Based on characters from the Twilight© by Stephanie Meyers. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

37 THE LITTLE DEATH BEFORE

Son? A soft trembling female voice queried from somewhere inside the burning pain.

"No…, Wai…t." I pushed the strangled words from my pain choked throat. Carlisle stared at me and stopped his effort to escape. I struggled through the agonizing blaze to track the soft voice in her mind and found a place of relative sanity.

Son? her voice asked again.

"Aaaah," I breathed a sigh of relief; there was less of the still horrible pain here. I was able to focus a little now and stopped writhing on the floor. I looked up at Carlisle; his anguish making his young face look old. I could see my reflection in his eyes, and I managed to replace my tortured expression with a slightly less tortured one. Trembling, I straightened my legs.

Carlisle sighed with relief.

"I'm so sorry, son. Are you alright now?" he asked anxiously, looking into my face.

I nodded, lying. I still burned with her pain as I remained linked with her mind.

He relaxed a little and looked back at her. He expected me to block her thoughts now that I could but I was through the worst. I was curious why she was concerned about his exclamation calling me son. Through all that pain she wondered about me. Struggling with the pain, impatiently stubborn, I suffered along with her to relieve my curiosity.

"What… is your name?" I asked as I slowly sat up, still listening for the soft voice marginally isolated from the extremely intense pain.

Esme, her soft voice answered from the quieter place. I could see Carlisle's face there. His eyes were her focus; the rest of his face was blurry.

Esme, he thought lovingly at the same time.

Son? her trembling voice asked again. Her voice was touched with longing. A glimpse of a tiny infant then it was gone replaced by Carlisle's agonized face and a flash of me when I hit the wall.

"Ye…sss, I'm his son… grhh," I answered with a growl, struggling against the pain. Carlisle's head snapped up to look at me again, this time questioningly.

Mother? her agonized voice asked with trepidation. In her mind I saw Carlisle's face as he quickly looked away from her over at me then my face came into view. I was looking at Carlisle then I saw myself looking at her. His gaze returned to her also.

"I have none, yet," I said quietly looking into her hopeful but patently disconcerting blood red eyes. I was beginning to isolate myself from her pain.

Need mother. It was a statement not a question. My answer had eased her fear. I noticed that her 'voice' was becoming stronger and the pain was beginning to leave her toes and fingertips because she was no longer aware of them.

"Yes, I do… Ow ooh," I answered, struggling with a sudden surge of pain coming from her.

Her eyes returned to Carlisle's face, her longing for him evident even in her agony. I felt the same overwhelming love emanating from her as I had felt from him. I tried to block the intense emotion without blocking her mind totally, a futile exercise at best but I was able to block some more of the pain.

"What is she saying?" he asked struggling with only half the conversation.

I spoke so fast it took only a second to get out. "She wanted to know if I was your son and I told her I was. Then she asked if I had a mother and I said I didn't, yet. She told me I needed one and I agreed. If you're wondering, she is in love with you, been in love with you ever since she first met you years ago, and given that I'm your son she wants to be my mother. There is also something about an infant that I don't understand. The pain is leaving her limbs; it won't be long until it's over."

I knew that Esme hadn't heard anything I said.

Carlisle looked at me like I had just granted him his fondest wish. His resulting smile radiated joy. He looked down at her with concerned but loving eyes.

"Esme, I told you what I did to you. I told you what you are becoming. The process is coming to an end and it will be the most painful part. I will hold you. I will be here for you. I will never leave you," Carlisle said carefully and slowly so she could catch it through her pain.

He was changed, something amazing had happened to him because of her while I was gone. I wondered fleetingly how the smashed crate of ancient glass figured into the whole thing.

"Esme, I will be here for you, too," I added. She heard us but didn't respond. The pain was overwhelming her again as it became more concentrated and left her limbs pain free. I blocked her mind before it dragged me back into the inferno.

The direct contact with Esme's fiery pain was going to leave unforgettable scars in my memory. I knew that if I stayed connected with her mind that the blazing finish would pull me into its heights of agony. I'd already been there and it was an additional nightmare I didn't want living with me in my vast and extremely vivid memory. There was nothing she could tell me now anyway.

"She heard us but just barely. I had to block her. I'm sorry Carlisle but she's on her own until it's over," I told him. The pain was gone from my body, as if it had never been, except that it was now and forever in my memory.

He only nodded as he continued to cradle her pain racked body.

I moved to sit on the floor across from him. We waited, listening to her heart hammering in her chest, waiting on the little death before the new way of life.

Suddenly she bucked and arched away from Carlisle. Her body unwrapped itself from him and twisted backward as her heart raced savagely toward its last beat. Carlisle grabbed her waist and I reached out and held her shoulders to keep her from throwing herself across the room.

It seemed as if all of the heat extracted from her body escaped through a twisting vortex above her chest. I stared at the phenomenon as I held her shoulders and felt the heat rising into the air, as her flesh cooled. Now I knew what Carlisle had seen as I lay screaming when the inferno torched the last bits of my human flesh away.

She shrieked and the glass shards on the ground around us vibrated discordantly. We both felt her agony but we were relieved knowing it would be her last pain. Then her heart stopped, the vortex dissipated and all was quiet.

The three of us were motionless and silent as statues for a moment. The only sound was the creaking of wood beams. My eyes were on him as I released my grip on her shoulders and he pulled her back into his lap.

Esme drew a breath breaking the tension and smiled. He pulled her upright into a hug.

"Carlisle," she whispered and hugged him back.

"Ow! You're very strong Esme," he pushed against her embrace.

"Sorry, I think I remember something about that in one of your more talkative moments," she replied loosening her hold on him. She kept her arms lightly around his waist.

Her enhanced brain must have been fully functional during the later part of the process, remembering the things he said even if she couldn't process it at the time.

"What do you want to know now?" he asked his arms still wrapped around her.

"This burning throat, it's forever, right? It is rather uncomfortable but nothing like the other pain," she said with a grimace.

"Yes, but we can ease it for a while. We don't want to hurt people so we hunt animals."

She nodded, but was distracted again staring into his face. "I'm fast, strong and almost indestructible? Did I really hurt you?"

He nodded answering her questions.

"Sorry," she said as she snuggled against him.

He had learned from his experience with me but he was still unsure.

Can you listen to her now?

I nodded my head. I was already listening to her gentle inner voice.

"How did you get hurt?" he asked after his quick glance at my acknowledgement.

"I …," she started but couldn't finish, she hid her face in the crook of Carlisle's arm.

I saw the tiny infant again, his tiny dead body as they took him away. They left her alone. No one was there to comfort her. She cried in the empty house staring at the empty cradle. Her anguish was quite horrible. She left the house and walked to the edge of a cliff and threw herself over. She remembered the crushing pain then nothing until she heard Carlisle's voice, the miraculous voice of her long lost love. I shook my head at her heartbreaking memory.

"You jumped because you were so distraught over losing your baby," I said for Carlisle's benefit.

"Oh, Esme," he sighed and pulled her tighter to himself. She smiled up at him still distracted, not realizing that I pulled her explanation straight from her mind.

Esme was so gentle and tender. Loving and warm-hearted, she radiated love. I was astounded at how much love she had in her. How could they just reject her like that? They didn't even try to save her just left her in the morgue. It made me angry. I wanted someone to suffer for it.