Xanxus' Adventures in Parenthood Piracy by InsaneScriptist
Beta'd by the studious Umei no Mai
Summary: Xanxus could only blame the damn scientists for stranding him in an alternate dimension. However Xanxus could only blame himself for allowing that woman to foist her child onto him. Drabble fic.
List
The meeting with Tyrant really seemed to drag on, and compress time all at once. Xanxus had a lot to think about and less than optimal time.
First, Xanxus had to figure out what his future self wanted his past self to figure out. Fooling yourself was actually pretty easy if you knew how. Doing so however wasn't very good for your mental health, even if it was the future you and not the current you doing it.
Second, Xanxus had to make a list. Several, lists, as it turned out. Questions he wanted the idiot scientists research answers to, a few things to test, who was to know of him being dimensionally displaced and what they were to do about it.
The 'Expert' list as Xanxus dubbed it was short but he expected results. This list would be the ones he would consult and have test a few things for him.
Verde would be in it for the science alone, while others were on there for their brains and expertise in time travel and parallel dimensions. Which meant Byakuran, the belly-aching redhead, and the cow-guardian at least. A few others would likely be pulled into the research like Giannini or his father Giannichi since how he arrived here was an error involving a weapon, or its ammo anyway. Those guys could get all mad science happy with each other, blow up a few laboratories and find a reliable way between dimensions.
Xanxus knew the basics of dimensional theory but the mechanics of it was not something he liked to think about. That Byakuran was clearly holding onto sanity by his fingernails was evidence enough of it being something best left alone. Byakuran did not trust himself with power and so used Yuni as a barometer to decide things. Enough of life's hard knocks could break people in their teens or even younger, and since Byakuran shared his mind with all his alternates meant all the mental issues added up.
The other set of 'Experts' were the Shimon famiglia, Talbot and Kawahira. Xanxus needed to know exactly how Flames of the Earth differed from Flames of the Sky beyond the obvious. Flame Science was a tricky and newly developed field. A lot of recent mafia technology was based on Flames of the Sky, from box weapons to mini-moscas and more. This meant quite a bit of experimentation with Flames of the Earth, which Verde would be in raptures about.
Talbot was needed for a a few confirmations and ringmaker questions; questions like could an excess of Flame-quality ore or crystal cause weather abnormalities to the point of effecting entire islands? The islands in the Grand Line had their own damn magnetic fields, so any seasonal abnormalities would have to be cause by something, so why the fuck not?
Xanxus was pretty sure Bel and Squalo could bellow at the Neo-Primo until he caved and asked the Shimon nicely, since they were unlikely to refuse the Boss of the Vongola even if he wanted them to be lab rats. Well cared for lab-rats treated respectfully, but still lab rats. They might even be interested in the results themselves; it wasn't like they had as much influence to draw on as the Vongola did. Daemon Spade did massacre most of the famiglia, when the current generation was young so what they learned or knew of Earth Flames was minimal or self-taught.
Kawahira would be the wild card however. The Acrobaleno and the others involved in the trials understood his position, in fact, some could even admire his ruthlessness but he was the only Flame Person they had left to consult. Xanxus wanted to confirm if any Flame People of the Earth had ever been around, what could feasibly happen if they went to war and the last question for Kawahira involved a curse.
The Acrobaleno curse was unique but Xanxus was pretty sure that being turned two was only an accidental side-effect of having the power of the world rest on your shoulders. So having hundreds more sources of power would in theory make the 'curse' lighter. Something like an inability to swim...?
Xanxus had his suspicions about Devil Fruits and only Kawahira could confirm them.
Concerns
Other things that had to be addressed based on the list he had given himself in a roundabout manner.
First off, he had to assure the Varia that he was fine and set up details for their care in his absence, as well as see about setting up somebody for brat patrol so the Neo-Primo got things done. Squalo could have organised that and probably would until orders said otherwise, but according to the list, Squalo had visited. So orders in case of Squalo's absence had to be given too...
Squalo's visit was clearly important. Squalo was notably one of the few people who were mentioned by name. Clearly, that was fucking important, as the others weren't, even in the earliest experiments; nice to have proof that the records he was handed were altered. Squalo had visited, when the scientists were still figuring out how to get to the 'right' time and place since the shark arrived a little later than Tyrant but in a far different region and had already been recalled. Timelines mis-matching and the amount of ocean made coordinates to and from a place that much more difficult.
Due to the nasty illnesses here, he did not want Squalo here while he was immuno-compromised or using part of his energy to pretend his transplanted heart was his own. The shark was lucky that he had enough Mist Flames for that to work and not impair him. The damn Vindice had ripped out Squalo's heart during the Acrobaleno Representative Battles, so the shark had needed a transplant. Normally he either took immuno-suppressants or used an illusion to make his body think the heart he had was his own natural one.
As Squalo would not disobey such orders due to health concerns and the fact that Xanxus told him not to fucking do it, Squalo either had to grow a new heart or have his transplanted heart turned natural. With his new knowledge of Earth Flames -fuck, it was annoying to remind himself that it was Flames of the Earth, instead of just Dying Will Flames- and what he could remember about stem cells, the shark might get his own heart back in a few months. Civvie science would have a large period of testing but this was the mafia; unwilling human experimentation was heavily frowned upon but it happened, but Xanxus was pretty sure the shark would be glad to have his own heart again. The Vongola at least limited itself to testing poisons and medical breakthroughs a few times on enemies, prisoners and traitors just to work out the kinks.
He ignored the nagging feeling that he was dooming the Shimon because if the shark got his heart back, well, immortality wasn't that far away. In theory anyway, especially if there was a Mist who was capable of body hopping.
Second, he didn't want anyone here who couldn't appreciably blend. This didn't limit itself much in the Varia but it would prevent idiots like the Sawada-brat's Storm from blowing up an island because they didn't worship some pipsqueak they'd never met before. The Varia as a whole were not impressed with Gokudera Hayato; the Storm Guardian knew explosives, but clearly the devoted puppy missed the fact that explosives were supplementary weapons for all that he could manage all sorts of tricks with them. Once he was out of explosives, he was practically defenseless; he was especially doomed in the rain where fuses couldn't stay lit.
Knives, swords, wire-masters, poison experts and the like with appropriate language and social skills only as well as all those old-time sailor skills he'd been forced to learn on the fly. Preferably people who were more ninja than Varia assassin so they had to have proper social skills and intelligence gathering in their background. Transport was a major issue here, as they couldn't provide their own using Varia or Vongola resources. Tyrant probably could now that a business and possible base was established but the likelihood they'd actually land in East Blue, where and when they were supposed to be without issues... until the technological and logistic kinks were worked out better to assume the teams were on their own for transportation.
As for a preferred team... that would be Luss teamed with either Glasgow or Kuchisake. Probably both, no matter how much it would make Luss look like a pimp. A pimp that would make no money off his 'girls' because of a few reasons.
Glasgow was a girly-looking guy and part of Squalo's Rain Division, nicknamed due to the fact he liked decapitating people at the jaw. Sometimes he used an ax, sometimes a sword but usually he preferred a machete. Despite how polite and put-together he looked, he was an unrepentant psychopath who rarely saw those he killed as human. He actually knew how to sail and navigate because he liked to fish -mostly so he could cut off their heads- so he was someone the Varia turned to when it was best to take any sort of water transport, motorized or not. He could also behave politely, which was always a plus.
Kuchisake on the other hand was a complete horror fanatic and it showed. The Mist Squad Leader, was ghost pale, had an actual glasgow smile complete with stitches and bleeding eye make-up. Despite the fear-inspiring appearance, she was polite and formal to a fault if completely bat-shit crazy when fighting with her knife. While most Mists had a weak constitution and physical strength, Kuchisake was capable of some really inhuman feats of strength thanks to the power of imagination, and the little bit of Sun Flames she could use.
Third, there was what to inform the Varia and everyone else cleared to know regarding where he was at. There would have to be enough background information, which meant a presentation of the basics of this world. Geography, language, level of technology, cultural norms and the like would have to go in it, along with some of the absurdities. Because this world was still absurd for all that he was getting used to it. Hell, he might even send over a pair of den-den mushi and some seastone if he could get his hands on it. Clearly he needed to prepare for recording the presentation, which meant more theft and buying things as needed like maps and star charts.
Forth was orders. Orders to whoever first arrives to not use flames like an idiot because it would bring the World Government crashing down on their miserable little heads. Orders to learn the skills they needed to learn if they were going to come after him. Orders bring Tyrant back to active service, orders to send Tyrant over and create the auction house and...
"What did I specifically order for you to do, once you were over here and how did that work into my plans?"
Tyrant smiled.
The meeting dragged on.
Press
By the time Xanxus had left Tyrant's office, changed into something business casual and returned to the Clydes to pick up Squalette, he was running later than he wanted to be.
"Exactly how do you know the Auction Head?" Squalette asked.
"Ty was a mentor once, back when I was employed under someone else." Xanxus replied, bending the truth so much it was almost a lie.
Tyrant's office had reminded him of the name Tyrant was going by: Ty Elie. So Xanxus was going to use that name instead of the one Tyrant had earned by ruling the Varia with a steel fist; an iron fist was not good enough to rule the Varia like Tyrant did. Ty Elie was a pretty innocuous name, all told if you didn't know the significance behind it. Then it was a little bit horrifying and disgusting even by mafia standards, but pretty damn normal for some of the Nazi horror stories.
"I suppose an assassin's education is very thorough then." Melrose surmised.
"I knew I liked you best." Xanxus absently informed the boy before he kidnapped Squalette for a working lunch with one of the businessmen from the auction.
Dealing
The late lunch worked out well, as paperwork was exchanged and small talk was made. Xanxus then discovered something about being Sansetto; he was chatty. Not small-talk chatty, but more willing to debate points, and verbally troll people.
This didn't make Sansetto any less intelligent or charming to the people he had just received a cool sum of twenty million from once Xanxus looked over the contract for any legal issues. Sansetto was ruthless in his passive-aggressiveness. How unusual for him and Suns in general; Suns tended to bulldoze over people, even without meaning to. Rains were the passive-aggressive ones.
He and Squalette allowed the other people to disappear first. Then they ordered dessert.
After that was finished and their half of the bill was paid, Xanxus whisked Squalette away and showed her how to read legalese.
While she quickly understood all the loopholes and traps, Squalette did have another issue. She could only read a few hundred kanji, which was not enough to be considered literate, especially in formal documents. Lawyers and the like were considered 'scholarly' which was about three steps up education-wise from 'barely literate,' so getting her to know the ten thousand kanji required for that wouldn't be too hard so long as she applied herself to learning the kanji like she did the market.
Clearly this would be an issue, one that had to be fixed quickly or her cover would fail. At least she could practice her penmanship at the same time. A kanji dictionary would not be that hard to find, or if the worst comes to the worst; make.
Next
The following business meeting over an early dinner was more to Xanxus' taste. They arrived early enough to hammer out the deal and contract and legalese before the food arrived.
The food was worth the incentive to work fast, but even so Xanxus knew this trick and more. He could tell that he earned the business man's respect, even if he was currently a small business shark in this world's economic pond and not negotiating for the Vongola like he would have been if he had the bloodline to become Decimo.
Clearly, not all the people here was idiots even if they couldn't always read the language they spoke.
You guys do remember that I do take prompts from every 100th review right?