Chapter 37: Changing Odds

After the memory stopped, I slowly made my way towards the back of the house like I was supposed to have been doing all along. That had been a weird flashback – too weird. My brain was obviously struggling to tell me something. Judging by the increasing intensity of these instances, I could only estimate that things would start to fully come back to me sooner rather than later.

People in white button down shirts bustled past me with rented tables and chairs, a pair of them even carrying what looked like a baroque archway. I took a deep breath and quickly pushed past a few of the crew members that were already busy setting up for Prim's wedding at the mansion. This wedding was overwhelming for me to get prepared for; I couldn't even imagine how Prim felt as the actual bride. She'd always wanted a big, pretty wedding but I couldn't help but feel like Hazelle had probably taken it to the extreme.

The entire house was being transformed today. More lights and greenery were added to the large foyer, which was now currently having the marble floors buffed. The long, ornate dining room that faced the lenai was being transformed into a white, shimmering cove of icicle lights and silvery lanterns for the cocktail hour after the ceremony. I burst through the doors leading into the large, heated white tent that had been erected on the back of the house for first the ceremony and then the dinner and dancing. It hadn't been heated completely yet, so that blast of cold air gave me a little jolt as I made my way to the tables.

I plopped down and scanned my fuzzy memory again and again, conjuring up the new pictures that my mind had released to me. A few people in the tent that were setting up gave me weird glances, but I didn't care about that. I was too wrapped up in what my brain might be trying to tell me. What did it all mean?

I flipped through the place cards in my hand absently, my eyes going unfocused as I stared out at the sea of plain white table cloths. Prim's wedding was in two days, but it was honestly the furthest thing from my mind. The more I did remember, the more I realized whatever my mind was intentionally hiding from me wasn't something I was going to enjoy.

"Thank you for your help," Prim sighed, grasping me tightly. It was several hours later and I was still as distracted as could be as we worked on her seating arrangements and room layout, so a frazzled Hazelle had finally released me from my wedding assistance. I think she was tired of me wandering around like I was lost and figured it was better to just send me home saying I looked 'tired'.

"No problem," I sighed, squeezing her back. I buttoned up my coat and pulled on my hat, preparing to go out and warm up Peeta's truck.

Prim inhaled softly and crossed her arms as she quietly observed my distracted behavior. For a self-absorbed girl she could sometimes be surprisingly observant.

"You're acting weird…is everything okay?" she asked, her blue eyes observing me closely. I knew it was pointless to try to lie to my litter sister; even though we'd spent years not really being that close, apparently she could still read me like a book.

"What? Oh. Yeah, I'm fine. Just….weirdness. Head stuff."

"Is it Peeta?" she asked.

"What?" I frowned. "No. It's not Peeta. Definitely not Peeta," I snorted.

"You seem kinda…..out of it. Like you're not really here."

I had to laugh again. "Well, that's the way I feel pretty much like I woke up in the hospital. It's weird waking up and not knowing….anything. You should try it sometime."

Prim huffed and gave me an exasperated look. "I'm sorry I asked, Katniss. I'm trying to show concern and all you do is…."

I rolled my eyes and shouldn't have been surprised that Prim was playing the martyr. "Just…getting some memories back. It's just weird."

"Oh," she sighed. "Well I hope you get it all figured out before my wedding, no offense. I can't have a distracted bridesmaid. I'll need help with my dress that day, you know?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded "Yes Prim, I know."

"Good," she quipped, giving me a terse smile. "Now will you please go home and get some beauty rest? You have bags under your eyes."

"Thanks for noticing," I replied flatly, reaching for the door handle. I stepped out onto the front porch of the house just as she turned and flounced away. The double doors clicked quietly shut and I was alone on the front porch – or so I thought.

I was immediately hit with the familiar scent of Marlboro Lights. I turned my head and saw a guilty looking Gale leaning against a pillar downwind, flicking his cigarette into the snow on the porch. Knowing he'd been caught, he gave me a lopsided smile.

"I thought you quit," I stated, pulling on my gloves.

"Guess not," he sighed. "What are you doing here?"

I gave him a weird face. "Um, helping my sister? Her wedding is two days away, what do you mean?"

"Nothing," he mused quietly. He gave me another anxious look that hardly ever graced his cocky features. "Just thought you pretty much hated it here. Christmas was…interesting."

I sighed. "I guess, yeah. Your family has changed a lot and it's still a little…weird to me to see all of…this," I said, motioning to the house.

He shrugged. "Might be weird to you but it's all I've ever wanted. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to live in a place like this, drive the car I drive, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah Gale…I know. Well, you got it. How does it feel?"

My only answer was a scathing look as he shivered in his button down shirt and took another long drag from the cigarette clasped between his two fingers.

"What's eating you? And why are you hiding out there?"

He shrugged. "Mom doesn't like it when I smoke inside the house…or when I smoke period, so I thought I'd come out here and burn one. Give her one less thing to bitch about."

I nodded, blowing out a last breath of warm air as the icy December settled into my lungs. "I see."

"Care for one?" He asked, holding out the white carton. I watched him hold the white cigarette in his long, slender fingers, the smoke still swirling around him in the frigid black air. He leaned against the pillar of the porch, partially out of the warm glow of the house lights. I could somewhat remember smoking before, but the act held no appeal to me now.

"No thanks. Did I used to smoke?"

He smirked. "I recall sharing a cigarette or two."

"Seriously?"

Another smirk. "Once or twice I see to recall you needing one after….well," he trailed off, a mischievous smile decorating the smooth planes of his face. I realized what he was insinuating and felt my stomach turn over slightly. The thought of sharing such an intimate act with anyone but Peeta made my stomach turn. Even though I couldn't remember many details about my relationship with Gale, I knew enough to feel sick about it.

"That was a long time ago," I snapped. "Will you just get over it already? Our siblings are getting married in two days and we'll be family."

He snorted and took another long drag. "We already are practically family Catnip. Or have you forgotten that?"

"Whatever," I said, giving him a look of disdain. "Please let the past go Gale."

"I will if you will."

"What is that even supposed to mean? Jesus Christ, I'm a happily married woman. Any smart retorts you happen to make about our former, long dead relationship are moot and just plain irritating," I snapped. I shook my head at him and gave him a pity-laced looked. "It's too cold to stand out here and rehash this bullshit anyway. Goodnight."

With that, I flounced away from the porch and towards Peeta's truck. I heard Gale's bitter little laugh as he watched me go, slamming the door behind me. I let the engine roar to life and peeled out of the driveway without bothering to warm it up first.

I hated, hated that he could still do that to me. Irritate the living fuck out of me until I wanted to grit my teeth down to the gums. My gloved hands gripped the steering wheel as I rolled cautiously down the hilly neighborhood and back to the familiar city limits. The faint smell of Gale's cigarette smoke clung to my jacket and made me feel nauseous. I tried to push it from my mind as I drove back towards the apartment – Peeta was waiting for me, or was at least in the process of closing up the shop for the night. However, a nagging feeling in the back of my skull seemed to keep pulling at my hands. I wasn't ready to go back just yet. Before I realized it, I turned off the main road and down the now paved road towards the mines.

I wanted to test myself.

Peeta's truck rolled down the access road for a few miles before I turned off and headed up one of the steep side roads. The lane twisted and climbed its way up the side of the mountain, eventually leading me to a small parking lot. There was a mine entrance there but it was one that was long forgotten. Once they'd mined a location to the finish or as deep as they could go it was usually kept open as an emergency out but rarely used after that. I put the truck into park and turned off the lights, letting the engine idle quietly. My eyes stared out at the rolling hills and mountainsides that made up some of the biggest mines in the state. Several hills over was the largest mountain where Gale and his family had hit it big while mining it.

Just looking at it made my eyes tear up.

My father hadn't made it out of that mine.

I swallowed and gripped the cold steering wheel, sniffing miserably and wiping my eyes as if someone could hear me. I couldn't fathom how it could still hurt this fucking much to see the sight of a stupid mountain. While it represented a miraculous change of lifestyle for Gale's family, to me it represented death and darkness.

My nightmares had never ceased to horrify me as my mind tended to bring back the things that I dared not try to picture in the brightness of day. No, it would wait until darkness had come to hold me under in my sleep and terrify my mind with horrible thoughts and pictures of what it was like to die the way my father had. After screaming myself awake I could remember lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and picturing things I'd never dared speak of out loud. One might think it was a sick thing to try to imagine how he died and how horrible and gruesome it was but it was one of those things I couldn't stop my mind from picturing. I guess it was a sick aspect of being human; trying to keep your mind from going places it shouldn't. But how do you stop that? I wasn't sure. But my father was gone and all that was left were pictures and memories and horrible thoughts that seemed welded to the inside of my skull. I couldn't remember much from that time of my life after he passed away, but I could remember waking in a cold sweat with the images just barely fading from my sight. Sometimes it took almost twenty minutes for the horrifying pictures to completely fade away, the claws of my nightmares trying to pull me back in.

I gulped and sniffled again, hiccupping as I tried to make sense of it all. I stared at the chain of mountains from the truck, the lone entrance lights to the six mines I could see shining in the cold night air. Feeling utterly hopeless, I wasn't ready for the dizziness that slowly crept over my limbs and ensnared my mind. I clutched the steering wheel as the memory seeped back into my brain.

I walked through the trailer door, grinning as it slammed behind me. Gale looked up at me with a wide smile, his face still smeared with coal dust. He'd just made supervisor at his father's mining business and I was so proud of him. He was taking this job so seriously it made me happy; Gale and his father had a rough relationship, so this promotion meant a lot.

"Nice trailer," I laughed. Gale shook his head and gave me a chagrined look.

"Hey now, I have to be able to work while I'm onsite. This is the life of a supervisor, babe. Get used to it."

I looked around the work trailer that was stationed outside the mine entrance, pretending to assess it while Gale leaned back in the squeaky desk chair he was seated in. The trailer was parked near the opening of one of the newer mines that Gale had been assigned to and was set up as a makeshift office. Coal dust coated nearly everything in it including my boyfriend as he sat at his outdated computer and clicked away at the keyboard. Stacks of papers and maps of mines sat in piles on every surface, nearly blocking the windows with their impressive height. I knew it wasn't much, but the small promotion in his father's company was enough to make my normally stern boyfriend smile. Gale had to work to earn an inch of his father's approval and I knew this wasn't something he took lightly.

I had just delivered lunch to my father a few mines over and thought I'd stop by to say hello and congratulate him again. "So this is where you'll spend most of your days, huh?"

"Yeah, well…it's something," he mused, shaking his head. "Did you happen to bring me lunch too?"

I grinned and pulled an extra sandwich from my satchel, tossing it to him with a flourish. He grinned and accepted it happily, his steely eyes reading the label.

"Mellark Bakery?"

"Yeah, passed it on the way here. They make the best sourdough."

"I know. This rocks, thanks Catnip."

I rolled my eyes at his nickname and shook my head as I continued to look around the trailer. He pried it open and gleefully added too much mustard before closing it and holding it up to take a bite. A few shouts outside made Gale's head turn and his jaw freeze as he leaned to peek out the blinds.

"Shit," he muttered, stuffing the sandwich in the nearest drawer.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Dad's coming. Fuck, um….hey, can you duck in that closet? He'll kill me if he knows you're here," he asked with a pleading gaze.

I gave him a skeptical look. "The closet? Really Gale?"

"Shhh!" he whispered, gently ushering me closer to the door. I hissed in distaste as he opened the door and pushed me softly inside. "Just hide out here til he's gone, alright? I Just got this job; I can't fuck it up!" he laughed.

I gave him a coy smile and pulled the rickety door shut just as his father stepped inside.

"Dad," Gale greeted sternly, all traces of play gone from his voice.

I heard his father 'tsk' at him before Gale cleared his throat. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm relocating you," his father said shortly, his smooth, deep voice curt.

"What? I just got this job!"

"Relax," his father snapped in a low voice. "You're moving over to Peak Thirteen. I need more men there to help Everdeen."

My ears perked up at the mention of my father's last name. He'd been friends with Mr. Hawthorne most of his life, however I knew from talks at home that tensions between the two men were rising as Gale's father gained more power in the company.

"Okay. That's….great. When will I go?"

"Tomorrow. I need you to help him dig deeper…" Gale's father's voice trailed off as he listed off mining measurements of depth and drilling that I didn't quite understand. The only thing I could actually comprehend was the fact that they needed to just dig deeper. Not as many miners has as much experience as my father did when it came to this sort of thing and I was proud to know that my father was so talented with his work. He took pride in the fact that he'd been a coalminer his entire career. Mining was a profitable yet dangerous profession; it took years of skill to know what paths to dig without endangering the entire crew.

Gale's father eventually left and Gale finally came over to let me out of the closet. I fanned my neck and pretended to be dizzy as I stepped outside into the bright light.

"Better work hard from now on Hawthorne; better impress my old man," I teased.

He grinned. "I plan to."

The memory left me as quickly as it had appeared. I inhaled the cold air as the truck idled on the side of the mountain, the heater sputtering to work properly. I stared forward at the mountains as I watched and re-watched the scene from my memory. It was new and I guess important – Gale had been thrilled to get to work alongside my father. His knowledge of the mines surpassed even Gale's dad. While Mr. Hawthorne had been aggressive enough to move up in the company, my father had been content to simply stay where he was at. He enjoyed his crew and his daily assignment and had no desire to climb the ladder as his friend did. Gale had been really excited to start working with my father even though they were old friends. I guess he realized how much experience it would give him. At the time I could remember how Gale would tease me about impressing the man that might someday become his father in law.

I thought about my father less and less these days, and it made my heart ache in my chest to realize that. His face was getting harder and harder to remember and sometimes I almost forgot the color of his silvery gray eyes. They were prettier than my own, although similar. I realized with another pang in my chest that my father would never meet Peeta.

I sighed and rested my head against the steering wheel as I took a few more deep breaths. I needed to get away from here – some memories were too painful to remember and frankly, I wasn't sure I wanted them.

I went home that night and found Peeta waiting for me. He had passed the time making cheese buns and didn't waste any time handing me one as I slipped out of my coat. I took a huge bite and chewed, barely stifling my moan of approval as he grinned with pride. I kissed him firmly in welcome and laughed as he wiped a big smear of cheesy grease I'd left on his mouth.

"Hungry?"

"Yes. And I had a bad day. Yet you had cheese buns waiting…how did you know I'd need cheese buns today?" I laughed, sitting down at the table. He grabbed the tray and a small bowl of marinara sauce before joining me.

"Boyfriends just know I guess," he mused. His blue eyes carefully evaluated me as he reached over to brush some hair out of my eyes as I chewed. "What made it a bad day?"

"Ulgh, this wedding. Prim had me running around the house all afternoon getting shit ready, and then Gale was there of course…being weird."

Peeta's eyebrows furrowed slightly in concern. "Should I be worried?"

"No," I snorted, "Not at all."

His shoulders relaxed slightly as the tension drained from them. "So what happened?"

"Just…remembering stuff I guess I didn't want to. About him, his family, when they bought that house…."

Peeta leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Well, that doesn't surprise me. That was a really big time for them, for you, for the whole family. Not every day someone becomes a multimillionaire. Hell, probably billionaire by now," he said gruffly. I watched him crack his worn knuckles and brush a bit of bread dough away from the creases in his palms. "But whatever."

"Right, well….I just keep having weird flashes whenever I see Gale. Or that house or….the mines."

"Take a drive, did we?" he asked with an amused tone.

"I did. Went and parked up at one of the peaks by the mine entrance. Just sat there and thought awhile."

"And?" he asked expectantly.

I shook my head and took another bite of the comforting food laid out before me. "Just remembered the time when Gale's father told him he'd be working with my dad."

Peeta shifted in his chair and looked at the table. "And?"

I gave him a crooked smile. "Nothing really. He was excited to work for his girlfriend's father. Or with him, rather. He had a lot of respect for my dad, but then again a lot of the guys did."

Peeta nodded. "I remember you telling me that your father had a lot of knowledge about the mines."

"Tons. He told me once that he forged his work permit to say he was sixteen when he was barely fifteen. He just wanted to work so badly," I laughed. "He knew so much and he loved his work. It didn't pay anything but I guess he just felt like he was really doing a good day's work, ya know?"

Peeta nodded good naturedly. "I think that's why I like making bread so much. I like knowing I help people keep their families fed."

"You're sweet," I chuckled, taking another bite. "You are awesome at it by the way."

"I know," he laughed back, taking a large bit of cheese bun. I watched him chew thoughtfully for a few moments, his hand snaking its way across the table to grasp mine. "I'm happy you're remembering, but you know I'm fine if you never do, right?"

I nodded. "I know."

We finished out dinner soon after, Peeta chuckling as I cleaned the last of the marinara sauce from the bowl with the last bit of bread. He seemed to sense that I would need some comfort. I collapsed on the couch and admired our Christmas tree as Peeta rummaged through a few boxes under the television set.

"Do you think we should take the tree down?" I asked, jumping slightly as Buttercup hopped up on the arm of the sofa. He sat down, tucking his fluffy and slightly matted tail around his feet to gaze in the direction of the tree as if I'd ask him for his opinion too.

Peeta snorted form his place on the floor as he pulled a photo box out of a messy heap of papers. "I dragged that tree to the truck, pinned it to the top of the truck, dragged it up the steps and spent four hours untangling the effing lights for it. Then I vacuumed up all the needles I knocked off of it on the way. That tree is saying up until April, damn it," he deadpanned. I stared at him in surprise for a moment before we both burst out laughing.

"Fine, fine. I'll take it down next week. But it's not even New Years," he whined, settling in on the couch with me.

"Makes no difference to me. What's all this?"

"Pictures," he sighed, opening the box. He pulled out an array of photographs ranging from black and white and curling on the edges to ones that had been printed from digital copies. I gazed down at the photographs; some looked familiar and others held no memories for me. They were mostly old family photos from my time before Peeta – me and Prim as kids, my mother, and a few family vacation photos. I felt myself smile as the older memories from my childhood came back to me. I wish they would all come back to me.

"I thought you maybe needed this tonight," he said softly, leaning back on the couch. He draped an arm around my shoulders as I flipped through the pictures, stopping on one of my dad.

"I did meet him once," Peeta admitted. I looked up and whipped my head towards his face.

"You did?"

Peeta nodded. "Yeah. He came in once and ordered a sandwich. This was a long time ago, but….it's weird I never forgot him. Years later when you showed me a picture I knew I'd seen him somewhere. Took me a few weeks to place it, but I finally realized he'd come into the shop once."

I leaned back against Peeta's arm and felt a strange feeling of peace settle over me.

"We didn't say much but he complimented my marble rye," he chuckled. "Told me we ran a nice shop. He smiled at me, I remember."

It felt nice to know that even though my father and Peeta hadn't officially met, they had at least been in the same room together and maybe shared a smile. No, I knew that if my dad had paid Peeta a compliment that Peeta had surely smiled back. And Peeta's smiles were contagious. I leaned further into his side as we flipped through more pictures, a contented feeling settling over my frazzled nerves.

Maybe…just maybe….things will be okay.

Wrapping this up soon, I swear. Thank you to Phantom Serenity for being so patient and wonderful to me!

Forgive my lack of mining knowledge! I have no idea how they are really set up but just bear with me.

Up next: Prim's wedding. Oh kids...it's a doozy. So many of you wanted shit to go down at her wedding, so... ; )

What did you think of her flashback? So many of you have come up with some wonderful theories! Thanks for reading! *MUAH*