Warnings and disclaimers in Chapter 1. Enjoy.
"Aren't people supposed to have receptions after the wedding?" Quinn asked as she and her mother were driving to town. Judy offered to drive Shelby and Beth, but neither were sure how long they were going to stay. Shelby thought it best to drive herself in case Beth got tired or bored and they needed to leave early.
"Usually," Judy said, watching her daughter from the corner of her eye. This was the first-time Quinn had chosen to sit up front. It spoke to her growing confidence and Judy couldn't be prouder. "But after the first try, the reception was extremely uncomfortable. It was the first time everyone had gotten together though, so you kids went ahead and made it a reunion. The second time the adults followed in your footsteps. By the third time, everyone agreed that having a rehearsal dinner, a bachelor and bachelorette party, and a reception was a bit much, so they were all combined into the pre-wedding reception. It's the time for everyone to meet again, catch up, and generally have fun before the wedding. It's a big relief for Emma too, having everyone goof off before the wedding instead of at the wedding."
"That's why she almost made it the last time?" Quinn asked, staring out the window thoughtfully.
"Part of it," Judy said, glancing over at her daughter. "Is something on you mind? We don't have to go you know. We don't even have to go to the wedding if you think it's too much."
"No, I want to go," Quinn said quietly before turning away again. Judy was quiet, knowing something was bothering her daughter. She hoped Quinn would eventually talk to her if she stayed quiet. She was rewarded with a quiet voice. "Am I going to Hell?"
"What?" Judy asked as she jerked hard on the steering wheel, grateful that she wasn't in New York anymore since she probably would have caused an accident. Instead she skidded off the side of the road next to a corn field. "You've got to stop throwing these things at me with no warning," she said, clutching her chest as she tried to slow her breathing.
"Sorry," Quinn said, looking back toward the window. Judy quickly put the car in park and took her daughter's hands.
"Quinn? Why did you ask that?" Quinn looked unsure for a minute before sighing.
"The Bible says it's a sin for a man to love another man and a woman to love another woman. Daddy always said those people are an abomination and they're all going to Hell and people who support them are going to Hell and they should all just leave so they can't taint us."
"I know that's what your father thinks," Judy said quietly, "but why would you think you're going to Hell?" Quinn shrugged.
"Kurt and Blaine like each other," she said after a minute. "And Santana and Brittany. And I like all of them." She looked down at her lap and mumbled the next sentence so quietly Judy had to strain to hear. "And I think I like girls."
"Oh Quinnie," she said, pulling her daughter as close as she could in the car. "Can we be honest with each other?" She felt Quinn nod into her shirt. "If you had told me this before your accident, I probably would be freaking out right now. I'd probably say you're just confused and you just haven't found the right guy yet. But when you left and I started spending time with that group, I realized there was no right way to love, only wrong ways. Being true to yourself is always the right way."
"But the Bible says it's wrong," Quinn protested.
"The Bible says a lot of things are wrong," Judy countered. "Like eating bacon or divorcing. Do you know what the Bible says about getting remarried after a divorce?" Quinn smiled slightly. "The Bible was written for a different age. You can take what it says literally, but you'll be missing out on a whole myriad of opportunities."
"Do you think it's wrong?" Quinn asked. Judy shook her head.
"I think love is never wrong." She waited for a minute before asking. "Do you think Kurt and Blaine are wrong? Or Santana or Brittany?" Quinn shook her head.
"How do you know?" Quinn asked, pulling herself away from her mother's embrace. "Was there ever anyone else you loved besides daddy?"
"I love you and your sister more than I thought possibly," Judy told her, "and I love her family, and Beth. But no, there's never been anyone since your father."
"Why?" Quinn asked curiously. Judy sighed.
"We got married for the wrong reasons," she started. "Of course, it was a different world back then. High School sweethearts marry, raise a family, and live happily ever after back then, even if it was all pretend. I didn't think that would be us though. I thought we would have the perfect marriage. It wasn't until after Frannie was born that I realized I'd made a mistake. I think Russel realized it too, but back then you didn't get a divorce. You lived with it, made it work as best you could." She looked down, embarrassed with herself. "Sometimes I wish I was as brave as Fran. If I had just told him I made a mistake then, I think he would have agreed and we would have gone our separate ways."
"He wouldn't have divorced you," Quinn told her. "The Bible says that's a sin."
"Maybe," Judy compromised, "but he wasn't so fanatical back then." Quinn pulled back and she stared at her daughter. "So anyway, the drinking started right about then. It numbed the pain, but of course it numbed much more than that. Life happened and your father eventually kicked you out of the house." Quinn nodded. "That gave me my much-needed wake up call. Do you remember we talked about this?"
"Yes, but what does that have to do with finding somebody to love?" Judy laughed.
"You make it sound so simple, but it's not baby. I was a mess. In many ways, I still am a mess. I tried dating a few times, but I came to realize I had to figure out who I was before I could focus on anyone else."
"Are you lonely?" Quinn asked quietly. Judy shook her head.
"Oh no. I have enough friends, both guys and girls, that keep me constantly busy. And I have you and Frannie and her family. And I have all those crazy glee club losers and their families. And eventually, when I'm ready, I'll start searching for love again."
"How do you know?" Quinn asked eagerly.
"You can't stop thinking about that person," Judy said dreamily. "Just being in the same room makes the day better. They always know how to cheer you up, even when you don't know your down."
"You smile whenever you hear her come in," Quinn added, lost in thought. Judy watched her for a minute.
"Rachel is a lovely girl," she remarked, causing Quinn to bolt upright.
"How did you know?" Quinn asked frantically, swatting at her shirt like there was a sign she could wipe away.
"Oh Quinn. I've seen the way you act with her. Actually, this puts many things from before into new light. I shouldn't be surprised."
"I'm not good enough for her, am I?" Quinn asked dejectedly.
"You are good enough for anyone," Judy quickly reassured her, "but I don't want to see you get hurt. Our hearts tend to overlook things are brain doesn't. Can we still be honest with each other?" Quinn nodded.
"She doesn't love me, does she?" Judy sighed.
"Love is a very simple word for a very complicated emotion. There's so many different kinds of love that to expect everything to fall under one little four letter word is extreme." She paused for a minute to study Quinn. "I want to focus on three types of love here. Family love, friendship, and romantic love."
"Family love is like how I love you?" Quinn asked. Judy nodded.
"And how I love you. And how I love Frannie. Family love should be unconditional."
"Unconditional?" Quinn asked, unfamiliar with the term.
"No matter what you do, I will always love you," Judy explained. "Even if you destroy the world and everybody hates you, I will love you."
"Daddy only loves me if I'm good," Quinn said sadly, "but I mess up a lot of the time so I don't think he loves me much."
"He should never say that," Judy said sternly, "but some people find it hard to love unconditionally. Your father is one of those people. He does love you, he just doesn't know how to show it." Quinn nodded absently.
"What was the next one?" she asked, desperate to change the subject.
"Friendship," Judy said. "That's what all you kids have. It starts when you meet someone for the first time. It starts off small, but it can grow and shrink by your actions. The closer you get as friends, the deeper the love grows, but it can also fade if life takes you different ways. It can eventually grow into something close to family love."
"Like with Rachel?" Quinn asked.
"And Finn," Judy added, "Kurt, Santana, Brittany, and Blaine. There's a reason I keep calling you guys a family. You love them all, right?" Quinn quickly nodded her head. "And you wouldn't want to hurt any of them, would you?"
"No," Quinn quickly agreed.
"Which brings me to romantic love," Judy said quietly. "This love is deeper than family or friendship love. It is complex and it can bring great joy or great sadness."
"Rachel would never hurt me," Quinn said seriously. Judy frowned.
"But do you want to hurt her?" she asked quietly. Quinn stilled at the thought. "Romantic love is finding the special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. It can be powerful and dangerous and Heaven and Hell all at the same time."
"That's how I feel about Rachel," Quinn said.
"But is that how she feels about you?" Judy let go of Quinn's hand. "Honey. Rachel loves you like family, but she's in love with Finn. She chose Finn. She married him. I don't even know if she thinks about women that way. It's not fair to make her choose between you, is it?" Quinn shook her head.
"What do I do?" Judy sighed. She could almost feel her heart breaking for her daughter.
"You have a decision to make. If you're happy just being in her life like you are now, you can stay quiet and enjoy the friendship. But if you need to tell her how you feel, need her to know how you feel, you might force her to choose. And if she chooses Finn, it could cost you her friendship. Maybe even more than just hers."
"I don't know what to do," Quinn said, tears pooling at her eyes. Tobey, recognizing her distress, put his head between the chairs and licked her fingers.
"Oh baby," Judy said. "I wish I could tell you everything would work out, or even tell you which choice you should make. But I can't. Many friendships have been lost over these kinds of feelings. All I can say is don't do anything rashly. Really think about what you want and what you're willing to risk getting it." Judy carefully wiped the tears away from Quinn's eyes. "And if you ever need me, I will always be here for you. I love you, no matter what." Quinn nodded as she pulled herself together. "Do you still want to go? I have some ice cream back at the house and we can have a sad movie marathon." Quinn finally smiled at that.
"No. I really do want to see everyone."
"Okay, but anytime you want to leave you just say the word." She got ready to put the car in gear but turned to her daughter instead. "Anything else you want to discuss before we go again and I run the car into a ditch? Is it time to talk about where babies come from?" Quinn shook her head. Judy pulled the car back onto the road, trying to think of something they could talk about. "How did the practice test go? Didn't you take it last week?"
"Yeah, but I didn't do very good. I was pretty sad about it, but Nathan said that's why there was a practice test, to see how it would be and see what areas we needed to work on."
"Was it too hard for you?" Judy asked. Quinn looked down.
"I got distracted and confused, and sometimes I put the wrong answer down even though I knew what the right answer was. And he had to read the test to me since it wasn't in Braille and sometimes I forgot what he was saying while he was talking."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Judy said. "You could have called." Quinn shrugged.
"Brittany cheered me up. She told me about how she wasn't very smart and barely passed her tests too."
"Remind me to thank her," Judy said as they pulled into the parking lot.
"Mom?" Quinn asked before Judy could open the door. "Where do babies come from?" Judy smiled.
"I'll tell you when you're older," she said as she got out. Quinn laughed. Thanks to their little talk they were the last ones there, but Judy had the foresight to call ahead and reserve a table in the back that would keep Quinn mostly out of the way. Not that she wanted to hide her daughter. She was worried about her having an episode with so many familiar things around.