AN:- UUuurghrhahgahgekjhgnbsdlkajdshble

Chapter Thirty-Six: Downtime

They were in the air, relatively speaking, less than a day, also relatively speaking, before Joker was radioing her with problems. She was in her room, trying to compose a letter to Liara, when he buzzed her loudly enough to shock her off the sofa.

"What?" She snapped.

"Commander, Jack and Miranda are in the middle of a disagreement. Can you head it off before they tear out a bulkhead?"

She sighed and made for the elevator. "I'll deal with it. Where are they?"

"Miranda's room." She got into the elevator and headed down, with him still on the comm. "Take pictures."

"Stow it Joker."

"Touch me and I will smear the walls with you bitch!"

A chair flew across Miranda's office, lobbed by a biotic pulse from Jack. Miranda flared briefly blue, but she was under control.

"Enough," Shepard yelled as she came through the door. "Stand down, both of you!"

"The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong." At the very least she wasn't throwing things anymore, but she hadn't backed down.

"It wasn't Cerberus, not really." Shepard heard the slight uncertainty in Miranda's voice, but she doubted Jack did. "But clearly you were a mistake."

Jack flared blue, but then it was extinguished. "Screw you." Her voice was quiet and calm and deadly. "You've got no idea what they put me through. Maybe it's time I showed you."

"Our mission is too important to let personal feelings get in the way." She was finding it hard to keep herself in check. Her voice almost cracked from the effort of not shouting.

"Fuck your feelings, I just want her dead."

"You both know what we're up against." Her own tone shocked her, reminding her more of Gunny Ellis than anything else. She waved Miranda away when she tried to speak. "Save your anger for the Collectors."

"I can put aside my differences." Miranda was the picture of magnanimity. "Until the mission's over."

Jack snorted. "Sure, I'll do my part. I'd hate to see her die before I get a chance to filet her myself." She waved, flipping Miranda the bird as she did, and stalked out of the room.

Shepard waited until the door had cycled closed to turn to Miranda, who was taking her place behind the desk. "You two gonna be okay?"

"It's a good thing you came by when you did. As long as she does her job, we'll be fine."

She clearly expected Shepard to leave, but there were still issues to discuss. "What you said Miranda. What you said at the base as well…"

"What's on your mind Shepard?"

The familiarity made her regret what she had to do next. "'It wasn't Cerberus. They went rogue.' That sentence is getting a little worn."

"You heard the recording Shepard. The Illusive Man was asking them for situation reports that they weren't giving. That facility wasn't operating with Cerberus authority."

"It sounded to me like that facility was built for the sole purpose of creating something like Jack. A human biotic weapon. And whether they were getting reports or not he must have been authorising for those children to be sent there. To be experimented on. Tested on."

"We don't know what the true purpose of that facility was Shepard. For all we know it could have started as a training facility before it went rogue."

"Miranda, you're too smart to believe that. The Collector ship, Jacob's father, now this? Look me in the eye and tell me you support this."

Miranda looked up, but she couldn't hold Shepard's eye. "Please Commander. I have to finish my reports."

For the first time Shepard pushed harder. "We're going through the Omega 4 Relay soon Miranda. When we do I know that some of this team is going to have my back. "Garrus, Tali, Jacob. They believe in something more than themselves with everything they've got."

"You mean you."

"Maybe. But I don't think so. They believe that we can win. That the battle can be won."

"And what do you believe Shepard?"

"I believe in them. In my team. Old and new. And I believe that I can make a difference through my actions."

"That sounds pretty naïve Shepard."

"And yet." She spread her arms. "I'm still standing. I'm still alive. And we are winning. That much I am sure of."

Miranda could only stare at her desk.

"Just…" She felt drained. "Just think about it. Please."

"Yes Shepard."

/|\

Her next stop was the engine room, where she found Jack lying on her bed staring at the ceiling.

"The cheerleader pissed?"

"Much as this may disappoint you, no."

"Figures." Jack rolled onto her side. "Why should she be beat up about that place?"

"I'm not sure either of you give the other enough credit for what you've been through."

"Cheerleader's got it sorted."

"Oh yes, and you've had a lot of actual conversations with her to determine that have you?"

That earned her a laugh. She sensed there was more Jack wanted to share, and sat down on a crate as she waited. Eventually the biotic spoke, quiet enough that Shepard had to strain to hear her over the engine's hum.

"I needed to wipe that place off the map. You took me there to do it and I owe you. You don't know what it's like, to have garbage like that following you. It marks you in ways you, you don't expect."

"I know what it's like to have your past define you Jack."

"Sure."

Shepard ignored the disbelieving tone. She almost couldn't believe she was about to share this with the biotic. "My entire life died on Mindoir. My entire squad on Akuze. I died, and they just brought me right back. Right now my squad, my family, is strewn across the galaxy while I'm forced to work with a group I once swore to destroy. You talk about scars? I'm an orphan who lived through a massacre, and then they went and made me a hero." She sighed. "I've made a lot of hard choices Jack. Like what to let go." Unbidden Liara's face flashed in front of her.

She pushed it away. No. I haven't given up. Not yet.

"Hard to walk away from it." It almost sounded like Jack had accepted her speech. "You'd think it would get easier now that the place is a crater, but what else do I know?"

"Do you think you're different now?"

She rolled back over and sat up. "I know that place is gone. But I still kinda wanna kill every person I see, no offence."

"I'm not expecting you to be a hundred percent right now. It took me a few years. And it's not the place that makes it easy or hard. If it still existed, if it's nothing but dust. It's in your past now. You just get to choose whether it stays there or not."

"Don't get all therapist on me Shepard, you're not the couch type."

Shepard laughed at that. "Oh Jack, so much you don't know about me."

She laughed as well. Quiet and choked, but still a laugh. "I'll wait outside the office we ever go to Ilium again. No offence but I don't wanna see two nerds going at it."

"Well you and Miranda decide to make it official let me know. No offence but I don't wanna see two pasty white chicks going at it."

And finally a real laugh. "Fuck off Shepard."

When she left Jack was still smiling. And that was enough.

/|\

"Kind of early for you isn't it Commander?"

"I feel a little less likely to get a knife in the ribs if I eat during the day now."

"What did I tell you?" Joker hobbled over and set his plate down next to hers. "Give 'em some time, they all start warming up to the Shepard charm."

"I think I may even have got through to Jack today."

"Well you did help her with her deeply personal issue. That seems to be a bit of a habit for you Shepard. I hope you're not thinking of a road trip for every single member of the crew because I don't think we have the gas money."

"As far as I'm aware we've dealt with the biggest crazies." A clank on the gantry to the right signalled Garrus' arrival. "Although I suppose we do still have the one…"

"You both forget I know you too well for you to keep secrets from me."

"No secrets Garrus," Shepard told him as he sat on her other side. "Joker's just complaining about our little unscheduled trip to the Citadel."

"It's more than just an unscheduled trip! You going anywhere means explosions and a body count. And we're not supposed to operate in Citadel space anymore, that was the Council's deal."

At the mention of body count she had looked to Garrus, but he was keeping his expression carefully blank.

"No explosions this time Joker. Just trying to hunt down a fugitive."

"Yeah, we all remember how well the last fugitive we hunted down went."

"Saren wasn't exactly a fugitive."

"Oh of course he was just on the run and wanted by the Council, there's a hundred other words that describe him perfectly."

"Alright Joker, keep up the gags. It's important, or else I wouldn't ask."

"I know, I know. I'm just anxious for us to get going, y'know? The Collectors are getting bolder, setting up a trap like that, and the Illusive Man threw us right into the varren pit there."

"The Illusive Man can pindhah nyedhot linglang," Garrus said as he sat.

The translator wasn't giving her any clues about what he had said. "Uh, what?"

"Old expression, I'm not sure it has a direct translation into your language." He started to eat, moving with the mechanical precision he usually exhibited. "It's rather rude though."

"All the best expressions are," Joker said. "Though God only knows what Jack sounds like to you."

"There have been a few instances where the translator only returns the word 'copulate.' I presume the word she uses is somewhat less medical?"

Shepard laughed into her food. "We have a word that colloquially means the act of copulation, but is considered very rude. Do turians not have that word?"

"Quite possibly the subject is not as taboo as you humans seem to make it. Our swear words are usually more of a military nature anyway."

"Is there anything the turians have which isn't of a military nature?"

"Me."

"Christ Almighty Garrus if you're not of a military nature I don't ever want to go to Palaven."

"It's not the most exciting place in the galaxy." Jacob appeared from the elevator. "Very serious."

Garrus looked up in surprise. "You've been to Palaven?"

"I've been by Palaven," Jacob said as he collected his food. "Stopped for a refuel in system. We weren't allowed anywhere outside our assigned flight corridor and the whole time we were there they kept an armed guard with its guns pointing at us. Made me pretty nervous."

"Well I'm not surprised they weren't pleased having Cerberus in the vicinity."

"Oh this was while I was with the Corsairs."

Garrus looked up in shock. "Piracy? You?"

Shepard shook her head. "It was just a name Garrus. The Corsairs are an Alliance group. Marines working under an independent captain for greater freedom to carry out operations."

"That sounds like an invitation for a lack of oversight."

"Hence why Cerberus was so interested in him." Miranda had come from her room as well. "We were looking for operatives with experience working off the books. Jacob not only fit the requirements for previous secrecy, he also passed with flying colours on all possible physical requirements." She smiled. "One of the best new candidates we ever had. Until you of course Shepard."

"Thanks for the compliment," Shepard said around a dumpling. "Not sure I'm exactly a candidate though."

"Oh really?" Miranda brought over a tray of food. "And what word would you use?"

"Pressganged perhaps?"

Garrus chuckled at that. Miranda ignored him and sat down. "I take your point Shepard. But at least you're fighting the right fight."

"That much we agree on."

"My my Shepard. Should I include that in my next report?"

"Low blow Miranda."

They fell into silence as they ate, but for the first time it was a companionable silence. Shepard almost felt like it was the old Normandy again. Joker was the first to leave, hobbling over to the kitchen with his plate. "I should get going. Courses to set, places to go."

"Of course," Miranda said with a look to Garrus. "Back to Citadel space for some reason."

"Kasumi's personal mission is in the Boltzmann system," Shepard said. "And we could all probably use some downtime after the last few weeks. Nothing sinister about it."

Jacob snorted into his desert. "Of course. Just like our innocent stop on Ilium."

"It'd be nice to be on a ship where we can actually talk to each other." Shepard kept most of the bitterness out of her voice, but they caught it anyway. Miranda looked suitably chastised, and Jacob finished his meal quickly before nodding to the table and leaving.

With only Miranda and Garrus left at the table with her the tension rose by several notches. It was only a matter of time before one of them asked the question, so she decided to head it off.

"I'm fine," she said, and noted how both of them looked startled. "Thanks for worrying."

"I, wasn't, that's." She cut Garrus' stammering off with a look. Miranda's cheeks looked flushed.

"You two are probably the best informed as to my current state, and that's including the good doctor. But seriously, I don't need the both of you constantly checking up on me." She finished her meal and crumpled up the tray to take it to the recycler. "I don't know, maybe you should coordinate which one of you gets to ask or something."

She left before either of them could say anything. On a whim she rode the elevator to the CiC instead of directly back to her room. Most of the crew were on-shift, including Kelly Chambers.

"Commander!" She saluted happily as Shepard came up beside her. "I'm so glad we've finished assembling the dossiers. It's fascinating having all these different crew members on board."

"You're not used to working with aliens?" It wasn't that big a guess.

"Oh no it's not that they're alien. It's their personalities. Everyone you've assembled is such a character, and you as well. So much life on this ship. Cerberus can sometimes be very formal and dull, well, you saw what Miranda was like, but some time with you and she's started to open up in ways I wouldn't have imagined."

"You don't have a problem working with aliens?" Shepard leaned against the railing. "Not what I would have expected from someone working with Cerberus."

"Cerberus isn't about being anti-alien." She seemed to be choosing her words very carefully. "We look out for Humanity, but that doesn't mean we hate aliens." She grinned. "My sister started a dog shelter, but she loves cats too."

"I think I get your meaning." Even if I don't necessarily think you're right. "And I suppose it's a little unlikely that an organisation as big as Cerberus could only be composed of xenophobes." More like my optimistic side doesn't want to believe that. My cynical brain has no trouble believing it.

"Absolutely." Kelly's smile returned in full. Shepard had to admit it was intoxicating. But that thought only brought back the memory of Liara's smile. Much shyer, only sure of herself when they were alone together. Kelly's smile was a practiced innocence Shepard recognised. "So was there anything else you wanted to talk about Commander?"

"You keep an eye on the crew members yes?" At the yeoman's nod she continued. "I'd like to be kept informed if any of them have any issues?"

"Well actually I think Thane may wish to talk to you. He spoke to me about arranging an appointment. I wasn't sure how you wanted to handle that sort of thing. We haven't discussed me keeping your appointment book."

"No." Shepard allowed herself to chase that line of thought for a moment. "I never needed one on the previous Normandy, and before that my positions weren't really superior enough to require one." She turned several ideas over in her head. "How about this. If a member of the ground team, the assembled dossiers that is, wants to talk to me then you can alert me or they can come to me directly. All Cerberus crew, excepting Miranda, Jacob and Joker, can arrange appointments through you."

"I think we can work that out."

"And you said Thane wanted to talk. Did he give you any indication as to what?"

"He said it was a private matter. I didn't like to pry."

"Right. Well. Thanks for the update Kelly."

Kelly saluted her with a grin. Shepard returned the salute and couldn't help but return the smile as well. It was nice to have another ally on the ship.

She took the elevator back down to the third level, finding that thankfully both Garrus and Miranda had returned to their posts. She went round to Life Support, where Thane was sitting watching the engine. He had already set up shop there, including a couple of walls filled with dozens of highly maintained weapons. Her nose twitched as her memory implants tried to identify all of them at once. He had a lot of very rare guns.

"It is a collection I have acquired over many years."

She looked over to see him still looking at the engine. Then she realised he was actually watching her in the glass. "Most people prefer coins or stamps."

"Or aliens?" He turned in his chair and his mouth was twitching up in a smile. "Please, sit."

She took the chair opposite him and tried not to stare as she settled in. She had never even seen a drell before, and even beyond that there was something in the way he held himself that held her attention. "I heard you wanted to talk to me."

"Shepard, I mentioned when we met on Ilium that I was dying. It's called Kepral's Syndrome. It's not communicable, but I have less than a year to live." His voice was almost toneless, but she didn't know enough to know whether it was a species thing or just him.

"Are you feeling sick?" She ventured. "I could get the doctor."

"No, no. Though I suppose that is a part of it. My mortality has me dwelling on things. I had a family once, I still have a son. His name is Kolyat, I haven't seen him for a very long time."

"I can imagine how you might want to contact him."

He bowed his head slightly, but their eyes stayed locked. "When my wife departed from her body I attended to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen him or talked to him since."

"That's not the choice I expected. Why didn't you raise him yourself?"

"My body is blessed with the skills to take a life. The hanar honed them in me." That raised even more questions, but he didn't elaborate further. "I have few others. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin." He took a breath and finally looked away. "I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become, disconnected. He does what his body wills."

It almost felt like he was speaking in code, but she sensed it was something more than that. Something almost spiritual. "What's wrong with him, is he hurt?"

"Something happened that should not have. He knows where I've been, what I've done. I don't know his reasons but he has gone to Citadel. He's taken a job as a hitman." She realised that his lack of emotion wasn't from species but from himself. There was a well of emotion he wasn't letting himself feel. "I would like your help to stop him. He is…" Their eyes locked again and she had to fight to keep her breath even. "This is not a path he should walk."

"We're already heading for the Citadel. Any information you can get me in the meantime.."

"Of course." He smiled, and it felt genuine to her. "Thank you Shepard. I'll be meditating until you need me."

She stood and felt a strange urge to bow. She restrained herself to a nod and left.

AN:- I do love that opening. Obviously 'in the air' and 'a day' become relative when you're discussing space travel.

Couple of big things here. The confrontation with Miranda is a very big part of this of course. As with the last game, where some of the Noveria and Feros dialogue makes more sense if you go Feros-Noveria than the other way around some of the loyalty missions and follow up arguments feel a little off to me. A big part of Miranda's loyalty mission has to be breaking her allegiance to the Illusive Man, given how the ending can turn out, yet she's still protesting Cerberus' innocence with Jack afterwards. That makes me think there has to be something more Miranda isn't sharing.

Jack's conversation is pretty much verbatim from the games with two exceptions. I added a couple of lines of dialogue for Shepard about her history, mostly stuff which occurred to me as I was playing Pragia, and the similarities between Aresh and Toombes. I also changed the ending. The game's ending if you're a male Shepard romancing her is a lot nicer and less confrontational, but if you're a femShep or not romancing her she just suddenly goes from open and happy to brusque and pushing you away. It just felt out of character, so I changed the confrontational words 'don't go all therapist' and made it into a little joke between them. Which to me feels more like they will become close comrades.

Had a bit of fun with the translators again. It's one of my favourite things to do, since they aren't elaborated on a lot in canon. For example there are obviously words which do not translate from the alien's languages into English (bosh'tet, keelah selai) but what about words or phrases which would translate to a human language? What would happen if someone used the word schadenfreude? Would it come through as the original German or translate into 'pleasure derived from the misfortune of others?' And if there was an equivalent word in turians would it stay untranslated, translate into schadenfreude, or translate into the definition of schadenfreude.

For certain words and phrases (like Tali using zadnitsa in a previous chapter) I am using Google Translate on English words into a language which feels appropriate. Tali gets Russian/Czech/other Eastern European languages. In this case Garrus got Japanese (phonetic translation). This sort of translation stuff also is why Garrus doesn't understand Jacob working for the Corsairs. We in English understand that 'the' Corsairs implies a group (because it has a the in front of it) whereas Garrus hearing through a translator just hears Jacob saying he was with pirates, which is the dictionary translation of the word corsair. Also also, if the translator won't translate certain curses (bosh'tet) what exactly does cursing sound like to the aliens?

And once more we come to a character I'm just not sure about writing. I like Thane as a character, he's fascinating. Do I have any confidence writing him? No. No I don't.