Everything was white.
Where was she?
What was she?
She moved.
Did she?
She stood.
Did she?
Something forms in front of her. A man. First the shape of him, black and hazy. Then the peach of his skin, the green of his suit, the black of his hair…and finally his face.
Mob stands before him. Naked. No, not naked. Like a doll. She takes a step. She's beside a mirror? She looks at herself. Herself looks back at her. She can see herself as she exists. She can see herself seeing herself.
"Welcome to the world of the mind." Said the man. She knew that man. Did she? She knew what he was. Hope. Admiration. Someone like herself. Someone good. Someone good? But he had been bad. What had she been doing?
"You're forming. Now that you can see another being you can understand how you're supposed to exist in relation to the world." Said the man with a smile. He looked friendly, very friendly. Mob felt like…no…this was something that Shigeko knew. This was man bad news.
"What is this?" asked Mob. She was Mob. She was Shigeko. No, she was not. That was Shigeko. She took a step. Two sets of stimuli entered her mind. The ground was nothing and everything. The ground was white. She was there. She took another step. Another. Another. She stepped and stepped and stepped but got nowhere.
"I just told you, the world of the mind. This is existence at it's very core." Said the man
"I came here to do something…" said Mob. She was Mob and she had a job to do. Pink and blue got through the white. Yes. She had a job.
"You came here to exorcise me. I applaud your enthusiasm, girl. Well done." Said the man with a clap.
"I know you…." Said Mob. She knew the man but she didn't know the man. She stepped forward. Nothing. She needed to do something….something important. A flash of blue. The other her that mimicked her turned and smashed her fist against an invisible wall. Mob turned and mimicked her actions.
"So wonderfully broken…." Said the man with a tut. He reached over and took their chin in his hand and tilted their face upwards. Mob's face. Shigeko was mirroring her actions. It was Shigeko, though, that shook them loose.
"You're the one who's going to be broken." Said Shigeko/Mob, or Mob/Shigeko. They were fighting, now, for dominance. Tug of war. King of the mountain. Race you to the couch. She said it because the other girl, the other her, had said it.
"I see that your sense of self is becoming more intact. One false move and you could have been annihilated." Said the man letting her go. Her face itched where he had touched her. Gross. He felt gross.
"I'm here to do my job and my job is to exorcise you. Get out of this body." Said Mob and the other girl. The other girl reached over and pressed their hands together. Palm to palm, fingers splayed out. Pink met blue and fused into a pattern of moving fractals. All that was missing was yellow.
Master Reigen.
They had to save Master Reigen. They had to make Master Reigen proud of them.
"I'd prefer not to be exorcised, all things considered. I doubt you could, little girl, anyway, so don't waste your time." Said the man. Reaching over and slapping their hands apart. Back to the tug of war, then.
"Don't ever doubt me. My master says that I have this and therefore I do. I've got this. We've got this." Said the other girl. Shigeko. She took a step forward now, Mob followed. The man just smirked.
"So you would think. If you think you can then please, by all means, go ahead and exorcise me." Said the man with that same smirk. Shigeko was going to wipe that smirk off his face if it was the last thing she did. She was going to make him pay, she had the strength to do so. She reached forward but felt her movement restricted.
"But he looks so human…." Said Mob once again speaking for both other them. The other grabbed at her throat as she was forced to speak. A flare of blue. A flare of pink. A shove. A grab. A war.
"Conflict. Duality. No wonder you were so stubborn, girl, you're constantly fighting for control…" said the man as he reached down and began to stroke their hair like they were a cat. They scooted back, both of them knocked down to the ground in their struggle for dominance.
"Don't touch me!" said Shigeko. She needed to keep them safe. Their vessel. But there was no vessel. But there was still Mob. There was always Mob. They were this thing together. Mob always held them back.
"I know you're not a person anymore but you shouldn't just touch people like that. It's not nice, you feel gross." Said Mob diplomatically. Maybe they could try reasoning with it. It was better than Shigeko' s method of just breaking everything and everyone. They had to be this thing together but Shigeko always held them back.
"I was human, once. You even know me, though I'm quite a bit before your time. Yes, I've seen it in your mind. The reverence you have for me. My student." Said the man. He reached down and took their face in his hand again. They were standing, now. When had they stood up? Shigeko slapped his hand away again.
"I am the student of Reigen Arataka, greatest psychic and rising star of the twenty first century. Feel free to Google him." said Shigeko defiantly. She had this. This was only a spirit. She just needed to figure out how their powers worked in this mind space and then she could get them out of this predicament.
"Well I am Mogami Keiji, greatest psychic of the twentieth century. I'd tell you to Google me but I have no idea what that means." Said the spirit with a laugh.
"You look like Mogami Keiji but I know that you aren't Mogami Keiji, though. He was good. You're just a dead man wearing his skin, his form, like a costume. You brought me here. You made me come here, like a prisoner, but I'm not. Now you have nowhere to go, you're trapped in here with me." Said Mob simply. Dimple had said it. She was not afraid of the things that went bump in the night, they were afraid of her.
She was not afraid.
She was not afraid.
She was not afraid.
"You're forming quickly. That's good. If you had made even one false move, just one, your spirit would have been destroyed. You're truly gifted, Mob. Shigeko. The both of you are truly gifted. You've been a wonderful student." Said the man
"We are not your student!" said Mob/Shigeko. They were not afraid. They just needed to figure out how this world worked. A world without vessels. Without boundaries. Instrumentality. Mob supplied the word. Was this is? They had been freed from their vessel…but it wasn't a good thing. Without their vessel they had no way to relate to the world. To this world.
"You're not? From what I can gather you've been watching me, old recordings of me. You even spoke my line. That was what I said, you remember, don't you girl? I, Mogami Keiji, will accept this job. I must have sounded like a broken record saying that line over and over and over again. But you never tired of it, did you? Neither you nor your…master." Said the spirit
"Don't talk to me in that body." Said Mob. The other girl was getting closer, now. They held hands. Their expressions were different, now. Mob was calm. The other girl was seething.
"This body? This is me, or rather how I see myself. I'm about twenty four here, I liked myself at twenty four. You're only fourteen, right? A child but so eager to grow up. You love it, though, don't you? The little trappings of adulthood your master gives you. You want so badly to be an adult, to be capable. But capable of what? Serving that man? Waiting for him to throw you a bone, a morsel of affection? You are. You're a good little dog. A show dog, a guard dog, or worse. Maybe you're just a doll. Maybe you're just a little doll that he'll do with whatever he wants. But you would like that, wouldn't you? If only you knew what that man thought of you…." Said the spirit holding them in place. His hand still on their face. He was so close, now. So close that they could have felt him breathing, that is if either of them needed to draw breath.
"How dare you! You are not Mogami Keiji!" said the other girl. Mob didn't me to say that, she wasn't being mimicked by her other self anymore. She was not this other girl. This other girl was her own person just as Mob was her own person. But no, they were this thing together. They were this thing together and they were trapped. Well and truly trapped.
"I am. I assure that I am, or what's left of him. Come. You wanted to talk, so let's talk." Said the man still holding onto her. No matter how much she struggled she just could not get free.
"Not true. You're not him. I'll only talk to you if you stop wearing his skin." Said Mob/Shigeko through clenched teeth. They need a bath, or a shower. They needed to go home and take a shower and then afterwards they could watch TV with Master Reigen and he would let them rest their head on his lap and he'd stroke their hair and tell them how much he loved them.
"I'm not wearing his skin. There is no skin here. There are only forms. My form, your form, the form which exists in relation to my form." Said the man
"This is what I look like. What we look like." Said Mob/Shigeko. Their form was them but naked because spirits didn't wear clothes but also like a doll because they didn't want to actually be naked.
"This is what you imagine that you look like. You're no longer confined to the prison of your vessel. I've set you free. You can be free, further, and I will be the one to set you free….student." Said the man
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Said Mob/Shigeko. Come on powers, work. Do something, Anything. Explode even.
"Do you? Tell me, why have the two of you taken this form? A doll. A naked doll. Is it because you know, deep down, that all anyone sees you as is a doll. You'll only ever be a doll, a dog, something loyal and decorative. Something which exists for the enjoyment of others. Is that all you want, Shigeko? Mob, we all know what you want. It's always Mob's wants, isn't it, Shigeko? Always what Mob thinks is best. Tell me something, Shigeko, why is it that Mob controls your vessel?" Said the man
"We are this thing together." Said Shigeko. They were one in the same. Two halves of a whole.
"But you're so far apart, aren't you?" asked Mogami running his thumb across the side of their face. Shigeko tried to bite him. Her reaction was slow because Mob was holding her back. Mob was the one who was afraid, not her.
"We're always together." Said Shigeko before trying to bite him again. He laughed and patted the top of their head like a dog.
"But what do you want, Shigeko? I can see what you want. I can see what you are. Envy. Wrath. Gluttony. Lust. You want safety. You want vengeance. You want pleasure. You want everything that Mob denies you. You're where Mob dumps everything she thinks that she's not supposed to want. That's what feeds you, isn't it? Her wants." Said the spirit
"What I want is to exorcise you. You're just an evil spirit trying to mess with my head. That's all. We won't let you." Said Mob. There was a delay now as Shigeko followed her lead.
"I am Mogami Keiji. Why would I take his form if I wasn't him?" said the spirit
"You can't be him!" said Mob/Shigeko shaking their face free from his grasp. He wrapped a hand around their neck and lifted them. For a moment, a terrifying moment, they forgot that they didn't need to breath here. They were, for the first time in their entire existence, helpless.
It was a bad feeling.
"But I am. I can be and I am." Said Mogami bring her so close that he could have kissed her if she wanted to. The thought fills both of them with such revulsion that they, for a moment, forget that they have no stomach from which to be motion sick from. They begin to wretch and he lets them drop to the ground.
"But why?! You're good! You use your powers for good! You're a good person!" said Mob crying. No. He was a good person. He was the person who taught Master Reigen how to be a good person. If not for Mogami Keiji then there wouldn't even be a Spirits and Such.
"A good person like you? Like your master?" asked the spirit kicking them in the side. He kicked them again and again until they, somehow, remembered how to put up a barrier.
"YES!" said Mob/Shigeko as they stood up behind their invisible wall.
"You're such a child. You truly believe in that man? Reigen? I've seen his mind, glimpsed it, and if you knew how he truly saw you…what you were to him. What you are to him. What he wants you to be to him…what he tells himself that he doesn't want for you no matter how desperately he does….if you only knew" said the spirit
"Master Reigen loves me." Said Mob/Shigeko, their auras fully visible. Good. Their powers were coming back. Time to shut this guy up for good.
"He loves what you two can do for him. That's the way of the world. That's why he brought you here, you know. He brought you here for money, it all comes down to money. Money or sex. Those are the greatest motivators to the human species, you know. Money motivates him but you, girl. You're motivated almost solely by sex. Or love, as you call it." Said the spirit
"That's gross. Shut up." Said Mob/Shigeko
"You don't seem to think so, Mob. You too, Shigeko. Though Shigeko is quite a bit less discriminatory than you. She's honest in what she wants. You, Mob, cloak desire in love. That's what you want from him, sex. What he wants from you, what he restricts himself to wanting, is money. He uses you and you, well, you use him too." Said the spirit
"Stop saying that. I didn't listen before and I won't listen now." Said Mob/Shigeko sending a blast on energy at him. He moved away so fast the eye couldn't even see him. No. He had reoriented the entirety of the space that they were inhabiting.
They were not helpless here.
"You should. You should and you will." Said the spirit, his aura visible to her. Mob shrank back. Shigeko followed. They were afraid. Mob was afraid.
"The way of the world is this, the strong are used by the weak. That's your life, isn't it? Your power, your blessing, is used by the man for his own gains. What have you gotten from him? A place to sleep on his floor. What do you want from him? A place to sleep in his bed. He uses you and you use him, too. His strengths exist in the world of lies and deception, skills which you do not possess. You use his strengths for your own gain. You hope that by using him and allowed yourself to be used you can gain his love. You tell yourself that you want his love, anyway. Shigeko is much more honest in this regard. It was Shigeko, wasn't it, who told you to give in to another? I like her. She at least understands." Said the spirit
"I understand that I have to destroy you." Said Shigeko. She could feel it, cracks forming along this metaphysical space. She was sensitive to it, she existed solely in metaphysical space.
"But will mob allow it? Your existence depends on her whims, doesn't it?" asked the spirit
"I don't care how human you look. You're just a spirit. Goodbye." Said Shigeko. She wrestled control from Mob. Now Mob was the mirror image. She drew her power, electric blue, into her hands and slashed the spirit in half. It erupted into a splash of blood as it was bisected. No…this was only a spirit. In their shock Mob took over. Now Shigeko was the mirror image.
"I am, once again, impressed girl. I've never seen psycho-kinetic abilities like yours. I envy you. I was just a medium. A gift for seeing souls. You, however, have gifts you've never even explored. I can help you with that….student." Said the spirit
"No you won't, now shut up. This time I'll finish you." Said Shigeko. She held the sprit in place with her strongest barrier and then she shredded it. Energy poured in until there was nothing of the spirit left. What should have been left behind was spiritual residue. It wasn't. It was blood. The spirit had exploded in a shower of blood.
It was warm.
It was wet.
It was sticky.
It dripped.
"This is a trick. That was just a spirit. This is a trick. That was just a spirit. This is a trick…" said Mob over and over like a mantra. She clung to those words like they would keep her safe. There was just so much blood. She didn't even like seeing her own blood, let alone someone else's. She had hurt someone. This was a spirit. She had killed someone. This was a spirit. This was like before. So much blood. So much blood everywhere.
"Well, girl, that was impressive. For one so small you're very strong. Good girl." Said the disembodied voice of the spirit. The blood began to reform into the shape of a man. Then organs grew over it. Then muscle. Then bone. Then skin.
Mob wretched.
"JUST DIE ALREADY!" screamed Shigeko before sending a ball of concentrated energy at the spirit. It exploded and reformed.
She crushed it under the weight of a literal ton.
It reformed.
She burned it under flames so hot they were blue.
It still reformed.
She reached inside of it and pulled it's organs out through its mouth.
It still reformed.
She peeled it from the outside like a grape.
It still reformed.
No matter how badly she broke it apart it still reformed.
The entire time Mob made them sob.
"Stop it! Stop it Shigeko! I don't want this….I don't want this…." Said Mob as she sobbed. She was like Shinji from EVA in the episode where his will was overwritten and he had to kill his friend with his own hands as he controlled the EVA. No, she wasn't even the pilot anymore. She was the EVA. She had no control. She watched her power, her limbs, herself, rip the spirit apart. But it wasn't a spirit. Spirits didn't bleed. This was a person. She was killing a person.
Master Reigen was going to hate her.
"Getting tired? It won't work, girl, so don't exhaust yourself. My goodness you're a stubborn little thing, aren't you?" asked the spirit as it reformed and stood before their sobbing forms. It reached over and took them by the face again. They tried to turn their heads but it forced them to look into it's eyes. Inky black pits.
"You're the one who's being stubborn." Said Mob/Shigeko. The spirit laughed and pulled them closer.
"I suppose I am. I suppose that the two of you learned from the best. Tell me something, girl, something that you may not have learned. Do you know where every incarnation of psychic powers comes from? No, of course you don't. I can see your mind, I know everything that you know." Said the spirit. Mob and Shigeko tried to speak but they found themselves mute. They tried to move but found themselves paralyzed.
Stuck.
Trapped.
Helpless.
Master. They needed Master Reigen. They did not have this. But he could. He was stronger than…but he wasn't. Master Reigen would have been even more helpless than they were. They had to save him. Who would save them?
"Feelings. Emotions. Your powers are fueled by your emotions. Every single incarnation of psychic powers comes from emotions. My abilities as a medium, your psycho-kinetic abilities, even those pitiful empathic abilities your master calls powers….strong emotion. Anyone with the potential to develop some flavor of powers awakens theirs through strong emotion. That's how you ended up with Shigeko here. You poor, broken, little girl…" said the spirit
Mob was slammed down into the ground. She felt sick. Dizzy. She saw stars. The spirit was on top of her, now. Pinning her down. She couldn't struggle. She couldn't move. He picked up her hand and held it almost gingerly in hers.
"You know, you could be great. You could even eclipse me, student, if you wanted to…but you don't. No, you don't want anything for yourself, do you girl?" asked the spirit before bending her pointer finger back. Further and further back. It snapped. Neither of them could do anything but watch their aura flare.
"It's a pity how weak you are in here. Of course, I'm the one who set the power limit. It took me a while to learn you, you know. Out of all the liars, frauds, and weaklings in the room you shone so brightly. You're like a star, you know. A star brought down to Earth. To be contained, though. Imprisoned." Said the spirit as he moved to their middle finger. Another bend. Another snap. Another flare of the aura.
"You're a lot to contain, actually. I've been working on severing the connection between you two. It's a nice little trick you've taught yourself, awakening only under extreme emotion. Saves you the trouble of thinking for yourself. When it gets too difficult you can always just step away. Pitiful." Said the spirit before moving onto her ring finger. Another bend. Another snap. Another flare of her aura. Pink, this time. Much more pink than blue.
"That's the fascinating thing about human beings. They can hold so much emotion in their bodies, their vessels. So much pain, so much misery. So much to tie them down. You enjoy it, though, don't you? Being tied down to someone. You're tied down to guilt. You want to be a good person because you did something very bad in your past." Said the spirit before moving onto her pinky finger. Another bend. Another snap. Another flare of the aura. Almost all pink.
"Lust, too. Lust ties you to a man who used you. You think you love him, you're such a child. He loves you, though, but guilt and shame keep him from you. You didn't know that. You don't believe me. I know what you're thinking, girl. You think that I'm a liar. You think that I'm just saying things to mess with your head. I'm not lying, student. This is the truth. He loves you but he's so content to use you. I can see how the two of you could be master and student." Said the spirit before moving onto her thumb. Another bend. Another snap. Another flare of the aura.
"Oh, and stop trying to use your powers. I've been watching you. I've been learning you. This place is of the mind, girl, and I know just the amount of power that you think you have. That Shigeko thinks she has. I measured it and I've decided something." Said the spirit before getting down low, so low that they were practically nose to nose.
"How about a thought experiment, yes? Take two people. One person has lived her entire life in joy and happiness surrounded by people who either took pity on her or sought to use her. Then take another girl, one who's lived in the same cold, cruel, world as everyone else. Which girl would have stronger abilities?" asked the spirit, his hands on her shoulders. Mob wanted to reach out, to push him off. She manage to get a twitch of her now useless hand. She needed to get rid of this spirit…she had a job to do…Mob had a job…Shigeko…she…them…
"That's why I've trapped you two here. Shigeko, I admire your tenacity but right now I'm also getting a bit bored of you. Mob makes a much more fun doll. Shigeko, I'm afraid you're going to be put back in the toy box for a little bit…" said the Spirit before reaching over and dragging an almost gentle finger up and down Mob's neck.
"I think that the two of you should spend some time apart." Said Mogami before wrapping both hands around her throat. She couldn't breathe. Did she need to breathe? Of course she needed to breathe. She reached out towards…was someone else there? Her hand reached out, mangled fingers flopped against the ground beneath her. She needed….she needed…
Master.
Mob woke up quickly. She opened her eyes and looked up at the familiar ceiling. Morning. It was morning. She held her dominant hand in front of her face and flexed her fingers. They were fine. Of course they were fine. She couldn't remember doing anything to hurt them. She sat up. Her futon felt weird. Different. Flatter. The room smelled weird, too.
Cigarettes.
But why would the room smell like cigarettes. She didn't smoke. She was only fourteen, she couldn't smoke even if she wanted to. She didn't even like smoking that much. It tasted bad and made your lungs hurt. She figured it did, she thought, because she had never smoked before. She pulled her blanket to her face and inhaled. It smelled like detergent. Not cigarettes.
She didn't know why she kept thinking of the smell of cigarettes.
She stood up and began to fold her futon back up. The motions felt clumsy in her hands, almost like she hadn't folded up her futon every single morning for her entire life. She couldn't just leave it unfolded, it would take up too much room in her room. She needed to fold it up because that was what you were supposed to do. So she did just that.
The amount of sunlight streaming into her room was odd. How late was it? It was seven. School started at eight thirty. Didn't she usually get up around four? But why? The trip to school wasn't that long, it was just a walk. She yawned. Even seven was kind of early. Her futon looked inviting but she had to get to school. School was important. It was a place she had to go to because she was just a kid.
She was not little.
Where had that come from? Of course she was little. She was only fourteen.
Fourteen was still plenty little. She was too little to decide to stop going to school or to move out or to get a job or to drink or to do, well, much of anything. She had to do what she had to do and that meant that she had to get ready for her day. Yes, her futon was as folded as it was going to be. Good enough for who it was for.
She made her way to the bathroom. The hallway seemed longer. The carpet was a different color. White. Wasn't it supposed to be blue? No, the carpet in her house had always been white. The bathroom as the same, too. She had always had a tub. The walls had always been tile all the way up. The light did not take a minute to click on. It smelled normal, too. Why would it smell like cigarettes and aftershave in here? She didn't smoke and no boys lived her so no aftershave.
It was just Mob living in this house. It had always been just Mob.
She reached for her toothbrush. It felt weird. Didn't it used to have ridges? No, it had always been smooth. Pink with a smooth handle and bristles worn down from too much brushing. She'd have to tell…who would she tell? She'd just get her own damned toothbrush if hers was so worn down. Wait, no, there were spares in the drawer under the sink.
Four colors. Red. Green. Pink. Blue.
There were nothing but pink toothbrushes in the drawer. Of course there were. Pink was her favorite color? Why would she ever get any other colors of toothbrushes? She'd open a new one later, this one still had some life in it. She put a dollop of toothpaste on the toothbrush.
Mint.
Not bubblegum.
Bubblegum was an odd flavor of toothpaste. Why would you brush your teeth with something sweet? Sugar rotted your teeth. Not that she had to worry about that. Her teeth always grew back. Wait, no, that was just baby teeth. That was a crazy idea, that adult teeth could grow back. She brushed extra hard. She had to be careful. She only got these teeth.
She finished brushing and rinsed. As she spat she looked up at herself. She didn't look any different. Same old pale skin, same old brown eyes, same old bowl cut. The bedhead wasn't good, though. She couldn't walk around like that. People would laugh at her. People always laughed at her. She grabbed her brush from the counter, this was familiar, and started brushing her hair down. She had a thought, like a memory almost, of someone doing this for her. Someone nice. Someone who said her name weird.
Mobbu.
Someone like a mom. But that was crazy. She didn't have a mom or a dad or any brothers or sisters. She lived in this house alone, she had always been alone. She didn't know why, that was just the way that it was. She was Mob and she was alone. Nobody would want to live with her anyway. She stopped brushing her hair so fast. She lived alone and school was right there, what was she hurrying for? She had all the time she could ever need. She brushed a little more slowly, now, enjoying the feeling of the brush going through her hair.
She hit a tangle.
She brushed it out as best as she could. The tangle turned out to be a matted spot. She spend almost half an hour getting the matting out of her hair. Why was it matted? Oh. Right. She had to braid it. The braids kept it nice. She separated her hair into two sections, fingers feeling slightly clumsy today. Maybe she had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.
A figure of speech. She slept on a futon anyway. Someone, once, had taught her that expression. Expressions were hard for her. Nonliteral things were hard for her. Someone had taken the time out of his day to teach her about them. Someone important to her…
But who?
This seemed important.
But she just couldn't remember. She finished braiding her hair. Mostly even. She didn't have time to start again. She closed the bathroom door but to her surprise her uniform wasn't hanging there. No, wait, it was hanging on the door of her wardrobe where it had always hung. Duh. So scatterbrained today…
Mob had no idea where her mind was. After getting dressed she had almost said good morning to the empty rooms as she made her way downstairs. Nobody lived in those rooms. They just housed dust. Nobody had ever lived in those rooms. They were spare rooms, guest rooms, junk rooms. Rooms for people who would never live there. Rooms for junk that she did not have. She didn't have a lot of stuff, actually. Empty shelves. Empty drawers. Frames without pictures. Hangers in the hall closets without coats. Cabinets in the kitchen without plates.
She had one plate, one cup, one bowl, and one set of chopsticks. No forks. No spoons.
She filled the rice cooker with far too much rice for one person. It was supposed to be instant rice but it took a while. When the timer went off Mob wondered why it sounded like that. A chime, not a bell. She made herself a bowl of rice with an egg cracked in it. Normal. This was what she ate for breakfast. Tasted like the morning. Smelled like the morning. This was the morning, a normal morning. This was what her morning was.
She tried to shake the feeling she had that something was wrong. This was her neighborhood. She had walked down these streets a hundred thousand million billion trillion times. But then why was she expecting something…else? Cats. There weren't any. Apartments, not houses, but this neighborhood was all houses. All the houses looked the same. She knew hers, though, so the others didn't matter. She ground was familiar and unfamiliar under her feet.
The world was like a funhouse she decided. She had gone into one with…alone…because she was always alone. There was a room with a tilting bridge and the walls were made of mirrors. The ground wasn't actually spinning, just tilting, but you thought that you were spinning. Something was wrong but she didn't know what. Something…but what?
She was just being weird. That was who she was. She was weird. She was weird and awkward and nobody liked her and that was who she was and that was all that there ever would be. People were mean like that. She shook a ladybug off her shirt. She needed to run, and fast, because then she could end up being late for school. What time was it? She reached into her pocket to…for what? She looked at her wrist. No watch.
Her pockets were empty except for her keys. Two. One for the front door, one for the back. Smaller than she figured. She was just feeling off today. She started running to school, tripping only once. She scraped her knee, her sock had ripped too. She stood up.
Her leg buckling under her. Extra corners. Pain.
She was fine. It was just a scrape. She'd heal. She healed fast. The blood would stop and she'd be back to normal. It was only skin. Skin was easy to grow back. Nothing to it. That was why she didn't have any scars. She never scarred no matter what happened. The bleeding would stop soon and the wound would close and she'd be fine.
The bleeding didn't stop until she got to school. She quickly changed her shoes and ran to her classroom. No matter how fast she ran she was still late. She sat down in her desk and expected…someone….to come and talk to her. But nobody would talk to her. She was Mob. Nobody ever talked to Mob. The other people talked to each other even though it was class time. She sat at her desk and tried to pull her sock up. It wouldn't stay up. She'd have to get another one.
Someone looked over, pointed, and laughed. Mob stared at the blackboard in front of her for a moment. There was nothing to look at, though. The world seemed duller somehow. Dull. Like it was through a dirty window. Colors were…muted…
Maybe she was just tired. She certainly felt tired. It was much too early.
A hush descended over the class. Mob looked over at the door as it opened. A girl walked in, Mob had seen her…Mob had never seen her before. She had pink hair even though it was against the uniform policy. Mob hoped that she didn't get in trouble. She felt…concern…for this girl. She walked in slowly, almost like she was tired too.
"Class, we have a new student joining us today. This is Asagiri Minori." Said the teacher. The girl gave a sort of half wave.
"Hey. What's up." Said the girl. She looked tired, Mob thought, or maybe bored. Faces were kind of hard for her to read. She wished that she had the power to know what other people were feeling. Of course nobody had that kind of power. That was just for anime and stuff. The girl's eyes, green eyes Mob saw, landed on her and her alone. There was a moment in which neither girl spoke.
"What are you staring at, bowl cut?" asked the girl. The class laughed. Mob looked down at her desk. Everyone still laughed.
"That's enough class. Asagiri, you may take your seat." Said the teacher. The girl walked over to the only empty desk in the room, right in front of Mob, and practically threw herself down into her seat. Mob looked up at this new girl. The girl looked behind herself over her shoulder. They made eye contact again. There was something there, something between them…but what?
The girl tossed her hair back. It hit Mob in the face. Mob sat back in her seat and tried to follow the lesson. It was supposed to be math but none of the numbers or symbols made sense. It was all a jumble. Everyone else in the room seemed to be following the lesson with no problem, everyone except for the new girl. She just leaned back and stretched out. Mob attempted to do the same, or at least get more comfortable.
"Kageyama! Sit up straight!" said her teacher. Mob sat up as straight as she could. The back of her chair was digging into her back. Good posture was important though. Bad posture led to a bad back. Mob tried and tried to follow the lesson but she just couldn't. Even as the hours ticked by the lesson stayed the same. A confusing mess of letters and numbers and symbols that made sense to everyone else but her. She tried to take notes but they were useless. It seemed as though every time she began to understand something the rules would change. She solved for x but then x turned to y. She was supposed to divide but then she was supposed to add. She tried to but every time she wrote the numbers down in her notebook she was wrong. The numbers in her notebook didn't match the numbers on the board.
"Kageyama! Answer problem number three!" barked her teacher. Mob stared at it. She had no idea what she was supposed to do. She sat there, frozen. Add. She was supposed to add. But add what? Her teacher walked over to her.
"No wonder you have no idea what's going on. Look at these notes! Utter nonsense! Get your head out of the clouds and into this classroom! Now stand up and answer problem three!" said her teacher. Mob stood up on shaky legs, her scrape stung still. But why? It should have healed by now.
"Now what is the answer, Kageyama?" asked her teacher. Mob could feel a thousand eyes on her. The new girl seemed super interested in what was going on. Mob stood there and let them all stare. Unpleasant. The whole room felt unpleasant. The people around her….this entire thing was unpleasant. It was…sticky…sort of? Gross. She felt gross, like she needed a bath.
"We aren't waiting on your pleasure, Kageyama. Now answer the question!" said her teacher with a shout. Mob shrunk back and almost tripped over her chair. There were raucous laughs.
"Well? We're waiting!" said her teacher as he slammed his hand down on her desk.
"….I don't know…" said Mob softly. She didn't. She had literally no idea, none. She reached to her pocket. She felt…cornered…and when she felt cornered she was supposed to tell…to go to…
"A little louder, please?" asked her teacher in a tone which she thought was very mean.
"I don't know." Said Mob. She wanted to run to…to who? Who did she have? She was by herself. She had always been alone.
"You don't know? YOU DON'T KNOW?" asked her teacher. Mob nodded and looked down. She felt a sudden stinging to the side of her face…she had been hit…her head stayed off to the side. She still looked down. People were laughing again. She felt something prickling at the corners of her eyes. She reached out…no…she was standing still…but she felt bad and someone…something…always…she could never feel this bad…right?
But she did.
She's such an idiot/What a dummy/The only thing left was addition/She's still doing that creepy stare/What a weirdo
"Since my lesson is so very boring to you, Kageyama, then you can remain standing. You need all the education you can get…it's not like you'll marry well…" said her teacher as he returned to the front of the room. Mob stayed standing for the rest of the class period. Someone threw a paper ball at her head, followed by another…and another.
Those were soon joined by spitballs.
Every single time she tried to move, to sit down, she got yelled at.
Who was doing that? Who was being mean? Being mean was so dumb. People should be nice to one another. The truth of one's charm was in their kindness so it was best to just be a good person. She looked around at the people around her trying to spot who the jerk was. She couldn't look at their faces for very long. It was like they were slipping right out of her gaze. Everyone but the new girl. She kept on glancing behind herself and laughing these little giggles like this was her own private joke. Mob didn't get it. Everyone but that girl was slippery. Right out of her perceptions, out of her gaze.
Everything was so…slippery…even time. She knew that hours were ticking by based on the way the sun moved across the room. Eventually it was lunch time.
Lunch was soup, an apple, and a sandwich. Mob could smell it though…cilantro. Yuck. Even if she picked it off the taste would still have permeated her soup and her sandwich. Maybe she could just eat the apple. That must have been fine, why would fruit have cilantro. There was milk, too, which was good. Milk was delicious and made you strong.
Mob sat down at her desk and sniffed her apple. It smelled like cilantro, too. She didn't understand why people liked this so much, it tasted like soap. She tried polishing her apple on her shirt. Great. Now her shirt smelled like cilantro. She took a bite of her apple, a tentative bite, and was met with the familiar taste of soap. Yuck. Ick. Disgusting. She put her apple down. Maybe she just shouldn't eat today.
In front of her the new girl was telling the other kids about herself. Mob listened in even though she knew that she was eavesdropping and eavesdropping wasn't polite. She just wanted to know more about this girl. The mysterious transfer student. In shows and manga the mysterious transfer student was always something cool like a magical girl or an alien or an esper. Not that any of those things were real.
"Wow, your dad owns that whole entire company Asagiri?" said a girl that Mob couldn't remember the name of. Nobody in class had ever bothered to talk to her. There was no point to it. There was nothing special about her, nothing worth talking about. Not like this mysterious transfer student.
"Yeah, we're pretty rich. I don't know why he moved us out to this dump but at least the new mansion is pretty cool." Said the new girl. Mob leaned forward. Wow. A mansion. She didn't know anyone who lived in a mansion, or anyone rich. When she thought of where rich people lived she thought of a high rise building for some reason. An apartment with thick, plush carpeting and high ceilings that carried your voice when you talked…when you screamed…but in a good way. Giant bathtubs that you could sink to the bottom in like a swimming pool. Wardrobes big enough to hide in, to go to another world in, isekai. She preferred shoujo, still, to shonen.
She imagined too much. She should get her head out of the clouds and back to reality. Like anyone that rich, or anyone at all, would ever let her into their house.
"Hey, we should totally have a welcoming party for Asagiri!" said someone who Mob couldn't focus on.
"Yeah! Everyone who's coming write your name down on this sheet of paper." Said someone else. A sheet of paper was passed around. Mob, without thinking, reached forward. The new girl, Asagiri, was telling a story about some country she went to for her birthday last year. It must have been a good trip because she was gesturing a lot. Mob reached forward as the paper went around and got smacked on the forhead for her trouble.
"Oh. I'm SO sorry. I didn't see you there, bowl cut." Said the new girl. Mob sat more back in her chair. She had gotten too close. That had been her fault. She shouldn't have even thought about signing her name. Of course nobody would want her to be there.
"So then-" smack "my dad took me on this HUGE boat" smack "and there bottom was totally made out of GLASS" smack "and there were these GIANT SHARKS" double smack "but of course I wasn't afraid" smack.
Mob was sitting as far back as she possibly could but she still kept on getting smack by Asagiri, the new girl's, sweeping arm gestures. Mob remembered something like this. Sweeping arms gestures, a loud voice, a story for every occasion…but from who? Slippery. The memory was slippery. The floor, however, was not and when Mob tried to scoot her desk back to get out of the path of Asagiri's sweeping arms she found her desk bolted to the floor. Her lunch was cold, her soup had spilled on her from all of Asagiri's gesturing, Mob might have called it excessive if she were a meaner person, and the smell of cilantro filled her nose.
Yuck.
Mob decided to interrupt and ask Asagiri to stop. Maybe she was just awkward, too, like Mob was. Maybe she didn't realize how tightly the desks were packed together. Yes, she was just being awkward was all.
"Excuse me, um, Asagiri?" asked Mob softly. Everyone stopped talking and looked her like she was some kind of alien or something.
"Yeah, bowl cut? What?" asked Asagiri with her nose all scrunched up like a pug dog's.
"Um…my name is Shigeko…but everyone calls me Mob." Said Mob. She wasn't sure who the everyone was, exactly, but she had been called Mob for most of her life. Because she was so plain and boring and forgettable.
"Shee-jay-kow." Mocked Asagiri, and Mob knew when she was being mocked. The laughter was a clue.
"….people also call me Mob." Said Mob softly
"Mob-bu." Said Asagiri with that same exaggerated drawl that everyone found so funny. With each repeat of each of Mob's names she looked around as if to make sure that she still had their attention. Maybe she thought that they looked slippery, too.
"Yes. Mob." Said Mob
"Yeah, I think I'll stick with bowl cut. Anyway, what do you want?" asked Asagiri
"I was just wondering if when you swung your arms around, when you talk, if you could do it in another direction because you're kind of…hitting…me in the face and body and also my desk." Said Mob
"Oh, yeah, I guess I spilled your soup." Said Asagiri poking Mob in the chest where her undershirt was showing through the wet fabric of her uniform shirt. Mob waited for the apology that was supposed to come next. That was a rule, am important one. When you did something wrong you were supposed to say sorry.
"You're supposed to say that you're sorry." Said Mob trying to be helpful. The rules were hard for her, sometimes, and she was awkward because of that. Asagiri must have had the very same problem.
"Excuse me?" Said Asagiri. Mob was confused, momentarily, because this was not a situation in which excuse me should have been used.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand." Said Mob. Excuse was used when you bumped into someone, needed to get by someone, or needed to interject your thoughts into a conversation. Not when you were prompted to apologize for something that you did wrong. Mob knew that rule.
"Like, ok. I'm SORRY I guess. Jeez." Said Asagiri before turning around and talking to the other kids. Mob felt like that wasn't a real apology. She was hungry and decided to eat her apple as quickly as she could. At least it didn't have actual cilantro on it, not like her sandwich.
"Like, what is her deal?" she heard Asagiri say
"Mob? Who knows with her, she's more like a background character if anything." Said someone
"Oh yeah, she's not really anything, is she?" said someone else
"So, like, the token loser?" asked Asagiri. Mob wanted to interject and say that she was not a loser and that it was wrong to talk about people like that. She wanted to say that making someone else feel small would not make you any taller. That people had to be kind to one another.
"Pretty much." Said someone else. That was what Mob was. She was surrounded by people with real stories. She was just a background character in everyone else's story. That was what she was here. The new girl was the mysterious transfer student and she was just a character drawn in the background to fill space. She looked up. A spider was building a web. No. She was the protagonist of her own life. Her life was her own.
"Where does she get off telling me what to do?" muttered Asagiri as she tossed her apple skin behind her. It hit Mob on the head. She let it slide off and fall down to the ground. Now Mob's hair smelled like cilantro, too. She felt like she was going to be motion sick.
"Yeah, you should totally put that loser in her place." Said someone
Mob tried to eat as she listened to the conversation in front of her. The inside of this apple even tasted like cilantro. What kind of farm did this apple come from? Did the seeds cross pollinate? Contaminate? Mob remembered a trip to a farm she took…long ago? There was a lot of dirty and…vines? She was there with someone…but no. why would she be with someone? Someone important to her. But nobody was important to her. Nobody knew her. Also when would she have gone to a farm, she never even left the city.
She needed to stop with all the imagining.
She tried to eat as best as she could. She tried to ignore the conversation happening in front of her as best as she could. She tried to focus. She looked at her milk carton. She'd save the best for last. Milk. Nice, cold milk. Delicious. Asagiri was telling a story again. This time about a plane ride she took over the mountains. Mob remembers a movie she saw once with…someone…about a plane that crashed in the mountains and the people had to eat each other to survive. It was a classic of cinema he had said. He? That was weird. Mob certainly didn't know any boys. Boys didn't look twice at her and they certainly didn't invite you over to watch movies and compliment you on your English because they needed subtitles but you didn't.
"So then this bird almost totally flew RIGHT INTO the windshield." Said Asagiri. She was gesturing again but not hitting Mob. This time she was gesturing with her sandwich. With each flail of her arms the insides of the sandwich got on Mob's desk…and Mob herself.
"Oh no. I am SO SORRY bowl cut! Did I get my sandwich on you? Well I guess that I'm going to have to say that I'M SORRY if that's good enough for you." Said Asagiri
"It's ok. It was an accident." Said Mob simply
"Well, duh! I wouldn't just waste my whole sandwich on purpose. Damn, it looked really good, too. I guess that I have nothing to eat now." Said Asagiri. Mob reached over and handed Asagiri her sandwich. It wasn't like Mob wanted it. Maybe she and Asagiri had just started off on the wrong foot, that was an expression meaning to start off on bad terms with someone. Maybe she could be friends with Asagiri. It wasn't like she could pass up perfectly good friendship.
"Do you want mine? I don't like cilantro." Said Mob handing Asagiri her sandwich.
"Oh THANK YOU so much for something you DON'T LIKE, bowl cut. But wait, what am I supposed to wash it down with?" asked Asagiri
"Didn't you take a milk?" asked Mob
"Right, a milk. No, I guess I forgot. Well then I'll just have to drink yours." Said Asagiri reaching for Mob's milk and opening the carton.
"Wait…." Said Mob
"Yes?" said Asagiri
"I…I was going to drink that." Said Mob
"What? You like milk?" said Asagiri
"Yes. I love milk. Do you?" asked Mob
"You know what? No, not really. Here, you can have it." Said Asagiri before pouring the entire carton of milk over Mob's head. This action got her a round of laughs from her adoring fans. Mob sat very still. She could feel it, the milk, sinking into her hair and uniform. She felt went and sticky and gross. Why had this happened to her?
This girl, Asagiri Minori, was bullying her to secure her place in society. Mob didn't understand. Societies were made up of people working together. Those people all used each other like Asagiri Minori was using her to secure her place in the micro-society that was their classroom. The weak used the strong, this was something that happened routinely. No. That made no sense. People didn't use each other, they worked together. There was a fly stuck to the milk on her face. She broke through her stupor and brushed it off.
"What's wrong? I thought you said that you loved milk. Isn't this what you meant?" laughed Asagiri. Mob looked over at her. She was mean, Mob decided, but there must have been a reason. A real reason. That had been a crazy thought to have, before. Why would one person bully another to secure their place in society? Why would one person be mean to another in the first place?
The truth of one's charm is in their kindness. Just try to be a good person.
Mob wanted to tell Asagiri that what she had done was mean, wrong, and in no way funny. Mob wanted to tell her to say sorry, and to mean it this time. Mob wanted to tell her that she was acting like a terrible person and that people had to be good to one another. Mob said nothing, though, because that would have been mean and Mob was not mean.
"Kageyama, get a mop and clean all of that up." Said her teacher as he read the paper at his desk. Mob complied, even though it hadn't been her fault. She didn't want to fight. She just wanted to get through this day. Maybe Asagiri was just having a bad day. Maybe that was it. Maybe tomorrow would be better.
Tomorrow was not better.