Part Thirty-Five: Bruised

I walked back to the group home bruised and broken. I watched my boyfriend get raped by a Russian woman while his father pointed a gun at my head. Oh, Mickey, I'm so sorry. I reached a point where I could no longer stand the pain on his face and I had to look away. It was too much to watch him hurt like that.

I can't go back there covered in blood. I make a detour to Kash 'N' Grab and go inside to clean up. Linda doesn't ask questions. I break down in the bathroom. I can't get that scene out of my head. Mickey's face makes me ache inside. After I get dressed and cleaned up Linda has a hug waiting for me. She still doesn't ask questions.

"I'm not coming in today," I tell her.

"Mickey called in too," says Linda.

I nod. She gives me a free beer and a donut. I nod and leave. I don't even bother trying to sneak back into the group home. Lip is waiting for me on the front steps. I consider telling him what happened, but I don't.

"What happened to you?"

"I got into a fight," I say.

"With Mickey?"

I shake my head. Lip puts his hand on my back. I force back a sob. It's the hardest thing I've had to swallow. I shake from head to toe. Lip can feel it I know he can.

"So it was Frank. Frank called DCFS."

I stop walking and look at Lip in disbelief. He nods. Frank called DCFS on us. Frank. My fucking father. That man whose name we hold. That man who is supposed to love and provide for us. He betrayed us.

"He's no longer dad. He's just Frank," says Lip.

"He's always been just Frank."

"Are you okay?" Lip asks seeing more than a physical bruise on me. I want to tell him. I just nod. He doesn't believe me. "Ian?"

"I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Lip gives me a hug. I embrace him like my life depends on it. I cling to him. I dig my nails into his back and fucking hold him. I need to be held. Lip just squeezes me and I lose it. I break down in his arms. He squeezes me tighter. I feel him rubbing my back and I clutch the back of his shirt with all the strength I can.

"Let it out, Ian. It's okay."

I don't know how long I'm crying for but Lip just holds me the whole time. When my wailing dyes down to just sniffles Lip gives me one final squeeze before he lets go. My face hurts from crying.

"Why do I feel like this has nothing to do with Frank," says Lip.

"Because it doesn't," I say.

Lip rubs my back gently. We go inside the facility where we're being waited on. Lip had to cover for me. I feel bad asking him to do that, but he did it anyway.

We go to the court house and see Fiona and Frank battle it out in court over custody. I sit behind Fiona. I want her to win. I want her to cut Frank out of our lives completely. I want him gone. I want him to never come around again.

He turns around to smile at us, Lip and I flip him off. We sit through everyone's testimonies against Frank. When it's my turn I make sure to mention the times he beat me up. I am taking him down. He broke up our family. He's nothing but a leech.

But the whole time, I can't stop thinking about Mickey. How he must be feeling. I can't stop picturing his face as the woman raped him. I can't stop seeing the gun hitting him repeatedly in the face. I can't imagine what horrors he is facing by Terry right now. A tear escapes my eyes and falls down my cheek. Lip sighs and gives me a nudge. He motions for me to go into the hallway with him.

"Something bad happened, Ian."

"I can't tell you right now. Trust me, okay. Just be here."

"Yeah, I can do that."

I lean into Lip. He puts his arm around me. We sit like this for a few minutes before Jimmy asks us to come back in. I wipe my eyes. Lip goes first. He gives me a moment to get it together. I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I don't want to look upset for Fiona.

She's telling the judge a story about when I almost died as a baby. She had to carry me to a hospital. My temperature was 104. Fiona has always been there for me. Frank never has. Resenting him is second nature.

When the trial is over, Fiona wins. She becomes our legal guardians and we get to go home again. I'm happy to be out of the group home, but I'm sad over Mickey. Fiona stops me.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't talk about it," I tell her.

"Are you sure?"

"He won't even tell me," says Lip.

"This is serious, Ian. You should talk to someone."

"I will, soon."

The only person I want to talk to is Mickey. But that doesn't seem likely. Then an idea hits me. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. I know who I'm going to talk to.

"I'll see you at home later, okay," I tell Lip and Fiona. They trust me. Fiona still looks concerned. But I know she trusts me. I leave the courthouse, run to the bus stop and take the bus to the juvenile detention center.

"Well, well, well, look what the wind blew in," says the man at the sign in window. He greets me with a firm handshake. "Mickey isn't here anymore. He's eighteen isn't he?"

"I'm here to see Ryan," I tell him.

He lets me pass. I wait in the visitor room while they get Ryan. He sits across from me looking confused. He picks up the phone on his side and I grab my mine. I quickly go into detail about what happened. Ryan takes it all in.

"Holy shit," is his response. If you ask me it's the perfect response. I break down again. I needed to tell someone and he seemed perfect.

"How the fuck are you still functioning?" Ryan asks me. "No, really? How are you still able to even mentally function? I can't imagine how Mickey is right now."

"Me either. I'm staying away from him for awhile. I want his dad to cool off and I don't want to cause any more trouble for him. I'll let him come to me."

"Probably for the best, but that's not what he wants."

"What do you mean?"

"He's crazy about you," Ryan says.

I feel my face turning red. I've never heard anyone except Linda mention Mickey's feelings towards me. Now I just feel worse that he's in so much pain right now.

"Maybe I should I end it," I say, "Just take myself out of the picture."

"Don't kill yourself."

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant take myself out of his life."

"No. Mickey wants you around. He'll never admit it. I get out of here soon. I'm going to see him. He needs someone right now."

"I wish it were me," I say wiping the tears off my face.

"I do too. There are so many forces trying to keep you two apart, yet so few who want you together. It's a clandestine affair to rival them all. Suck it, Nicholas Sparks," says Ryan. I genuinely laugh at his attempt at humor.

"I really care about Mickey," I tell Ryan after a few moments of silence.

"I know that, Ian. I know exactly how both of you feel about each other. You can't fake that."

"So why does it hurt?"

"Because you're in love. Love isn't easy."

"I am."

"What?"

"I am in love," I say. It's not like I'm just now realizing it. I've known it the whole time, but I think this is the first time I actually mentioned it to someone.

"Good for you," Ryan says happily. "I'm glad one of you assholes admits it."

"Thanks for talking to me, Ryan."

"Anytime, Ian. And I know it's hard, but staying away for a while is probably a good idea. Don't cause any trouble for Mickey. Let it blow over."

I nod. He's forced to leave and I am kindly escorted out. Several boys holler and wave at me. I flip them off and they swoon. I shake my head and leave. I don't feel pain anymore, I feel numb. I feel bad for Mickey. I just want him to be okay.