Chapter Thirty-Seven

Sirius and I entered our own little world after that.

He never pressed me to say how I was feeling, but would often drop a morsel of his own emotions. We would vanish into the Room of Requirement or astronomy tower whenever we could, and just hold each other, talking quietly. His voice became the most soothing aspect of my life, and I sought him out as often as I could; I hated to admit it to myself, but I had grown far too attached, and he was much more than a friend to me now. I needed those quiet moments, the long embraces. I needed him.

I was painfully torn from that quiet world centered by Sirius when Yumi broke down one morning. Sirius and I had been meeting up like that for a week, and the Saturday after the library confession, Yumi received a letter that changed everything, it seemed.

I was eating a small breakfast, toying with the food more than eating it, when the post came in. A letter dropped down for Yumi in a black envelope, and she looked at it curiously. The owl flying away wasn't Yumi's, or her family's, and Cassi and I watched as Yumi opened the letter. She read it, and then gasped and threw it down, sprinting out of the Great Hall.

"Should we-?" Cassi asked, and I nodded, grabbing the letter. Please don't be Adonis; she's so happy with him.

But it wasn't a boy; Yumi's grandmother Cho had been killed by Death Eaters. Cho had been an old muggle living down the street from Yumi's family, and had married a wizard that gave birth to Yumi's mum. We all knew how much Cho had meant to Yumi. Without a word, I left the Great Hall to go find her; Cassi joined me in the search. We found her in our dorm ten minutes later, laying on her bunk with her face to the wall.

"Only because she was a muggle," Yumi whispered, "They killed her."

A flashback gripped me in its dark clutches of the muggles on the train, and I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against it. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. Grey eyes replaced the flames, a soothing memory of a murmur replaced the screams, and I opened my eyes again. Cassi and I glanced at each other.

"I understand," I said quietly.

"No!" Yumi protested. "You saw strangers die- it wasn't anyone you knew!"

I was on my feet. "It doesn't matter! I saw them burn alive because they were muggles!"

"And now instead of fighting for them, you just wallow around and talk in your sleep!"

"You would do the same if you saw what I've seen!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Cassi interrupted, standing as well. "I can't stand this! Hazel, you've been through a lot, and it's hard. Yumi, you lost someone close to you. You both have been victims because of this war- this is not the time to turn against each other!"

She was right. I sighed and sat down on the floor under the window; Cassi stared between us with hurt in her brown eyes. Yumi started crying. After a while, she apologized, and we pushed our beds together so we could all lay down together. Cassi and I flanked Yumi, and the three of us lay there quietly; after a while, Yumi started talking about her Grandma Cho; she had revered the woman. I wasn't at a point yet where I could talk about my memories, but it was different, and they didn't ask, and this was about Yumi, not me.

The day faded; we napped on and off, and didn't leave for lunch. Cassi withdrew some chocolates Amos had bought her and split them amongst us. We snacked and cried and hugged and chatted and told each other the things we hadn't been saying, though I didn't mention Sirius.

As night came on, Yumi said, "If I ever have a daughter, I'll name her Cho."

The next day, James and Lily found me sulking in the Room of Requirement. Sirius and Remus came in soon after; we had been planning to work on the map, but I didn't feel up to it.

"You alright, Drummond?" James asked. My mind glimpsed his concern in his living room that night and I took a deep breath.

"Not really, no. Flashbacks, constantly."

He gave me a look of pity, and Lily inquired, "Do you know what started them?"

"Yumi's grandmother was killed by a Death Eater for being a muggle. It just reminded me of that night."

Sirius came over to sit by me and put an arm around me, holding me and giving me piteous grey glances. Remus sighed. "We've got to do something to stop this."

I looked up. My mind reminded me of the Order of the Phoenix, but I couldn't tell them about it. Not yet. "We will," I said instead. I had no doubt they all would join. "I'm sure of it."

"I want to do something now," James protested. "What's the good of sitting here another year while the world falls apart around us?"

I shrugged. "I can't say."

"I mean that," James continued, growing more tense. "The world is going to be destroyed if we don't do something to stop it. I don't want to see anyone in this room suffer for waiting."

"We might suffer more if we don't," Remus pointed out. "What will happen if we propel ourselves out into the world unprepared? We have another year of safety to train as best we can, to become the most proficient fighters we can. Why don't we?"

"He's right," Lily agreed, carrying an intensity that caught my eye. I had never seen this side of her; her hair seemed to blaze, and her usually kind green eyes were brighter. "We should learn to fight and as soon as we get out of here, we stop this nonsense. I declare we start an organization, fight back together- and until then, we learn all that we can."

The discussion continued until it was declared we would all fight back later, and until then we would also use the Room of Requirement to more extensively study Defense Against the Dark Arts. Afterward, I felt my spirits lift. Being in this situation wasn't easy, but it wasn't so impossible now. I was still haunted but I had hope, and hope was the ultimate weapon.

The second Hogsmeade trip was two weeks later, the last weekend of January. It was also when many things changed, for me, mine and Sirius's relationship, and the wizarding world as we knew it.

News came that morning that there had been hints of something dark happening, but there was no further evidence than a few notes and some witnesses of Death Eaters speaking. The Daily Prophet, it seemed, was reaching for conclusions. It was the talk of the Great Hall while we ate breakfast, but the subject rose and fell. After breakfast, I went and dressed in dark jeans, a black turtleneck, knee-high dark boots, and a long knitted gray coat. I braided my hair and met Cassi and Sirius and Amos in the courtyard, and soon we were joined by Lily, James, Remus, and Peter. The eight of us intended to go explore a cave Amos had spotted the prior trip to Hogsmeade.

We reached the village soon after, the odd group attempting to get along, and started toward the trail. Amos and Cassi were holding hands, lost in their own world, as were Lily and James. The other four of us were talking casually about the map and when next to work on it, but changed topics after Cassi asked what we were discussing and Remus said something from a dream.

"I hope this excursion goes better than some others have," Remus said. "No trolls or dragons or anything."

I chuckled. "I hope so."

But as is known by now, my life doesn't go by hope.

We made our way into the forest and started down the main trail; after twenty minutes, Amos led us down a side path at Cassi's guarantee that it was the pathway that had been taken before. It was the most adventure I'd permitted myself to partake in since Christmas eve, and I knew my days with Sirius had something to do with that.

We reached the cave and started down it.

"James, does this look familiar at all?" Sirius asked, but James didn't answer, caught up in Lily.

"Is it?" I asked him, and Sirius glanced around.

"I can't tell. I feel like we've been here before, and like we shouldn't be here… I just can't place why."

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"Maybe you dreamed it," Remus suggested. "You have some pretty weird dreams sometimes."

"That reminds me," I said, "You told me about a dream at the Christmas party where you were in the woods searching for something, and it reminded me when I looked back on my run through the woods over the break."

"Interesting," Sirius replied. "Maybe our minds connected, and I was predicting your future. See any odd white things in the trees?"

"No, but I heard it was someone's patronus that found me. I vaguely remember that."

"Maybe that's it, then. James, I really feel like we've been in this cave before- don't you recognize it?"

"Sorry, what?" James looked over, his hazel eyes still not focused.

"Look around, James- have we seen this before?"

James' eyes flitted around in the light of his wand, and he hmmed, and then said, "I'm not sure-" Recognition lit his eyes and they shot wide. "Run, everyone- out!" He shouted.

"Why?" Cassi asked.

"No questions- go!"

We turned and ran, and as we did heard an inhuman screech from the back of the cave, growing louder as whatever it was got closer. We were almost back to the entrance when I realized it was actually two screeches harmonizing. I glanced over my shoulder once- lethifolds, three of them. This would be their lair.

"Run, as fast as you can- get back to the village!" I shouted,

The three living shrouds raced closer as we flew out of the cave and into the snow. I saw Sirius and Remus vanish over a ridge, Lily and Cassi disappear into the trees with James after them, and didn't see Amos or Peter before I was taking off after Sirius and Remus.

The snow crunched and slowed me a tiny bit as I raced through the trees, following footsteps and barely dodging trunks. I hopped a log and felt someone grab me; I almost fell, but the traction from the snow kept me upright as I was pulled over to Remus, who took off running with my arm in his hand. I raced alongside him until we found Sirius and ducked behind a holly bush.

"Where are the others?" I gasped.

"You're okay!" Sirius whispered in relief, taking my hand. Remus shook his head, looking baffled and frozen. We heard a screech and then Peter's voice shout something.

"Peter!" Remus exclaimed. "I have to get him- I- Sirius, watch Hazel- Hazel watch Sirius- I-!"

He disappeared into the trees and Sirius and I stood from where we had knelt down.

"Should we go after him?" I panted, breathless in the cold.

"Definitely."

We began to sprint and suddenly my vision started to flicker. Night forest- running- snow- no, it's day- snow underfoot- A cackle echoed through the trees and I held in a scream. I kept Sirius's hand locked tightly in mine as we raced through, and then we reached a wall of briars. Sirius tried to barge through but the thick vines held him back; we began to crawl through when a shriek sounded from right behind us. I leapt to my feet, wand out, and Sirius flanked me, his wand out as well.

"Hazel, I have to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time," he said as we stared down the lethifold as it growled and put one punctured claw into the snow, started to draw its shrouded form toward us.

"What is that, Sirius?"

He turned to me and I looked over at him briefly as he leaned forward. I snapped my face back around to the lethifold and his lips touched my cheek.

"Not right now, Sirius. Not like this."

He remained wordless and I tried my damnedest to remember a spell that would work against the lethifold. It drew back and my brain flashed to my textbook, the section on lethifolds: Lethifolds may spring at prey and tackle it, covering it under the shroud and devouring it. My mind erased the mental placeholder and filled the space with Sirius and I nearly screamed; as it was, I made a noise I couldn't name and cast the first spell to come to mind:

"Confringo!"

The lethifold exploded, scattering into pieces. Sirius and I stood there, my heart pounding and breath coming in freezing gasps that stung my throat, unable to believe what I had just done.

I felt Sirius's eyes on me and looked over. He gaped at me for a long moment, and then mustered, "You- you- exploded it!"

"It would have killed you."

A change registered in his eyes; he went from shock to disbelief to hope. He crossed the distance between us in one long stride and gripped me to him tightly; I held him just as close and then took a deep breath. He took my hand and we started off through the woods, and then remembered that there were two more and our friends were still missing. We started off in the direction Remus had gone, crossing through the briars with more level heads but still not talking for our panic. At the sound of spells and shrieks, we raced forward.

We found Remus just as he froze the lethifold. He nodded at us and started off through the trees; we had nothing else to do but follow, and soon found Lily and Cassi fighting off the third. It raced away at the sight of more of us, and then we saw James run for Lily and hold her tightly. Cassi looked desperately after him.

"Where's Amos?" She asked, her eyes wide and her breathing short. "Where is he!?"

"I haven't seen him," James said.

"Nor any of us," Remus added. Cassi took off into the woods at a sprint; I followed her without a thought. She was a brilliant witch but not combative enough to fight off those fiends. I had already proven I could handle one. I spotted Cassi's narrow torso dodging through the trees, her pink skirt flapping around like a flag in the snow, and followed her closely once I could reach her. She stopped running and I met her side as she panted and screamed, "Amos!"

"Cassi!?" came an answering shout from our left. I turned to see Amos heading through the trees toward us.

"Amos!" Cassi shouted again, running toward him.

"Cassi!"

They met in the middle, her far more panicked than him, and she grabbed him desperately. "Amos- I- I was so scared- I love you! I love you so much!"

She kissed all over his face, and he said, "I love you, too. Cassi, darling, I'm okay, I'm okay." He held her to him, rubbing her back. "I'm okay."

"Not to break it up," I said, "But we have to get back to the others and return to Hogsmeade before those things come back."

Amos looked up and nodded, and scooped up Cassi into his arms and began carrying her back. I led the way to the others, where we all started back. James was talking about the adventurous aspect of this; Lily spoke only of her worry. I was silent, simply trying not to think about the flashbacks that had almost stopped me early. It was like I was back in the woods the first time…

But Sirius took my hand then, squeezed it, and walked incredibly close to me so that we bumped each other with each step. His dark-clad lean figure next to me reassured me, and I drew strength from his presence. Then I remembered:

He tried to kiss me.

A/N: Aaaanother chapter in! Haven't gotten much of a chance to write lately. I'm starting to miss this story. Anyhow, isn't Hazel just crazy? "Not like this," she says. But then, if you had been waiting this long to kiss a guy, wouldn't you also wanted to be in better circumstances than in the cold snow while your PTSD is giving you flashbacks and there's a vicious man-eating cloak waiting to pounce? He's trying, though! That's gotta count for something. Poor Sirius, lol.

Are any of you Ouran High School Host Club fans? If so, "It Starts With Goodbye" is a lovely story for TamaHaru shippers. I've been obsessed with it for a couple of days now.

hphead: You give me life, omg. When I looked and saw I had ten more reviews (or roughly there), I was ecstatic. Thank you so much for enjoying this story as much as you have. 3 I'll take into consideration what you said was the more canonical version about Remus's condition and Dumbledore's knowledge of it, and do something with that. I'm steadily working to make this story more in line with canon Marauders era info, but sadly I didn't do as much research as I maybe should have. Also, you should definitely PM me sometime with the titles of good Jilly fics- I love them. I feel like they're an excellent couple. Also, don't worry, James will continue to undergo drastic character development throughout the story. He's a prat sometimes, but he has a good heart when it comes down to it.

Anyway, thanks for reading lovelies! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to review!