you are, most people seem to be."

Finally Billy forced a smile, "you're not as scary as Ellen Tigh."

Kara laughed loudly, "I think few people aren't. Oh Gods, the look on your face when she shoved her foot into your lap."

Billy laughed with her, his face finally brightening up, "I can't believe what you said to her, I swear it's the only time I have ever seen Laura actually blushing."

Kara guffawed loudly, "I can't believe she was so drunk that she mistook my lap for yours."

"The fact that you were nine months pregnant didn't give it away at all."

Perhaps Billy was less boring then she originally thought, "so are you going to sit here drowning in your sorrows all night or are you going to help keep me entertained?"

"What?"

"Come on," said Kara, suddenly leaping up and grabbing at Billy's arm. She tugged him off his stool, nearly making him fall over and dragged him to the dance floor still laughing.

It had been years since she had gone dancing in a club, but still moved easily to the rhythm. Billy on the other hand seemed to have been born with two left feet and was obviously very subconscious about it. He was also unsteady on his feet from the amount of alcohol he had consumed.

"You can tell you don't go out much," she shouted out above the music.

Billy leaned in closer to her ear, "this isn't really my scene. Do you fancy going somewhere a little more upmarket?"

"The top bar, can you get us in?"

"Of course, I still have contacts," this time it was Billy who grabbed at her arm and dragged her off the dance floor and towards the exit.

They walked quickly up to the main banqueting hall and the bouncer ushered them through without a second glance. The music here was softer and Kara instantly felt as if many eyes were upon her shabby appearance. The room was full of the surviving rich list from the Twelve Colonies, including several Quorum members. She ignored Zarek as he nodded at her in acknowledgement and continued to follow Billy to the bar.

This was where the best alcohol in the fleet was being served, but Kara had promised herself only one drink so she merely ordered herself a glass of water and one cocktail for Billy. He downed it quickly, not pausing for breath.

"Would you like another one?" she asked, shocked at his speed.

"I need it."

"She's done a real number on you hasn't she?"

"I don't know what I did wrong, everything was fine and then one day she just turned around and left me," said Billy looking forlorn. "What happened with you and Major Adama?"

Kara was a little taken aback, "nothing," which is exactly what the problem was. She motioned to the bar tender and he brought over another cocktail which Billy downed just as quickly.

In the few years that she had known him, Kara had barely said a few words to the man. To her, he was merely the President's aid, a shy man who was Dee's boyfriend and as far as she could tell they had been happy, but then after Caprica things had changed and Dee had clearly directed her affections elsewhere. Kara didn't know why this had suddenly happened, but she suspected it was because a certain somebody had been out of the way for a while. She thanked the Gods for her return before it was too late. Not that she would have blamed Lee for turning to Dee after being abandoned by her so suddenly, but she sure would have raised hell about it.

As they sat at the bar Billy talked incessantly about how much he had frakked things up with Dee, to the extent that Kara was tempted to reach over and begin strangling him. Just as he was about to rehash the same spiel over again, she abruptly interrupted,

"Listen. You didn't do anything wrong okay?" She was in utter disbelief to be giving someone else relationship advice, especially when she had a tendency to frak everything up. "You started a relationship at a really frakked up time, you'd both just lost your entire families, of course things were not going to stay the way they were."

Billy nodded into his fourth cocktail, "I guess it's the same for you and Major Adama."

"Aw Billy, if only me and Lee were that simple. I'm afraid our frakked up relationship goes back to years before the Colonies were destroyed."

"Oh, really? I mean, it's kinda obvious that you two have a lot of history. I guess that's what I lacked with Dee; there was nothing from before the end of the Worlds to keep us going."

"You're young, have some fun. Gods know I did at your age."

"I've never been into that sort of fun."

"And what does that mean? You don't know a frakking thing about me."

He looked suddenly sheepish, "I can understand why people are scared of you. I didn't mean it like that, all I was saying is that most people think I'm boring. Dee probably thinks Major Adama is a lot more interesting. I mean look at me, I couldn't even get up the courage to dance."

"You're alive aren't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing, you're already doing better than the millions who were killed by the cylons."

"Do you really believe that?"

She thought for a moment, "Yeah I do."

Kara had never really feared death, which had fuelled her aggressive and sometimes insane flying. What she had always feared was being forgotten. If she had died with others she could have been just another forgotten face on the memorial wall. A few days after the attacks it had been her job to place the photographs of her entire squadron on the wall, including Galactica's former CAG, a nice guy and good triad player. It had been painful, but now she found it difficult to find their faces amongst the others. It had been ironic and sheer dumb luck that her disorderly behaviour had saved her life, and for that she thanked the Gods.

Lee had practically wandered down every single corridor on the ship, right down to some grimy looking areas in the bowels of the ship, but he hadn't been able to find her. The last place he had yet to try was the banqueting hall, which he guessed would be for people on the guest list only. He really hoped that she had managed to talk her way in, it was either that or it meant she was in one of the rooms with the former aid. This time he didn't think he could forgive her

"Are you on the VIP list sir?" asked the bouncer.

"Err, I don't think so."

"Then I'm afraid I can't let you in sir."

"Come on, I'm looking for a woman," he said hoping that he could appeal to the larger man's better nature.

"Aren't we all sir," the bouncer repeated unmoving.

Lee had sworn he would never use his father like this, "my name is Major Lee Adama..."

"I know who you are sir, but I still can't let you through."

"Can you at least tell me if my friend might be in there, she's about this high," he said motioning up to around his chin, "blonde, walks with an attitude, she was with the former President's aid."

"Billy? Yeah sure, they both came in here."

Lee felt his body relax slightly in the knowledge that Kara wasn't currently off frakking someone else. Part of him even felt ashamed that he had entertained the notion. But then he looked through the main doors into the banquet room and saw them dancing arm in arm in the middle of the dance floor.

He felt as if his heart had been ripped out and fed to a dog and walked away dejected, to where he didn't know.

Kara had to run out to the dance floor to stop Billy making a complete ass of himself. He had downed another cocktail before deciding it would be a brilliant idea to dance solo, thrashing his arms about as if he was at a rave. She had finally reached him when he grabbed for her, virtually pulling her into a hug.

"Whoa there," she said, catching him as he nearly keeled over onto the floor.

"You're great, you know that?" he slurred.

"Yep, but you're also very drunk Mr Keikeya."

"I'm fine," he said, the stink of the alcohol making Kara turn up her nose. She couldn't believe that she was surrounded by quorum members and the fleet's elite with a drunk former President's aid in her arms. From a distance, at least it might look like they were dancing, but up close told a different story especially when a few moments later Billy threw up on the floor.

"Frak, are you serious?" With her babies she was used to vomit, but from a grown adult? Many people were now looking on at them in disgust and Kara decided now would be an ideal time to leave, especially as the bouncer was coming over towards them. "Come on," she said, but Billy seemed to be having difficulty walking. She flung his arm behind her neck and supported him as if he was a wounded soldier.

She carried him out of the room listening as he slurred, "I wanna stay" repeatedly.

"You owe me one for this Keikeya," muttered Kara as they neared the hangar bay area, relieved when she saw the raptor.

"I'm gonna be sick again," groaned Billy as they walked up the wing of the raptor.

"Not on my frakking ship," shouted Racetrack and helped Kara quickly lift him off the wing and carry him to a fire bucket where he emptied the contents of his stomach.

"Nice," said Kara with a grimace. "Just when I'd forgotten how much fun r & r could be." She was helping to carry Billy back to the raptor when she saw Lee, standing on the other side of the hangar deck and looking mad as hell. "Frak."

"What was that?" asked Racetrack as she struggled to remove Billy's arm from around her neck and sat him down in one of the chairs by the entrance hatch.

Kara muttered "never mind," and then walked down the wing again, knowing that the next few minutes were not going to be pretty. Lee marched straight over and grabbed her arm, pulling her away to the side.

"Ouch, what the frak is your problem Lee?"

"You, always you," he said harshly, staring down at her, "what the frak do you think you were doing? You were all over him."

"Are you jealous?" she said unflinchingly, staring right back.

Lee stepped back slightly, who was he kidding? Of course he was jealous and really didn't have a clue what he was angry about. Their gaze was fixed, both too stubborn and enthralled to look away.

"Lee?" said an annoyed voice from behind them. He had to refrain from rolling his eyes, irritation washing over his face as he pulled himself away from Kara and turned around to see Dee standing there.

When did everything get so frakking complicated he thought, just as an elbow barged passed him. "Kara," he shouted out as she strode quickly over the raptor. "Kara wait."

She was mad as hell, shouting over her shoulder, "If you know what's good for you Lee, you'd stay away."

"Kara," he said again and grabbed at her arm, but this time she spun around and pushed him hard in the chest sending him backwards a few paces.

"Just stay, away, Lee," she said slightly softer and turned, stepping up and into the raptor.

"What? So you're going back with him?" Lee said gesturing to the now slumped over Billy.

"No Lee, I'm going back to put our kids to bed," she said as the raptor hatch closed shut leaving a shocked and sheepish looking Lee behind on the deck.

He stood there watching the raptor as it was guided out of the hangar deck, going over and over in his mind how things had gone so badly wrong. Was Kara jealous too? Is that what her rant had meant? It was a hope that he was determined to hold onto. Turning he saw Dee still standing there, sighing deeply and knowing what he had to do and regardless of whether she cried, he strode over to her to lay it on the line.

Lena and Joseph were already asleep by the time Kara got back as it was late evening. All of the anger and jealousy bubbled out as soon as she saw her children sleeping soundly side by side, their little chests rising and falling as they breathed. She dismissed Megan and walked over to stare inside the crib.

"Hey there," she said with a smile, still amazed at the complete and unconditional devotion she felt towards them. "I bet you're both having nice dreams huh?"

She lifted down the side of the cot and knelt down beside them stroking the tops of their heads and then placing a kiss to the bottom of Joseph's foot making him wriggle slightly. "Just as a heads up, I should let you know that your parents are really screwed up, and will probably embarrass you constantly as you grow up, so I apologise in advance."

She watched them until they went into a deep sleep and then walked into the main room and sat down on her small sofa. She cupped her face into her hands and sighed. It wasn't meant to have been this way. Of all the times Kara had imagined Lee returning to her, this had not been part of her dreams.

She felt his presence approaching before he pushed open the hatch. She looked up from her hands and turned towards him looking contrite.

"Where's Billy?" he asked calmly.

"I ordered Racetrack to drop him outside Roslin's tent," replied Kara and stood up from the sofa, if he was going to shout she would rather not be sitting down.

"I'm sure she will be thrilled."

"Well I'm not the one who made him down drink after drink."

"You didn't stop him either."

Kara sighed, "he's an adult Lee, I think he can take care of himself," she said, refraining from shouting so as not to wake the babies.

"Evidently not," replied Lee, also keeping his voice to a strong whisper, stepping closer to Kara as they continued to argue.

"It's not my fault he was dumped and wanted to drown in his sorrows."

"And I suppose it's mine is it?" asked Lee, knowing what Kara was insinuating.

"Doesn't take a genius to see what Dee wants," they were now nearly nose to nose, their faces focused on each other.

"And what do you want?" he added, looking down at her mouth with sudden desire.

Kara didn't hesitate, reaching out her uncast hand behind his head and pulling his mouth down to meet hers. Lee wasted no time in reaching up, entangling his hands into her hair, prolonging the kiss. They wanted to hold onto the moment they had both dreamed about for so long, the pent up desire burning inside them. Neither had felt the tender touch of another since their last time together on that raptor nearly two years ago. Before the cylons had taken them.

The sexual frustration defeated their restraint within seconds. Without breaking their sequence of kisses Lee quickly ripped open Kara's shirt, neither caring as one button popped off and rolled across the floor. He reached up and caressed the black lace bra underneath, a garment she had once won in a triad game, as she pulled Lee's shirt over his head, not even bothering to undo the buttons.

She pushed him backwards as forcefully as she had done on Cloud 9, only this time he landed on the sofa and Kara seductively straddled him. He kissed her chest between her breasts making her moan softly. Gods he loved that sound.

Lee couldn't contain himself any longer. He lifted Kara up off his lap and turned them so that she was lying with her back and he was comfortably ensconced between her legs. They barely paused for breath as they continued to kiss and caress despite the uncomfortable smallness of the sofa.

She moaned again as he stroked his hand softly down her chest and across her belly, making short work of the fastening to her slacks, ripping them off almost desperately as she raised her butt.

They couldn't wait, needing to feel each other now.

They continued to kiss as Kara reached down and ripped open Lee's slacks, pulling them down enough to release him from the confines of his briefs. They were more than ready, both desperate to feel the release within each other. But their tongues met in a soft caress, no longer rushing as Kara settled down on her back, wanting him to make love to her.

And then suddenly it felt wrong, as much as the frustration clawed at their bodies, neither of them wanted to rush this. Lee scooped his hands behind Kara's back and lifted her back up. He stroked a hair behind her ear and softly placed a kiss to her lips, their tongues gently meeting in the middle.

The sound of a baby wailing sounded from the adjoining room.

They remained nose to nose for a moment until reluctantly Kara pulled herself away and walked to their children. "Hey there little man," she said and lifted the distressed Joseph out of the crib; unusually he hadn't awoken his sister. Bouncing him slightly on her shoulder she walked back to the main room where Lee was now standing and doing up is slacks. "Our timing sucks huh?" she said, knowing that tonight was not the right time for them. They both knew they needed to take things slowly or they would frak it up.

"I should go," said Lee sounding a little disappointed. Joseph looked like he was not going to settle down anytime soon and he would just be in the way.

"You can stay if you want."

Lee walked over and placed a kiss on top of her head before stroking a hand down her face. "I wish I could, but it would be wrong tonight. Besides, I think I need some serious alone time beneath a very cold shower," he joked.

Kara flushed slightly and then watched as Lee grabbed his shirt and exited the room, closing the hatch behind him.

"You couldn't wait thirty minutes huh?" she said giving Joseph a hug who giggled, his blue eyes locking with hers. "Nah, you were right kiddo."

As good as a night of wild frakking would have been, it would have felt amazing, but it would have been wrong. Smiling Kara bounced Joseph gently over her shoulder, willing him into a slumber, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off her chest.

She knew her and Lee would be okay.