MANDATORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: SUPER COOL AWESOME DOUBLE UPDATE IN ONE DAY! I just really was on a roll and I was gonn wait to post, but I feel so bad for going almost two months without an update. Plus, I wanted you all to know that the story wasn't quite over, muahahaha! I'm super evil. There's a surprise at the end of the chapter. Be prepared, heheheh…

DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer applies to the entire story. Kingdom Hearts and any and all things having to do with it do not belong to me. However, the plot and plot events are entirely MINE, along with the band Destiny's Embrace, the use of the word Hikari as a name, and the characters' personalities.

NOTES: This story is rated M.

ENJOY!

~x~

Chapter Thirty-Five

~x~

Kairi awoke to Vanitas's voice cooing softly in her ear, telling her that breakfast was ready. She stretched her arms out above her head and sat up, looking around in bewilderment.

"Did I . . . Did I sleep on the floor?" she asked with a muffled yawn.

"Outside of Roxas's bedroom door?" Vanitas chuckled softly and ruffled her hair. "Yep. So you'd better get up before Sora wakes up and trips over you."

Kairi smiled slightly and allowed Vanitas to help her to her feet. The strong smell of French toast and bacon could be smelled wafting from the kitchen, and she could hear the sounds of Tidus, Olette, Zidane, and Fuu laughing from the dining room. She headed in their direction, her muscles and bones aching from sleeping on the carpet in the hallway. Her hair was a tousled mess about her head and she knew she probably looked quite a sight.

"Whoa, look who rose from the dead!" Tidus announced loudly when she and Vanitas entered the kitchen.

"You look . . . Great?" Olette giggled.

"Positively stellar," Zidane added, flashing her the OK sign before the entire table erupted into wild fits of laughter. "Is that your new look? Passed Out After The Club Chiq?"

"Oh, shut up, you guys," Kairi whined, hanging her pounding head in one hand. "I have a hangover from Hell, and this is how you treat me?"

"Hey!" Olette barked, pointing a piece of bacon at the redhead. "You can't complain! You're the only one in this house who got some last night, so you shut up."

Everyone laughed again, including Kairi—even though her laughter was tinged with a hint of sadness. She wished it could be so lighthearted. She wished that she had had a wonderful night with Sora, and more than anything, she wished that Roxas was sitting at the breakfast table with everyone else.

Vanitas grabbed her hand and squeezed it, offering her a knowing smile. Then, he went to grab himself a plate.

"Do you guys think we should bring Sora some food?" Kairi asked worriedly. "I can't even remember the last time I saw him eat anything . . ."

"Yeah, I guess," Vanitas shrugged. "If you think he'll actually eat it. He's pretty torn up about everything still, isn't he?"

Kairi nodded sadly, pouting. "Still . . . He should eat something. He can't be going to work on an empty stomach." She immediately set about filling up a plate of food for Sora. She had no idea whether or not he would accept the food, or if he even wanted to see her. He had told her to leave the night before, so did that mean he was still angry at her? She didn't know.

"Want me to take it to him?" Vanitas offered.

Kairi looked up at him and sighed before nodding slowly. He smiled and took the plate full of food down the hall. Kairi went to sit down next to Tidus, who squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

"I take it that it didn't go too well last night?" he asked sympathetically.

Kairi shrugged. "I don't know for sure . . . He's really sad right now."

"Well, just give him his space, as much as he needs, and he'll come around," Zidane offered helpfully, taking a bite of his French toast enthusiastically.

"Time," Fuu added, pointing her fork at Kairi and raising her eyebrows.

"Yup," Tidus agreed. "Just give him time. Time heals all wounds, right?"

Kairi nodded. If there was one flaw in her character, it would have to be her mass amounts of impatience. She especially didn't want to have patience in this situation. What if she woke up one day and found him dead in Roxas's bed with a gaping wound in his wrist? Or a bullet wound in his temple? To say she wasn't terrified that he'd kill himself would be a lie.

Blinking rapidly to fight back the lump of tears that were assailing her, she offered her friends a small smile.

"Don't worry about me, guys," she said. "I think everything will be all right if I just leave it alone. It's just gonna be hard not thinking about him with so much free time during the day . . ."

"Job?" Fuu asked, mouth full of eggs.

Kairi shrugged. "I haven't thought about that, to be honest. I need to get enrolled in GED classes before I can think about a career . . . But for a part-time job, I suppose I could look into like, Starbucks or the mall . . ."

"What was that one place where you knew the manager or something?" Olette asked, snapping her fingers as she racked her brain. "Hot Topic or PacSun?"

"Tifa!" Fuu said excitedly.

"Yeah, Tifa!" Kairi agreed with a grin. "I betcha she'd give me job if I bring in a resume or something."

Vanitas came back in the room looking troubled. The plate was no longer in his hand, so that was a relief at least. He looked at Kairi.

"If you're talking about getting a job, don't worry about it. Sora and I can take care of you just fine," he said, sounding irritated.

"Well, I want to help out," Kairi pouted. "My dad was right.—I need a job."

"Fine, but don't stress about hours. Whatever money you make is yours to keep," he muttered, grabbing a piece of toast and stuffing I into his mouth. "Now, after a long, stressful argument with my twin brother, I'm going to be late for work. I'll catch you guys later, okay?"

Kairi scooted her chair back from the table and dashed off after Vanitas, stopping the raven-haired boy at the door.

"What happened?" she asked in a low voice, gesturing toward Roxas's bedroom.

Vanitas scowled and crossed his arms. "He was an asshole, as usual."

"Well, did he at least take the food?"

He shook his head. "He took it, but I don't think he's gonna eat it. He threw a couple of good insults my way, though. Tch."

Kairi sighed and chewed her lower lip with concern. Would Sora ever be okay again?

"All right," she sighed. "Well . . . You better get to work, and I'll . . . I'll try to talk to him before he leaves, too."

Vanitas gave her a warm smile and gabbed her wrist gently, tugging her against his chest in a hug. Kairi was surprised to say the least, and a little worried someone would round the corner, see them, and think wrongly of it. Still, it did feel nice to hug Vanitas, given their past and given the fact that he was as close to being Sora as a person could get without actually being said person.

"Thanks, Kairi," he said softly. "For being in his life and giving him a reason to live."

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, still clutched in Vanitas's embrace.

"His suicidal tendencies aren't new—let's just say that. There's been plenty of time where he wanted to off himself, but he didn't because of whatever reason. I like to think that reason is you." He pulled back and brushed his knuckles under her chin tenderly. "So thanks."

"Well . . . You're welcome, I . . . I guess . . ."

Kairi watched Vanitas leave and stared blankly at the closed front door for a long time, mulling over the information that Vanitas had given her. She didn't want to believe that Sora was just as sad as she had been, and she didn't want to believe that she had any part to play in that sadness. She remembered how desolate she had felt during her own suicide attempt—had Sora felt that in himself long before her? How many times had he tried to end his life? How many of those times were because of her?

"Kairi? Why are you standing in front of the front door like that?" Olette came up to her. "It's really weird."

Kairi blinked rapidly to snap herself out of her reverie and she looked at Olette as if just waking up.

"I don't know; just thinking, I guess. When are you leaving for school?" she asked Olette.

"Uhhh, Fuu and I are riding with Zidane and Tidus, so whenever they're ready, we're gonna head out. I wish you could come with us thoughhhh." She gave Kairi a big hug and sighed. "What are you gonna do all day?"

"Oh, I dunno," Kairi said. "My life gets pretty boring when everyone leaves, but . . . I guess today I'll try to work on my resume. I dunno."

"Well, don't get too down on yourself," Olette advised. "Things will look up for you."

Kairi smiled a small half-smile and then walked back down the hall to Roxas's room. She hesitated before knocking and entering the room. Sora was lying on his back on Roxas's bed, gazing up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face. The plate of food that Vanitas had brought him was sitting on the bedside table, untouched.

"Good morning," Kairi said quietly, closing the door quietly behind her. "Aren't you going to eat . . . ?"

Sora shook his head silently.

Kairi pursed her lips. "Why don't you stay home from work today? You should have a break . . ."

"No," he said flatly, swinging his legs around to touch the floor. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and reached down to grab his white V-neck from the floor.

Kairi stifled a sigh and stepped aside so he could leave the room. So last night hadn't really made them any progress, had it? As he brushed past her, she stopped herself from blurting out her desire to ask him about his suicide attempts. She knew that if she did, she might regret it and frankly, she might not want to hear the answer.

"What time will you be home?" Kairi asked, following him into the kitchen where their friends were.

Zidane and Tidus fell silent when they saw Sora, and Olette and Fuu immediately started whispering to each other below their breaths. Sora ignored this though, going to the kitchen sink to pour himself a glass of water.

"Whenever I get home," he said in the same lifeless voice before guzzling down the entire glass.

"Well . . . Don't get so pissy about it," Kairi said with a furrowed brow. "I just wanted to know when to expect you back so I could have dinner ready, jeez."

"Yeah?" he said, slamming his glass down onto the counter and glaring at her with shimmering cerulean eyes. "Well, how about you get off my fucking case and knock it off with the nagging?"

The entire room seemed to light on fire with tension and Kairi's mouth fell open. Anger flared within her and, ignoring their friends, she stormed after him as he headed to his room to get his work clothes on.

"Excuse me?" she demanded, hands on her hips in the doorway of his room. "What makes you think that you can talk to me that way? Do you really have so little respect for me, Sora . . . ?"

"It's not about respect," he argued as he slipped into his black slacks. "It's about wanting to be left alone."

"Just because you're sad doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit, Sora," she quipped angrily. "I'm not here to ruin your life, or whatever dumb stuff you're telling yourself. I asked you a simple question: when would you be home? That's all."

"Yeah, and I gave you a damn answer," he muttered, pulling on his white button up.

"A rude and disrespectful answer!" Kairi complained. "So if you want to be sad, then be fucking sad. Okay. I can handle that, even if barely. But don't be a God damn asshole and treat me like the dirt beneath your shoes, okay? If you wanted me out of your life, then you should have left me in the fucking bathtub a couple months ago, shouldn't you have?"

Sora blinked and stared at her as if she had just slapped him in the face. His fingers froze halfway up the buttons on his shirt, leaving his chest bare for all to see. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing issued forth—as if he had no words left to say.

Kairi turned her face away to hide the emotion in her eyes. She knew she had taken a low blow. But he was so frustrating. After their lovemaking the previous night, for him to be so cruel toward her was just wrong.

"Kairi, I . . ." He sounded defeated.

"No, just . . . Just forget it," Kairi murmured, crossing her arms over her chest. "I . . . I shouldn't have said that. But still . . . You have to know your words hurt, don't you?"

He hung his head. ". . . Yes."

"Then why do you say them?" Kairi breathed out.

"I don't know, I just . . ." He tangled his fingers in his spiky hair and scowled deeply. "I just can't. Handle. You guys are always getting in my space. I need to be alone. It's nothing against you, it's just what I need."

Kairi couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from turning downward into a frown. She knew he was being honest and she knew he had every right to ask it of her, but it didn't stop it from hurting nonetheless.

"Don't cry, okay?" he pleaded. "Please? I know I'm sad, but I really, truly don't want to hurt you. Okay? Come here."

Wordlessly, Kairi stepped into the circle of his embrace and felt him wrapping his arms around her tightly. He nuzzled his face against her silken locks of crimson hair and exhaled heavily.

"I just love you, that's all," Kairi whimpered.

"I know," Sora murmured. "I just need time. I need to find a way to pull myself out of this hole. Isn't that what you said? I need to take the first step."

Kairi slowly grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him closer to her. Sometimes when she was in his arms, she got horrible flashbacks of what it was like to have him hating her. She was so grateful that they had gotten past that, and she was afraid he'd never fully grasp that.

"I have to go to work," he said, touching her chin and guiding her lips to his in a sweet, chaste kiss. "But I'll see you tonight, all right?"

Kairi nodded, unable to find words. He left then, and for some reason, Kairi felt like she was never going to see him like this again. Never going to see him treating her with such affection and honesty. What if he did try to kill himself? What was she going to do then?

She didn't want to lose him all over again . . .

~x~

Kairi sat down on an empty bench in the mall, watching the early Christmas shoppers milling about excitedly. It was nice to watch other people be happy sometimes. She could take a break from her own life and imagine that she was as carefree as them.

The redhead set her cleanly printed resumes down on the seat next to her and relaxed, clasping her hands in her lap like a schoolgirl. She had dropped by Tifa's work and applied, and had all but been hired so Kairi didn't feel the urge to keep job hunting. She just wanted to relax for a moment and unload all of her troubles from her mind.

"Nice seeing you here, isn't it?"

At the sound of his voice, her entire body went cold.

How could she have forgotten?

Axel and Demyx each took a seat on either side of her.

"Did you forget?" Axel murmured next to her ear with a short laugh. "We only got community service."

"Although we don't quite get how Zexion got jailtime. Riku made sense, but Zexy? Not so much," Demyx complained.

Kairi gritted her teeth in anger, though she wasn't exactly scared. They were entirely in public, and their leader was locked away for the next fifty years. A snake can't function without its head, now can it?

"What the Hell do you fuckers want?" Kairi sniffed. "I'm busy."

"What, we can't sit down on this public bench?" Axel asked, sounding affronted.

"In a public mall?" Demyx added. "I thought you were a rule follower . . . ?"

Kairi looked him up and down with disgust, arms crossed over her chest. "Says who? All I know is that public don't mean jack shit when someone has a restraining order. Now get the fuck away from me before I call the police and tell them you're very well within 100 feet of me."

Axel burst out laughing and shook his head incredulously. "Kitty has claws now, does she? Or maybe you had them the whole time . . ." He leaned in closer, and Kairi couldn't hide the shiver of fear that rippled through her when he nuzzled his nose against her—just like Sora had done this morning. It disgusted her.

Demyx giggled madly and hopped to his feet. "We'll be seeing you around, Kairi."

Axel lifted a strand of her hair and played with it a bit. "Much sooner than you think."

And then they were gone, leaving Kairi rattled and struggling to catch her breath. Gathering up her resumes as fast as she could, she hightailed it to the nearest bathroom and locked herself inside one of the stalls. Panting heavily, Kairi closed her eyes and tried to count down from ten.

Why couldn't this just be over? Kairi had tried so hard to forget about the fact that Axel and Demyx had been allowed to walk free (having no prior offenses on record really did get you far . . .), and now they had shown themselves. They had shown themselves to her in such a way as to remind her that they very much harbored ill will towards her for getting their gang leader locked up. And the worst part about this?

She couldn't tell anyone.

Nobody could know about this. If they did, it would upset the small semblance of balance that Kairi felt her life had settled into. Everyone was finally used to being out of danger. And Sora especially couldn't know. It would only make him feel worse.

No, Kairi was going to keep her mouth shut and hope against all hope that Axel and Demyx were wrong, and that they wouldn't be seeing her soon.

Kairi rushed home as fast as she could, her heart weighing more heavily than it ever had before.

~x~

A/N: MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!