Bum bum bum…

"Okay Mr. Napier, today we'll be performing a routine physical before you take the fertility test. Please breathe in and out, in and out, in and out." He breathed as the doctor traced her stethoscope across his heart and back. "Good." She felt his neck to feel for lumps, nothing was found. The doctor took a look inside Jokers ears. "Might wanna clean your ears more often. Okay Mr. Napier I need you to take off your pants." He listened, "Well it's a little cold in here so everything's a little tucked in."

"If I got a nickel for every time I heard that." She cupped each ball to feel for any abnormalities. "Relax Mr. Napier."

"Easier said than done. Women don't have to deal with anything hanging down there." She remained stuck on the left testicle. "Is there something wrong?"

"Probably not, feels like a cyst. Cough please." Cough..Cough "Thank you." She went to the cabinet in the corner in the room. Turning around she gave Joker a plastic cup with a tag on the side. "When you are done with your task, take the cup to a nurse in the lobby."

"Okay, thank you." Joker looked at the interior of the room. It's small, compact, beige, and contains the smell of rubbing alcohol. "This is unusual. If only Harley was here. Not even a magazine, really?" He too out his phone. "Harley."

"Hi puddin, how's the test?"

"It's going a bit slow right now. Would you mind talking dirty to me?"

"I can't right now Jack, I'm waiting in the office to take my fertility test. You can't get yourself off without my assistance?" He pondered the question. "Actually I don't remember the last time I jerked off alone. You always seem to give out a helping hand." She smirked from that statement. "Just think of the date we had last Friday. All of what….four canisters of Redi Whip used in the process of three hours. The stains still haven't come out of the sofa."

"Okay thanks sweets, talk to you soon." He put his phone on the examination bed and began tugging. Semi-hard and persistent, he turned his head up and saw a small mirror reflection. "This looks a little ridiculous. I'm fucking her hard tonight." That thought gave him his erection back. To continue the process, he imagined fucking Harley's face. Knock..Knock

"What!" There was a pause. "Mr. Napier are you done, it's been a half-hour." It was the nurse to obtain the sample. "No, no, no. I need some more time. I'll be out in a little bit."

"Okay Mr. Napier, when you finish, I'll be out in the front desk." A couple seconds passed. "Jesus, I fucking getting annoyed here." Buzz.. He picked up the phone and saw Pamela and his erection became flaccid immediately. "What do you want Pam?" His tone got deeper from sexual aggression and incomplete satisfaction.

"Well you sound friendly, how's your mood?"

"Oh just tugging along. How's your day?"

"I just got out of bed. Two o'clock in the afternoon isn't late right?"

"Not for someone who's unemployed? She scoffed that remark. "So what are you doing right now?"

"Nothing much. Just responding to a general question."

"Don't you want to ask what I'm wearing?"

"No." He said immediately.

"The answer is nothing but thin laced purple panties." He had a realization suddenly.

"Harley told you about us trying to have a child didn't she?"

"She would have passed out from the overabundance of excitement if she didn't, she almost forgot to breath a one point when telling me"

"Well I'm going to end this phone call. I don't know how Harvey finds your talk seductive. Maybe that's why you use pheromones, its all you got." The phone call ended. He went to the photo app look for a picture of Harley. The first hundred were a compilation of Spooktober, Sans, Calcium, and Spicy Memes. He finally found a photo of her in their bed. It only showed her face and silky smooth arms. His erection form and began the process yet again. Eventually he climaxed and shot his load into the cup and quickly pulled his pants up. Opening the door, Joker went to the front desk and handed the cup to the designated nurse. "Here you go. When should I get the results?"

"About a week or two. Any questions about the test."

"No, I'm going to take my wife home. Have a nice day." He did not see Harley in the waiting room so he went outside the office to the main lobby of the building. Harley was near the door waiting as she always does. He smiled as he got closer to her. "Oh hi puddin. That took a while didn't it?"

"Yes it did. I imagined I was cumming in your mouth."

"Like last Friday, that's nice." They held each others hand as they walked to his car.

Later in the week,

Harley was cleaning around their bedroom. She took a swiffer sweeper and place it around the curtains to catch up as much dust as possible. What followed was spraying the windows, vacuuming the hardwood floor, and cleaning out the nightstands. She opened up the first drawer and pulled out some documents. She reached in the back of the drawer to make sure everything was out. Something felt rigid, especially around the edges. "Huh. What is that?" She pulled out what appeared to be a roll of condoms. "God dammit Mistah Jay. Bareskin condoms, that why I didn't feel a difference last time."

Harley poked a hole into the condoms he's hid. "There, let's see how it feels later tonight." She placed the condoms and documents back into the drawer and exited their bedroom.

The next day, Knock..Knock. Harley answered the door. "Harvey, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

"I wanted to talk to Jay."

"Sure he's in the living room."

"Thanks Harley."

"Hey Harv, have you come for some dinner?"

"No Jay I'm in a rut, would you mind giving me those condoms you keep in your nightstand?"

"Wait how the hell do you know about the condoms?"

"Ivy mentioned what Harley told her during one of their chat's, she can't keep a secret to save her life."

"Hey that's my wife your talking about. Only I'm the one to point out her faults, not you!" Joker pulled out the drawer of the nightstand and threw the condoms at Harvey's face. "Here, use them all for all I care."

"Thanks Jay, I owe you one."

"You can thank me by getting out of here Harv. Although I've always wanted to ask, does the burn divide reach where the white walkers march?"
 "Fuck you."

"That's not a no." Harvey walked out quickly and slammed the door. Joker went to the kitchen to talk to Harley. "Hey honey, Is there something wrong?"

"I need you to stop telling Pamela my personal information. A person I loath shouldn't know details you wouldn't find on my Wikipedia page."

"I don't tell her much. When we talk at times it's just about girly things and sometimes our men enter the conversation, it's only natural. You can't tell me you haven't told Harvey about any intimate details we had."

"I barely talk shop sweets, I just want some things to be kept between us."

"Don't worry puddin, I will. Get wash up Mistah Jay, dinner will be ready in a couple minutes."

Back at Ivy's late night, Harvey and Ivy finished a couple bottles of scotch and decided to have sex before passing out on the couch. Ten minutes was all it lasted.

"Oh shit I'm about to cum."

"Harvey! Cum on my face."

"Not this time bitch." Harvey came inside her but he used the condoms Joker gave him.

"Dammit Harvey you bastard."

Two days later...

.zzzz Jack picked up the phone.

"If you would like to make a call please hang up and dial again."

"Jay you son of a bitch, did you pre-break the condoms you give me?"

"No why."

"I got Pamela pregnant."

"Oof."

Bum bum bum…